Yes, some white women will be angry-who gives a damn!
Ashley with her husband and son.
Several people have written to me and asked me how to handle "angry white women when you are married to a white man. My answer is simple if you are not being threatened physically then just ignore it. I know people have been saying for years that 'angry black women' give mixed couples dirty looks, and make life hard for them, but no one seems to talk about how 'angry' white women can get. Ladies this is par for the course. You know as well as I do that people are remiss to see others happy, especially when their lives are a cauldron of misery. You must understand that as black female/white male relationships rise, there will be resistance not only from brothers , but also from so-called content/happy white women as well. This is just something to be dealt with. However, as a black woman, you are already used to a little adversity, a few angry white women should never stop you from having the love you want or the life you want.For some strange reason people love to refer to black women getting angry about seeing bm with ww and society seems to love to pretend no one else has a problem with it! We all know that is not the case. Something else the media never focuses on is how angry ww get at seeing bw with wm especially if he is rich, handsome, or even just all American looking with a good job! No one seems to ever talk about the opposite situation when it involves white women. I have had white waitresses refuse to look at me during a date and address my date only, (or try, because I quickly let them know, that was not going to fly) A good friend told me recently that her mother-in-law came to her job to bring her lunch, and the WW were stunned that her mother-in-law was white! They kept asking her if she was adopted, even though she kept telling them:
"this is not my mother, she is my mother in law! "
then they had the nerve to ask the mother in law like she was lying! (lol)
But the craziest thing I recently read about is about a black man at the mall. He went there with his white wife who he was all hugged up with. When he saw a sista with her white husband, this coward waits until the husband goes to get her something to eat and then curses her out. With his white wife in the background co-signing and saying "yeah, what the hell are you doing with one of our men!!!!" To me this is just too crazy to even talk about but not only did he brag to the thread about how he cursed this sista out and she started to cry, but then he had the nerve to add. "I told that stupid bitch "
"black women are supposed to wait for black men, and If we don't wantcha you stay single" lord have mercy the nerve!
Ladies I have said this too many time to count but it bears repeating. Life is too short to wait!!, get love while you are young enough to get and enjoy it. Don't Wait-Tomorrow is not promised to you!!!
First off I want you ladies to realize that what you seek is seeking you. Know and embrace that. Not to sound like a motivational speaker, but you really do attract things into your life by nature of your thoughts. That is why negativity is so dangerous! If you want to nice, good natured man in your life, the first step is to write down the kind of man you are looking for and what qualities are most important to you. (this will vary among dif. women) Then I want you to rewrite it on paper with the most important listed to the side. Then I want you to take 15 minutes 2x per day and visualize the man you are looking for as if he is already your husband. Make it as detailed as you can. (Or just get a picture of a hot guy who resembles the one you are looking for) This is called the man plan and is detailed in last year's post (you can scroll down) The reason this works is because your inner mind cannot tell something that is actually happening from something you are vividly imagining. This is why when someone scares you as a joke, your heartbeat and body react just as strongly as they would if you were
actually in danger (this is called fight or flight mechanism) but what people do not realize is that you can easily trick your inner mind into doing alot more than making your pulse race. You can use it make situations actually happen in your life by strongly, visualizing it is already happening! You can use it to bring the right person into your life, by vividly imaging that he is Already there! Your inner mind will accept it after a time, usually 30-60 days and bring it about!
Moving on... Then I want you to follow Love lessons 1 and get into shape (scroll down to love lesson 1) As we talked about before, nothing will make you feel sexier than exercise! The benefits are just too great to ignore such as sex appeal, better health, relaxed personality, better looks, better shape, younger looks etc. Next I want you to learn to be approachable! Most black women have had so much shit thrown at them by BM or the media images, and even radio, that they constantly have their guards up and are not approachable. What is approachable? It simply means being open, friendly, and easy to talk to. The reason Asian women are so much better at this than us is because the stereotypes that proceed them are much kinder, so they are not constantly battling in their minds with "what are people saying about me, do they think I'm a hoochie, a video ho, or a welfare recipient?" This is why the media images hurt us more than we will ever know. Every time an image is put out there, and a young black girl sees herself ( as in girls/women who look just like her )as something to be used and thrown away, her self esteem takes a beating. When it happens thousands of times, is it any wonder black women are depressed and angry and lashing out? This is not a post on media images of bw although you better believe there will be one soon. But I just want you sistas to know that white men DO want you and that with focused attention you will find your Mr Right! But please keep in mind, that white women will be angry and this will just have to be dealt with. We've never been ones to run from problems anyway, and this is just another small problem. They love to pretend that they could care less, but as more and more black women start to take the cream of the crop their true colors will start to show, So What! - don't let it keep you lonely and manless! There is a whole wonderful world of love, respect, wonderful dinners, nights out, being held and respected and loved. Don't let anyone, white, black, male, female, etc keep you from doing what is best for you and your children. Yes, some people will be angry, family, brothers and many white women, My question is do you give a damn? I sure don't!
Also know that every time a black woman gets a wonderful white husband, and walks around with a smile on her face, she is teaching another bw that it's ok. It's ok to be happy with a man not the same color as you, and it's ok to to be happy period. That BW do NOT have to be the backbone anymore, A woman was never meant to be a backbone anyway, That's a man's job!!!
