Little momma, lay your burdens down.......

The following story illustrates how making the wrong choices when it comes to men, can and does affect your children. It also illustrates how the decision to rectify those choices, can have a monumental impact on their lives. And yes Grant, you are right. This story also demonstrates how child abandonment is a form of abuse that does wreak havoc in a child's life, as well as precluding the child from having the ability to function in a normal child-like state. No matter what ladies, PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN!!!

Slam! the door hit before Tenisha could catch it. "Tenisha!" her momma screamed from the back of the small apartment
"didn't I tell you not to let that damn door slam?" "yes, momma" Tenisha
called back. Momma's voice sounded more stressed than usual. Tenisha followed it to find her mother sitting on their threadbare couch crying. Her heart slammed against her chest. What was it now? She was afraid to ask. God knows, in her short 10 years on this earth, she knew all about problems and hard times.

She hesitated for only a second before throwing her arms around her mother. please God, she begged silently please don't let it be anything too bad! She waited for momma quietly. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, her mother looked at her sadly. "Baby, I lost my....job!" She managed to get out before bursting into tears again. "We'll have to move, now Aunt Sally says she can take us in..." Tenisha had ceased to listen. Oh no, she thought wildly, not that! Momma please not that! She remembered when the steel plant had closed and they had to move here. All those new faces, and new rules. All the working so hard to make friends and fit in and finally finding a measure of peace and familiarity with the situation and now this! Tenisha felt tears smart her eyes, which she tried hard to hold back, her mother had enough problems already. She did not want to add to them. Her father, Malcolm had used momma for years, and when his wife found out he had promptly dumped her but not before momma had had 3 kids by him. Tenisha, her little sister Tia who was 9 and the baby Tamera who was 2. Momma had always been partial to big dark men and the letter T. She loved both far too much. She had admitted to Tenisha that she had been stupid and should have never had anything to do with a married man but she had been lonely and desperate and wanted to believe his lies..... Momma looked at her sadly, snapping her back to reality. "I've made such a mess of everything haven't I?" she seemed to be waiting for Tenisha to relieve her of the guilt she seemed to carry around like luggage. Tenisha, bestowed with the wisdom that a child receives only when they've never had a chance to be a child, lifted her mother's face and looked into her big brown eyes. "Momma, no matter what mistakes you have made, " she whispered, "God loves you and so do I" momma pulled her close and cried harder "Tenisha, I'm scared " she whispered. You think I'm not! Tenisha thought harshly. I'm just a kid. But to momma she only said "We'll be alright momma, we always have"
They had always been ok, Grandma Mabel used to say "nobody weather's a storm better than a black woman- because she's used to them..." But that saying did not always apply to momma, many times she was scared and confused and seemed completely lost. At times like these Tenisha and even Tia would have to help her make decisions.

Her baby sister's cries from the living room abruptly cut the conversation short. "momma, I'll get her. Tenisha told her. She went to find little Tamera, her face was covered in angry sleep lines from a wrinkled pallet, crying in earnest. She looked up relieved to see her sister and stretched her arms out to to her big sister. Tenisha felt her heart would burst as she picked her up from the make shift bed made in the corner of the room. Tamera's short baby hair was a tiny little Afro and her smooth brown skin was the color of a Hershey bar. She looked at Tenisha with eyes full of love and something else... Tenisha realized it was trust. She believed no matter what that Tenisha would take care of her, after all she always had. That belief enabled her to feel happy and secure...... It's because she's just a baby. Tenisha thought jealously. I wish I could be that ignorant to what's really goin on.....,,

