Does it matter if a man is super hot?
Does a man have to look like this for you to notice him? or give him the time of day?
Ladies I hate to disappoint you but most men who look like this already have a woman or two or three......
You will find for the most part most husbands look like... well husbands. They don't look like models. A lot of women will not give a man the time of day unless he is rich (or well off) handsome, sexy in perfect shape and over 6ft tall. Then they wonder why they are alone! Ladies I for one am not trying to get you to lower your standards, all I am saying is if he is a good man, it does not (or should not) matter if he does not look like the actor above. Some of the plainest men in this world have a spirit so beautiful you could wake up smiling the rest of your life if you gave them a chance. It is weird to me because I see so many sistas who will take any piece of a brotha. And I do mean ANY piece. But if a white man approaches them, he has to be 6ft and look like Gerard butler or be wealthy etc etc etc. Ladies there are millions of men in this world. There is no MAN SHORTAGE! not at all. You can have any kind of man you want, but why exclude all the sweet loving plain men while waiting for someone who looks like this. This is the type you will have to fight off many other women for! Now I am not advising you to ignore gorgeous men or disregard them for relationships. I am merely saying don't discard the plain ones trying to get to the foine ones! The most important thing is that Mr right loves and adores you, provides for his children is reliable, loving, kind, generous and true. Would you date a guy who looks like the man next door? or does he have to look like Viggo? All around me I see men who are really decent guys getting the shaft because they are too short, or too plain or too something. I read a personal ad recently in the newspaper where a woman who admitted to being over 5.6 and 250lbs stated that she wanted a tall,dark, handsome man over 6ft tall with no extra weight on his body!!! Unbelievable! then she was cursing the paper out because no one answered her ad!!! Ladies you tell me is your man really hot or really just around the way looking. and does this make him a better mate? Everyday we see really attractive men get away with all kind of crap. Do you really think black women would have so easily forgiven Clinton if he had not been a very attractive man? Yes or no. Do you think Ted bundy could have lured so many unsuspecting females to their death if he had not been so handsome, mark harmon played his character on TV.? Do you think if Denzel looked like spike lee, his career would be where it is now, and has been for years? Did you know studies show handsome boys are picked first in sports, are far more likely to be adored by teachers, get better grades, and have smoother, far less stressful lives. Give your thoughts on this type of discrimination. Would you date a very ordinary looking guy or must he be some kind of hottie? Are you the same person around a very attractive man as you are around the plainer guys?
Case in point. I come from a very attractive family. We have alot of 'pretty' people in my family including the men. When I was in college. I had major problems with some of the women in my class. They were cold, hostile and most often rarely spoke to me, except to make snide remarks behind my back. Often I found myself speaking to the backs of most females in the class when I tried to speak to them. After a while the men in the class noticed and found the whole thing hilarious. They told me to ugly down and then the women would speak to me. Well one day 2 of my male relatives (cousins) came to pick me up. One was my cousin Derek. he was 6.4 dark with light brown eyes and muscular body. The other was cousin Shawn. He was shorter about 6.0 brown skinned, considered very hot and had a very funny, personable personality. The women in the class went wild! Black and white. They bombarded my two cousins so badly, it was shameful and embarrassing. I thought they were going to ask for autographs! When I finally dragged my laughing cousins away, (almost half an hour later) the women actually followed us out to the parking lot! Anyway, from that point on I was every woman's best friend! They could not have been nicer to me after that. All the snide remarks behind my back stopped. All the glaring, etc. They made great efforts to get my opinion on everything after that and could not have been sweeter to me but I knew it was not me they had any real interest in. They were just trying to get to my cousins. I must admit though that it was still a relief not to have to dread the class......
posted by Taylor-Sara @ 8:19 PM
31 Comments
31 Comments:
Great Post...You are absolutely right!
