Stop condemning him for calling you a chocolate fantasy!
Vilayna Lasalle: considered one of the most beautiful bw in the world.
The following is a letter from a WM to a dating forum complaining about the trouble he is having finding a BW. Basically he feels that bw don't like wm and don't know how to appreciate their own assets. These types of complaints are very common. I think we as BW must relax a bit and allow ourselves to be admired: Below is the letter as well as some of the responses from sistas (pretty typical).
1tufss wrote:
It is so damn hard to meet black women when you are white. It seems as if black women instantly are defensive and will not give white guys the time of day. I have never had a problem getting white girls, but even in college black girls would not let their guard down. I am 34 now and love the way most black women are built. Full lips, big brown eyes, soft skin, big booty, muscular thighs, and all that sexy stuff. Personally I have found black females to be the most racist though. White girls will date black guys, black guys date white girls. Why wont black girls date white guys? We are not all "slavemasters" wanting only sex. And alot of us know how to worship a woman's body!
Reply 1
I found my wife in Africa because like you say here they are prejudice and racist.
Reply 2
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time i wish i knew you i love cream in my coffee
Reply 3
Reply 2
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time i wish i knew you i love cream in my coffee
Reply 3
I like white men, but, let me tell you, after reading your comment, I a bit nervous about it. First of all, I don't want any man who likes me because of my "booty." I am so much more than my body. I want a man (whatever the race) who loves me. My inner core. Women want to be understood, loved and cherrished. Gosh, I see no hope for me in this world as it pertains to a real relationship. Everywhere I go, men come off with this sort of talk. Black women get it from Black men and White men don't seem to be acting any better.
Reply 4
The soft lips, big booty and, and all that other crap. I'm not saying i dont wantn to be appreciated i do, but right minded women don't want to be seen as merely a sexual object or an exotic experience. it is all about your approach. are you approaching them the way you would any other girl you are interested in, or using some corny line. are you interested in getting to know who they are, or getting them in the sheets. these are just some of the questions a sista has to has to ask to often askherself before she "goes there"
Reply 5
i love whie men... their the best looking to me...
Reply 6
i love whie men... their the best looking to me...
Reply 6
Everytime some gotdamn white guy talks about an interest in black women he always mentions a body part. Not at any time does he mention anything about the black woman's character, intelligence, or any interests she may have. This is why a lot of black women are reluctant to talk to white guys,
Why can't any of you see that? We cry, we laugh, we joke, we think, we breathe, we worry, we dream, and we even do certain activities you also may do. We as black women are not one dimensional. I wish just for one damn minute non-black men would realize this. Stop coming up to us talking about our color or how much you like the size of our lips. Don't tell me you have the best sex with black women (wtf?). Do not get mad if I label you the typical white guy looking for black ass, because you have proved yourself to be an idiot. I am so tired of having to prove my humanity when I shouldn't have. Some of you white guys make me sick when you view us as only ONE thing. Every black woman is unique. At the end of the day we are still women, and we deserve the right to be respected. Just because I am black and a woman does not mean I am to be treated any less than any other woman on this planet.
Reply 7
"We are not video hos, carictures, or breasts and a vagina. We are HUMAN BEINGS for goodness sake. Why can't any of you see that?"Forgive the typos everyone. I was pissed the hell off.
Reply 7
"We are not video hos, carictures, or breasts and a vagina. We are HUMAN BEINGS for goodness sake. Why can't any of you see that?"Forgive the typos everyone. I was pissed the hell off.
My take on this situation:
My question is: if he is into BW does that mean he is having chocolate fantasies? And if he is as long as he treats you like a queen, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
Ladies, we must lose the fetish scare tactic. I think it is one of the biggest obstacles to IRs. Listen, when is the last time you heard a WW scream fetish when a BM approaches her? If anything she is smug and secure in the fact that her differences are DRAWING HIM TO HER! BW could so easily pull the same card. If he is drawn to your luscious lips, round rear end, sassiness, style, hair, nose, spirit, spunk or whatever it is that he finds ultra attractive and intoxicating, What is wrong with that??? Ladies loosen up! He is a man. He is going to be drawn to the physical but sustained through the mental/inner qualities! That is how most men are! Stop screaming fetish if he says I love your curves, hair etc. Just bask in your womanhood and flaunt your unique beauty! I have said before I think ALL women have a unique beauty, but I think ours is the most powerful because it is the most unique. There is nothing as alluring as a sista who 'knows' she is beautiful. And she does not have to look like Halle or Beyonce to feel that way either. Most beauty is MENTAL! Hello!!! I know you guys all know someone who you originally thought was unattractive. However, they were SO convinced that they were attractive after awhile everyone went from making comments like 'she's ugly!' - to- "she grew on me, she's kinda cute now" I remember watching a 20/20 investigation a while back. The show was talking about do attractive women have more advantages than plain women.
They used 2 women about the same height, weight, race (white). The showed both women having a car break down on the highway. In the plainer woman's instance, people ignored her and kept driving while she walked to the gas station (looking like she was on the verge of tears) to get help. Nobody helped or even noticed her. She was forced to walk the long way back to the gas station, as well as deal with her car problems all alone. She looked sad and forlorn. Then they showed woman number 2. It was a totally different experience altogether.
In this instance the men almost caused a car accident stopping to help her. and some of them were ready to come to blows over who got to go get her gas! they practically salivated over her as she confidently got out of her car and threw her hair back. When she turned to them and dazzled them with her smile they looked like they would pass out from happiness. Here's the kicker: at the end of the show they showed the women side by side and guess what???
The beautiful one was hardly better looking than the other girl!! In fact, the other girl could easily been as pretty as her with a little make up, and better clothes, but most of all: (MORE CONFIDENCE!)
