Thursday, November 29, 2007

BM and their new tricks!

This is a letter I received in my email recently from a bm pretending to feign concern for the plight of bw. (lol)

Here is the letter word for word:


I just discovered your your blog today. I'm a black male writing from Detroit,
Michigan and I've been keeping my eye on the black female IR blogs. I'm not gonna go to deep about me right now; I have dated inter-racially but my wife is black. I think its cool that sistas are opening their options.
I'll write a more detailed message next time but for now...Just wanted to know if you saw the Tyra Banks Show today? I don't usually watch her show plus I'm usually at work during the day. Today she did on a show on men exposing their sexual fantasies about women, either of their own race or another race. There were black, white, Asian and Latino men. It was kinda sad; at the end, four women, black, Latina, Asian and white were put on stage. There were about 12 men onstage and they were told to go stand next to the woman that they would fantasize about sexually.

Not ONE man stood next to the sista! Every other woman had three or four men standing next to her except the sista! Then Tyra asked the men to stand next to the woman they would most likely take home to mama. One of the brothas then stood next to the sista; the other brotha did not! It was a shame and Tyra made a comment on how the sista was the only woman not chosen as a sexual fantasy. Funny thing; she was very pretty, very fair-skinned and had long hair. You would think more men would have wanted her...NOT!

If you didn't see the show, just let me know what you think from what I described. Black women are least of all of the racial groups to marry inter-racially. What is your take on what happened on the TB Show? Looking at the photos on your blog, I admit that there were a few surprises there are far as white men, some of them very powerful, with their black wives. Their choices, I admit, were a little surprising too. A few of those white men didn't have the "mulatto" type women; you know, the Tyra, Halle, Gabriel Union, Sanaa Lathan, Nia Long types. Some of them had some STRAIGHT UP SISTAS!!

Anyway, hope to hear from you...
MG

He heard from me alright, bet he was not expecting that response!
I wanted you ladies to know what we sistas are up against. This is a new technique for DBRBM. Why do I call him damaged? Because if you carefully read the letter, behind his feigned concern, is the message we BW have been getting from BM ever since some of us have decided to 'try something new'. The 'real message' of this letter is this: You black women think you can step out of the box, unfortunately for you, yall have no choice but to put up with the BS of brothas because nobody else wants you! Do you see how undesirable you are now? Or do we brothas have to keep reminding yall dumb asses?

Now I actually did not watch Tyra's show. But even if I had I certainly would have had better sense than to base the desirability of millions of beautiful bw on the opinions of 8 (Supposedly random men!). Although I do not for one minute believe that they were random, I believe they were specifically picked in order to yield a specific 'reaction'. I would never take the word of a Semi-serious 'talk show' for legitimate information of any kind. The show, to me is not the issue, The fact that this man had the nerve to insult our intelligence by passing off some 'contrived ' talk show, as a accurate reflection of the mindset of millions of wm is laughable. Then to feign concern, while surreptitiously attempting to demean the self esteem of bw once again, really bothers me. That and the fact that, in his ignorance he is also endorsing colorism! And had the nerve to call those sisters "mulatto types" Except for halle, Not one of them was even mixed! How the hell, could these women who ranged from light (halle) to dark (gabriel) ever be considered mulatto types! Halle does not even consider herself mulatto! She always says" I am a black woman with a white mamma" And then to go on, "she was quite pretty, with fair skin and long hair! " as if a dark skinned, short haired, sister could not be every bit as beautiful! He is a typical ignorant, damaged, and pathetic brother. Oh, and did you hear the last comments, "I was surprised by their choice, some of them had straight up sisters' Once again, demonstrating his ignorance! Anyone lucky enough to get a sister is a lucky man indeed! We are some of the most, devoted, devout, 'stand by your man,' type of women out there! Sisters, this to me is just one of the reasons for we bw need to 'ease on down the road' We need to recognize a man who really has our best interests at heart, and one who is just pretending to. This is their new approach, you see. Now all advice is on the pretence of ' just trying to help' (lol) And to imply that sistas who are not jet-black are less than real or are 'mulatto type' how ignorant! The only mixed woman in the bunch he just mentioned is halle! You and I know they were ALL STRAIGHT UP SISTAS! Sistas, you can wait in that line of fools if you want to, waiting for brothas to get their act together. But honey, life is short. Far, far to short for me to waste my precious time on idiots like this who think they have the right to monitor interracial blogs, and pretend they are doing so because they are concerned, as if we lack the mental capability to make our own choices. Then they feel the cogent need to inform us that we are undesirable, unworthy, and unwanted, yet they have only our best interests at heart. Bullshit! Don't ever allow yourselves to fall for this line of bs. Ladies, you are beautiful! You are desirable! You are wanted! As I have said many times, there are more wm who want sistas, than there will ever be enough sistas to accommodate them! Brush these men off like dust and keep on stepping. I liken this man to the abusive husband who beats his defenseless wife to a pulp, and then tells her " go on and leave me-but nobody else will want your broken, bloody, scarred up ass either!" Ladies, please tell every bw you know to look out for her own best interests. Please continue to help other sistas to WAKE UP! Most bm do not have your back and are just using a new type of subjugation! The kind that slides in under the guise of 'concern' .

