Friday, November 2, 2007

Looking for the "Real Men"

Recently I have noticed more and more sistas dating/marrying white and non-black men. I must say that this does my heart good. I am so glad you sistas are getting out of that tired (nothing but a brother box) Please keep up the good work. Encourage other sistas to look out for the best interests of themselves and their children and forget about looking to see if the man is black LOOK TO SEE IF THE MAN HAS A GOOD HEART AND IF HE MIGHT POSSIBLY BE THE MAN FOR YOU!
It is beyond sad to me the we have a 70% single rate! Lawd what is the problem? Ladies we must be willing to look out for our own best interests and forget what the BC (black community) has to say. The BC has been a major conspirator in the plan to keep bw sad, lonely, depressed, angry, and unloved.
Black women we must look out for ourselves. The whole world knows how damaged BM have become, and we are the only ones stupid enough to believe they are going to change their ways, and become good husbands and fathers!

Let me give you an example, I was watching 60 minutes the other day. The story was called 'Fatherhood in the inner city' They traced the 1st year of life for 12 black babies born in Newark Hospital. Only 2 of these 12 babies had married parents!
They were eliminated from the study with 10 remaining. Some of the fathers did not even bother to show up for their child's birth! Of the 10 left, more than half of the bm had several children with several women 7/10 in fact. Two of the fathers were good fathers although they were not married to the child's mother. But the other 8 all ranged from bad to worse. One father was given early parole so that he could be with his girl friend who was having her baby alone. He pretended he could not wait to see his son, he even had me pulling for him. SHE WAITED FOR HIM ALL DAY, AND HE NEVER CAME!!! He went right back out and started gang-banging again, and before they put him back in jail-he had IMPREGNATED SOMEONE ELSE-AND BRAGGED ABOUT IT! Remember now, He had never bothered to go see the 1st baby. Another one walked out on his girl because, "she asked him to help with the rent." Another one was thrown out by his girl when she found out someone else was pregnant by him at the same time, He later left both women to fend for themselves and started 'messing' with someone else! (SMH) It was un-freaking-believable what low down, lying, lost, and pathetic creatures these men were! only 2 of them paid child support and/or even took a infinitesimal interest in THEIR OWN CHILDREN!! BW, is this the life you want for you and your kids? And the saddest part is these men are typical fathers in the BC. What we desperately need in the bC are real men, yet what we have are bling-bling, wearing, status-driven, criminally-inclined, misogynistic sperm donors.

Someone was telling me the other day about a young lady who tried to marry a white man, who loved and adored her. Unfortunately, her family and friends vented against the relationship so horribly she finally gave up. She subsequently married a BM who lied, cheated, and beat her so bad she is not expected to ever leave the hospital! Sistas wake up, My God-Please Wake Up!!! Am I saying only black men can be damaged or beat women? Absolutely not, what I am saying is that the majority of the men abusing, mistreating and treating most BW like garbage are black men. Face it or not, my sistas, but alot of our men are damaged. I know we don't want to hear it. I hate to say it, but it's true. We see it everyday. We must stop looking for "brothers " and look for "REAL MEN "

Think about your children- think about you. Stop trying to please the BC that doe's not give a damn about you. Always know that people's motives MUST be questioned! If it benefits them to keep you down, most people will do what benefits them regardless of the pain and trauma that it might cause you.
LADIES, IT BENEFITS BLACK MEN TO KEEP YOU IN THE BOX--TO KEEP YOU SAD, LONELY, DEPRESSED, AND IN EMOTIONAL TURMOIL!!!
* because in this state, you are:*

1. very easy to control
2. very easy to use
3. so beaten down by depression, you are far less able to change things
4. He can now keep you at his beck and call while getting his fantasy 'white girl'
5. You make his stock go up, by begging/pleading for him to 'come home'
6. Because of your powerless position-he has virtually NO RELATIONSHIP REQUIREMENTS! ETC.

I am sure you get the picture-it is win-win for them.