When I rewound the tape and watched again and again, I could easily see why the 2nd woman was getting so much attention. She almost created the illusion that she was a movie star! She was confident, clean, wore a cute outfit, had her make up perfect and had her head high and proud. Basically, 'She thought she was beautiful!' and thats why the men did too!! Then I watched the 1st woman again. She got out of the car, looked dejectedly around with her shoulders, and head hanging pitifully. She wore old clothes and no make up. Her expression was sour and diffident. She did not think she was pretty and did not expect the men to help her, and they simply followed suit. The point of this is to tell you that you as bw are some of the most beautiful women in the world, but it is so important to PROJECT beauty, confidence, belief in oneself. These qualities spring forth before you have a chance to even open your mouth. Expect to be treated well and don't settle for less. Expect to meet quality men but don't penalize him for being drawn to your unique beauty. When you look in the mirror, don't you think your chocolate, cocoa, cafe au lait etc complexion is lovely? Then why can't he? Don't you admire your own curves sometimes-then why can't he? Don't you admire unique qualities that make you, you? Such as your intelligence, sensuality, courageousness, sassiness, beauty. etc. So why can't he? Let him admire you. It's only natural for a man to admire the beauty of a black woman....So if he's having a chocolate fantasy, let him. don't you often have vanilla fantasies when you look at him???
posted by Taylor-Sara @ 12:00 PM
145 Comments
145 Comments:
Great post...A MAN will notice your "parts" whether you're black, white, yellow or lavender...They're MEN!...Just take it FWIW....
"Black Women Deserve Better"
http://thecwexperience.wordpress.com
*Ducking*
Why in the HOT HELL does some (notice I didn't say all) bw spew this same venom when a "nothing but a bm" approaches them CLEARLY with the same attentions as to what bw perceive a wm as having? Bm are even so bold as to shout out EXACTLY what they want, TELL you there is another woman and will TELL you he doesn't plan on leaving the other woman and WILL call you at 3 AM to tell you its a booty call. We (uh, I mean some) of us will take it with a grain of salt and say boys (meaning bm) will be boys. We have no problem with bm treating us like cum rags (yeah I said it) but HELL to the THA Naw if we "think" a non-black men is admiring us for our natural beauty. WTF?
I tell you what, this mind frame is makiing it hard for some of us.
OK, I'm done!
I agree that BW have to let the gaurd down and relax. Men instintively notice the eye candy first, just like women do. Yes, I notice the shoulders and physique initially, conversation and intellect come next. Most of the time if they can't hang in the area of the latter they get bunmped no matter what they look like.
LOL @ Selena.
The whole fetish thing baffles me because men are men. BW don't seem to make a fuss about BM loving their "big booty"..so what's the difference if a WM says it ? I just don't get it.
you are sooo right girl...
It's the stupid ones who do this. Believe it or not, not all men salivate and objectify women, but if that's what floats your boat, you are welcome to them. Intelligent men can easily recognize other aspects of a woman that are equally thrilling.
I don't think any of us are advocating wanting to be salivated over or objectified. I am simply stating that it is ok for him to be attracted to your physical side as well as your inner qualities....
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
How is he approaching these women? If he simply states that he is attractive to the lady and he moves on to normal topics, then that is acceptable. If he goes on and on and on about our physical attributes, then that is not acceptable. And I don't believe that any women of any race with confidence in herself will entertain it.
I also agree that some of some of us should let our guard down. But the behavior is not saved for only white men. Unfortunately some of us have hurt by men and therefore, any man of any race will have a hard time getting to know us. We need to let down our guard when it comes to men, in general.
I don't think any of us are advocating wanting to be salivated over or objectified. I am simply stating that it is ok for him to be attracted to your physical side as well as your inner qualities....
______________________________________
If YOU KNOW he is attracted to you PHYSICALLY it is because he told you in some vulgar manner. Any man upon first meeting, inclined to share what great big ta-tas and a round booty you have, is an asshole. I don't care what color he is. To invite that behavior in, is to invite assholery. I generally find these types of men repulsive. To even respond to them is an indication of easy access. I don't believe any self-respecting woman would give these cretins the time of day.
My, My aren't we judgemental! Actually if you do not appreciate being told that you are beautiful or have a lovely shape. Many women do! I don't think it is for you to decide what is acceptable in people's personal relationships. How about simply saying, it's just not for me. Some women would actually be offended if he did not tell her she was beautiful or sexy or whatever every so often. Let's remember, our opinion is JUST our own opinion. This rush to judgement needs to stop. Just because you don't like something does not make it wrong!
there are many ways a man can appreciate your physical assets without saying a word -how about his eyes! How about his smile! My husband always watches me walk away with a happily content smile on his face and I love it. BWU who are you to say he is an asshole or that I am not self respecting? Sara you need to hit delete if people can not show respect for other people's opinions!
I am a black woman dating a white male who is six foot three. He is very slim and may weight 165 if he is lucky. I am 5 foot 4 and weight165. Most of it is in my booty. He loves me for me and also my booty. I am glad. In the culture the booty is not all that embraced by the predominant european population. They are trying to come around about it. The only problem is most white woman don't have a big bootys so there small flat bootys are amired mostly by white men. That is all they know and have experienced growing up. My boyfriend appreciates my booty and has found that you can have more entertainment with the booty. He was like a kid in the candy store when he got to play with it. Bootys make sex better, trust me! He said he only dated white thin women before me that had no shape. I don't feel like less of a woman. Black woman need to relax and let there guard down.
Wow, how is it judgmental for me to state what I believe? Is it because what I stated differs...that it's 'judgmental'?
Interesting.
Anyway sara, did you not read your own post? It's clear you were preaching for BW to accept WM-objectification of their bodies, because supposedly 'we are alright with BM doing it to us'. I find that train of thought, ridiculous and lacking in self-respect.
And anon, it's different when you know the man or are married to them and they objectify you. It's cute, sexy and yummy. That wasn't what Sara was talking about. I'm sure you can see the difference between some stranger in the street talking about your buttocks and the dude you've been in a relationship with for two years.
SMH Chocolate Fantasy is a problem because why? Sounds like a solution looking for a problem. Let's look at this. Breaking it down. Chocolate is the world's favorite food - even thought of as food of the God's. Sultry sweet, intense simple but highly complex - dark and mysterious,light and sweet or a complex mix. It can be spicy mixed with cinnamon and sharp mixed with coffee. Consuming it triggers a rush of endorphines (sp) and dopamine that feels good all over - one taste is never enough - strong intense and flavorful but always alluring and never coarse, vulgar or bitter unless it is placed with the wrong additive or ingredient.
Fantasy - a pleasant, enjoyable, a chance to relax and just be an escape from harsh reality, stress and strife. Created with intent, it does not just happen i.e. it is a choice, highly sought after and greatly desired because of the feelings caused and the positive impact exposure to it causes. It is a welcome reprieve, an oasis of calm and peace in the fray. Fantasy is not really an escape from reality so much as it is focusing on the positive aspects of a situation or circumstance for the pure pleasure of being able to do that.