Every time you get a good white man, you are defying the lies that BW are undesirable, and no one wants us, as they like to pretend. You are defying the lies that wm do not find us beautiful, and 'would never marry her' as they like to pretend. And of course, the most important one, that we are angry, lonely, castigating, jealous shrews toward ww because they are stealing 'our' men! Get your own good, loving white man, and watch how angry white women get-but make sure you never let an angry ww, or anyone else, keep you from love.....
Nothing feels better than having someone who really loves you and is there for you. Someone who can hold you when you need it, or bring you a cup of coffee, or take you to a nice dinner, or take the kids so you can get some needed rest. Do you see the little boy at the top of this post? Do you see how happy he looks! He does not give a damn that his daddy is white! He is just happy to have a DADDY! Some of the happiest IR couples I see, are BW/WM! and its wonderful to see them look so happy because usually it's a bw who had never planned to go 'white' and she cannot believe how happy she is! I want this so bad for you sistas because everyday I see sistas in so much pain! looking so lost and alone, settling for men who are using them for sex, money, and anything else he can get! Yet they would never dream of stepping out because brothas would be mad! For all the angry brothers or angry white women, I say: WHO GIVES A DAMN! A GOOD MAN IS A GOOD MAN REGARDLESS OF HIS COLOR! EVERY CHILD DESERVES A REAL FATHER !!! AND
YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!!-AND YOU DESERVE LOVE TOO JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER WOMAN!!!
posted by Taylor-Sara @ 11:42 AM
60 Comments
60 Comments:
Sara-Taylor: But the craziest thing I recently read about is about a black man at the mall. He went there with his white wife who he was all hugged up with. When he saw a sista with her white husband, this coward waits until the husband goes to get her something to eat and then curses her out. With his white wife in the background co-signing and saying "yeah, what the hell are you doing with one of our men!!!!" To me this is just too crazy to even talk about but not only did he brag to the thread about how he cursed this sista out and she started to cry, but then he had the nerve to add. "I told that stupid bitch "
My reply:
WTH, WTF!!!!!!!!!!
Did anyone call him out on tis s**t?
Can you provide the link; people need to see this garbage for themselves.
Far too many bm who date and marry interracially see bw who do the same as traitors.
Hypocrites all!
Genuine black nationalists who are all about "the race" don't celebrate any type of interracial marriage. Only the pseudo types who see the community interests only in terms of what bm want/need are the ones who would criticize...
They can just ____ !(fill in the blank).
Hubby and I just laugh like crazy when we see white women who are pissed of...He thinks it's too hilarious...
PVW I will look for the link, I knew I should have saved it because I had a hard time beleiving it myself...
Reference to the story about the BM/WF couple in the mall: What's good for the goose , is good for the gander...Some groups only counted on certain parties to benefit from the right to interracially date....All others need to apply...Just suffer and stay single!...My suggestion? Keep those who do not have an interest in your happiness out of the decision of who to date, marry and love...
BWDB http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com
The mall story broke my heart. You can't even go about your daily business sometimes without someone feeling they have a right to violate your space and judge you. I can understand the pain and frustration of being put in such a situation.
I have trained myself not to let others intrude on my happiness but sometimes it gets trying. Not too long ago last year I was on the subway and it was packed. A young ww/bm couple got on the train. They looked to be barely in their twenties. The ww was ultra affectionate with her bf, almost to the point of being obscene. I noticed whenever she kissed or rub up against him she should turn her head and look right at me looking for a reaction. Oh my goodness! I wanted to laugh so badly, instead I ignored them and went on reading my book. She kept turning her head to look at me, she was frustrated by my disinterest. I was so flattered, to think she thought so much of me to try and make me jealous. I wanted to tell her I was always into white men (and in love with a great one) so your having a black boyfriend is of no consequence to me. It was sad because I feel she was with him for the all wrong reasons, half the fun of being with a bm (in her mind) is to get the rush of feeling special and generating jealousy among black women. Without the jealousy or being seen as special, it seems the relationship loses all of its power.
I have notice ww look at me when I'm out with my guy. They especially look twice when the wm is good-looking or doesn't fit the wigga stereotype. My guy is quite tall, well over 6ft and has blond hair. He is lean and wears glasses. I have learned from our first date last summer with those jerks in the park, that you have to tune the haters out. We did get an acknowledging smile from a black woman recently. :)
As Sara has pointed out, with the crap bw have been dealt with, what is one more group or person's disapproval going to do? Absolutely nothing.
Sara-Taylor:
PVW I will look for the link, I knew I should have saved it because I had a hard time believing it myself
My reply: Thanks!
Pretty depressing. The bm was probably of the type that had some serious misogyny and self-esteem issues going on: hates blackness (and black women), felt inferior compared to white men, but felt vindicated through being with a white woman, who probably couldn't get a decent white man if she tried...SMH!
On the other hand, not surprising and hard to believe, because I have heard of bw having experiences such as this, bm dating interracially and then criticizing bw who do so, but I never heard one do so in such a grotesque and disgustingly vehement way.
CW:
Some groups only counted on certain parties to benefit from the right to interracially date....All others need to apply...
My reply: So true! And even if they did apply, they were not going to get it, because bm were not about to let bw get the kind of access they were seeking.
Bm who want to get one "at the man" can be so pissed off when bw run off with "the man."
Yet, the case that overturned all those statutes that banned interracial marriages was the case of a bw married to a wm: Loving v. Virginia (1967).
you are so right phoenix,
so many of them are just with bm just to piss bw off! That's why many times BW/WM relationships are so much more pure and strong than vise-versa! I can't believe he was too stupid to see what she was doing!
