Some pretty good reasons to marry out!.....
Kyle and his beautiful
wife, pictured
below, getting married.....
Kyle marrying the love of his life-Cycily.
and lovely black girl with her fiance ken.
Between the blatant disrespect, baby mamma drama, WW worship, and man-sharing, I think we sistas have some damn good reasons for dating/marrying out! I just wonder what will happen when these relationships are as common as bm/ww relationships are now? How do you think the world will react when black female-white male marriages explode?
As you may know. White male/black female marriages have increased 171%!!! Versus the opposite which are increasing at only half that rate. Now yes, there are certainly more bm/ww marriages, but many of them are based on the wrong principals (such as pissing bw off, trophy status, and false myths of ww beauty) They have therefore proven themselves to be far less likely to succeed. I read recently that nearly 4/5 of the biracial children in foster care are the children of black fathers and white mothers! Apparently when the man leaves, or no longer wants to be bothered the kids are put in foster care by their mothers who have no intentions of taking on the hardships of raising a black child. I also read the children least likely to be in foster care are the mixed children of white men and asian women. They also seem to have the longest lasting marriages. What is signifigant however, is that black women/white men are right behind them on both counts! Their children are the 2nd least likely to be in foster care and their marriages are the 2nd most likely (of mixed marriages) to survive! There are many, many excellent reasons to marry white men, but the fact that they seem to believe so strongly in marriage is one of my very favorite reasons. That and the fact that for the most part they are very devoted fathers are big pluses for me. Especially knowing how many sistas are trying to raise their children alone. The main obstacle seems to me to be bw worrying about how bm will react (and yes, they are often bitter) But to me that is certainly no reason to put off your happiness and contentment because brothers may not like it. They certainly are not worried about whether or not you like them being with white women! The following two exerpts are from two sistas who give their reasons for marrying white. Why do you think it's a good idea?
Sista #1 Cre
I am in a successful marraige with a great white guy and so are many of my black female friends. All the sistas that live here in this predominately white neighborhood in SOUTH ORANGE COUNTY are married to... you guessed it successful white men. Not certain if all their marraiges are altogether blissful, but as couples we do go sailing, dining, golfing, all the ings, together and have a fun time. I was wondering if other sisters thought there seemed to be more ir marraiges in their immediate circles. Census are 5 to 10 years behind and it seems there has been an explosion of uppermiddle class bw wm unions as of late. TW
I am in a successful marraige with a great white guy and so are many of my black female friends. All the sistas that live here in this predominately white neighborhood in SOUTH ORANGE COUNTY are married to... you guessed it successful white men. Not certain if all their marraiges are altogether blissful, but as couples we do go sailing, dining, golfing, all the ings, together and have a fun time. I was wondering if other sisters thought there seemed to be more ir marraiges in their immediate circles. Census are 5 to 10 years behind and it seems there has been an explosion of uppermiddle class bw wm unions as of late. TW
Sista #2 (Lynn
I feel that some black women share certain qualities with white men that black men simply lack. White men have were not afraid to go out into the world, conquer other civilizations and make countries of wilderness, all to lay it at their mate's feet and better provide for their families. Through history black women have went out worked hard and took care of her family and many times had to be the head of the household also. Black women have been the corner stone of the black community keeping it together and are more loyal to their race then black men who when the interracial laws were abolished ran to get with and children with white women. White men are also the cornerstones of their white community and I doubt white women would know what to do without them but still many white women will get with other races of men feeling secure that they still have white men looking out for them. I got tired of being in relationships with black men where I was the one who had to pay most of the bill or sometimes was the only one working, while being cheated on and nickled and dimed to pay for his clothes, jewlery,electronics etc.. I got tired always footing our dates, being taken for granted, never being complimented or appreciated. I got tired of never having a man on my educational level or who knew nothing but black issues to have a conversation with.I decided to stop limiting my dating/marriage options and started dating white men, met some very nice men and I noticed a huge difference. I was been wined and dined at the best places not being asked to assist financial on our dates. Our conversations were great and we could go on talking for hours about politics, music, movies and current events. He never asked me for a thing, just for my charming company because he had his own. Even our sexuality is compatible because I like to get a little freaky sometimes and he is always happy to comply. Last year, he asked me to move in with him and we have been happy ever since. We are even talking marriage. Tuesday Jan 15
Some brothers respond -be prepared for responses like these ladies..