Does not sound bad - now put both of them together and the sum total of the parts sounds pretty good. Fact of the matter is when a person notices another person they are going to be struck by what they see. Think about it - when a woman notices a guy - usually there is something that stands out one aspect that catches and captures the attention. Is that aspect the sum total of the person? No anymore than the aspect that men notice about women is the sum total of the woman.
Fact is men are visual but if there is nothing beyond the visuals the interest will not be followed upon. A woman can be visually appealing but if there is nothing else there it will not last. Suspect that women who get freaked out over this may aside from the historical overtones that may impact some the rest maybe that desire on the part of a man scares these women i.e. feels threatening. Sexual desire can be scary - heady and wonderful but a little scary - thrilling but scary.
The women who are thrown off by this may be afraid they can't or won't be able to control the situation. Part of the reason women get so freaked out over this type of attention and the fact that someone calls them a "chocolate fantasy" or express sexual desire maybe rooted in not feeling they are in control. These same women probably feel the same way when BM express desire but because they have been conditioned not to fear BM i.e. same color - just like me - would not harm me - talk about a warped fantasy but later for that.
Whereas many women, but especially BW are/were conditioned to be afraid of WM. Women often do not feel they own or control their own sexuality and or the situation. It's about owning your power and especially the power of sexuality and the right to say no yes maybe or whatever. When you view yourself as powerful and self defined on your own terms nothing anyone else says has the power to change who you are = they can think what they like but you are in control and decide the terms and conditions.
As a spiritual person there is no human I fear, I refuse to give anyone that kind of control long term. I am responsible for me and I own and control my mind body, spirit and sexuality regardless of the situation, circumstance or person so folks can think or say anything they so choose. My life belongs to me. It may be a "man's world" but women have the power. Women have the power to create and renew life - nurture and sustenance essentially what women have men want. Wars have been fought over it, fortunes won and lost. No it is not only about sex and sexuality - its about the energy and the spirit that is a woman. Women need to recognize and accept that it beings and ends with them. Women choose who, what, where and when to respond to the persons self expression and based on what they need and want must have certain non-negotiable(s)as to how to approach and interact etc. that will not be tolerated. Women have the power to set the standards.
A healthy woman is always in control of herself and has no problem asserting that fact - calmly with a cool head but willing and able go there if the situation calls for it. Society today has made women think that they have to trade on and sell short and abuse their sexuality to get ahead but the reality is that is playing into someone else's game and living on others terms. Women especially BW are not trained to value themselves and own their power.
Women and girls from cradle to adulthood need to be taught that they are in control and to own and respect their sovereign person hood. In the face of that people think anything they like and it won't matter because ultimately what does or does not happen is the woman's choice. This freaked out angry response is all about fear. Stop living in fear of the power of the feminine and female and the power and then be the master of their domain. Own your own life in all aspects and celebrate those that celebrate you in all aspects. So what if what got his attention is sex what happens next if anything is up to you!
V/r
Clarice
It's fine to have fantasies about another person but it is beyond crass for any man to have "I love a round booty" be the first thing he says to a black woman imo. If all of the black women this white man is meeting are rejecting his approach then obviously what he's doing isn't working and perhaps it's time he tried a different approach. However, if he continues to believe, as he states in his post, that bw are racist, he should go back to dating white women.
Did you read my post BWU?
I never preached it's ok for a stranger on the street to make sexual remarks to anyone! Where did that even come from? I was talking about if he is admiring your beauty in all it's forms, it's ok. And then when you are in a Serious relationship it's ok for him to vocally express his appreciation for all the things that make you, you. I don't know where you read that I said it's ok for strangers to approach you sexually, because I NEVER DID-AND NEVER WOULD!! I happen to be very conservative...
70% and rising. Fear will stop you from trying the unknown. Stop attacking and over analyzing each other. 70% and rising.
@ Black Woman Unhinged...lol
If YOU KNOW he is attracted to you PHYSICALLY it is because he told you in some vulgar manner. Any man upon first meeting, inclined to share what great big ta-tas and a round booty you have, is an asshole
.................
BWU....sometimes in this forum things are lost in translation. I seriously doubt that the women who comment here are jonesing for those kind of comments you mentioned. Of course those are creepy comments...these are the kinds of things that people "confess" much later in the relationship..lol
Normally one knows from a look of appreciation...the eyes can say it all..and the length of time the eyes spend on your various parts can be more indicative of the type of man he is than the usage of actual words..a quick glance is A OKAY..and nothing wrong with a man saying how beautiful your lips are (for ex.)..WE DO HAVE BEAUTIFUL LIPS...I guess it is individual..I am not the bw with the big booty, so I do not get those kinds of comments, but I imagine they might be disconcerting to hear from a stranger, particularly a repulsive stranger...so you should ignore it, or say whatever you might wish to say, if the opportunity is right.
I think men really are different..when they proclaim you are beautiful (or mention specific parts..lol), they are looking at the ENTIRE package and appreciating it all..no one here wishes to be spoken to crassly..certainly not me...but when a woman says a woman is beautiful, they are generally only speaking of the facial features and hair, and maybe personality...men are more physical..its in their nature..and the way they express that is not always vulgar..If you would pardon me greatly, I just think you need to lighten up a little..I definitely don't want you becoming any more unhinged than you already are.. (and that is NOT said in a snarky way...I just think so many bw have lost their sense of humor..sometimes you have to just laugh..even when a man is over appreciative..as long as you do not feel threatened by his comments.
That's all for now.
Oh, one more thing..MOST, (not all) relationships start based on a physical attraction...that does not mean you jump into bed right away though..it means you feel that spark, you start to spend time together, you get to know each other and the initial physical connection just keeps growing.
I've said enough.
You are absolutely right delish. I have said repeatedly make men wait a long, long time for sex. They will always appreciate it much better and also, his respect for you will be much higher. I am a bw with a bw booty but I absolutely hate for men to make comments about it. That to me feels degrading but a long term bf or husband is something altogether different. I don't know where anyone got the idea I would advocate bw being sexual playthings or wanting to be approached like that! Of course I would not accept that or advocate for any other woman to accept that. I would never want to see sistas used as sexual toilets. If I gave anyone that impression, I apologize because that is NOT what I meant!
Sara, I think that woman had a hellava nerve explaining what you meant (and did not know what she was talking about) without bothering to ask you to clearify! You're a better person than me, cause she would of been told off' tryin to tell somebody what the hell you meant without even knowing what the hell you meant! She just made herself look stupid! You have said since the beginning of your blog, make him have respect, make him wait, make him treat you like a lady. And everybody knows it!