Tenisha gave the baby some crackers (her favorite food) and turned to the sink to rinse out Tamera's sippy cup, so she could give her some milk. "Where's momma?" Tenisha sighed. Her 9 year old sister Tia was standing there beside her. Tia was what the elders called an old soul. Grandma Mabel had often said she had been on the earth many times and that was why she had such 'old eyes' They always seemed to be looking through you, and she always seemed to know things no matter how hard you tried to hide them from her. Tenisha faced Tia, who stood there looking like a miniature grown up. Her dark face was lovely yet not at all childlike and she seemed far too serious for her years.
"Momma's in the room, she'll be out soon. She said shortly. Tia studied her silently, a moment, before saying "What's wrong with her? She never lets the baby cry-and Tamera's been crying so hard her eyes are swellin" Tenisha hesitated. "She's just... she ah,...." damn, why did this girl have to be so perceptive! "she'll be out in a minute!" she finally snapped. She just did not feel like answering anymore questions tonight. Tia said no more, but her omniscient eyes followed Tenisha around and bore into her back.....
The trip with almost no money, and a crying baby was one long nightmare. When they got to Aunt Sally's house, her kids, Kendra, Michael , and Sonya made it perfectly clear they were not wanted there. Even Aunt Sally's husband Jerald seemed cold and bothered. Aunt Sally wore a constant smile, that at times seemed out of place, Even when her kids were making nasty remarks, she kept smiling instead of saying anything to them! Tenisha was completely perplexed. Her behavior did not make any sense. When they had been there only 3 days, that felt like 3 months, Tenisha woke to the sound of yelling from the kitchen. She rushed down to find 2 year old Tamera screaming at the top of her lungs. Uncle Jerald stood by looking angry enough to curse. "What's goin on?" Tenisha asked, looking around for Momma, and snatching the baby into her arms. "I'll tell you what's goin on! " Uncle Jerald shouted. "Your sister was in here stealing crackers and I had to slap her!" Tenisha shook her head, obviously she had heard him wrong! He could not have said that he slapped her baby sister for taking some crackers! Tenisha stared at him trying to hide her shock and hatred. Ever since they had come only days ago, he had been meaner than his damn kids! He was loud, angry, a bully and an asshole! She was not allowed to curse but nobody including momma could stop her from thinking curse words! He had hit her baby sister over some crackers! Tenisha fought back tears. Where was Momma! she screamed silently, wiping at Tamera's tear-stained face. Aunt Sally came in at that moment, looking flustered. She took in the scene, and after Uncle Jerald told her what happened she seemed genuinely upset, but what she said next shocked Tenisha.
"Honey, you know they are just poor kids who have nothing! " she said, as if Tenisha was not standing there. "You have to understand, that they're all fatherless and lets face it Malina ain't never gonna get herself a man with 3 daddyless kids and no money.- So they always gonna struggle and be poor, so let the baby have some crackers- ok?"
Her husband's face softened into a mean spirited smile. "You right baby." he laughed. "give the poor chile a cracker!" Tenisha turned away, so they would not see the tears running down her face, but as she looked to the kitchen door, she spotted Tia's stricken face. She had taken in the whole scene, and she was not one to bite her tongue. Before Tenisha could stop her, she stepped forward and faced Uncle Jerald and Aunt Sally.
"Some folks always need to stomp on others to feel better about themselves" she said loudly. "Even family, it's a shame that your self-esteem is so low, that you need to beat up on a baby to feel like a man!"
Tenisha quickly put the baby on the floor and threw herself in front of her sister just before the blows began to rain down...........


When Momma came in later, she looked tired but happy. That is until she saw Tenisha's face and shoulders. She got into a screaming match with Uncle Jerald, that resulted in Aunt Sally telling her to either shut up or leave. Momma sat in the darkened room holding her three daughters close, tears streaming down her warm brown cheeks. She rocked back and forth holding Tenisha and her sisters tighter and tighter. Tenisha knew she was silently talking to the lord. Probably begging for strength and help. Praying for a miracle. Finally she spoke. "I gotta a job babies, she said softly. Tenisha and Tia both released their breath in a whoosh! " Momma, is it enough to get outta here?" Tia beat Tenisha in asking.
"It's gonna have to be" momma said decidedly.
we gotta get outta here, cause if that man put his no-good hands on one of my babies again, I'm goin t' jail!"
They began to make plans to leave. They would save every dime so that they could afford the new place. As usual they pulled together. They were all each other had ever had. "Now we'll have to be real frugal " momma warned.
"yes momma!" they happily agreed. Anything to get outta here, Tenisha thought. She slowly became aware that someone was starring at her. Turning, she saw her little sister Tia looking at her sadly. Her 'old eyes' spilled over with tears. "Nicha I'm sorry I got you beat cause I couldn't keep my mouth shut " she whispered. Tenisha grabbed Tia and held her tight. "I'm alright"-she whispered back "And now Momma knows what a jerk he is and we gettin outta here- so it's ok" Tia's shoulders heaved with relief and she smiled at her sister through her tears. "I love you nicha" she said shyly. "I love you too, Tenisha told her, softly. Malina watched her girls silently. 'funny', she thought. 'I ain't got a dime to my name , but right now, I feel like a very rich woman'.........