BM response:
hey...black women only date white men cause we brothas don't want em. I say let em cause sooner or later they gone miss this black ******* cause them white boys aint got no ****** an evrybody know it!
I feel that some black women share certain qualities with white men that black men simply lack. White men have were not afraid to go out into the world, conquer other civilizations and make countries of wilderness, all to lay it at their mate's feet and better provide for their families. Through history black women have went out worked hard and took care of her family and many times had to be the head of the household also. Black women have been the corner stone of the black community keeping it together and are more loyal to their race then black men who when the interracial laws were abolished ran to get with and children with white women. White men are also the cornerstones of their white community and I doubt white women would know what to do without them but still many white women will get with other races of men feeling secure that they still have white men looking out for them. I got tired of being in relationships with black men where I was the one who had to pay most of the bill or sometimes was the only one working, while being cheated on and nickled and dimed to pay for his clothes, jewlery,electronics etc.. I got tired always footing our dates, being taken for granted, never being complimented or appreciated. I got tired of never having a man on my educational level or who knew nothing but black issues to have a conversation with.I decided to stop limiting my dating/marriage options and started dating white men, met some very nice men and I noticed a huge difference. I was been wined and dined at the best places not being asked to assist financial on our dates. Our conversations were great and we could go on talking for hours about politics, music, movies and current events. He never asked me for a thing, just for my charming company because he had his own. Even our sexuality is compatible because I like to get a little freaky sometimes and he is always happy to comply. Last year, he asked me to move in with him and we have been happy ever since. We are even talking marriage. Tuesday Jan 15
Some brothers respond -be prepared for responses like these ladies..
BM response:
hey...black women only date white men cause we brothas don't want em. I say let em cause sooner or later they gone miss this black ******* cause them white boys aint got no ****** an evrybody know it!
JB
BM response:
so it is true black women only marry white men. -Sellouts!
Sexy
BM response:
I Money Hungry hookers. U think they actually like u at there country clubs ur crazy if u think yes
crazy b
BM response:
so it is true black women only marry white men. -Sellouts!
Sexy
BM response:
I Money Hungry hookers. U think they actually like u at there country clubs ur crazy if u think yes
crazy b
posted by Taylor-Sara @ 10:49 AM
58 Comments
58 Comments:
Sara, this is a good one!
To the 3 BM- Take an English class, PLEASE!
Anon, please don't do that again. You rewrote the first woman's letter as well. I did not correct her errors because she wrote it as she wrote it, and as long as it was readable, I did not think it was nec.
Sara very good post.
Some one told me years ago when I first started dating WM that two powerful people are: BW and WM and the second lady gave an excellent description why. They each in their own communities are the cornerstones and when you put 2 cornerstones together, you have a strong family.
Between the blatant disrespect, baby mamma drama, WW worship, and man-sharing, I think we sistas have some damn good reasons for dating/marrying out!
Anon says:
Amen to that
I just wonder what will happen when these relationships are as common as bm/ww relationships are now? How do you think the world will react when black female-white male marriages explode?
Anon says:
It wont be pretty.
Fearless. I love it when sara is fearless!
IR Dating E-Book
Might I suggest some other reasons why bw-wm pairings seem to workout well? Success seeks out success. Diligence seeks out diligence. Tenacity seeks out tenacity. Strength seeks out strength. And finally, beauty answers to longing.
Call me a romantic, but I truly believe this is bedrock for bw-wm relationships.
As usual, great post Sara.
PS: Sacha, most of those guys couldn't find a coherent sentence with a flashlight and both hands-so English classes would be a waste of time and money-LOL. Ooops, bet I get some flak for that one.
That's a beautiful bw that guy is marrying! Best of luck to them <3
So strange you posted on this topic because guess what came up in social psych class: IRs and 'why' they occur. (Short story:) Granted there is only one black male in the class, the one to 'try' to draw first blood on the topic was a WW.