Lola Luv is prettier than Vilayna Lasalle. Anyway, this is why BW always have to do the approaching when it comes to WM. Because women like this make WM not even want to bother trying with us. And because historically, we have been the least open to IR dating, and many of them perceive this.
Women like who? Anon. I don't think I am the only one confused by your statement.
Taylor-Sara said... You are absolutely right delish. I have said repeatedly make men wait a long, long time for sex. They will always appreciate it much better and also, his respect for you will be much higher. I am a bw with a bw booty but I absolutely hate for men to make comments about it. That to me feels degrading but a long term bf or husband is something altogether different. I don't know where anyone got the idea I would advocate bw being sexual playthings or wanting to be approached like that! Of course I would not accept that or advocate for any other woman to accept that. I would never want to see sistas used as sexual toilets. If I gave anyone that impression, I apologize because that is NOT what I meant!"
Sara it would appear that you have given some folks far too much credit for common sense and presumed they had the faculties to know that it's all about the context - what a person says how they say it and when. Essentially expecting women to think for a moment and not get thrown off if at some point a man of their acquaintance mentions their physical attributes it is not the end of the world and trying to get women to critically think and examine an old stereotype learned reaction. If a man any man approaches a woman and starts in on the physical then chances are regardless of the woman - he is in it for the physical win. That is the message he is sending and if the woman is not a good time Charlotte then they will make that clear. It is clear from your comments, are trying to encourage critical thinking and an examination of knee jerk reactions. In the context of an on-going relationship as part of getting to know each other and talking as the comfort level evolves it is natural that each party may comment on aspects that appeal to them. If a man who consistently, conscientiously respects and values me in the appropriate context (time and place) mentions a physical attribute, even one that I myself am not overjoyed with makes him happy - fantastic. I am also pleased that he trusts and respects me enough to be honest and communicate. It appears that you presumed the women here get that and act in their own best interests and do not expect them to celebrate objectification or boorish behavior. Thank you for your efforts to keep the thought processes flowing and women moving forward.
V/r
Clarice
Clarice, how is someone so young so smart! thank you girl, I guess I did assume grown women would be able to determine the difference between behavior that is respectfully admiring and behavior that is sexually-based and shallow.
"Lola Luv is prettier than Vilayna Lasalle. Anyway, this is why BW always have to do the approaching when it comes to WM. Because women like this make WM not even want to bother trying with us. And because historically, we have been the least open to IR dating, and many of them perceive this."
Bria Myles is prettier than both of them.
I agree that black women would benefit from loosening up a bit. But at the same time I understand why so many feel the need to be cautious of how they are approached by non-bm. Afterall, most bw in this country have been taught from a very early age that nobody wants them but bm and that that's the way that it should be. So some non-black man telling you about how beautiful your skin is can be a little...confusing. lol
Nice post,I actually like it when a WM prefers and, notices my beautiful blackness. It seems to me it would be comfortable to other black females as well, but I think what may have happened is the whole "argument" that some prejudice people roar; "wm are only interested for sex". Those type of men(only looking for sex) no matter what creed should always be understood, in order to stay away from. White men continue to appreciate my beauty, bw who are comfortable with themselves will love that about you, I know I do.
i actually don't mind it at all. Some of the body parts I may not like at times they seem to like. It makes me smile when they like my lips and my smile. Makes me feel better.
I find it perfectly fair and acceptable for WM to have "chocolate fantasies" because I fantasize every single day about WM.
Although, now it's more "white man," meaning just my boyfriend. But in my single days... OH BOY! Not a day went by that I didn't lust over a hot white man. So as I said, it's only fair.
Afterall, most bw in this country have been taught from a very early age that nobody wants them but bm and that that's the way that it should be. So some non-black man telling you about how beautiful your skin is can be a little...confusing. lol
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
I know you said not everyone ANON..but I have to strongly disagree with this statement. Granted, I probably have a different background entirely than you, but I am a black woman, and I was raised in this country (heck, I'm still being raised, and growing and learning) but I think the opposite of your statement is actually wherein the accuracy lies...That is to say THEY HAVE NOT BEEN TAUGHT ANYTHING...this is why it is imperative to instill in young black girl children that they are so valuable and special and unique they deserve and should expect ONLY the BEST kind of man (whomever he is)...instead, for the most part, they are taught nothing...and so they expect nothing..as opposed to being taught that only a bm will love her, because clearly this is not always the truth.
I concentrate my efforts on girls and women, because I am a woman...a black woman, and also I feel like girls are sometimes missed in the shuffle...so yes, they need extra care...and attention...and whenever any one of us, as grown women sees a little girl of color, we must compliment her, tell her first how smart she is, and to study hard in school and read books and play sports..and then tell her how lovely she is (because that is important too) and this should be said to all girls of color, including our Hispanic sisters..and more. This builds self esteem....(Thus, she will begin to know that love is not always in the form of a black man..and we don't need to do a survey to see that a non dbr bm is becoming increasingly rare)
By the way, if it is true in fact that black girls are "taught" that only a bm will love them..I guess I was out of school on every single one of those days..and so were a lot of other black women I know...It is what we are NOT taught that has become a problem.
That's all
"Women like who? Anon. I don't think I am the only one confused by your statement."
Women like the ones in your post, jumping down this man's throat for appreciating the beauty of BW. They IMMEDIATELY go on the defensive about how they don't want to be anyone's fantasy or fetish... it just makes us seem uptight, unapproachable, and likely to reject them. And what man wants to be rejected? This is why BW always have to make the first move when it comes to WM. Because so many BW have not been open to dating outside the race, and so many more have raised hell at the mention that BW might be appreciated for more than just their strength.
I found this blog quite by accident and I'm glad I did, as a black woman from the UK I have dated White men, Black men and few in between, for me it's about attraction therefore why shouldn't I date whomever I want,again I've been lucky as my friends and family do not have issues with it so there has never been any outside pressure. As for other people who are not important to me let them deal with it I don't judge them on there choices so they have no right to judge me on mine. Cayasm
I always hate the phrase, "White men are only interested in sex."
Correction.
All men are only interested in sex.
It's up to women to sort out the men (black or white) who want something more than just your body.
Sara, put up a picture of Leona Lewis and her hot white boyfriend of 4 years. Or post her vid for "Bleeding Love," it portrays her and a WM who plays her boyfriend. She is going to be so huge that Simon Cowell bought her a 5 million dollar house in Beverly Hills. She's stunning too!