Sorry, for those of you who do not want to believe it. It is unfortunately true. If the bm is seen as virile, sexy, commanding, in demand and in very limited supply, then his stock goes up. Economists will tell you that the more limited a commodity is the higher the value. (like Real Estate) If there are 25-30 women fighting for every bm, then why the hell are you surprised when he begins to believe that he is the sh*t! -you taught him that! Why are you surprised when he makes no effort to better himself or even begins to disrespect and demean you? You taught him that too ,when you still fought over his pathetic ass even as he was mal-treating, and laughing at you! The truth is, People rarely change when there is no incentive to change. When he knows bw will fight over his ass whether he is a piece of ghetto-trash or the best man he can be, why go through all the effort to be the 'best man'? And, when ww see you fighting each other over his sorry ass, she also starts to think "hmmm...maybe he IS all that after all, and if he is all that, then he should be with me!"

The truth is YOU are the one making his stock go up by fighting over him!
A BM's whole thug-desirable persona is a thinly veiled illusion, yet you are truly the ones in position to corroborate this garbage or reveal it for the transparent smokescreen, it was all along. I agree with the person who said that bm really want to be everything wm are, and have everything they have. I also would absolutely believe most are suffering from self-hatred issues. (this is why bm are so dangerous in the bc) If you will look at Clarence Thomas for a moment. Think about this, this man passed through every phase of his life using ethnic set-asides and entitlements. ( affirmative action, Scholarships geared to minorities, etc.) When he was questioned in the Anita Hill incident, he had the audacity to call it a 'public lynching', using racially inflammatory language in order to achieve his ends. (as well as bring the whole matter to a peremptory conclusion.) As soon as this self-hating, disgusting, black abomination, reached the S. Court, he proceeded to annihilate the very programs and vehicles of achievement that he himself used to get where he is. He has such a perpetual, unprovoked hatred for anything black, that I find it hard to look into his monstrous face without feeling wretchedly ill. I remember him speaking on CNN -long after the hearings. he not only had the nerve to bring Anita's name back into the forefront with insults, and recriminations, he actually asked the reporter what would he have wanted with Anita hill, as she was soooo black!!! I was so horrified and embarrassed that this mumbling ignorant-ass fool would let all of America see his self-hatred, and irrepressible damage. I wish he were an anomaly, yet you ladies know he is just a typical DBRBM in the BC. We all know deep inside why bm treat us as they do, because we are a reflection to them. and they do not like themselves. Ladies, do you think it is remotely plausible to try to procreate with men who hate you, hate themselves, and will undoubtedly hate/disregard any precious little pieces of fruit you might bear for them?

Please WAKE UP--Don't ever look for a man who is NOT looking for you. If you really want to raise your status/esteem in the bm's eyes, START DATING WHITE MEN LIKE THEY ARE GOING OUT OF STYLE. If you want bm to think you are desirable, and gorgeous, date a white man. If you want black men to change their attitude toward you, date a white man. Black men want everything a wm has. Once he sees you dating out, not only will his respect level go up, but he will realize that he must either treat you better or lose you altogether, to the wm. (a double blow) You must make it clear to a man that you have OPTIONS! A woman with no options is Never Valued! Ladies, the truth is that no man wants what they think no other man wants. Especially bm because they are a very covetous and envious class of men. Now I am not advocating that you use wm. Quite the contrary, I believe once you women start to date out, be courted, wined, and dined like you deserve, you will not be able to go back to being treated like sexual toilets. I believe that as many of you start to expand your horizons, the ratio of bw/wm will explode-because you will fall in love and finally learn what it's like to be loved, supported, protected and spoiled. Not to mention for the first time ever, many of you will have Real Fathers for your children! Look how well this is working for asian women? Look at like this, Asian men are known for being very controlling and dominant. Asian women were tired of feeling like a piece of property with a man's name stamped on their forehead. A few brave women starting dating out (even though Asian men were angry and VERY, VOCAL) The women decided to do what was in their best interest-(AND ENCOURAGED OTHER WOMEN TO ALSO DO WHAT WAS BEST FOR THEM AS WELL) The results are phenomenal These relationships are now over a million strong! And Asian women have gone from being seen as plain janes to super-desirable mates!
LADIES- PERCEPTION BECOMES REALITY!!! Always know that. That is why it is so important to date out and show the world you ARE desirable, and lovable. Because as the world starts to believe it -you will as well. And therein are some of the greatest gifts. (self belief/ Self confidence/Self Image). At the same time you will dispel the ridiculous theory that bm are so damn desirable. Which is one of the main reasons they try to keep you from dating out in the first place. They don't want their precious bubble of illusion to be pierced. Only a fool loves someone who doe's not love them back. I mean, is this the death of common sense, or is that clear to all? The whole world is laughing at us because they know- ONLY A FOOL LOVES SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT LOVE THEM BACK!!! Life is too short to waste years waiting for the IBM (ideal bl. man) Love is a choice! It is not an instantaneous action that you are unable to avoid. You can always CHOOSE to love the one you are with. Forget about black being mixed out of this world. Honey, it just aint gonna happen. You should see how chocolate-brown I am, and I have plenty of mixed blood from 2 other races! Black women you MUST wake up. I can hear some of your ovaries drying up as we speak! There is absolutely no reason for you to be alone, there are more white men who would love to be with you, than there will ever be enough of you to accommodate them. Forget the BC they have never had your back and they never will! A very salient exp. is the R. Kelly case. The mere fact that the BC turned on a CHILD instead of R. Kelly speaks volumes! They were once again, willing to throw a Child under the bus for the almighty black man. This monster (don't give a damn if you have a problem with me calling him that) This monster sodomizes a child, and they blame her! That is how much they value black womanhood in the BC.