Her assessment of IRs between BM/WW was because somehow, in a inherent level, BM found WW more attractive then BW. My response was the then, well then could she come to conclusion that this attraction is an aberration and cause for worry considering the BM's attraction could be seen as self-hatred. She simply replied of course not-"because my boyfriend doesn't hate being black."
Then I asked, well how about WM who don't find WM attractive and BW instead? Her response, "I don't think that's a highly unlikely possibility." So my professor, married to a GORGEOUS engineering tech & professor quickly responses, "Well my HUSBAND and his four brothers exhibited a preference for ONLY BW all their lives-this I know having grown up around the corner from them.
She went on to say, "and for your information, my two sisters are also married to very proud WHITE men who found it to be a highly unlikely possibility that they would be married to anyone besides a BW because they both claim to have been in wanting to marry an equal. It would also be in your best interest, especially if you're considering a profession in social psychology, NOT to make highly unlikely statements about VERY possible possibilities."
I just sat there trying to suppress a smile, but of course it left a smirk on my face instead, so in efforts to redeem herself she quickly, "but is not very professional to claim BW and WM somehow superior to WW and BM." Before I have an opportunity to school this chick, my BF (He just asked me to be exclusive with him last night, he's a geologist grad student, I USED THE 'MAN LIST and THE FEELING MAN TECHS SARA! Anyways) -who was sitting in the class answers-"If you'll allow me Prof. Spikes-but excuse ________ , yes BW and WM are equals, as the two are the cornerstones of their communities.
Just look at our campus and you can see that BW are out doing their male counter-parts by leaps and bounds, and though there maybe alot of WW here, we also know that it is a fact half of you will not pursue actual careers in your fields of study. You'll get married to someone who can provide for you and live in the suburbs only to raise more co-dependent WM.
BW were never raised with the allusions of such dream, and what's worst-most of them end up raising the children of WM." (Of course I'm sitting back in utter awe and amazement.) Then another WM in our class picks it up from there and says, "I have to totally agree with your pt. My girlfriend, who is just happens to BLACK (a gf of mine), is one of the few woman in the engineering program and I not only find her beautiful but the fact that I don't have to 'take care of her' all the time makes her that much more gorgeous to me."
If that wasn't enough, another WM says, "Indeed WM and BW are equals, and it's not that there are some exceptional WM, but we have to be fair and remember that the word 'exceptional' contains the word 'EXCEPTION' in it. I was more then blown away by this-I'm guessing the rest of you will be too.
KEEP YOUR HEADS UP LADIES
As a White male, I wanted to reply to that man above who said WM do not want BW.. Of course we want Black Women, even White men who say they arent interested in Black women are lieing. I have proved that many times. I see BW and WM sharing the same personality and life goals in most cases. Yes I do believe they both are the cornerstone of their respected areas. I always think of BW being the strong minded, high confident, single mother, raising children and keeping a roof over the heads. Its common for BM and WW to date outside their race, and I believe its always been the decision for BW to be expected to sit back and wait for BM to come back, and I also think WM are expected to wait for WW to come back. But that is non sense to me. Black Women are beautiful, and everytime I see a BW and a WM couple, they always seem like the happiest couple in the whole area. In my personal opinion I would choose a Black women over a woman of my own race. I always found that Black women have much better personalities. I always found them to be much more exotic and unique compared to White women. Whenever I think of a Black Woman I think of a very hard working woman. Thats what I look most for in a lady.
Black women are beautiful, great personalitys, and should always be on top of the dating list compared to the rest of the women of the world. As a White male, Id like to say that I personally choose Black women over White women.
wow, georgia! that was an awesome story! thanks a mil....
Sara have you ever written a post about black women and other men of color?
P.S. Love your blog!
georgia
that what i want to see; bw fighting back lol! I dont mean giving anyone punches but recognising how we have been positioned by others and doing all possible to thwart peoples efforts to undercut and undermine us.
there was a time bw refused to fight for themselves and their honor. i guess we can see how far back this misguided idea has set us.