Just because the guy doesn't say out loud that he loves your butt, lips, skin, whatever, do you honestly think he's not THINKING it? That's what I got from that wm's post. He doesn't go up to black women and say this; he just THINKS it. Most of the time, the reason a guy starts talking to you is because he thinks you're beautiful or what have you. There's nothing wrong with that. I'd think you'd (general you) would want your boyfriend/husband/crush to admire your physical traits AS WELL as the personality traits. My crushes have all started out with seeing something that I liked about him physical, and yes his skin shade is sometimes a factor, THEN as I get to know him my feelings either die or grow depending whether or not he turns out to be an asshole.
good point Alta,
Anon I don't think I have a pic of her but you could send one to my email and I'll be happy to put it up. It's at the top of the blog page-thank you
What ever happened to the days where a fellow liked a woman's body and she was flattered? That is all that is being mentioned here. We are not dealing with deviants and nasty men here. I really long for the days when dating was less complicated. That seemed to end in my 20s by the time I was wanting to date. Hopefully I will meet someone that has that idea. Too many unmarrieds make it too complicated to the point where men are scared of us. That is really sad.
Let the man tell me he likes what I look like. He will be greeted with a smile.
unless he is profane about it, I feel the same way pamala. I'm still amazed that someone would suggest I meant anything other than that.
I love reading this blog.
I have dated wm and bm, but mostly bm. I've never been approached disrespectfully by a wm, never. They seem to love the natural beauty of bw. What is wrong with that?
When a wm flirts with me it is usually very subtle and respectful, to the point I have to figure out if he is flirting with me, probably trying to figure out if it is “safe”.
For example, I heard a story this weekend (and I hear many) from a older bm whose niece is about to have her 3rd baby by 3 different guys and single, 2 bm and 1 wm. He said the wm treated her well and the only one who pays support and her father ran him off because he didn’t want her with a wm. The third baby is with a bm. Even when young bf are dating good wm, they have to deal with the bm father’s double standard. It is not ok for my daughter to date ir, but my son can date whomever he pleases?
I can understand why wm are apprehensive in dealing with bw. Look at the negatives they have to deal with, good grief. Sara I agree with you. BW need to relax, be careful and accept the good from people.
this man was just being vocal about his physical attraction to bw. nothing wrong with that-it's true after all, and initial physical attaction and chemistry is how most, not all, relationships begin! i honestly do not believe he was being disrespectful. so many of us sistas can be unneccessarily hypersensitive. i hope he finds his queen one day.
I met this white guy and he pretty much chased me down. He told me in the beginning that he thought that I was really pretty and I know that he liked my ass. We got to know each other as friends. It was MONTHS before we even kissed. But you know what? He realized that I am loyal, fun, caring, honest and intelligent among many other good qualities.
I had negative thoughts of him when he approached me. I thought that he was up to something. Yes, in the beginning, he thought that I was some hot, black girl but I could see during our conversations that he started noticing my positive attributes. Look ladies, MOST black men will use you...we all know that. Open yourself to other men...and leave the attitude at home.. please..
Bottom line...you can either open yourselves up to non-black men and new experiences or you can continue to only date the alternative...DBRBM.
You make the decision.
Anon. I could not have said it better myself! I don't understand how some bw can be so incredibly sensitive to every thing a wm says and every move he makes yet bm can come in and use them like paper plates to be discarded at the end of a good meal, and they will Still give the next brother his chance to use them all the while questioning the motives of the wm!
Some people on this blog need to calm down. And it is also bad form to insult the blog owner who is allowing you to express your opinion (including a contrary one) on her blog.
First of all, I saw nothing in the WM's letter that stated that he approached BW telling them all about their bodies. If I misread his letter, please point that out to me. He simply expressed his preference and tried to summarize some of the physical traits he admired. Nobody wants to be treated merely as an object of sex, but simply because someone admires certain of your physical attributes does not mean that's all he admires or wants. If all he wanted from BW was the physical, he could get that. But the tenor of his letter suggests that he is looking for more in a BW, not just the physical - hence his struggle. Men will admire the physical in women, some men more than others. But we all have eyes and we all notice physical attributes of the other sex as well as of our own sex. I know that I am attracted to certain physical traits in men - that does not mean those traits are all I want in a man or that just any man who has those physical traits will do. This "screaming" against a man who expresses a preference for certain physical traits borders on hysteria and an unwillingness to accept that the fact that human beings have eyes and that men/women are first attracted to each other by the physical - we don't usually see each others' personalities until we meet. If you enter into a relationship with a man and find that ALL he wants/appreciates is the generic physical and that any woman who has those physical traits will do, then dump him. But just because he appreciates certain physical traits in you is not in itself cause for alarm - personally, I would be alarmed if he did not appreciate any of my physical traits!
When the realities settle in, hopefully black woman will open up to the possiblities. It is hard to find someone. The divorce rates are high. There are a variety of factors. You can keep waiting around if you want.
Tiffany said.."70% and rising. Fear will stop you from trying the unknown. Stop attacking and over analyzing each other. 70% and rising..."
___________________
And the Barometric continues.
70%...72%...(quit complaining)...74%...76%...(stop whining about what WM find attractive)...78%...(you are your own worst enemy "SISTA!")
Sara, you know I'll be the first one to say that I love it when I man loves my beautiful smile or my soulful Brown eyes. A compliment is a compliment ladies, and unless he comes at you in such a way that lets you know that he's just out trolling for the pum pum, take it easy.
Men are visual creatures by nature. They see something on your that attracts their attention and then will try to flirt with you to see what kind of reaction they get.
When I met my last boyfriend Rob, he was getting on an elevator on a Friday afternoon. I was on my way somewhere and I just stopped and smiled at him, said "Thank you God it's Friday!" and walked on to where I was going. Do you know that the next time I saw him, he had flowers for me with a card that said: "For the most beautiful smile I have ever had the pleasure of seeing on a Friday or any day."
Oh noes! He complimented me on a part of me! Yes ladies, men will compliment you on your parts, but it is the intent behind the way the compliment is given that makes all the difference in the world.
Ladies, lighten up! Yes he will compliment your parts, but if you let it be known by the way you walk, talk and carry yourself that compliments of the other variety will not be tolerated, then you can bet your bottom dollar that those comments will never come.
Sara, I just found this old video on You Tube...what do you think?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aseu_xqYTVI
Ann F.