But....................................................I wouldn't mind him looking like either one of them myself ; )
BWDB http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com
It's true, looks shouldn't matter as much as they do. What matters most is how he treats you; his fidelity, his kindness, his sense of humour, common interests... but we're human and looks DO matter. I think where many women go wrong is having physical standards that are much too high. He doesn't have to look like Brad Pitt for him to be attractive and for a woman to BE attracted to him. For me, a nice smile and kind eyes are enough. Of course, I want a man who is healthy, and obesity is NOT attractive, but that doesn't mean he has to have an 8-pack either. Ladies, how about a little realism?
P.S. - Sistas on this site are beautiful!!!
Being at least somewhat attractive is necessary. Would you go out with a man you didn't find attractive?
If you look less like Javier Bardem and more like Danny DeVito, it'll be an issue. You need to find someone on your level though or close to it. The personals ad thing was hilarious.
I am a FIRM believer in the theory that we are attracted to what we see, visually FIRST then the other elements come into play! I can be craving a hamburger but if it looks slopply made I will not eat it. Same as with some I meet I would like him to be attractive but looks don't always equal personality or intelligence! So yes for me looks play a big part but NOT completely...for me in the end it amounts to the inner beauty...
Tori
BTW-GREAT POST!!!
My husband certainly isnt going turn anyone to stone if they look at him..lol He is an average looking guy. But most importantly he is devoted to myself and our children.
Bottom line ladies is that looks will fade, we will both end up wrinkly and old one day. My status as a MILF will be dust in the wind...lol But in the end hopefully I will still have a partner who is devoted to our family and still thinks im "HOT" once the "black" has cracked (hee hee) because he loves me for what's inside and I love him for the same reasons.
This post is very timely. I do think some of us look for the dashing tall & handsome type of man. Most men do not look this way. Even the hollywood men are airbrushed to appear more handsome.
It goes both ways though. I've had some men come onto me who were much older and really quite unattractive both mentally (in approach) and physically.
These men had a way about them that said, "Hey now, you are SUPPOSED to be open to being with me." They are sometime indignant when kindly told, "No but thank you."
You know, when the Greg Berhendt show was still on, one of the actresses from Tyler Perry's plays was on there. She played in Madea Goes to Jail (Sonny's cheating wife) and also the reunion play.
Well, she is an amazing actress, but she was still single because she was so picky!! Her sister turned her in because she felt that Greg could help her sister find a nice guy. The woman was looking for a man who had to be at least 6'4", dark, and handsome, and I think Black -- and I am sure that he had to make a good bit of money. Well, that's not bad, but darn!! The older I get, I am more attracted to other qualities in men, like how they treat their parents, the kind of home they came from, their morals, etc. I have been chatting with a man who I will meet very soon, and I am attracted to the fact that he is looking to meet an awesome woman and settle down, he does not have kids all over the place, and he is responsible, he also says that he wants to make my life easier (and I already have it kind of good....LOL)! So, give me the nerdy shy type any day, I find them more attractive and masculine. I don't need a man with a six pack or the latest fashions -- we women have to look out for our futures and how a man can contribute positively to that! I am not dissing on "Very good looking" guys, but attractive is subjective and I would rather have security and a life with a smart man over arm candy any day...not saying that VGL men are not smart...LOL!
I totally agree with what you have written. I find that the cute guys are used to being taken care of by women but they don't want to take care of the woman. My mom always said the most attractive ones are the most spoiled and nothing good could come of it. I'm glad you wrote this. It's about time that some woman started paying attention.
I agree 200% with meli... how important are looks to you when you've been together 15 years and he's cheating with a younger woman? Character and values comes first!!!
I think that both of these guys are handsome but I dont go for the Wigger type. I like white guys who are white guys. These guys are cuties though.
My husband looks like Eric Stoltz combined with the kid from That 70s Show: Tall, reddish hair, skinny, pale; not at all who I imagined for myself. But, I agreed to go on a first date with him. We've been together for 8 years. He totally swept me off my feet with romance, consideration, and passion. The list is too long to describe. But, I'll share one thing: at our wedding reception, in front of everyone, he gave a speech and, with musical accompanyment, he sung "Lady". The man is fearless! My family loves him and so do I. And when I look at him now, he's so gorgeous.