You couldnt have said it better Sara. I havent been physically threatened when out with dates/boyfriends but we do get the stares and comments Im sure a lot of women here have experienced. You kind of get used to it after a while and develop your own unique way to ignore those 'haters'. The best thing to do is ignore them, but if you have to, using intelligent words to insult their
'intelligence' alone will do... if one is unable to do these, Im afraid one might become miserable or worse, paranoid. Goodluck...
Hey PVW haven't seen you in a while!
Sara, it's interesting that you had the experience with the waitress, because the same exact thing happened to me, only the waitress was black! As with your incident, she refused to look at or acknowledge me, even when taking my order and even handed the check to my black female friend! She, my friend, didn't notice, so I didn't make an issue of it, but it was very obvious that this woman did not like seeing me with a bw. Tough!
The situation you described in the mall was absolutely infuriating beyond words. This "man" was not only a hypocite, but he was a coward too. He wasn't brave enough to confront them as a couple, he had to wait until the woman was by herself and THEN the big macho dude attacked and reduced her to tears! Yeah, that's what a "real man" does alright, low-life piece of........I won't say it cause there are ladies present....but I'll sure be thinking it!!
Normaly I would agree with PhoneixSun, ignore it, but in this instance I'm afraid I would have given in to the "dark side" and wound up getting hauled of by security! Would have been interesting to see what would have happened if he had been challenged by another male over his behavior.
Sara, I continue to be impressed by how your blog is evolving and gaining readership, and your choice of topics is always excellent. Looking forward to your next post.
He doesnt even have to be white for ww to get jealous... One time I was on a date with an Indian man and ww kept giving us dirty stares.
Why do they care? We're both "minorities".
But it doesnt stop there... I was out on a date with a bm and ww were hating, by staring & going out their way to get his attention.
So what does that tell you? That they [ww] think that they are God's gift to men and everybody should want them; and bw dont deserve shit, not even bm.
Well, I strongly suggest ww get over it. Because there's a new sherrif in town... The black woman!
Excellent post! It triggered a rant! Approachable simply means being open, friendly, and easy to talk to. The key to being all of the above is self confidence and that comes from knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt regardless of anything else that you are able and trust yourself to do the best for yourself i.e. you have the ability to protect yourself, take care of yourself and handle any situation and that you are not helpless. This does not mean the stereotypic stoic do it all yourself strong, self sacrificing mammy. It means I am not a victim I am able to care for myself make good choices I know best know what is best for me. I am my own best subject matter expert on me and what works and I trust myself and value myself and as such can do what is best for me. I am exercising, I am staying informed I exercise my right to only say yes to what works for me when it suits me. Knowing this allows a person to relax and be open to life because come what may, you know you will be okay - whole and healthy.
That is empowering - there is nothing to worry about because if you control yourself - that you can control what happens in the situation and do what needs to be done to protect and care for yourself. That is self determination - that is personal power - that relaxes and refreshes and warms from within. It causes a smile that says I know something no one else knows and that is who I am and what I want and what works for me and I am working it! That puts a smile on the face pep in the step. That is confidence that carries over even as you work toward your goal. It is also intriguing. A relaxed self confident smile coming from internal sense of self control and self mastery draws people to individuals. People men, especially can't resist that kind of quiet self confidence, and the happiness it radiates.
It is about self sovereignty and not looking to or allowing anyone, regardless of race, creed, color - gender or station in life - not family, not friends, community or society collectively define for me who or what I am or set the terms and conditions under or by which I live my life and conduct myself. Freeing myself from that lets me focus on me and be happy and not be angry out of that happiness comes the ability to connect with like minded people, navigate and mitigate the negative and live fully.
If something is not working for you then you are working too hard in the wrong direction. Pain, anger and frustration are a sign that there needs to be a change - big, small whatever but a change. Bottom line it does not matter what you think or how you feel if something about a situation is not working then it has got to go - keep doing the same thing the same way never mind the hype or that it "feels different this time" the results will be the same. There are times when it does not matter what you feel it matter more what you do to make it better. Act in your own best interest to take care of getting your needs met and worry about feeling better later. Chances are though once you act on it in your own best interest you will feel better. Knowing that I control my joy makes me smile and draws people to me. This blog and others like it are great because they encourage women to assert I am worth it! It is worth it!
Nothing else puts the kind of smile on a woman’s face that a happy, caring respectful relationship with a loving caring male and when insecure women who see another woman that happy they will lose their minds. Secure people want to find out more and will approach respectfully in order to know more - that is approachable. Insecure twits will try to tear it down!
That women in the mall was clearly approachable happy in her own little world and it makes me wonder WTF! Oh &%!! NO! The thing that amazes me is that the woman in question even tolerated this twit and his nitwit ww wife. Perhaps because she was clearly happy in her life it was the sheer shock of this person’s audacity. It would be interesting to see what the full story is on this. SMH! Different people react to shocking stressful behavior differently. Maybe it is the big city metro girl in me - or a healthy dose of cynicism. Nothing crazy, rude or stupid people do surprises me - when they do the opposite and act like they have home training, good sense and the ability to think never mind what they think it does surprise me ;) Stupid is a universal condition and can affect anyone at anytime.