PS. Love type # 3 will be posted in 1 day. (feeling man)

20 Comments:

At Friday, November 30, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

exactly! there was no real point to his letter....while reading it my mind was like, "you're saying all of that to say what??"....lol...i wonder what the next move will be...i am already addressing the "straw man" on you tube this week...wonders never cease...keep up the good work here!

 
At Friday, November 30, 2007 , Blogger LostGirl#1 said...

It's so sad how *some* bm are so invested in making bw feel like we are not desirable. SMH

It's too late now...for those of us who bought that lie, the cat is out of the bag.

pinky

 
At Friday, November 30, 2007 , Blogger Halima said...

Lol! They keep trying dont they. Thank God we have all these pictures. Heavens what would have happened if we didnt have clear evidence!

it just goes to show that some of these bm that bw feel will be the only ones who will 'appreciate their beauty and hold them high', are actually the ones who hold some of the worst notions about the beauty of bw, no wonder bw's esteen is being poisoned and they cant imagine themselves lovable by any other man.

Keep doing what u are doing sara!

IR Dating E-Book

 
At Friday, November 30, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This was quite an interesting post.

BM are beginning to get concerned that BW are waking up and noticing, "Hey, I have choices and its not just BM I can have a relationship with".

This worries the BM especially the NON-DBRBM because the real DBRBM is too dense to know what is happening.

The BM who is really, really concerned are the ones who think they have it all together...because if/when we 'Ease on down that WM road', we will NOT come back to them.

I would love to hear from some WM who read these blogs. I hear mostly from BW...which is great - because I know there are other women who think like me.

I do believe the WM are out there...but are usually 'shyer' about the approach.

Great Post.

 
At Friday, November 30, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

The comments by this man are depressing. I think he got a real kick out of seeing the rejection of black women by the guys on Tyra's stage. And I think his reaction probably mirrored a lot of black men's reaction.

Seeing things through his perspective, black women are not attractive to ANY men at all (and if he sees a "real sista" with a white man, it's such a surprise!)

I'm in my 30s and I've always been flirted with and asked out by white, black, and latino men. Tyra's "results" rang so false to me. And I hope there weren't too many black young women watching that garbage on Tyra's show.

 
At Friday, November 30, 2007 , Blogger BrownCutie said...

Sara, you should add George Lucas and his black girlfriend Mellody Hobson to the list. They've been dating for a while now. She's beautiful and she's the president of a large company (hey, these men are always going to date on their level, and she is).

 
At Saturday, December 01, 2007 , Blogger Malacyne said...