Getting my body into better shape as I type---25 pounds and counting:) Let the man respectfully complement me on how I look. He will get a beautiful smile from me as my big brown eyes look back at him. I'm definitely of the old school. This new stuff is for the birds. Tiffany, NOT WAITING. Haven't for years.
Ladies, have fun.
If that dude approached me I would talk to him. :)
sorry Ann, my stupid computer will not get you tube, can somebody tell me what it is....
Thanks Ladies, you all really got the point and I feel completely vindicated. I have to admit, I did not appreciate her accusatory/disrespectful tone and was about to hit delete....
I don't accept the sexualization of Black women from any man. It dosn't mean something different because he is white. Just as a black man must come correct, respectfully, and with class, so must a white man. I won't lower my standards because he is white. Hell, to call be a chocolate fantasy is the same as me calling him my white trash fantasy. They are both equally as demeaning. The difference is he won't be condemned for his gutteral, disrespect as I would be. That isan't any different than a cat call from black man.
Please don't suggest that I relax. It's relaxing that has gotten black women in the situation with black men. Now you want us to relax with white men too. Oh HELL NO!
Let's remember the conotation here. A fantasy is not real. Therefore, a chocalate fantasy leads to the bedroom but not to the alter. So don't sell yourself short. Not all white men are good guys. Some want you in their bed, but not in their heart. He sounds like the type of guy you need to let walk on by.
well, like I said some people are unreachable and will remain that way. So tell me Anon. (although, I suspect I know exactly who you are)if you tell him, you love his blue eyes. This is now demeaning? or his nice wide shoulders? or his rugged features? Exactly what are we ALLOWED to like about each other?
My boyfriend admitted to me after we were dating for 14 months that when I first smiled at him, he was thinking to himself, "Ooooooh! I've never been with a black chick before!"
He was nevertheless not in it for the pum pum.
Sara, the link was supposed to be a video of Justin Timberlake and a bf as his object of desire. It was a nice video and that was my first time viewing that particular video.
Also, about the wm's approach to the bw. I believe it all depends on that guy's approach to the bw. And, as the men say...the chemistry must be right. LOL, whose to say the guy might resemble a troll. Some of us like eye candy also.
Ladies have a nice day.
Ann F.
I never compliment women right off the bat, especially not on their physical assests. Guys should take a good while before they start dropping compliments, especially with very beautiful women who have heard it all before anyway, leave them wondering. And certainely no "chocolate comments" ever come out of my mouth, wrong tact entirely.
C1. I was talking about compliments within the context of a relationship. I have already explained ad nauseum that remarks like this would be inappropriate upon first meeting...
It seems like some of the women posting on this site are on the defense about comments from an admiring male, that seem to have gotten misinterpreted. There is no perfect man first of all. If you are waiting on that, you may as well gladly recieve your I will be angrily alone for the rest of my life. Who are you kidding? You have convinced yourself of this false realities. Instead of fighting these men at every angle, look more into what the big picture is. It is hard enough for a male, let alone, one of a different race to approach a black woman. They are probably nervous as hell. Can't figure out what the hell to say. Black woman usually come off like we got it all together anyway. Half of us know we don't. It is usually a protective mechanism. The relationship may or may not work. Face the facts. Don't have the attitude of, it has to be this way and that. There is no man on this earth that wants a woman to look at every single detail and break it down. What did he mean, did he say my but is too big?, Did he ask for sex, like I am a prostitute?. Get real!! It is probably a waste of time to convince you to look at this in a different light. You already have formed your opinions that he meant what he said in a negative way. Maybe consider joining a forum for women who absolutely do not want a man. You wouldn't have to defend yourself, concerning what this man meant. You can all gladly agree that men just want to use and abuse you. When they compliment you, it is all bad. The fact that they can't word things in the exact way that you want. They can't be perfect gentlemen like the fairytale books you grew up reading. Unfortunately you will end up single. You may out of no where, write off all men. Sad, Sad, Sad!! These men of all nationalities will probably read what was suppose to be a welcoming interracial blog, as a I don't want to be cross examined. It will probably be a waste of my time. I will stick to what is easier and doesn't require change to that degree.
I hope that black woman who aren't married and would like to be, get that opportunity. I am currently in nursing school. I am engaged. My boyfriend and I have announced this to his and my family. I just want to get through school first. He is excited and talks about it all the time. He talks about it to his friends. He tells me that he hopes that I realize how important it is because he absolutely does not want to divorce. We have been together a couple of years and that has given us time to realize if we are right for each other. He hasn't always done things the way that I want but I have told him about it. He was willing to correct it. That is the important part as well. This is not a letter to brag, it is just to say that black women, you have possibilites. He doesn't have to be white either. Keep an open mind
I may create a blog and I will definetly post pics. Take care!
I myself don't mind compliments from white men. But being someones:“Chocolate fantasy” or some guy I don’t even know telling me how he likes “big butts” and he doesn’t even know me is a real turn off for me not matter how cute or handsome he is or no matter what his intentions maybe they are immediately overshadowed by those statements….
First and foremost since I am a online dating site “queen”..lol when I get emails like that from potential suitors I am immediately turned off or almost always put them on my “ignore list”. My thoughts are “Dude! I could be man for all you know! and your coming at me like that?” Tacky! And secondly “How serious do you want me to take you?” That is not how you approach a lady!
On the other hand some women don’t mind being approached like that and don’t take offense to it or take it personally. Different strokes for different folks everyone is different….I think it depends on the woman and what she deems acceptable…for me its kind of a turn off….
Tori
One way that I was approached by a white guy was he asked me a couple of questions while I was in a bar by myself. That is how he struck up a conversation. And a white girl was sitting right next to me and he ignored her.
I would def. agree tori, when someone tries to approach me like that, I completely ignore him. But that is not what we are talking about here. In the confines of a secure relationship he should be able to feel comfortable enough to tell his woman what he likes about her. Including her physical assets as well as her emotional ones...
Oh well Yes I DO agree that if you two are in a committed relationship then those comments are acceptable if that is how you two like to conversate-nothing wrong with that at all...but a MAJORITY of the white men (boys is more like it..lol) that utilize these online interracial dating sites just say or write the first stupid thing that comes out of thier mouth and try to sound and act black! When they actually come off as sounding ignorant as hell...that is what I was talking about..lol Sorry I was reading some of the other comments and I got side tracked...lol
Tori
Taylor Sara said:
well, like I said some people are unreachable and will remain that way. So tell me Anon. (although
I suspect I know exactly who you are)if you tell him, you love his blue eyes. This is now demeaning? or his nice wide shoulders? or his rugged features? Exactly what are we ALLOWED to like about each other?