When you’re happy it ticks people off - well I refuse to be unhappy just so folks do not stress out. The minute anyone regardless of color, creed or whatever approaches me and is disrespectful or harmful - words can wound as much as weapons. I either walk away, or otherwise shut it down. I calmly with dignity, self respect and personal integrity quickly and clearly make it known that that behavior is not acceptable and that is a non-negotiable. I would have called for mall security and pressed verbal assault charges on these two nitwits.
Immediately without hesitation refuse to suffer fools. Shut it down - Let it go and move on leave their garbage with them. This also prevents a toxic build up of anger and frustration. Grace under pressure or graciousness is maintaining your person integrity, dignity and self respect while effectively shutting down rude behavior.
As far as angry ww or others that choose to comment I remain calm. If need be remove myself from close proximity - there are some crazies and life is too precious and too short. Remain secure in the knowledge that I am happy with my companion and myself and ignore it. I am who I want to be I have what I want and it makes me happy - the other persons unhappiness and insecurity are not about me - it is their problem to solve from within - step away from me!
Call me selfish, race traitor, Oreo, forgotten where she came from - I accept it proudly! Selfish, insecure, scared, weak, petty, self serving people do what works in their best interest at the expense of others so why not be self sufficient and do what works not at the expense of me but rather in my best interest - so call me what you want.
Why? because the person calling names guaranteed does not have me under their thumb or their foot on my neck and most importantly they can not steal my joy unless I let them and I will not let them and it drives them nuts more importantly I am happy! Nothing feels better than having someone who really loves you and is there for you. Someone who can hold you when you need it, or bring you a cup of coffee, or take you to a nice dinner, or take the kids so you can get some needed rest.
Focus on that as a reality, when faced with angry insecure twits and none of that matters the smile it brings to your face will drown out the idiots. Grant I suspect that that is what your date did she focused on you and the enjoyable time you were having and ignored the waitress. Anyone that does not like another person’s happiness can have a Dr. Phil moment on anyone else's dime but mine!
V/r
Clarice
I've just found this site through Evia's and I can't tell you how funny it is when WW have the nerve to express discontent by seeing WM/BW. I think it's HILARIOUS. What is even more funny is the BM who have the gall to be upset....I mean really, the KING of IR dating has the NERVE to be pissed. I say "give them something to talk about." I get EXTRA affectionate in the face of oppositon, but that's just me...lol.
I have a really funny story: So there is this BM named Mike that has been trying to get at me for a while. I've never given him any play b/c: 1) not attracted to him; 2) He is HORNDOG; and 3) he thinks I should give him a chance b/c he's BM with a "good job". So after I ran into him about the 6th time (he's cool for dinner but that's it), I told him that i'm no longer dating BM (anything to get this hound away from me). Boy when i tell you he went "left" on me, talking about "how could I even dream of dating a white man considering all the things they did to BW during slavery" and "he only dates BW and could never dream of dating anything else...etc" the usual rhetoric. Mind you , I said not black...and he read it as white....lol. But i had to stop him in his tracks and said "Uh Mike, but don't u live with your woman, a BW?...why are you worrying about what i'm doing? Yes you only date BW but u date several of them at one time and they are all none the wiser. Excuse me for taking myself out of the game."
He sent me a text msg last month saying "I guess i'm not white enough for you." I wrote back, "you're not man enough for me, but be sure to give your GIRL MY LOVE....." Long story bearable......Nobody's gonna break my stride, nobody's gonna hold me down...oh no, I've got to keep on moving....SING IT WITH ME.
Go,head Girl! That says it all....
preach it Sara
I am happy bw (you and bw 1st) are feeling free to talk about how ww oppress and add to the victimisation of bw, Indeed ww are another 'protected class', even more so than bm, and bw are often gagged because they dont want to seem 'jealous' (anytime women raise legitimate complaints against each other it has to be jealousy innit).
if you listen to the media you'd think that bw is synonymous with 'opposition to IR', so much so that as soon as the issue of ir comes up for discussion, bw themselves start marching towards the opposition line lol!
IR Dating E-Book
and grant, thank you very much you and candice have both been instrumental in this growth....
Miss One;
Uh Mike, but don't u live with your woman, a BW?...why are you worrying about what i'm doing? Yes you only date BW but u date several of them at one time and they are all none the wiser. Excuse me for taking myself out of the game."
He sent me a text msg last month saying "I guess i'm not white enough for you."
Reply:
Amazing, isn't it, that living ethically, by refusing to help a man cheat, and wanting a man to live that way too, means "acting white."
Talk about degeneration...basic human values that ought to be universal are to be opposed because apparently white people have a monopoly on them...
Truly, truly, I am smh!
I think part of the problem is: BM have a problem with WM who I guess in a word-- seem have the keys to the world. In short, when BW "run off" with WM, their(BM) foundation seems to sink. Now we become viewed as, accessories to the crime. I enjoyed this posting. I really don't pay much much when I am with a WM, as to how WW act. But I DO know they act..right now it may be through a stabbing smile perhaps, but it may start getting a little unglier (like how some sisters blab off about BM/WW--the same may end up being true about WW.)
Life is strange and the tables do turn. Isn't there something called Karma???
Sara--thanks for the information that was sent!!!
I have been out with a certain white guy before and encountered many snippy glares from white women. I never encountered any form attack. I did not get any flack from black men, which people think is unusual. I do remember while in college a black guy cursed me out for dating a white guy, and he told me the white guy was only using me for sex. Go figure. I do believe that white women consider themselves of a higher caliber than black women any have an indignant curiosity about why a white man would even go there.