IR Dating E-Book
I am not surprised at some of the comments made by the BM (in response to the BW and their dating/marrying choices). Some BM totally attempt to hit the jugular with their statements of "he (WM) won't take you to his church, country club, meet his friends, parents, etc." I also really hate the attack on the WMs prowess (sexual). BW are always told that we are not good enough, that is a perfect strategy to keep folks in check.
As a nurse for more than a decade...ladies, myths are simply that - myths (regarding male prowess)! Statements like the above made by the BM only highlight the feeling of being inferior to WM -- in other words, they feel like WM are better than them and if a WM is better than, why would he choose a BW? Jealousy is all wrapped up in there too, but look at who suffers the biggest blow....BW. That is, only if we choose to suffer, but many of us are waking up. I am glad that forums such as this one are here to provide BW with first hand sight on what some of "our" men think of us and then we allow them to dictate who we date??? Whatever!
I'm also not surprised at the WWs comment (from the class of one of the posters), everything they see affirms their beauty and desirability and ours, (BW) is constantly being smeared and challenged. So, naturally they are threatened when one of "theirs" jumps the fence. Also, it is good to hear from women whose preference happens to be non Black guys because not all of us are dating non Black men or WM due to some shortage etc.
Crimson, to answer your question. No, I have not. No one has ever sent me a pic or story of anything but white.... But If I had the material, I certainly would do a story about other kinds of men and black women....
Sara if you'll allow me...I do have a question for you and everyone else who comes here on the subject of attraction.
Some of us were talking to our Professor after the debacle on Friday, but something we're going to be opening up with for discussion is based on a question I posed her...it was,
Do WM who pursue their attraction to BW, or any man who pursue an alternate from normal attractions, have history of such behaviors in their pasts? What I mean is, is the WM who dates a BW as a adult, the same white boy you remember growing who displayed a liking to little black girls? The same white boys who loved Mowtown and the Cosby show, lol.
I know it's a weird question to ask, but I'm working through a theory here.
Tell me your thoughts you guys.
What great responses, Sara! I especially liked the stories from the class on sociology.
I like the analogy that black women and white men are equals in the roles they occupy in their community: strength with strength.
As for the question re. white men who date interracially, and personality aspects of it, I think there is something to that.
Many white men who date interracially are men who are not afraid to be mavericks. They are not afraid to do what pleases them and say, to hell with who cares. Some have spent much time in interracial environments as young men (ie. the military), whether they had friends of other races, or for example, liked music typically listened to by blacks...
Georgia:
"Do WM who pursue their attraction to BW, or any man who pursue an alternate from normal attractions, have history of such behaviors in their pasts?"
I'm not picking on you, but I'd like to examine your question a little futher before I answer. It's interesting to me that you chose to describe IR attraction on the part of wm as an "alternate from normal" along with "behaviors"-it seems to me that this is a clear indication of just how effective, and insidious, stereotyping can be in influencing our thinking. The idea that a wm being attracted to a bw is somehow a "departure from normal" is exactly the type of thinking that many people would like to perpetuate, however, might I suggest that we ask THIS question; Isn't it perfectly NORMAL for a heterosexual male to be attracted to a heterosexual female? Isn't it perfectly "normal" for some heterosexual males to be attracted to ww, while others are as equally attracted to bw with their variety of skin shades? Aren't we allowing someone else to define "normal" for us, even when that definition flys in the face of reality? As your Professor pointed out, making wild assumptions can lead to totally invalid conclusions! Again, I'm not "jumping" on you, I merely wanted to point out that we can all be influenced by the prevailing "groupthink" to such a degree that it even affects how we use language to discuss certain topics. Anyway, on to your question-LOL.
I think that in many instances it could be true that some guys would have demonstrated an attraction to bf from a young age, but I don't think that it is necessarily predictive of future attractions. To make an analogy; I did not eat artichokes until I was in my 20's, never even saw one in fact, but when I did finally try one my immediate reaction was, "WOW, these things are great!". Nothing took place in my previous 19 years to suggest that I cared anything about artichokes, let alone that I might find that I really enjoyed them. So while past actions MIGHT suggest future "behavior"--ok, you caught me, I just used "behavior" too-lol---I don't think that it is anything more than anecdotal. I think it is quite possible that many wm may have grown up in an area that did not afford them any exposure to bf, so without the exposure, there could not be any "desire", "preference" or "attraction" deduced or indicated. Having said that however, if you place these "isolated" wm in an enironment where they will have exposure to numerous bf, many will have the "artichoke reaction"--hmmmm, have I stumbled onto a new clinical theory here-lol?