Admittedly when I looked at the picture all the lusty thoughts came to mind.
But they stop right there.
I want someone with substance and to be able to talk and have deeper convos then ooo ooo aahh ahh.
Besides after riding a bicycle for a long time, sex is the LAST thing on my mind. If there is only physical, then I am sure I can get bored very quickly.
The disappointing thing, and I wish I could hire you to spend a week with me to tell me what am I doing wrong.
i don't get approached, I try to look pleasant, and approachable and still nothing.....except a 'chick' sent word asking if I was playing for that team. I was soo hurt and upset, I questioned myself. I am so not into women, and would rather stay single if that were my only choice, but it isn't. I just don't seem to have what guys want, like, I dunno?
Anyway - I went off topic, hot = lusty, roll-in-the-hay, thoughts.
Thanks for your blog.
It's a shame that most men don't think this way. After all they are the visual creatures here. If it wasn't so, there wouldn't be all these billion dollar companies specializing in beauty and plastic surgery.
Again women are settling for less in order to be with a man *smh*
Anon, I would have to disagree with you. do you think Gerard butler, Denzel Washington, Brad Pitt etc would be where they are if women did not find them so attractive? Everyone likes to look at pretty things -not just men, Many men lament the fact that they are not as attractive as they want to be just like women, they have the same insecurities (maybe not to the same degree)but I don't think someone who does not look like a model is less than. He may have qualities the model would never possess.
I've dated handsome to ordinary. The one thing I find interesting is that the "handsome" practice very good hygiene and the unattractive do not.
So, to me, it is not just his looks, it is that he believes in cleanliness. Some guys make an extra effort to smell nice, behave politely, and look attractive even if they aren't stunning...
I think that too much is made of looks. Yes when a person is attractive, people tend to look and comment or whatever. But I think that some black people (and I am only talking about blacks today) focus too much on them. If looks mattered so much why is it that our first black billionaire female is dark,fat,wide nose and wide set eyes. I am brown and would be considering nice looking by many. I have light female friends who are struggling single mothers. I've seen friendships where the darker women is (by far) more successful than her lighter friends. I am not trying to get caught on light and dark but for some people that is synonomous with pretty and prettier. I think the people who sit around and think about how pretty they are and who focus on it so much dont get very far. And they think everyone is jealous of them. The one thing that I have learned over the years is that pretty will open doors but will not keep you. A good, persistent personality as well as smarts can take you places and dont tell me that it is not true because I have seen it many times. So I dont even think of how pretty I am or even talk about how pretty my family or friends are because I know that in even this most racist country you can make a lot happen for yourself.
Anon, I'm a bit offended by your analogy. light and pretty are NOT SYNONYMOUS! The most beautiful women in my family are also the darkest! I am very dark and attractive myself and would not be any other color if you paid me! Pretty people come in ALL shades and no one shade is better than the other, You need to know that!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Hey Anon:
I assume that you are talking about Oprah? First, she is big, but not fat. Second, her nose is very cute. Third, and you totaly lost me here, her eyes a very pretty. I have always thought that Oprah was an extremely attractive black woman, so speaking from a wm perspective, I can tell you that this whole "shade" thing escapes me-I can appreciate the beauty of Whoopi and the Williams sisters as much as Beyonce or Halle. I guess what I am trying to say is that, for me at least, beautiful black women come in all shades........and I would hazard to say that I'm not the only wm who thinks that way.
deleted Anon, I told you I don't allow people to come to my blog and start shit! Take the bull elsewhere-and you weren't even woman enough to give a name-wrong blog hun....