I too have experienced the "fairest of them all" complex. Last week I was having lunch with a friend and a ww enters with a group of men..one of whom was black. This woman proceeded to sit across from me and *watch* for my reaction for the entire 40 mins she was there.
At first I thought it was my imagination, but then my friend also noticed and commented on it.
I can only imagine if I had been with a wm bf...oy.
pinky
black women first said...
He doesnt even have to be white for ww to get jealous... One time I was on a date with an Indian man and ww kept giving us dirty stares.
Why do they care? We're both "minorities".
But it doesnt stop there... I was out on a date with a bm and ww were hating, by staring & going out their way to get his attention.
So what does that tell you? That they [ww] think that they are God's gift to men and everybody should want them; and bw dont deserve shit, not even bm.
Well, I strongly suggest ww get over it. Because there's a new sherrif in town... The black woman!
______________________
This is good...and black women act a fool!?!? Hmmmmm.
This reminds me of an episode on that Women of Orange County show where oone of the blondes said that EVERYONE likes blondes, so they had to make her friend EXTRA sexy for a photo shoot to be more beautiful. I sort of chuckled at the statement and had a thought similar to BWF post.
BWF you are right, no matter what background he is outside of BW, it is as if they OWN the copyright to non-black men.....well it's about to expire, if it hadn't already--- if there were a copyright.
Halima,
I read your book--EVERYTHING you stated is very much on key. I HIGHLY recommend it. I came out of the box some years ago, and with experience you gain wisdom. You put everything into words, quite eloquently.
I didn't know where to bring this up but has anyone thought the movie "White Chicks" actually made fun of BM/WW Ir's??
Im glad to see that we are finally discussing our expericences with white female racism. If this were another forum, we would have be labeled "jealous" by now. :rolleyes: Why is it okay for bm to vent about their fustrations about racist wm, but bw cant do the same about racist ww?
That's a damn good question BWF! Black men set up forums just to talk all day about their problems with white men but as usual our problems with white women are just us being jealous of them.
And phantom, I love that expression 'coming out of the box' mind if I borrow it?
Sara and my fellow BW:
Sara:
I was on Yahoo searching for something regarding BW (I can't remember what, but one of the links that popped up had a tagline saying, "WM disagrees with the notion that WM only go with BW for sex." I was like, oh I have gots to read this. I read the comment and there was a link to your blog, and I have been reading it every since. I must commend you on your blog and what you say about BW and IR relationships and marriage. It is something I have believed in, talked about, and encouraged to BW around me for a lot (I mean A LOT!) of years.
To my fellow BW:
I have been meaning to send a comment to this blog, but I knew I had to make time when I saw the post regarding WW and their animosity towards BW/WM. I have several comments I would like to make:
~I was just recently telling a friend about how WW can grin in the faces of, date, sex, marry, whatever, BM, but let a BW even talk to a WM, and they are ready to kill. WW have been conditioned to believe that they are the best thing female breathing on this earth. Therefore, when they enter a room or walk down the street, it is suppose to be as Tupac said, all eyes on me. When they see a WM talking to a BW, giving her the attention that they feel is rightfully theirs, they are infuriated and jealous. To this I say, GET OVER IT! To sistas I say, STAND YOUR GROUND! Do not be intimidated by nobody. As far as the mall incident, let me say this, we all try to be civil, but there are times when you must sit your civil bag down and put people in their place. Being silent and not saying anything accomplishes nothing. Especially when you are in the right.
~I disagree with this sense of loyalty that BW feel they have toward BM. How can you think that you have to be loyal to someone who isn't loyal to you? Just because BM and I share a history doesn't mean I am obligated to be loyal to them. And let me clarify loyal; it means waiting around for a BM to date, marry, look at you, etc. BM are not waiting around for BW (for examples and references, please take a good look at 99.9% of BM athletes and actors, thank you).
~I would like to make a clarification. I have read where people say that BM discriminate and disrespect BW, in particular those that are a darker complexion.When BM discriminate and disrespects BW, they do it towards ALL BW. Just because a sista is "lighter" doesn't mean that BM will not call her a derogatory name. Believe me, she is one too. Notice that when BM want to have a relationship with a woman who is non-black, they get themselves a WW, period. They do not get a "light-skinned" BW (again...for examples and references, look at 99.9% of BM athletes, actors, or the BM down the street).
~It is good to read and to see as evident in the pictures on the blog, that WM are now approaching BW for relationships. I had a WM tell me once that he would have asked me out sooner, but he didn't know how I would feel about dating outside my race. I told him that I have never had a problem with it and never will and that he wouldn't be the first WM that I dated. The reason a lot more WM are hesitant to saying anything to a BW is because of the other BW who say that they will not even look at anybody but a BM and they are going to wait on one. Well, honey, knock yourself out! As the old folks say, I ain't waiting on nobody but Jesus. If I am blessed to meet a wonderful, respectful, spiritual man that I connect with and he isn't a BM, so be it.
~We as BW needs to be reprogrammed from thinking that life isn't anything but suffering. We are strong Black Amazon females. Tap into that strength! I have heard BW say so many times about another BW that "she thinks she's something." I tell them, she is suppose to think that way. She IS somebody. BW are suppose to look good, smell good, hair fly, cute outfits, smiling, flirting, and happy. We don't have to have a life full of drama and bs.
Practice some self-love sistas!
Peace and Blessings,
Ann C.
Excellent post!
Excellent comments!
It's so freeing to be able to express ones personal experiences without being prejudged and mislabeled.