We MUST take the reigns of our own lives. We must stop allowing ourselves to be used and abused by the BC. BW, Please make yourself and your future children a promise to find the man who will LOVE, SUPPORT, HONOR AND CHERISH YOU REGARDLESS OF HIS COLOR!!! Many sistas are crying into their pillows at night-praying for a 'Brotha' who will love them and straighten up enough to be a half-way decent Husband/father. You might as well pray to hit the lottery-your odds are about the same. Damaged men don't become good fathers/husbands they just leave and find another victim. You deserve a good Man. If no one ever told you that, I am telling you. YOU DESERVE A GOOD MAN! --- AND A GOOD LIFE---AND HAPPY CHILDREN! It is almost impossible to have those things with the DBRBM men that are roving the BC today. Project yourself into the future. See how this will affect your children. Is this a man who will love/protect? will he provide? will he even be there at all?

Ladies, Only you can change your life. You must decide if you are going bring a misogynistic, self-propelled, status-driven thug into your life and the lives of your poor, defenseless, children, or you are going to practice some real self-love and get a REAL MAN!!!

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19 Comments:

At Friday, November 02, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, this is great information. I’ve just recently started reading your blog. I totally agree with your point to look for a real Man (if you know what it looks like). I sat around the table with 6 gorgeous black women and I asked them “when was the last time you all went on a date”? You could hear the crickets. All of them raising black sons alone. I’m a single mom with 2 sons and fell into the ‘find a good brotha’ brainwashing trap . I heard the same preaching at home and church. My hat goes off to sista’s who were able to by pass that mental trap. My sons see the poor behavior of their dad and I have the arduous task of making sure they have a healthy self perception. Most of the DBRBM are being raised by the single the bf and since they do not have a healthy male role model the cycle is repeated.

 
At Friday, November 02, 2007 , Blogger Unknown said...

Whew!!! The emotional content of your blog can't be denied. Thanks for your passionate beliefs grounded in home grown truth. No, there are a lot of our Sistas who don't want to hear the truth even though they live it on a daily basis.
I truly believe, that we as women have the power to guide our own destiny. There are those of us that believe a "piece of a man is better than no man" . That is old black wives tale that we passed down from generation to generation. Hell, for those of our gay/bisexual Sistas, you'll notice less of an emotuional beatdown because the male equation has been removed. I know that this is not an option for those of hetero orientation. Yes,we need to look beyond the our own self-imposed boundaries and external ones as well, if we seek companionship, respect and love in this lifetime.

 
At Friday, November 02, 2007 , Blogger grant said...

Sara:
Emotional content? That's sort like callin a hurricane a pretty strong wind isn't it? LOL I figured I had better jump in here fast, because I KNOW that the trolls are going to go into apoplexy over this post!