Tenisha's mom went to work with a vengeance. She was saving every dime to get them out of there as fast as possible. She took every drop of overtime she could get. Tenisha held the down the fort as usual. She took care of her sisters and tried to keep them out of the way of the family. Aunt Sally must have felt a little guilty because she started her fake niceness again. Smiling alot and pretending to be sweet. Momma took the baby with her to work, since One of the attorney's she worked for had arranged for her to use the company daycare, at a very discounted rate. This was a load off of Tenisha's mind because she did not have to worry about Tamera setting Uncle Jerald off again. In May they moved into a very modest apartment. It was small, cramped and not much to look at. In fact, most people would have been embarrassed of it, but the Jenkins girls were used to places like this and just happy to have a home. They cleaned like crazy and happily moved in. Momma made dinner on the small stove and the girls ate ravenously. Food tasted so much better cooked in a warm loving environment, even when it was shabby and lacking the extras. Mom's boss Mr Cohen helped them move in and gave them lots of old but good solid furniture from his attic.He was a white man, a few years older than momma. He seemed very fond of Momma and much nicer than Tenisha was used to any man being, but Tenisha did not trust him. She knew from experience to trust no man. On the 3rd day in their new home, he brought over a pizza and the girls went crazy. They rarely ever got pizza. But while her sister's were happily eating Tenisha saw the Momma and the white man exchanging strange glances. They were both smiling alot and Momma seemed nervous. Something was going on, and Tenisha did not like it. 'Don't even think about it momma!' she thought silently We both know you're stupid when it comes to men! Over the coming months Mamma's behavior grew even stranger. She lost a lot of weight and got her hair done. She was always on the go, and seem to be giggling like a school girl alot. And she constantly talked about her job and how much she loved it, and how sweet and nice Mr Cohen was. Then Mr Cohen started to show up at the house all the time! He would bring them food, or treats and take them out to nice places none of them had ever gone.her sisters were ecstatic. Even Tia seemed taken in by him, but Tenisha knew it was just a matter of time before he showed his true colors, men always did....She should have been happy but she grew more and more distrustful and fearful. Momma was not too good with men. She was too naive and trusting. Tenisha had to protect her, just like she always had. she worried constantly about when Mr Cohen would dump momma and she would be so depressed she would be unable to work and they would be on the streets. She did everything she could to wake Momma up by mentioning how men used women and how their dad never came around, but to no avail. Momma hardly seemed to be listening. She went on happily dating Mr White and let him move further and further into their lives. Tanisha grew more and more worried as Momma fell harder and harder. Three times Tanisha had watched her mother fall in love only to be dumped by men who had one thing on their mind, why should Mr White be any different? One night after a fancy meal at a steak house Tia confronted her. "What is it Nicha?" Tanisha shrugged. and then burst out, "I don't want her to fall in love with him! Tia looked at her steadily. Her old eyes in such a young face was creeping Tanisha out "Too late." she said simply. Tanisha starred at her. "It is not- We've gotta talk some sense-" "It is too late" Tia repeated slowly, as if Tanisha was hard of hearing.

"He's gonna break her heart, just like all the others" Tanisha stated blinking back tears. "No, I don't think so" "Tia stated flatly. "Why not? Tanisha demanded you see how she looks at him like he's God or-" "yes I see the way she looks at him," Tia interrupted "but have you noticed he looks at her the same way?" "yeah, until he gets what he wants!-then he's gonna dump momma like Alabama trash and go back to his white woman!"

Tia was looking at her in that creepy psychic way of her, like she was looking into her very soul. "Tanisha, " she said quietly. "They've been dating for over 6months -I'll bet... he already got it! Tanisha spun on her angrily. "You think Momma's a tramp! " she spat. "No, Tia countered, her voice rising. "I think Momma's a real woman with real needs and desires like everybody else! " Tia crossed her arms and looked at Tanisha. " life is short Tenisha, no woman wants to live and die alone!" Tanisha starred at her. She was always floored by her sister's perceptive and precocious mind. Tia had obviously made up her mind, but Tenisha was not ready to hear this, she got up and walked quietly away......

That Friday, as Tenisha was coming in from school, she saw her cousins Michael 12, and his sister Kendra, who was almost 11, like Tenisha waiting outside her door. They had obviously gotten off the school bus at Tenisha's house instead of their own. "Your mamma's a tramp!" Michael announced proudly. Tenisha's mouth fell open. "You watch your mouth Michel John Wilson!" she shouted. "My mother is not a tramp!" "Oh yes she is" his sister, Kendra interjected. "My mom says she's screwin the white guy she works for, and that's why she can't take care of her kids! -too busy messin with some old dirty white man!" Tenisha drew back her hand to slap her. "Tenisha!" She swung around to see Momma and William behind her. Michael and Kendra looked at William and exchanged knowing glances. Tenisha bit her lip. "Momma, they said-" "I know what they said " Momma cut her off, she looked at Michael and Kendra. "Go home!" she ordered in a quiet angry voice. They backed away shooting superior glances at Tanisha. Momma motioned for her to go into the house. Tanisha grudgingly obeyed.Once inside Momma gathered everyone together even three year old Tamera and paused before making her dramatic announcement. William and I.... are getting married! She gushed. Both Tia and even baby Tamera started to scream happily although Tamera probably did not know why she was screaming. Tanisha let her breath out in a whoosh. Did Momma say Married! He was going to marry her! But Aunt Sally said nobody would marry Momma because she had 3 daddyless children! Tanisha was so stunned she could not respond. She looked to William. He looked just a happy as Momma, and he was holding an estatic looking baby Tamera. Momma looked at Tanisha, bit her lip hard, and waited. Tia's eyes were all lit up and smiling. She too, was looking at Tanisha. Even baby Tamera and William seemed to be looking for her response.