I do really think that a lot of the attraction that takes place in bw-wm relationships is based upon this idea of "shared character traits", strength, independence, diligence, etc. We answer to the deeper nature of another person, and pay scant attention to those areas that society dictates should be the "real" basis for attraction-do they look like you? How shallow.
Hope I didn't stray too far from what you were asking.
Hey, Sara, you got it goin' on over here girl!!
Meli said...
As a nurse for more than a decade...ladies, myths are simply that - myths (regarding male prowess)! Statements like the above made by the BM only highlight the feeling of being inferior to WM -- in other words, they feel like WM are better than them and if a WM is better than, why would he choose a BW?
____________________
I made this statement some time ago. My mother is an OR/RN nurse and is about to retire in a couple of years. She has said this prowess thing is a FAT myth!! Thanks for giving witness to that.
PVW...
I like the analogy that black women and white men are equals in the roles they occupy in their community: strength with strength.
_______________________
Now that I think about it. Even though not verbalised from BM, I think that is what threatens them (BM/WW) They see strength w/strength. Hmmmmmm......
BTW Kyle and his wife pictured above are a BEAUTIFUL couple!!! Just nice.
In response to the BM's comments: we date non-black men because we're tired of the BM stereotype that continues to be perpetuated: baggy saggy pants, unnecessarily gaudy jewelry, limited conversation (sports, rap, or guns), lack of desire to work for the sake of working, excessive materialism, etc... I could go on and on... until you get yourselves together, you will no longer be a "player" in our game. Your pawn shall be removed from the board!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I stop through to look a the pictures and to continue with the hope.
I am not surprised with all of the stupid comments.
I am proud of you for continue to stand strong, you are giving the rest of us strength.
2008 is my year - and yours too.
Hey Grant,
I definitely don't feel slighted, the whole point of the question is to get to the dirty/nasty roots of stereotypes thus why it is a social psychology class. Our objective is to start as close to the base, from assumptions, hypotheticals, stereotypes to get to realities.
We began our study by all coming to the same understanding that women are socialized completely differently from males, i.e-'the exceptional woman,' but we also come to the agreement that in the matters of love & attraction, there is a pt where socialization/expectation ends and true love occurs.
Going from there, we were made to look at classic literature instances of IRs and how they were composed by the author. I was given "To Kill a Mocking Bird," and there is a specific character, a neighborhood drunk, who turns out to actually be a WM who was married to a BW and had children together-but to guarantee the safety of his persons and his family. He walked about with a flask filled with apple cider so everyone would assume that "of course only a BW could want a constant drunk like him/he's always drunk, so he really must have no idea what he's doing."
We were then made to read the books, "Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?" and "Assimilation Blues," by Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum. I explain this first, so you can gauge better where such a question would come from, but back to the point.
The question presented in class at the top of our discussion of IR in reference to Black/White relations was, "Why is it that BW are so upset about IR between at the end of the day?" (Of course, the question was phrased differently for the opposite-WM upset/BM upset, etc.) But you're allowed to respond with your gut response to the question and my response was that; The reason that BW are upset about IR is...
1.) The practice is not being reciprocated fairly. (The rebuttal to your Hetro man/Hetro female question.) If that was REALLY true, BW would not having a 70% singles rate now. (I believe that you can concede that actuality to be true about the circumstance.)
Now, a little jab at your artichoke analogy. It's very nice that you've discovered that you like artichokes, but that analogy does even being to encompass the the circumstance your trying to analogize. It's like some one comparing a young girl's refusal to wanting to practice genital mutilation to a child who does want to brush their teeth when they are told to. A more anecdotal explanation would be the second part to my
2.) I say men are men, if you put a man in a foreign environment, there is a high chance that he is going to cross the line between socialization and love faster; especially when 'need' arises in him. (Sorry guys, lol-but 'stop me when I lie')
Defining 'normal & attraction.' Base NORMALITY is indeed what we are socialized to want. Base ATTRACTION are the things/persons that grab our attention/our minds/or hearts
Considering that a BM is socialized otherwise, and also considering that he is in an environment were there are plenty that look like him, and would want him, to cross the line and follow his attraction is a completely aberrate/'not normal' situation.