The problem you described is so pervasive that it baffles me how people can actually say there is no problem, it's all in a few disgruntled BW's heads. When a national figure can go on record as saying he has no real problem with a BM calling a BW a bitch, but he WOULD have a problem with a WM using that term, all I can say is WTH!!! We can treatem like dirt and callem all kinds of names cause we're BM and we get a pass, and afterall, there is no way a non-black male could ever love a BW the way a BM can. If you can't see that this whole mindset is completely and totally deranged, then I guess you won't really see any reason why BW should seek out a loving and fulfilling relationship outside of the BC. SMH

Good post Sara, but you better fasten your seatbelt, cause it's gonna get a little bumpy!

 
At Friday, November 02, 2007 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Thanks grant,
but I'm a big girl, and I'm going to speak my mind regardless of who has a problem with it.

 
At Friday, November 02, 2007 , Blogger Gloria said...

I hear you loud and clear Grant. When Sangraneth's Part 1 message was posted on Nappturality.com, you'd think WWIII was about to explode. I came this close to taking off my earrings, and grabbing a dab of Vaseline, *smh*. Anyway, Sara awesome post girl.

 
At Friday, November 02, 2007 , Blogger PVW said...

Tell it, tell it, tell it, Miz Sara!

PVW

 
At Saturday, November 03, 2007 , Blogger modest-goddess said...

great post, I already knew it was tough out there for black women but reading these blogs has showed me the facts that were staring me right in the face, the black community does not have the best interest of black women at heart, Essence, BET all have the goal of encouraging us to doubt our desirability and date down. I was starting to fall for it. I have a MA but I was considering dating brothers with a job and a high school diploma and kids. As if wanting a college degree made me a gold digger. I wear my hair natural, white men compliment me, black men ask how long it is when I straighten it! NONSENSE

 
At Saturday, November 03, 2007 , Blogger Shurl said...

Bill Cosby touched on some of these topics during his book tour recently (and a few years back.) Among my favorite topics: when he says he couldn't believe how the child was talking until he heard the parent! And how we dont stand up or protect kids from gangs/thugs/drugs/lack of education/baby mama drama, and yet we'll move heaven and earth to defend against white racism.

Some members of the BC lambasted him for airing "dirty laundry." He's one of few black leaders placing a lot of the failure of black families on black men and women (and not on evil white America.) But, when someone does that, the "community" gets really really ticked off.

I think if black women had higher standards for black men, things would get better. As it is, too many women (like a few of my relatives) will have a savior complex and hook up with an underemployed, undereducated, ambitionless man with lots of kids in the hopes of winning this "prize." :-(

Anyway, thanks for this good post.

 
At Saturday, November 03, 2007 , Blogger arthur said...

Ladonna said:

.. As if wanting a college degree made me a gold digger..


Out here in the real world, a woman with a masters degree is looking for a man with a masters or a PhD. Maybe a 4-year degree if it's an EE or similar with good earning power. Or a man with his own established business.

Of course, you should have the love, the chemistry, the romance, but a woman who is thinking about marriage and a family has a duty to her children to be sure that the man can provide. That doesn't make her a gold-digger, it makes her sensible.

 
At Monday, November 05, 2007 , Blogger LostGirl#1 said...

Sara - What you have described is a hard truth for a lot of us to hear and accept.

It has been my experience that a lot of bm I encounter are angry with bw who are trying to make a good life for themselves. You can see the utter disgust on some of their faces when you open your mouth to speak to them. I have gotten so I have stopped speaking to bm in a "community way"--I rarely even make eye contact anymore. To be honest, the level of anger they have is very frightening.

Anyway...we as bw do need to choose the best man for ourselves and our children (present or future)..the best man is ofcourse an individual choice. However, I hope bw will at the very least heed the warnings you have given.

pinky

 
At Monday, November 05, 2007 , Blogger Unknown said...