Keep up the great work Sara.
I have plenty of stories related to this issue, but the past is the past.
You (and your husband/significant other) handle the problem (sometimes through ignoring it and other times facing the negative issue head on. It all depends on the particular circumstance) when it occurs then put the incident out of your mind.
Because haters would like nothing more than to destroy your peace of mind and happiness.
Never let that happen ladies and gentlemen.
Happiness, and well lived life full of love is the BEST and most sweetest revenge!
And KNOW that haters are really threatened, fearful, and insecure people at their core. Which drives their hate.
Otherwise they wouldn't have a problem with WM/BW couples and families.
People hate what they fear.
So sistas don't show ANY fear/insecurity in front of these TRULY fearful and insecure folks.
When you don't, it truly neutralizes most negative situations. If nothing else, YOU come out on top. Because as the saying goes...
"NEVER let them see you sweat!"
You have nothing to be ashamed of so SHINE and SPARKLE when your with your white (or other non BM).
Simply by looking good, acting good, because you ARE good.
Let the WORLD know it.
Hell, it's actually a bit of a revolutionary act when you really think about it. PLUS it does MUCH to improve the image of ALL BW. Although most BW don't realize it because of negative programming.
Point is SHINE sistas SHINE.
Thanks for addressing this topic. This has been a long awaited dialogue for me. I USED to be one of those bw who felt abandoned and deserted by bm until I recognized that the non-bf (mostly ww) were starting to complain about the same problems bf are having i.e., single parents, no father in children lives, no money, bad credit, no accountability and he still thinks he deserves her loyalty. Of course, these type of blogs help with awareness.
At first, I thought i was imagining the twisted effort by ww to antagonize and berate bw as if she has won some kind of bm trophy until i heard other bw mention it. What’s really sad is that I believe it is bm who encourage this sick behavior. Now i just laugh and move on.
Tables are turning turn in favor of bw because we are designed by nature to be surviors and thrivers.
Can’t wait to read your blog on the impact media has played in the role of the negative images of bw. My son and I are movie goers and I find myself in damage control mode more often than not when bw are viewed in a negative way.
Boys love graphics so they will desire to see movies with the best graphics. For example, in the movie King Kong, the islanders are dark skinned and creature-like and the ww is coddled, pursued, fawned over by the creatures and ALL the men.The latest version was the worst!Most times you don't realize what has happened util it is too late. This is what young bm grow up seeing on a daily basis. I have to intentionally seek out movies and shows where he sees a Sanaa Latham, Queen Latifah or Tyra Banks gorgeous, loved and in-charge.
The media has been our worst enemy.
I feel sorry for all those white women with all that damaged property on their hands.
Anyway, If I was the lady in the restaurant I would have called security to escort him out, now that would have been a pretty picture.
Ladies the problem with damaged black men isn't exclusive to America, if you're ever in the Caribbean you're sure to see the problem in all it's glory.
Lastly, anybody catch the program "Black Man Says" on TV ONE, I was so disgusted with it all.
The show on TV One was called "Black Man Revealed" not Black Man Says
Hi Phantom and thank you for your kind words, i appreciate it!
IR Dating E-Book
OKAY---HISTORY LESSON
We hear again and again about what WM did to BW, but let's us remind 'the brothers' what the WW did to AND CAN STILL DO to BM.
During slavery, when the WM was preoccupied with enslaving the race, running plantations, and do all that we already know he did with BW. HE IGNORED HIS WIFE. But wifey would also play the game and find herself 'a mandingo warrior' to pass the time with, BUT 9 months later, she delivering a mulatto baby, that was not cool with hubby. So what would she do?
She would POINT AT A BLACK MAN and say, 'that man looked at me/raped me' and the WM would string the black man in a tree. The WW still does that today, do you remember that white woman who drown her own kids in the back seat of her car? She gave the most vague description of a black man and the WC turned every black neighbor upside down looking for this BM. They even arrested every BM who sort of matched the sketch she MADE UP all because said A BM did it.
How many of you personally know a BM's career that was ruined by a WM, and not in a sense that he did something, but a WW POINTED AT HIM, and everyone believed her and not him?
I say, if BM can get over the notion that being with a WW means she can have you arrested anytime she wants, or her family can. --I'm more then welcome to date/marry a WM who used to do bad things to BW.
I apologize for being a little off topic, could someone please tell me what DBRBM stands for??
By the way, LOVE THE BLOG.
it means damaged beyound repair black man, however keep in mind that we all know 'any' man can be damaged beyond repair.
Welcome, and thanks for the compliment.
i'm so pleased that this topic has been brought up. my sis and i have both had extremely negative experiences with these crazy ass jealous beckies! they are are out of control and need to be stopped. we are peaceful people but they want nothing more than to to see that stereotypical 'sapphire' type persona so they can say we are all angry bitter and ugly. i think it actually angers/confuses/shocks the heck out of some of them if you don't look, sound, and act like mammy! personally, when i see one of these trolls i just laugh. they are so small so petty and don't want other women to have anything. so much for sisterhood. it's good to know i'm not alone and i didn't just imagine this behavior.
I actually borrowed (making reference to) the Decem. 29th blog...LOL! I liked it too. :oD
Energize... you are sooo right.
Are you a Trekkar by any chance?? (Because of your name...LOL)
Please take note of the King Kong movies. Someone in some article years ago brought out that this movie is actually about a symbolic strange love relationship between BM/WW. They seem to bring it out when there is some increase in IR between BM/WW. But for some reason, as pointed out, they don't "see" it.
