NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO BE THE DADDY!!!!
I know I have to give the answers to the "story" which I will very soon, and I know many of you are begging for more wealth ideas (lots of email pleadings) I will have them up by Thursday. But before I go into those things, I must comment on the conversation taking place on C -1's blog. They seem to be debating whether it is ok or not to marry one man and have children with another i e (some of them want to marry white men yet have children with a black man)
Ladies I have to tell you, this whole conversation makes me SICK!!!
Do you really need someone to actually point out to you how totally ridiculous this is? Lets take it from a different perspective. How would you feel if your white husband told you, although he loved you and wanted you for his wife, he wants his children to be lily-white. Therefore, he cannot have children with you!! Ask yourself (and be honest) How would you feel? Would you not be outraged, would you not feel he was indirectly insinuating that you were not good enough to be the mother of his children! I mean really think about what you are asking him to put up with! You want to marry him, have him love, honor, and respect you and then you disrespect him in the worst way. You are virtually tell him HE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO FATHER YOUR CHILDREN!!! This is madness!!!
I would say to a young lady to expressed this opinion to me. " honey please do not marry a white man- because he DESERVES a woman who loves him so much she could not FATHOM any one else fathering her children! I just cannot believe this was discussed with any seriousness because it is so crazy to me. You claim you want to date and marry interracially but not procreate interraciallly!!!
I am just so shocked at how conditioned black women really are! Conditioned to think that they must carry the BC in so so so many ways!
Do you think black men are giving a damn if you have half -white children? They are going to hate you regardless, if they see you with a white man! It does not matter if your children are biracial-To them you will still be a Traitor! Look at how they are now treating Halle Berry. She was the most beloved black actress out there, now they would not spit on her. They have turned on her like a pack of wild dogs and yes they would do the same to you or any other BW who tries to "escape"
Do you think for one minute black men are not out there trying to get any, and everything that is not black as fast as they can? Then they are laughing at the stupidity of black women trying to keep black,*black* Ladies I have some sad news for you black has already been adulterated! I am a pretty dark skinned woman like a million other pretty dark skinned women. Yet my great-grandmother was a white woman (The slave owner's daughter ) who ran off with her Indian slave (my great-grandfather) (yes Indians were slaves too!) Their offspring married another white and gave birth to my grandfather who married my very mixed grandmother. Yet, I am still a dark skinned BW with nappy hair! (which I would not change BTW) My point is we black people are ALREADY mixed! You women (some of you) are worrying about something over which you have NO CONTROL. You cannot control who your offspring will marry or who they're offspring will marry. You cannot control the future. All you have is Today. Tomorrow is NOT promised to you. You trying to control the level of black for a distant future that you may not even see much of, is an exercise in futility!
If you want a WHITE MAN, WANT HIM ALL THE WAY OR NOT AT ALL! If you think you are too damn good to mother his children then let the next sister have him- keep on waiting for a BM who is not thinking about YOU! This level of disrespect is unbelievable.
To ask someone to be your lover, confidante, provider and husband, but not be allowed to be the father of your children!!!
If it were not so damn sad - I would laugh at how silly some of you truly are. Good luck with finding a man Stupid enough to put up with that mess! I know, I would tell a women to F*ck off if I were a WM and she came to me with that bullshit.
Either you are strong enough to handle it or you are not! It is as simple as that. I just believe people should stand on their ground and not equivocate. If you are into white men (like I def. am) then you should be strong enough to handle the criticism and make the best life you can for you and your family. He should always feel that no matter what, that YOU of all people have his back - How the hell can he feel that way when you don't even want to have his babies!!!
And I am not talking about women who don't want kids or don't want anymore kids- so don't throw that bull in there. I am talking about women who want babies (Just not half-white ones) Then leave the WHITE MEN ALONE!! -Then you won't have to worry about it.
If I have hurt any one's feeling - sorry, I really don't give a damn You women have got to wake up! There is a song that says - "if you can't be with the one you love- love the one you're with" I wholeheartedly agree, If you cannot do that then for God's sake let him find somebody who can, - and stop wasting his most precious commodity in the world--HIS T I M E!!!
posted by Taylor-Sara @ 4:04 PM
15 Comments
15 Comments:
Oh boy, thanks for that. I have been scratching my head about what's going on over there. I love C1's blog and i hope he doesn't put it on private. First the endless chatter about black male crime (no more stats please) now this. It's like an obsession. Reading these blogs you never have to wonder why wm never (almost never) come out to interact.
I agree completely. That is one of the most effed up things I've ever heard. which one of C-1's posts is this going on at?
I married a black woman and I know my kids a not going to come out lily white.
If someone had a problem with this, why would they marry outside their race to begin with?
this is a test
The Kola Boof thread, JeffG.
Basically it's coming across like this and I don't think anyone is taking it the wrong way. It is what it is.
Yes, it's a personal thing, but I don't see how the posters can justify it. Even the WM on the blog are taking it this way. It is how it came off and there was no distortion.
Dee
you know what I saw a girl post something similar on another forum. She said she would maybe date a white guy even marry but not have his kids.
I was beyond furious.
What the heck is up with that type of thinking?!?!?!?
I also don't get it. I mean, where's the logic? And why be with a wm anyway? too strange, I can't scratch my head enough about that one.
Well, at least the wm and non-black men know to be weary.
When I saw the comment from K Boof and the kinds of things she was saying, I said huh? She's African, and I figured her argument was based on some kind of pan Africanism/black nationalism that I just couldn't relate to.
I glanced at a few of the comments, saw one or two African and African American women espoused similar views,and I haven't been back, because I saw what was going on.
How ridiculous! So bw are going to be partnered with wm, and be baby mammas by bm at the same time? What will family gatherings look like then?