Great post, Sara.
I hope the trolls don't eat you alive,my friend. This post epitomizes my thought process from day one. I was one of the lucky few who was never caught up in the whole black community/black man love/hatefest and I paid the price....no black friends to speak of.
I'm really glad sistas are at a point to where they are ready to hear what all of you bloggers have to say. I come to these things because I love reading posts from likeminded black women and I also love to read about the progress alot of black women are making when it comes to mindset.

It's so nice to not be the voice in the wilderness anymore. It's even more nice to not be HATED for my views these days because I can tell you, my views were NOT in fashion when I was growing up in the 80's.

 
At Tuesday, November 06, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is so much truth in what you've stated Sara.

Any detractors of yours would have to be dishonest and/or living in an alternate universe not to see the truth - and everyday observations - in your words.

Like the proverbial "elephant in the room" EVERYONE sees the situation for what it is. But, most don't want to discuss what the next logical step for BW not interested in being negative statistics, is.

IMO what you have here is a thinking black woman's manifesto.

BRAVO and job well done.

You, Evia, C-1, Halima, Aimee, Sangraneth, Miriam, Zabeth, and all the rest (forgive me for not mentioning the rest of you who are also spreading the message of freedom and common sense) are waking up individual BW one reader at a time.

It is often a thankless task I can imagine, and ya'll understandbly stir up the peanut gallery from time to time.

Because freedom - in every sense of the term - is a VERY threatening concept to those who would prefer that BW stay enslaved to outmoded non working mindsets. Mindsets that actually go against BW's best self-interest and even at times logic and nature itself.

I can clearly see that ya'll are driven by this life saving message of yours because you TRULY care for the well being of sistas.

It's out of LOVE that ya'll - and ALL of us (with sense) who respond in the comments section - are telling the unvarnnished truth.

Trust, we may not see the full harvest of this positive endeavor until generations from now. BUT, the seeds are being planted and are taking root slowly but surely.

Lets all keep on driving the message home.

 
At Thursday, November 08, 2007 , Blogger LaShelle said...

As a black woman who is starting to date after a divorce and the first guy was white. I date both black and white men, but I tell them straight up I have standards. I am not following the Tyler Perry rule of dating. I was married to a black man who kept throwing my education and job in my face. He even told me he didn't want me to go to school to get my Master's. I am a freelance journalist who is continuing my education in hopes of becoming a college professor and a published author. I like my men educated and ambitious, so sue me. I have two daughters and teach them the same thing. If you don't like Red Lobster, than don't date a Red Lobster man.

 
At Sunday, November 11, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

excellent blog!!!

 
At Tuesday, November 13, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wonderful post !!!
And funny as h*%& to boot I especially like this part.

"Please WAKE UP--Don't ever look for a man who is NOT looking for you. If you really want to raise your status/esteem in the bm's eyes, START DATING WHITE MEN LIKE THEY ARE GOING OUT OF STYLE. If you want bm to think you are desirable, and gorgeous, date a white man. If you want black men to change their attitude toward you, date a white man. Black men want everything a wm has. Once he sees you dating out, not only will his respect level go up, but he will realize that he must either treat you better or lose you altogether, to the wm. (a double blow) "

Hopefully, the bw who read this post will take your words to heart.

 
At Tuesday, November 13, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara - EXCELLENT post. I have long believed that bm have had such a demented mindset that any bw who was darker than a paper bag was invisible to them - then the game changed...

BM do not even want the LIGHT bw now - lol. They skip straight to white/asian/indian because of availability.

I dated a wm and certainly want to date others.

We need to share some tips, etc. on where to meet successful non-black men.

 
At Wednesday, November 14, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At Monday, December 17, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pinkydj said :

"It has been my experience that a lot of bm I encounter are angry with bw who are trying to make a good life for themselves. You can see the utter disgust on some of their faces when you open your mouth to speak to them. I have gotten so I have stopped speaking to bm in a "community way"--I rarely even make eye contact anymore. To be honest, the level of anger they have is very frightening."

Hi everyone I'm just visiting at the moment I will be a regular quite soon =P. Pinkydj could you possibly go into some more detail about 'the level of anger ..' comment?
Thanks. Great blog, Sarah.

 
At Tuesday, May 27, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

To say that I'm offended by this post would be a monumental understatement...

-"BM"...at a loss for words...

 

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