You're welcome Halima! I even passed the information along. ;o)
Wow, this is soo funny...
...yes, I know, I'm back. Actually I never left. And to clarify, my last comment had more to do with me as an individual who thinks differently than most, rather than me as a child of immigrants. so back to my comment...
...I just experienced this, this past weekend on soo many levels. I was in tahoe for the weekend. First, there was a bw/wm couple who walked into a sushi place we were eating at. EVERY ww in the place stopped, stared, and gave them dirty looks. It was hysterical, I had to hide my amusement from the couple I was with. Second, there were two single guys at the cabin, and one other single woman (all white). When one guy started flirting with me, ALL of the women became obviously bothered (including the one in a relationship)! Besides the great snow and weather, and awesome (ok, it was just mediocre, but it was great to get out there)conditions on the mountain, my weekend was very amusing!! And I met some great guys!
Phantom.... Yes, i am a Trekker. i have been in love with Captain Kirk for a while (the young one). When he kissed Lt. Uhura it messed me up. (LOL!)
" This woman proceeded to sit across from me and *watch* for my reaction for the entire 40 mins she was there."
"they want nothing more than to to see that stereotypical 'sapphire' type persona so they can say we are all angry bitter and ugly. i think it actually angers/confuses/shocks the heck out of some of them if you don't look, sound, and act like mammy!"
Not acting like a "sapphire" messes up the BM as well...Because they both get off on it...Some WW are not even "sassified" having a BM...It's because deep down in their insecurity most WW know, BM tend to use them for skin color...
BWDB http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com
GURL...I AM SOO GLAD YOU WROTE THIS PIECE!!
I too have experienced this! Usually when I am out with my sons who are biracial!!
Thanks for posting! It was an interesting read!!
Tori
Hello to all my sisters and white gentlemen...
Letting you all know that I have started a blog. It was open in early December but I have finally got around to posting. The first post is up.
http://ladychai.blogspot.com/
Energize,
I'm a Trekker too, since in a baby walker I guess. Aware of the new movie coming out? The guy from 'Heroes' (Zachary Quinto) will play Mr. Spoch.
"... Black women you MUST wake up. I can hear some of your ovaries drying up as we speak!..."
__________________________
LOLOLOL I had to bring this up when I was reading previous bloggings. This really had me rolling!!
This is a good one...I must use this.
I'm veering off course for a little bit. I've always been partial to Asian men, my last boyfriend was a Pathan from Pakistan. We got stares from both both South Asian men and women whenever we went out. He would be completely oblivious but I became incredibly self-conscious. Anybody has any stories about dating Asian men whether Chinese, Indian etc. ?
I was just lurking on a white female IR blog that is sort of similar to the BW IR blogs. Although WW might come across as though they feel superior to us, they are more insecure than BW. I mean they actually had a section asking black men if they prefer Blondes over brunettes (or plain janes) and the brothers were soothing their egos similar to the lightskinned/darkskinned posts on C-1's blog. You can best believe that as the the numbers increase of WM/BW couples...it is happening now and you will see the increased WM/BW couples walking around this summer... WW are going to freak out. WM are curious. There are some amazing BW out there and they are going to see what they have been missing out on and we have BM/WW to thank for that. Black women overcome everything that they throw at us. I knew all of this pain was a blessing in disguise. The blessing is that BW are making sure that we have choices so that we dont have to "sweat the brothers" anymore and we will be leaving our lives open to unknown possibilities.
Also there was another BM on another blog saying that if BW dont stop all this talk about "something new" that brothers are going to step out even more and that they will make out better because more of them are athletes and white women are promoted more. Like we are in a contest with BM to see who can recruit the most whites! What a dumb ass! He does not even realize all of these prominent WM were dating and marrying BW the whole time that those million dollar slaves....umm I mean athletes (sorry) and white beauty were being promoted. In fact the owner of the Texas Rangers(owner of athletes) is a WM married to a darkskinned BW. The posting from that guy was from a few months ago so I could not respond to that idiot. But I would have loved to have made sure he was aware of that. Just dumb asses!
Also, I had lunch today with this white guy and the WW waitresses acted nonchalant while we were there. Shortly after leaving I left something in the restaurant and went back in and the women were all huddled at the bar pointing over to where we were sitting. I got a kick out of it!
Bm who want to get one "at the man" can be so pissed off when bw run off with "the man."
I love this statement!!!!!!
Bm who want to get one "at the man" can be so pissed off when bw run off with "the man."
Bm who want to get one "at the man" can be so pissed off when bw run off with "the man."
Bm who want to get one "at the man" can be so pissed off when bw run off with "the man."
Bm who want to get one "at the man" can be so pissed off when bw run off with "the man."
I love this statement!!!
Phantom Mare....no, I had not heard about it. I'll be looking for it. Thanks for the heads up!
No Problem Energize.
Running in with Blackbeauty's statement about athlete's.
This is part of what's wrong. They PRIDE themselves on physical prowess, instead of the mind and spirit. There is no value in how one thinks, education, achievements and such. It seems the only thing they have left to PRIDE themselves on is the "lights off performance" if you get my drift...and quite empty.
And by the way,while I am at it, the size issue is a myth (sorry brothas). To explain it, my mother is an OR/RN nurse and has seem MANY over the years... hee hee. Just being real.