Monday, March 31, 2008
.........................
Sara, some people just want to bicker. They are like that in the real world too, I am so sure. You are R ight H owever when you say you suspect you know who the Anon is...I think that person is pretty transparent...lol
Budding cryptographer
Delish...lol
I would not use an interracial dating site because I get the idea that those guys are often the type who act black and want a stereotypical black girl like they see in videos. I use mainstream sites to meet white men. I met my man on plentyoffish.com.
Do any women here find traditional sites like match or yahoo to be good for bw who are open to ir?
Or do you prefer the ir sites overall?
Match is O-K but not the best for IR dating
Afro Romance is about the best so far! But all the guys I am interested in live in Europe!!! Looks like I am gonna have to move..lol
Plenty of Fish is a good site and ITS TOTALLY FREE!!! THOUSANDS OF PROFILES...its all a crap shoot!!
Tori
Europe and Toronto are playgrounds for black women who are into white men.
Ladies...if you want a laugh play this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04F3rQLSLZ0
Ann F.
Hey Tori C, long time no see. :o))
Tiffany, let us know ASAP when your blog is done!
I don't think that the women are being defensive. I think that some of you give white guys a pass from their disrespective behavior. I am sorry, if he dosn't know how to approach a woman like a lady, then don't approach me. I only date men, real men, with class and couth. The white guy wrote:
"It is so damn hard to meet black women when you are white. It seems as if black women instantly are defensive and will not give white guys the time of day"
I totally disagree. It isan't hard to meet black women if you approach her like a gentleman. Then talk to her like the lady that she is. I find that middle class white men have approached me like a lady, in a nonsexual way. There were times I didn't recognize they were hitting on me until they asked for my number. But I once dated a (white) man, I actually met at a lounge when I was with my friends on a girls nightout. He bought he several drinks and we exchanged numbers. He took me to my car and seemed to be a complete gentleman. Then we went out. He kept calling, and I had gotten comfortable with him. So he came to my house and had a couple of glasses of wine and one thing led to another... Then he invited me to his house and again one thing led to another.... We never entered into a relationship we just dated. To me that was acceptable because he treated me like a lady, even though he was completely lustful:-); in senual way not a degrading. Let me tell you, I was lustful also; come on, he is 6'2", fit, blond hair, grey eyes, cute, clever, sensative and a professional. But if he had of approached me in an unacceptable way we would have never gone all the way. His approach was a turn on, not a turn off.
When a man approaches me in sexualized, denegrating way, I am offended because he is treating me a like a low class bimbo ho. That is not flattering. I have too many degrees to have to deal with that. Moreover, it's an insult, because it's saying to me that I should take what I can get. Which to me the letter from the white guy is essentially saying Black women should take what we can get, even disrespect. If we don't they can find their wives in Africa, becuase frankly black chicks are dime a dozen and nobody wants us anyway. Well, my response is you are wrong babe! Black women are treated like shit because we allow it. Often times we see the signs in the beginning but women hang on.
One of my friends who is going through a divorce now told me her husband said the "n" word in a heated argument. There were countless other infractions that she overlooked. He is well off, their home was in a gated community on a golf corse. They have a child, and from the outside looking in, they looked like a great family. But he had little respect for her, he owned her, and there were signs from the beginning that she overlooked because he said he loved her and asked her to marry him. Her misery became her prison. She finally left, lives in a small aparmtent and is going through a divorce. Lots of Black women stay with a man because they can provide. The problem with that is your self esteme is broken.
Do what you want, but a white man can treat you just a bad as a black man. So if you see the signs, like him sexualizing you, don't settle, and don't make excuses for him.
Hate to burst your bubble Anon. but you allowed yourself to be sexualized! You invited an almost total stranger into your home and had sex with him! And you are trying to give my readers advice! Honey keep your advice. I advocate for women keeping their legs closed (at least) until they are in a solid relationship and not be somebody's booty call regardless of 'gentlemanly' he is on the surface....
HEY BACK AT CHA TIFFANY!
I'M STILL HANGING IN MAMA!!!
HOW'VE YOU BEEN!!?? UPDATE UPADATE GIRLY!!
I AM AT http://torric2007.blogspot.com/
SEE YOU THERE!!
TORI
Sara please forgive me for the longish post. I may be wasting my time and taking up space because I certainly do not expect to change anyone’s mind but feel I have to say something having seen a close friend miss out on a chance at happy for misguided thinking. She refused to act in her own interests but may be this post will pay it forward for someone else. Quite honestly I am tired of folks jumping to conclusions and acting in ways counter to their own best interests. I am saying this in the hope that someone else will pick up on this learn from each other and run with it and achieve their goals. I really need to start a blog once my degree program finishes with me :) in the meantime reading yours is such fun. That said here goes...
“Anonymous said... I don't think that the women are being defensive. I think that some of you give white guys a pass from their disrespective behavior. I am sorry, if he dosn't know how to approach a woman like a lady, then don't approach me. I only date men, real men, with class and couth.”
Let the record show Anon that starting in with the presumption that "some of you give white guys a pass from disrespective behavior" - is a negative assumption. Why assign negative motives from the start and expect the worse from people? Why not start out by giving the women here the benefit of the doubt? Rather than presuming the worst and assigning negative motives, attributes and intentions as that statement does from the jump, presume until their actions or words indicate otherwise that they like you want to be treated with dignity and respect and expect the same from others.
Maybe it is naive but I presume until proven otherwise, that women of quality want expect and deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and courtesy and conversely that quality men know this and act accordingly if they are serious about a relationship beyond an interlude. I also presume that men of quality are still men - males and that the physical is on their minds even if they are not so brazen as to verbalize it the first time they open their mouths. I presume most women think this way and act accordingly to universally keep the men in check and universally will shut the man down if he comes out of his mouth with some foolishness, in an inappropriate context, time or place.
The assumption behind those statements of yours is negative as is the presumptive forgone conclusion, made even before stating your truth, that women here act a certain way and that WM are given a pass for rude, disrespectful behavior - is not only hostile, aggressive, negative, argumentative and but inherently disrespectful to the others here. That may not have been your intention however that is how it comes off. It appears that you are angry and just want to argue - which is fine if that is your thing.