"In a university, were he has more then enough options of MORE then viable choice of a black mate, why does he choose to follow his attraction, but WM and every other man (non-black) do the same?"
NOW, we are going in the realm of EQUALITY. If we do that, and want to be honest and I mean truly HONEST, it is then is an absolute truth that BW and WM are the cornerstones/power players of their respective communities. So, put in that context, it is understandable that a BM would be 'attracted' to a WW-their equally based.
A common sentiment amongst the educated BW set anger about IR is this very anecdotal to this circumstance "I'm not talking about those DBR brothers, hey if 'she' wants him, she's welcome to him. I'm pissed at the one's like me, who came up struggling like me, who KNOW me, and choose some WW, who at the end of the day, is 'nothing' compared to me."
BUT why is the WM and BW not defeating the notions of what is expected of them and crossing the line between socialization and love?
And for those who do, is it because that particular male was not socialized properly? DID HE DEMONSTRATE SUCH DEVIANT BEHAVIOR AT A YOUNGER AGE? Making the recurrence of such attractions in his later life somehow 'normal.'
THAT WAS MY QUESTION, but here it is in non-laymen's terms, lol.
Its great to see several white men posting here about their attraction to bw. (Usually its bw - (and Grant *smile*) who respond.
These are the types of single white men I want to meet in NYC.
*hope is in the air*
What Grant said, about artichokes.
BM response:
hey...black women only date white men cause we brothas don't want em. I say let em cause sooner or later they gone miss this black ******* cause them white boys aint got no ****** an evrybody know it!
Hey Sara,
You have a great blog. I was happy to find it. First of all, my experience has been that the black men who have the nerve to approach you verbally on being with a white man are usually ghetto. Middle class professional or upper class black men will usually just look. They might not like it but they wont be so low class as to say anything.
As, someone who has dated both black and white men, I have to say there is a cultural differences. White men are far more romantic and like to sexually satisfy their women. Girls, white men love foreplay.
I still date black men. It's highly unlikely I will marry one. Most BM want to ride the coochie train for too damn long. As I continue to pursue my education and career, I can honestly say I will 80% likely marry a white man. I don't owe the bc my happiness.
I love the post!!!
LOLOLOLOL@BLACK MEN!!! I say "Reason # 112 why I don't date em!!!"
That is the best excuses they can come up with as to why we won't deal with thier sorry azzzes!!!
lolol
Tori
Great blog!
Not saying anything that hasn't been said before, but just want to stress that not all BM are like the spelling-challenged clowns who responded earlier. I've got two wonderful (and single!) younger brothers to support this fact. But it's true, we as BW need to stop putting our happiness on the back burner for some BC cause. Don't believe that Essence-fed hype! I'm engaged to a wonderful WM, and I guarantee you that my melanin has not mysteriously disappeared in the 3 years I've been with him. I love being black, and I think my relationship with him sets a greater example for black love as it shows single BW that we can be happy, loved fully, and respected if we fully open ourselves to the spectrum of options available. That beats being one of several "babymammas" who deal with a brotha's crap for the so-called "greater good" of the black community.
Hey sara, I'm just stopping in to say that I'm loving your blog so far. Georgia that was a great story.