He sent me a text msg last month saying "I guess i'm not white enough for you." I wrote back, "you're not man enough for me, but be sure to give your GIRL MY LOVE....." Long story bearable......Nobody's gonna break my stride, nobody's gonna hold me down...oh no, I've got to keep on moving....SING IT WITH ME.
You see this is why I love my sisters..One thing about brothers approaching us about that is they will be made fools of. Black women do have good ways of making someone look like a fool. The sassiness that we have is all own.
And by the way,while I am at it, the size issue is a myth (sorry brothas). To explain it, my mother is an OR/RN nurse and has seem MANY over the years... hee hee. Just being real.
mm loove white guyss
EmergingPhoenix said...
...I just experienced this, this past weekend on soo many levels. I was in tahoe for the weekend. First, there was a bw/wm couple who walked into a sushi place we were eating at. EVERY ww in the place stopped, stared, and gave them dirty looks. It was hysterical, I had to hide my amusement from the couple I was with. Second, there were two single guys at the cabin, and one other single woman (all white). When one guy started flirting with me, ALL of the women became obviously bothered (including the one in a relationship)! Besides the great snow and weather, and awesome (ok, it was just mediocre, but it was great to get out there)conditions on the mountain, my weekend was very amusing!! And I met some great guys!
Girl do your thing!!
I was out with this white guy. An all American, good looking, blond haired, blue eyed white guy. I am dark skinned, slim, nice body, nice face and smile. We were in this cozy little bar/restaurant one night. He is very confident in himself and has no problem kissing in public. Well he starts kissing me right in the restaurant, in fact he kissed me all night. An all white restaurant. You should have seen the looks on the faces of all the white women in there. I got so much pleasure out of seeing the looks of disgust on their faces!
Many WW are not "content." The West has perpetuated the myth that they are every man's fantasy. In college, I couldn't believe how comfortable these "progressive" young women were in trashing IR couples, especially the East Asian woman-WM variety. They also feel like they are entitled to WM and the leftovers can go to the colored girls, but let them see one of those women of color strolling happily with an attractive WM and you can just see the color drain from their face and often, an offensive remark about the WM or the WOC will follow.
I am a younger black women in college who has always been attracted to white men-always. I've always been made fun of for it. From friends and family. It's awful. I mean why should it matter what color someone is? As far as the bm/ww couple attacking the bw, how dare they. How dare they. We as a people have fought so hard to be treated like equals and have the same rights as everyone. We should be able to date and marry anyone we chose. Who cares if they just happen to be white? We have had some much opposition from outside forces tearing us apart that it's just dumb to falling apart from the inside. As far as white women, grow up and get over yourself. I'm going to be happy and fall in love and so what if they are brown, orange, purple, or green? So long as he treats me with respect and is faithful who the heck cares.
I'm an Asian female. White women can definitely have issues. Arthel Neville (light-skinned black woman) is married to Taku Hirano (Asian man), and people freak out about this sort of odd pairing. My favorite movie involves a black woman being wooed by a white man. I'm Asian (and not even white or black), but it's romantic. HA HA!
Sara... First off I have to say you have a beautiful family! I swear there isn't anything better than interracial love. I can say now that I am a Spanish and Italian woman with an African American husband. I could tell you stories about the looks, stares and comments I have come across.. The women go as far as to flirt with my husband at the drive thru windows.. knowing they see me in the car. A good one was where my mother in law and I were at work and everyone always wanted to know who I was because I was with her son. They all thought he was just so sexy... Well my mother in law and I walked into work together and I walked over to my seat and a woman walked up to my mother in law and asked her if that was her sons woman. She then told them it was and they said "awww why he with her I got more ass then that" my mother in law simply replied.. "maybe he wants class and not trash".... I don't get how people can be so nasty.. I can say now that I give props to interracial relationships. I feel that everyone is made for somebody and as for me color has no matter. It is all about what is real. I love your blog. I enjoyed reading it. Again I give it up to you and your gorgeous family!
----Gabbie
But is it the same thing with politics? If one is a fanatic, he/she can't stand the other on his/her side who maybe addmit that those with political opposite could also have reasonable opinions. Mostly those who are left are thinking that there are any clever people on rightwing and rightwing people are thinking that lefties are always wrong.
That's why this race issue another part of that same old story. Then there is an interesting thing - the sin. How many times have we found people condemning others making sin. And there these besserwissers are doing (hidden) more sin. Men are especially were good in this double-standard.
Finally - to all black females. There are millions of white men who actually like you. The scale of ideal woman for men is much much wider than women are thinking.
Thank you for Sara, for having the strength and courage to post this! I am a ww HAPPILY married to a bm, and I can see the same for you and yours. I would never dis a bw with a wm, I see no error in loving someone, and there is no "color" barrier for me. I never dated a wm, out of personal preferance, I was adopted by a black family so I felt more comfortable dating other cultures that I had been raised with (i.e. spanish, islander & black men) Mind you I only had 2 boyfriends, being my husband the 2nd & my first boyfriend was a samoan. I have seen the distaste from bw seeing me with my husband, but that's their lack of joy that they wish to display such dismay toward us instead of BEING HAPPY FOR US! I completely agree with you, I am so glad I came across your article. Keep writing and never let someone try to steal your joy. You make your husband happy, and that's what counts!
-Chelsea Peterson
Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri
Thank you for this post, we are a online dating website blog network, which college students read our blog, so thanks and well post this article on our blog. black and woman dating white man college station
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home