Hello, everyone. I'm new to posting on blogs..I guess that makes me the proverbial lurker. I've seen the Tyra Show episode in question...yes, I admit it, I watch her shows. As a mid thirty-something BW, it does not suprise me that BW are not seen as desirable. Men being men, made some off-color remarks about all the women white, black, latina and asian. Yeah and these women were pissed too at being categorized (ie: asian women as submissive, latina women desired to have babies and pleasing their men, white women being freaky deaky gold diggers).
It not too long ago that black women had few choices in moderately priced make-up. Make-up is one of those cultural beauty markers. Not too many BW are willing to spend $50 to $70 on Fashion Fair's foundation.
I'm not too sure what your BM writer had in mind or what he wanted to hear from you. It did sound rather suspicious. Given that I have not mastered man-speak, I read the letter in question to another BM and he asked if the brother was trying to clown you.
Also consulting with some men of varying races, they (yes, they) do categorize women: the ones you can just have sex with and the ones that make life partners. I think this is global across the board of the races of men. I think that WM are more marriage minded than BM but make no mistake, offer yourself like a free piece of meat and that dog will bite. It's the nature of the beast.

 
At Saturday, December 01, 2007 , Blogger elgerdobo said...

Sara great blog!!!!!

anonymous.....
I am a WM, college ed., professional
in So Cal at the beach. I have been reading many of the blogs for 6-8 months since i got a link from La Shawn Barber who i have been reading for a few years.
BW are very desirable because you are INTELLIGENT, SWEET, AWESOME, ADORABLE, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.
I dated a BW off and on for 4 1/2
years. On because i wanted it on and off when an old boyfriend would show up in town. Although it didn't work out, and for that i am truly sorry because i fell deeply in love with her, i am not discouraged because i know that i WILL find my soul mate and she will be a BW.

Don't ever sell yourselves short because you are the ULTIMATE in the eyes of many men, and the most beautiful women on the planet.

 
At Sunday, December 02, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Taylor:

That letter appears to be a perfect example of "damning with faint praise".

Anon:

You are definitely right on the "shy" part, at least for some of us. If it weren't for the IR blogs it would be very tough, but rest assured that there are a lot of wm out there who adore bw. I am firmly convinced that the "press" and blog exposure that IR's are getting is making it to the right parties. Times are changing, and as you said, some folks with old thinking patterns are going to get left behind.

 
At Sunday, December 02, 2007 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

elgerdobo,
thank you for your comments, you indicate that you are looking for a nice BW. Email me, I would like to talk about featuring you.

 
At Sunday, December 02, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister happened to catch that show by complete surprise (we hardly watch her shows, nowadays), and was really upset. She was so upset that when we talked about it again, she started laughing. I was going to see it, but when she rehashed everything that went on, I decided not to watch that mess.

Can you imagine how a lot of sistas felt that day (the ones that watched, I mean)?

sara, I swear I've read that letter /comment somewhere else before it ended up here. I don't know just yet, but I'll find it.

 
At Sunday, December 02, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Elgerdobo-

Thanks; generally we hear mostly from BW here.

I think what some (not all) wm are cautious about is fallout they may receive from family/friends/colleagues.

In this day & age, it is sad that this is still an issue.

As we mature, we see the error of our judgements...when I think of all the wm I turned away just because I did not know what to do with the attention - it saddens me.

Today, Any Man (yes man with a capital M) who approaches me with respect and has a warm heart...he and I will have a great time together.

I think as WM age, they see this too. Thankfully, the younger WM are more assertive. Assertive is a good thing.

Thank for your feedback.

 
At Sunday, December 02, 2007 , Blogger Miriam said...

Thanks for the heads up!

 
At Sunday, December 02, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoa, you ladies may have Gerard Butler, but the BW that is pictured with the Japanese guy is sooooooo gorgeous. Any man who doesn't think BW are beautiful, wouldn't know a beautiful woman if she bit him on the a** in broad daylight.

Sorry, Sara, little off post.

 
At Tuesday, December 04, 2007 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi...this is my first time posting too...
when i first read through your post i didn't see what you were talking about and i thought you were being too harsh...boy was i wrong...i realized how deluded i was...there was no point in bringing up the tyra bank's show and he literally put the words he wanted you to say into your mouth: "tyra showed that black women are unattractive." i'm surprised, disgusted and disheartened at how pervasive this message is. i'm a black woman/girl living in tokyo at the moment...and sometimes it's so easy to fall into that trapped thinking/mentality, and when you do it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy; if you don't love yourself no one else will...fortunately there are sensible blogs, like yours to remind me that it's not true. i love seeing the new photo additions too! keep digging...and keep being harsh! it's time to throw being meek and weak out the window!