I don't see why black women have to justify dating, marrying, or making love to white men. If you want to do it, do it. If you're too afraid of what "your community" will think, then don't do it. And If you don't have the guts to go for what you want or deserve, then move over because there are plenty of women who will get it.
to the person who sent me the 'private' note, Hon. I cannot answer a private note on a public blog! You will have to email me privately -and I will answer your question. -sara
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Reading Lynn's story, I was a little overwhelmed because... it was my mother's story. For a decade with her first husband, she endured his endless womanizing (oh yes, he always had a few white girlfriends on the go during their marriage), the drugs and drunkenness, the put-downs, him telling her she was dumb and would never amount to anything without him, telling her she coud never even get her citizenship without him because she's "too stupid". She worked her butt off constantly and he took all her money and spent it on clothes and cars for himself, never even letting her save any money or keep a dime for himself. When she go in a small accident with the car she bought him, the insurance covered the damage to the bumper, but he still made her pay him for almost a year the total value of the car! And the bumper was fixed! And she was the one who bought him the damn thing in the first place! She had to hide money for months so she could buy a furniture set for their apartment! The apartment where she paid all the rent. And of course once she furnished it and they were no longer sharing a mattress on the floor he started bringing friends over and expecting her to clean up afterwards. I used to think stories like these were unique to my aunt, my co-workers, and my mother, that they just happened to take a "few bad apples." After discovering yours and Eva's blog I've realized this has been happening to millions of beautiful black women who get involved with good-for-nothing black men for a long time. Well, she showed him by getting her citizenship on her own, kicking him out, and falling in love with a white man who wined her, dined her, took care of her, helped support her, eventually bought her a beautiful house in the suburbs, and became my dad. You bet seeing her happy WITHOUT him made him nuts!! And of course he was quick to go on about how the white man had "no right" to sleep in "his" bed (that he never paid for) with HIS wife (that he was never faithful to). I am very sorry that my mother had to go through that, but if any good came from it at all, it's that her daughter has learned by example, and will not be making the same mistake. I won't be having a BM like this sharing my bed at any point! And this is why I'm happy, loved, women of all kinds are envious of my "catch" and that 70% statistic... doesn't apply to me.
The few good black men I have met in my life have been obsessed with WW, so I say... let 'em have them! I'll be taking someone who won't abandon their child, thank you very much. Good luck with him, honey!
cc. go head girl! and thank God your mom woke up! No one deserves to go through that mess, especially sistas! We have already given so much, we can never allow oweselves to be doormats. I am so happy for your mom, that she was able to get rid of that damaged man and find happiness.....and I am happy for you too girl Yay!
BM response:
I Money Hungry hookers. U think they actually like u at there country clubs ur crazy if u think yes
crazy b
My girlfriend has been golfing with her white man at the Country Club several times and she has had no problems. She told me that there were black men there and they looked at her like "what are you doing with him?" Remember, these are middle/upper class black men so they wont say shit. They will only look.
She is really pretty and she said that they looked upset. I have been invited golfing by a white man but chose not to go at the time. I dont think either one of these white men really cared about what anybody thought and that is all that really matters.
And you should see all of the black women with the white men at the US OPEN, for those of you who have not ever attended. There were only a few black women there and they were mostly with white men. That is one event that some black women should try to attend. Lots of well-to-do men there.
I was actually there with a black man but I knew that it was an event that I should have attended with another girlfriend once I started looking around. I only say this because I knew that this relationship was going nowhere. The tickets are hard to get from what I was told. Pretty classy crowd.
If you do decide to get tickets to the US OPEN, make sure you look casually cute because the women dont dress like they do at a baseball game or football game. A different crowd.
Shalom we shalom (peace multiplied upon peace) CC:
May you and your mother(and dad) be blessed! I was in a damaging relationship with a DBRBM myself, had two boys by him. But I am OUT of it, that was years ago. To this day, they have not had contact with him because he is just that DBR---an EVIL influence (I'll leave at that.) But I am so happy when sistas see beyond their pain and go for what they want and need!! yippiee!
My girlfriend has been golfing with her white man at the Country Club several times and she has had no problems. She told me that there were black men there and they looked at her like "what are you doing with him?" Remember, these are middle/upper class black men so they wont say shit. They will only look.
Hi Ava,
I thought this was hilarious because I go golfing with my man every Sunday in the summer and I am the only black woman there and we do get looks from black men, I've learned to just ignore it because my man is 6'3" and 220lbs no worries about getting approached. LOL
Hi Ava,
I am the only black woman there and we do get looks from black men, I've learned to just ignore it because my man is 6'3" and 220lbs no worries about getting approached. LOL
Ava said:
Well alright now!!! I love it!