I think this look issue is more a factor when it comes to men looking for women. Don't get me wrong some women are too focused on a man's height, income, attractiveness etc... and if he's not that she does not want anything to do with him. But I wouldn't say this is how generally women feel. I think most women would compensate looks, height, physical attractiveness for a man that could provide, treat her well etc... However I can't say the same generally speaking when it comes to men. And I've experienced this if your not a 10/dime you'll get very few if any offers. This also includes some of the average looking men. It's like it's all or nothing with men. Many of them are not going to compensate a women's looks for a good personality, fun to be around type of woman. That's just from what I've seen and experienced.
I really hate how facial features and skin shade always come into play when talking about BW!!! Sadly, this seems to be our Achilles heel, and it should not be. I also get tired of "unattractive" being attributed to Oprah and the Williams sisters!! Thanks Grant for what you said about Oprah, I too have always thought that Oprah is pretty, she has great bone structure (I envy the shape of her face) and Oprah looks better in her 50s than she did in her 30s!! Notice how "attractive" is always attributed to Beyonce, Tyra, and Vanessa Williams! Yes, they are pretty women, but why put down darker women and why hate on lighter women?
I had never heard of the term "dime" until 6 months ago...that sounds so base, and I am sure that it came for "our" community. Everyday, I see good looking men with women who are not so, and the flip side of that; so, people are sexually attracted to different things about others. Men also choose women they can trust and rely on over looks also. I have seen women who have physical deformities land cute guys, deaf women, women who look like they have a brain disorder or are learning disabled...they have husbands too (I am a nurse, so that's how I run into all these types of folks)! So yes, some men are "compensating" - but you never know why, obviously the guy sees something deeper in this person. I have seen some couples and have thought...no fair, I'm not bad looking -- I am also guilty of that comment "and she has a husband"? That actually makes me feel good now, because it proves that some guys really are not as discriminating and superficial.
And to anon...so what, you know light skinned women who are struggling single parents??? I guess that role and circumstance is only set aside for Dark skinned Black women? You see how this conversation starts to cirle the drain into that dark place? Be the best that you can be and if that means losing weight, seeing a dermatologist (for skin problems), changing hair styles, updating your wardrobe, smiling more, going out more, making an appt. with a life coach -- do it! Looks like self esteem stuff has its foot on our necks still and most of that self hatred came from and continues to come from our "community" because I rarely hear other folks (races) talking about our features and skin shades!! I have read many of the blogs on different sites and Black women esp., are quick to describe their hair length, skin shade, and nose shape...and that their grand kin were "mixed" with something. I dream of a day where we can stop that particular kind of labeling.
Back to topic, choose a man who adores, respects, protects, cherishes, compliments, and loves you.
I just saw the funniest episode of "Cheaters" last night. Speaking of good looking all of the parties involved were gorgeous. This time it was a black woman cheating with a black man and the boyfriend was a white man having his girlfriend investigated and followed. I try to avoid the show "Cheaters" but when I saw the host showing the girlfriend cheating (they had the face fuzzed out) but I saw a short little natural. At that point I had to watch. Well anyway, the girl looked like a fashion model. I didnt see the whole show but I saw when the boyfriend came in with the camera and crew of "Cheaters". It was at some pool or hotel where people were around a pool. All of the white people were laughing and the black guy and white guy got into a big fight. It was hillarious. The girl was begging the white guy to forgive her. The white guy was hurt and the black guy was saying "how could a white guy get that kind of black girl?". He was telling the camera guy (black guy) that he should not be filming the whole thing as a black man. Then afterwards, they came back to look at how the victim (one who had been cheated on) feels after a couple of weeks, the guy said that he was going to give her another chance. But all of the parties involved were gorgeous and the woman was doing the pimping. Go figure.
Anon, I saw that episode of "Cheaters" last night too!! I took notice of it when I noticed that the cheater was a BW -- a very tall pretty lady and the man she was cheating on was her boyfriend of 6 years, who wanted to marry her and build a life together! He was FINE and a Marine. I was kind of upset when she felt she had to prove something to the BM she was cheating with though -- as if she were ashamed for him to see that she had a White boyfriend or something.