Or are they going to be baby mammas by bm and then later on marry wm, and say, sorry, I'll not have your children?
I'll share your life, sleep next to you, but you are not good enough to be my children's father?
These are women who really want to be with bm only, as part of their black nationalism projects, but are considering wm because they just don't think it is possible to be with a bm for the long haul. K Boof spoke of this. So her recourse was to have children by a bm. It seems they were not married, but had a long term relationship
The only men who seem to want to date her are white, but she wishes that were not the case. She seemed incredibly bitter about bm, yet she seems to want them so much. Thus, the interest in marrying white, but having children by black men.
I just don't understand that thinking either.
He is good enough to be a father figure for your OOW black child, but not good enough to have his own children with you....
Just completely sad!!!
Excellent article Sara!
And congratulations on your blog. You're a talented writer who makes one think.
SPOT-ON observant comments have already been made. I only wish there was something I could add.
I will say it's actually good these issues are being discussed because it's obvious that some BW (hopefully the minority) who claim their interested in IR relationships need to do some internal work before even thinking about actually getting involved with a white or other non BM.
Because judging from what I've read from a minority on C-1's blog, some BW are obviously out of touch with reality when it comes to the natural progression of most committed heterosexual relationships.
If a woman (or man) finds themselves in a relationship with someone they can't see themselves having children with (for whatever reason) they need to FREE that other person up to find someone who IS willing to have their child.
If a woman (or man) is using someone as a substitute for who'd they'd really like to be with, they again need to FREE that other person up to find someone else who wants and loves them completely JUST AS THEY ARE.
I just was over there reading comments and I am a bit disgusted actually. I cannot fathom the thought of being with a man, and if you both want children in the relationship, telling him that you love him but don't want to have his kids because he is not of the same race. WTF?? If you want same race babies, have them in same race relationships. Don't date IR'lly.
Why visit an IR site and discuss IR relationships, if you aren't open to all aspects of an IR relationship? I can understand if the IR couples choose not to have children at all. However, if both partners want kids, then there are some BW who need to work through some issues!! For a BW to tell her WM husband she doesn't want his kids because he isn't dark enough that is a problem. If you want black children then just be with BM. It is simple as that.
The bigger issue is what is race anyway? Black people who are born within the US are mixed up. I grew up in the South and I am a mixture of Native American, African, and Irish. Lots of Blacks in the south (west and north) are mixed with something other than African. It is ridiculous to believe otherwise.
Recently a WW wrote a book about a white couple whose child came out with predominate black features. The WW knew nothing about her father, but assumed that he was either Black or part black. It happens!
I look at my daughter, who looks more like me even though her father is white. We both love her unconditionally because she came from us, made from our love for one another. I wouldn't change that for the world!!
Hi Sara, thanks for posting on this. I completely agree. Reading the comments of a few BW who were "willing" to be in an IR marriage with a WM, wanted kids-just not with their white husband, were almost surreal to me.
A woman who feels this way should not be in an ir-period. Maybe they could work through these feelings *if* they wanted to-but they are still a long,long way from being ready to date ir, imo.
I would not date a wm who expressed a similar sentiment-and I'm pretty much past child bearing age. But even though I wouldn't be having kids anyway, this view would tell me a LOT about him and his views on BP.
hello all
i just felt like submitting this slightly different angle for your consideration (particularly the bold part). its a repost from C1's blog. BTW it isnt a justification!
bw are highly conflicted around the issue of IR and added to this are highly 'duty bound', and this might be one way some bw have found to resolve the dilema of 'doing their duty for the race' as well as getting themselves some love too (which they are now realising is only being fair to themselves). To marry and procreate with white to them signifies a total abandonment of the worthy ‘dream’ one which they feel is their moral duty to uphold. But with this arrangement, they can stand and say to themselves, “I did not totally abandon my race”, “I am fair to myself while finding this way to uphold my race duty”! Don’t forget, this is all about bw justifying their actions to themselves more than to anyone else.
militant bw, are indeed revising their hard-line position this way, and are agreeing to put their needs into consideration but not abandon that which their emotions will not allow them abandon (continuing the race). So while coming to the realisation that it is unfair for them to go without love because of the current situation, their conscience dosent allow them to give up totally their noble intentions towards their race (as they have been carefully taught and acquiesce).
It might appear like bw are slapping wm in the face, but this is essentially a vote of no confidence on bm! Bw are giving up on bm but not the race! they are seperating out what they feel they still need to do for their race from including bm. consider that bw were willing and indeed urged to invest affection in bm regardless of his actions and disloyalty, bw are now breaking with this ideology and willing to take their affection to white and non-black males while separating out the duty for their race!
It might seem all so convoluted but to me this explanation touches more closely the 'sentiment' of i detected from such women on C1s blog!
One little thing, is it possible to turn off the word verification, its a bit redundant if you are not moderating!
E-Book
Halima said: .. bw are now breaking with this ideology and willing to take their affection to white and non-black males while separating out the duty for their race!
So this is a compromise path for a bw being pulled hard in two opposite directions ... it really does make sense, but only from the bw point of view.
It's just not realistic for a bw to thinking of marrying a wm and expecting that he'll just naturally be ok with her getting pregnant by another man, who will then disappear to leave him holding a baby not his own ... I don't know any men who would sign up for that.
If she has the child(ren) she wants first, and then finds a wm that doesn't want kids of his own but is willing step into a ready-made family ... that could work.
It's just not realistic for a bw to thinking of marrying a wm and expecting that he'll just naturally be ok with her getting pregnant by another man, who will then disappear to leave him holding a baby not his own ... I don't know any men who would sign up for that.
you are right arthur, i dont know how it works in real life, and i doubt these bw give it that much thought, save using such notions to convince themselves of how very black and proud they are lol!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home