 
At Tuesday, December 04, 2007 , Blogger arthur said...

..Thanks; generally we hear mostly from BW here.

I think what some (not all) wm are cautious about is fallout they may receive from family/friends/colleagues...


Maybe some, but I think a lot are like me; I grew up with no bw around and no sense that there was any option but ww. Much like a lot of bw grow up thinking a bm is their only option. Took a long time before I realized that a bw would look at me and by then I had made promises that had to be carried out.

For anyone who's established himself in a business or a profession, your wife or gf is pretty much your own affair. Family can be different, but in my case, if I am ever able to bring in a nice black lady, my friends and family will be hi-fiving me and saying "way to go Arthur/Dad/Grandpa!" I know not every family is like that.

 
At Wednesday, December 05, 2007 , Blogger Halima said...

Before i forget sara, let me just say that i love the energy of your blog! I guess its a sign of age catching up, that i recognise the energy and vibrancy of youthfullness (I am guessing you are in your twenties). Indeed the second guessing and diplomacy of age sometimes gets on my nerves!

Also those pictures have me visiting everday. way 2 go! love it!


IR Dating E-Book

 
At Wednesday, December 05, 2007 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

thank you so much halima, coming from you that is a double compliment because you have been my inspiration. I absolutely love your thought-provoking blog -sara

 
At Sunday, December 23, 2007 , Blogger Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Hello everyone I must say that I fell into this lie a time of my life, but after dating out I don't believe it anymore, sometimes I do feel a little weary due to the fact I only have bw friends who think like this and I'm dying to hang out with more like minded bw like on the post I hope once I go off to a University I can find good friends like you all to where I won't get weary, because it is hard to get out being that I'm a single mom, college student and I work fulltime. I must say it's not only bm who do this you have some types of Latin women and Asian and White women that believe this also, and they will try very hard to put this in our heads that we are not as desirable as them. I'm starting to feel like we are a threat to aw, lw, ww and bm, because if we weren't they wouldn't do it. So, everyone please don't think it is just bm who do this, there are alot of women who do this from other nationalities who feel we are a threat and see our beauty, but do not want us to see it. I love you all on here and I hope to one day find bw friends that are empowered like you all. I'll keep praying.

 
At Thursday, June 25, 2009 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i first want to make it known that i don't make it a habit to follow women's blogs , but this site caught my eye.

I did not k now what i would find here, and i had no idea that black women were trying to promote IR. I am a jewish man of eastern european decent, 32 years old and i am in pretty good shape, have a good job in the corporate world, i am also an avid biker. I work with quite a few black women of whom some I have a comradery with at work. In the past i have also dated a few black women. It is interesting how people are "just noticing" how attractive alot of black women are, and it amazes me that the world hasn't noticed. They have been there all this time and its as if we have only started to notice this from the mid 70's or so. The fact that the beauty of black women is often not discussed or overlooked to me can only be racism. I'm a man with two eyes in my head, i can see. On the train in the morning i think i fall in love 2x a week with a black woman at least lol. Alot of white men seem oblivious to it also, they are just now forced to question their beliefs about beauty and some still choose to stay in the dark. I laugh when i hear people say how out of shape and unnatractive "so many" black women are. I'll be honest with you, America is looking like this, if i walk out of my office right now i can find women of almost every race looking like this. why target black women. As progressive as this blog seems, i still think alot of black women are NOT including us in their dating options, and there is a long way to go. I can understand their reservations to a point, this society has not exactly treated these ladies as well as they should. I can't speak about BM and their opinions much, I did not find that happening when i have been out with black women, i dont nkow,maybe location? i am in NY. funny enough though, my black girlfriends would always pick up on it. thats really all i have to say for now. Good luck to you all in the pursuit of love.

David

 

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