The BM was obnoxious and saying that he never would have fooled around with her if he knew she had a White boyfriend -- he was spouting all that Islam stuff too (but sexing this woman out of wedlock...LOL).
I think that the Boyfriend likely had some post military stuff (psychological) going on, which is very common of some of the soldiers returning home. Hopefully they can work it out, but she did him pretty bad -- there are nicer women out there, and I hope he finds one if she cheats again.
ahmein Meli!!
I have read many of the blogs on different sites and Black women esp., are quick to describe their hair length, skin shade, and nose shape...and that their grand kin were "mixed" with something. I dream of a day where we can stop that particular kind of labeling.
_______________
That is something we focus on too much.
BTW this post(and responses) makes me feel good.
She must have had that boy whipped because she was a sister cheating on him and he still wanted her. That was a different one. Yeah, those black female/white male couples are certainly increasing :)
Men are more likely to stay if the woman is beautiful, so the outcome of that "Cheaters" episode doesn't surprise me. That BM sounds DBR though. And while I agree that most men care too much about women's looks, it's true what anonymous said about looks getting you in the door but not keeping you there when it comes to career, and some of the most successful people being average-looking but resourceful and dedicated. I can say I've experienced this and have learned my limits in terms of what I can offer (don't accept every job offer if you don't have any experience just because they give it you and it pays well, because once they figure out that you don't know what you're doing, you WILL get fired). Now I have lowered my pay standards until I'm finished my education and this will allow me the opportunity to gain some valuable experience as well.
I really think men make a big deal out of looks and there are lots of good women out there who are single because they're not "dyme pieces." Some women do this too, but the ratio is much higher for guys because women generally learn from experience that pretty boys can treat you like dirt and then put more stock into character. And we can't forget how many women are goldiggers and don't care WHAT a man looks like as long as he can provide for her.
My guy looks like Ben Affleck, face-wise - very handsome smile. But from the neck down, he's just a regular Joe Schmo, and I prefer that. I would never want a perfect face/perfect body combo because
a) the man worked for that body, and he KNOWS he's hot
b) women will always be throwing themselves at him
and
c) even if he doesn't take the bait, I would find it hard to trust a guy who looks "too perfect."
Finally, I don't think we should put so much stock in skin shade. This is unique to black/brown people, this colorism thing. White men going after us couldn't care less because they can see that we're all black. The same way we don't really see a difference between a blond white person and a brunette white person - they're all white to us. Thank you Grant for your perspective. You sound like a sweet guy.
To me, the most important things are fidelity, he can't be a smoker, intelligence, sense of humour, and chivalry/gentlemanliness - in that order.
Who wants to be a millionaire had a cute IR bw/wm couple on today. It was a special for couples who are getting married. Nice looking couple. Girl was really smart. Keeps growing and growing.
My guy is not super-hot. Though several people have told me otherwise. I've always had a preference for the geeky Jimmy Stewartish type.
I do believe we are too caught up in appearances in this culture, however if you're not physically attracted to a person there's no point in being with them. Just remember, good looks fade, character is forever. What I wanted was an honorable man and was fortunate enough to find one. I hope that you too are so lucky.
My guy is not super-hot. Though several people have told me otherwise. I've always had a preference for the geeky Jimmy Stewartish type.
I do believe we are too caught up in appearances in this culture, however if you're not physically attracted to a person there's no point in being with them. Just remember, good looks fade, character is forever. What I wanted was an honorable man and was fortunate enough to find one. I hope that you too are so lucky.
I feel like my counterparts I should get the pick of the crop. I have gorgeous bone structure like Naomi but I am Rihann when she first came out complexion. I am a size 0/2 adn I have traveled to Europe twice and I am 18. I am a science major and I model. SO your damn right a guy has to be sucessful and gorgeous to be with me.
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