Tanisha shook her head trying to clear it. How was she supposed to react. She never thought this would happen! She had been prepared for anything but this! How will life be? she wondered. What will my friends say? She and William were virtual strangers because every time he had tried to get close to her, Tanisha had rebuffed him. she had not thought he would anymore significant than the others. Her sisters on the other hand were very close to him and made it clear they wanted this daddy whether he was white blue or green! Tanisha starred at everyone completely confused. how can they trust him? she wondered. he's up to something-I just know it, and I ain't about to let him get away with it. Tenisha starred at the fake scene playing out before her. Everyone was smiling and looking at William like he was the great white hope. What was wrong with them? Did they really think this white man meant them any good? What the hell did this man really want? No man had ever done anything for any of them before, including their own father! Why he had not even paid child support-knowing momma was having the hardest time feeding three girls, he had not even cared. She was supposed to believe that William would be different? Well, she did not believe it and she was not about to let him waltz he way in, and break every one's heart on his way out! She would make his true colors show somehow........

As soon as it was announced, it seemed it all came together at a dizzying pace. Momma and William married 2 short months later and by that time, William moved them into a home that seemed like something out of house and gardens. It was the most beautiful home Tenisha had ever seen. It even put Aunt Sally's to shame. Aunt Sally and her entire family boycotted the wedding. They said momma was acting like a fool and selling her soul to be a white man's whore. They said she was lazy, and was just trying to get out of work, but momma went on working, even though she now no longer needed the money. William seemed to love to pay for everything. He seemed to feel that, that was a man's job and he loved to spoil momma. She seemed to bloom like a flower under his love. He really has this great white hope thing down. Tenisha thought nastily. He showered them all with gifts, love, and attention. All but Tenisha, no matter how hard he tried to get to know her or talk to her about anything, she refused to acknowledge him. She acted like she did not hear him when he spoke to her, and she glared at him whenever he smiled at her. Everyone was growing exasperated with her antics. Even Tia had told her to cut it out. Tenisha paid no attention. She and Aunt Sally were allies now. She would take the bus and go to Aunt Sally's house and tell her all about William and his latest trick to pretend he was some Deity. Aunt Sally listened with rapt attention. Then she would advise Tenisha on how to break up the marriage. With Aunt Sally's help, Tenisha had planted lipstick on william's collars, women's underwear in his car seats, and even sent him fake love letters. The strange thing was he and momma would talk about it, and then they would both look at Tenisha. Never once did Tenisha see them argue. She was in the middle of planning her latest scheme with Aunt Sally when momma called her to the porch one night.

"Tenisha, since you seem so fond of your Aunt Sally, I think you should move back there" Momma said without pretense. Tenisha's mouth fell open. "momma what are you talking about? She stammered. How did momma know I was going there? She wondered. Momma ignored her question. "you know we love you baby, but you seem to have decided that you do not want to take part in this family, and you have been trying to set William up and we both know it!

Tenisha felt her heart slam against her chest. How did they know? She shook her head in denial, and started to protest, but momma's face showed she did not believe her. "I love you" she said quietly. "William loves you, but we are at our wits end-You won't even speak to him!" "because he can't be trusted! " Tenisha shot back at her. "no man can, haven't you figured that out yet!" "what can I do to prove myself?" What will it take to get you to trust me Tenisha?" Tenisha spun around and faced William in the doorway. He looked sad and defeated, but she was not buying it. "you..you're trying to take my family away! " She screamed at him. "I hate you!" Momma started to say something, but William motioned for her to stay silent. He moved toward Tenisha and gently grasped her arm forcing her to look at him. "Tenisha, I am not the enemy" he said quietly. "I am not here to tear down you're family, I am here to be a part of it!" I know you have been little momma so long, you don't know how to be the little child, but I'm telling you Tenisha, that it's ok. Put your burdens down little momma and let daddy carry them the rest of the way- Its ok to be a child when you are one!" Tenisha stared at him scared and confused. He did not know what the hell he was talking about! This was her family not his! He was an intruder. Still she could not figure out why she had been doing everything in her power to break them up for 2 long years and they were stronger than ever. What was his game? And how dare he call himself her daddy! "I.. ah have to think" she murmered backing away. She fled back into the house to call Aunt Sally, this guy was better than she thought and they needed a new plan......