I wonder how many of those black men at the golf clubs who were staring at black women with white men are themselves partnered with white women, whether the women were present or not...
I wonder how many of those black men at the golf clubs who were staring at black women with white men are themselves partnered with white women, whether the women were present or not...
____________
Im willing to bet all of them.
In the theme of women helping themselves and doing well. I wanted to pass along this link to a resource that I received. It is from an Oprah show on Money and Women. It is a link to a full version of the book by Suze Orman on Women and Money from a show about a woman surviving the sudden loss of her husband - but it relates to how to handle the unthinkable and in these uncertain economic times this may be a valuable tool for all women. I believe the link expires at midnight 14 Feb so share the love and check it out!
Here is the link:
http://flv.oprah.com/suze_orman_eng.pdf
V/r
Clarice
I have been asking different women (most single mothers) how they feel about their sons marrying out of the race. Most of these women just reply with "it is okay with me". They are so nonchalant about it...I am talking about SINGLE BLACK MOTHERS RAISING BLACK SONS!!
I guess they are not thinking that they should be teaching them to worship black women.
Just another reason for black women to date out and prepare their daughters to date out.
So sad...
I just wanted to say that I do like your photo of the couple above. They are very cute together and she is very pretty!
I am not concerned about who black women date, whether ir white, purple, orange or blue. I do love romance and photos like those give me hope that I too will find someone.
hairsmystory.com
Hi Ava,
I have two black boys myself. There is hope for SOME black boys. One thing I have taught is to firstly treat women with respect. I tell them how it feels from a woman's perspective to be treated well...to open doors, to compliment her. Secondly, I teach them to give black women respect. (If they truly fall in love with a woman of another background, then ok....but ONLY out of TRUE love) I try to show or point out various black women that are positive. Both of my boys are very sweet gentlemen. At a football dinner at the end of the season, when it was time to have refreshments, my son Josh was the ONLY boy in the room, to think about his mom (myself) and give me a slice of chocolate cake. Saying,"Here mom!" It only takes small things like this to make a real gentlemen. Needless to say, people did notice and complimented on it. Both of my sons are like this.
good for you, phantom mare! if only all mothers took the time to cultivate this kind of gentlemanliness in their boys, and not just beat them or let them do what they want.
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"And there are plenty of white men I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole - even if they made 7 figures a year and had four degrees. Money and societal status is not what makes a good mate."
Same here, and I agree that money does not necessarily make for a good mate. No one in their right mind would deny the truth of what you said, but at the same time you can't deny the truth of what Sara is saying, which is that there are plenty of BM abandoning their kids black or mixed and plenty who only date/marry WW for marital status, so maybe it's time for black women to look elsewhere as well.
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Sara i got one that "popped" up on my blog too ; ) ...So when u read your 'detractors' comments...Know that you're not alone...hee hee
yeah tell me about it. there's no arguing with these people, they have to be "objective" even when our personal experiences dictate otherwise.
I wonder if they defend bw as much as they do bm?
Sophia are you on drugs? No one is advocating being with non black men just because they are non black! I have been saying since I started here, to be with the best man regardless of his color! Take your high and mighty attitude and get the hell off of my Blog!!!
All further comments from you will be deleted-take that bullshit elsewhere... sorry yall, but I'm sick and I do not have the patience to deal with these idiots today....
A couple of tips to identify trolls/bashers:
-Gives the appearance of being reasonable
-Is often anonymous
-Uses 10% fact and 90% suggestion...Allows those facts to lend credibility to their suggestions....
There's more...But this is an idea of how these people work...
Hey sistas. It goes without saying, the massive misscommunication and disconnect between many but thankfully not all black men and women. If you find a white male you resonate with, I can actually say, by all means engage in love vibration. This is coming from a black male who is transfixed upon the black woman as an option, come hell or high water. I can't say I'm completely, 100% at ease with the scenario, but there's no need for some of you to wait on the fence or deal with crap.
I guess the main thing for me is to be aligned with somebody who will help weather the storm to come from this collapsing soceity in the days ahead.
I like phanton-mare's comments. I'll check back. Anonymous Detroit.
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