That friday she walked home from school with Jason. They had known each other for a few years and had a lot in common. For one they both seemed to be loners and for two, Jason was just like she used to be. In charge of 2 little brothers, with a momma who worked all the time. He was way too old for his 12 years like many kids who are forced by life to be little adults, yet he never complained. He whistled when he saw Tenisha's new house. "Wish my momma had found that white man! " he joked. Tenisha glared at him, as they settled onto the porch chairs. "you can have him! she shot back. "and while you're at it-" They were interrupted by the screen door opening. 5 year old Tamera came out holding onto Williams hand for dear life. "Daddy will you swing me high?" she was asking "not too high" William told her. " I don't want you to fall" Tenisha shuddered at her sister calling William daddy. William smiled at her, but she rolled her eyes and turned away. Tamera turned to look happily at Tenisha. "Nisha daddy's takin me to the park!" "He ain't your daddy Tamera!" The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Tamera looked shattered. For once William looked angry. "I AM her father and don't you ever tell her that again! " He raged. His anger took Tenisha by complete surprise. Never once in almost 3 years had she ever seen him get upset, but it was obvious now looking at his face turning red and by the set of his chin he was definitely angry now. Tenisha swallowed and turned away, embarrassed and fearful. Would he tell momma? she worried. Would momma really send her to Aunt Sally's to live. Tenisha suddenly realized she did not want to go there. Plus she was horrified that Jason had seen William put her in her place. She got up angrily to go into the house, when Tamera suddenly yanked away from William. "Daddy look at this!" , she said gaily. Before he could stop her, she tried to jump the four steps from the porch to the ground. She cleared the first three but then came down sideways on the forth. Seconds felt like hours as they all three stared in horror. Tenisha saw her little sister's arm hit the step and heard the crunch before the rest of Tamera's body hit.Tamera began to shriek violently. The bones in her arm stood at an odd angle. Tenisha screamed, and made a dash toward her, but William already had her in his arms. Tears streamed down his face, as he made a mad dash for the car. "Tenisha! " he called as he ran. "I need you to take care of Tia, and call your mom-Tell her to meet me at Bellvue hospital!" "ok, ok I will " she promised between sobs. "But.. but dad will she be ok?" Tenisha begged. William placed a screaming Tamera in the car, and turned to Tanisha." Yes, she will" He said, giving her a quick hug. "I promise she will!" With that they were gone.Neither he nor Tenisha realized until much later, that she had used that word. She and Jason ran inside to call her mom......

Tamera's accident marked a turning point for the family. She had a broken arm and cuts with a few bruises but she recovered fine just as William promised. William bought Tia an elaborate paint set and everyone was shocked to find out that she was an extremely talented artist. She would paint old scenes with such incredible detail and control that people were awed. Momma said it was because she had been here so many times, the earth had no secrets from her. Tanisha was starting to wonder if it really might be true. Momma hired Jason's mom to come and do some cooking and cleaning part time. Ms Lyn was desparately happy to get the money. She and momma became fast friends and Tenisha and her sisters got to see Jason everyday. She was really happy about that, even if his little brothers were a bit much to take. Jason actually reminded her alot of William. He would be really good man one day, Tanisha knew it. and she hoped that after they were grown he would see her as more than a friend.... She and William had finally resolved their differences. Tanisha finally realized he really was NOT going anywhere no matter what she did, and that he really did love them all, even her. She and William got especially close after momma got pregnant and gave birth to another beautiful baby girl. William insisted that Tenisha get to name her, and Tenisha named her new little sister, Treasure. Because Tenisha had finally learned to treasure all the wonderful gifts God had given her. A new life, a new home a new family which included a father at last and now a precious new little sister for her to love and cherish. Tanisha picked up her little sister and held her close. Just like with the others the love was so strong, it threatened to overwhelm her. Treasure was looking at her with happy trusting eyes just like Tamera always had. "Don't worry," she whispered to the baby, " I love you, and I won't let anybody hurt you " She had whispered the same words to Tamera, and had often said them to Tia when she was sad or scared. At the time Tanisha had not known how she would protect them from such a big, cold world. At the time she had felt terribly frightened and alone. But now she had a daddy would she knew would fight for her and her sisters without a second thought, and little momma could finally lay her burdens down, she was not alone anymore.......