However it is a great chance to prove a point for which I thank you and hope someone else will benefit from the observation and achieve the goal of meeting a quality man and escape years of negative conditioning that seems to impact so many. I only mention it because it is a perfect illustration of what the man is saying when he makes the statement that it is often hard for a WM to approach a BW. The attitude or position evident in the negative statements made indicate that your mind is made up from the outset and nothing said from that point on will change it. I cannot see you and chances are I do not know you from Adam - but I was able to pick up on the negative vibe behind the statement from here - so you know a guy looking at you would certainly pick up on it.
Any males and I understand there are a few regular readers, reading this post check me on this if I am off base - please.
FWIW what the man appears to be saying in that statement is that often it seems, and this is perfectly illustrated in your comments, that BW assume the worst and expect the worst from WM who approach them. They come into the situation with their minds made up and that angry negative mindset - establishes the tone. The thing is even if the woman never says a word that is evident in her attitude - body language (posture, stance, body tension etc. When someone has a negative mindset it shows in non-verbal ways and people pick up on that from the start - especially visual people. Men are far more visual than women - they may or may not be as perceptive to subtle nuances in tone but in terms of visuals they are as good as or better than most women at picking up visual cues. This is especially true if his interest is peaked - which for a male interested in a female his interest is peaked so he is on alert all senses on go looking for cues to see is it safe to approach. Men are looking for a visual cue in an effort to follow the woman’s lead and know it safe to approach or not. Because the guy is keyed up and focused on paying attention they are going to notice body language cues and the energy being given off.
Now the key with men is even if you never say a word, that negativity will be evident and visible. As the mind thinks so does the rest of the body go. It is as though because you expect the worst, you are then looking to find it to prove that 'ah ha I was right they are only after one thing' in sort of a game of gotcha. That shows in the body - how you stand, the level of tension.
V/r
Clarice
Too true, Sara. That anon just blew her creditability right out the water.
Is it me, or did a bunch of women just jump to conclusions about the wm poster in your post? I feel half the ladies didn't even read it or just skimmed it. Some of their conclusions make me doubt they ever read it in the first place. Too much of a knee-jerk, reactionary response.
Best,
Jaz
"Anonymous Wednesday, April 02, 2008 said... So he came to my house and had a couple of glasses of wine and one thing led to another... Then he invited me to his house and again one thing led to another.... We never entered into a relationship we just dated. To me that was acceptable because he treated me like a lady, even though he was completely lustful:-); in senual way not a degrading. Let me tell you, I was lustful also; come on, he is 6'2", fit, blond hair, grey eyes, cute, clever, sensative and a professional. But if he had of approached me in an unacceptable way we would have never gone all the way. His approach was a turn on, not a turn off."
"Taylor-Sara said... Hate to burst your bubble Anon. but you allowed yourself to be sexualized!"
Game set match Sara! Sad to say but Anon in this case was played - sure his approach was respectful and all that but in the end he got away with more than just words. Very perceptive - I glossed over it until you mentioned it - thinking maybe that was all she wanted at the time - but you make a good point. Nicely done!
V/r
Clarice
To the Anon who thinks we are giving WM a pass.
HOW many times has it been stated that this man is trying to explain himself in the best possible manner? In his writing. He is not trying to come *at* a sister calling out on her booty. He was expressing how hard it is to meet a BW. Then he goes on about the attributes he does like. Those would end up being two separate things.
#1 How hard it is to meet BW (esp. when they become chicken-headed)
#2. He is later on explaining what he liked. It is not to suggest that he come off like that INITIALLY!
Please read all of the comments before being redundant with another one of those "giving a pass" statements.
I do see where this guy is coming from but geesh these must be some of the same overlyrighteous women that he may have ran across!
Ooops! Did I say that?!?
...One of my friends who is going through a divorce now told me her husband said the "n" word in a heated argument. There were countless other infractions that she overlooked. He is well off, their home was in a gated community on a golf corse.
...and there were signs from the beginning that she overlooked because he said he loved her and asked her to marry him.
The comments above do not pertain to this particular blog topic however it is good for women to see the signs of someone who is selfish and mean spirited (dbr). The other huge thing is that the bw in question had LOW self esteem because she settled because she thought she was getting a good thing with this man. I'll stop there because I don't want to get further off topic. But anon I hope your friend realizes she is better off without this man.
Stacey
Ladies you all are missing the point. The main idea is in the first paragraph, don't overlook the signs and accept denegration and disrespect because you think the white guy is the prize. If his approach is acceptable to you then go with it, if it isan't don't put up with him because he is white. It is as simple as that. There was an example of a woman who married a man who used the "n" word. That should tell you that if he calls you a "n" in an argument once, it may happen again, and it might be worse.
If a man sexualizes you, and calls you a chocolate fantasy, then you may only be his fantasy and not his reality. This is any man. Just because he is white dosn't make him a better catch. In the example the friend is divorcing a well off white man who was abusive.
Just because a man is white dosn't make him a good catch. So don't put up with anything that you are too ashamed to tell your mother about. Get it now? Lord, knows my mother would kill me if I was with a man who called me his chocolate fantasy. I couldn't tell her that one.
And why are blondes still the prized catches?? Because you would NEVER hear them take offense to being called a "blonde bombshell" or a "blonde fantasy." That's why. We. Are. Just. Too. Damn. Uptight.
Just because a man is white dosn't make him a good catch. So don't put up with anything that you are too ashamed to tell your mother about. Get it now? Lord, knows my mother would kill me if I was with a man who called me his chocolate fantasy. I couldn't tell her that one.
__________
Please tell us who is saying this and it what manner? (besides that one description)
You are making alot of assumptions here. NO ONE is equating a man to his whiteness being a better catch.
Why do you perceive this?
BTW, we are adults here not patrolled by our mothers.
What say ye, oh fearsome Anon, since you know all?
So true, Anonymous on Wed. 4/2
ann f
New results are in: 40.6% of blacks in Canada are in interracial relationships (most with white people). Time to move ladies!
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/080402/national/census_mixed_unions
Stacey, I would suggest that we do not become the "new" ww...meaning excepting questionable behavior just because the man maybe well off financially. I would rather be a single working woman who has peace in her home and in her mind... forget the money.
Ann F.
Phantom Mare, Reading is fundamental but compehension will help you understand what Anon who defended the "defensive" was saying..lol..
That paragraph you sited explained the posts that essentially said BW are not defensive, because ones approach turned them off. I totally aggree. I am a liberated woman, and before I became an old lady, I too sewed my wild oats with some very handsom men. When my husband walked into to my life he shut it down.lol...
Anon said: If a man sexualizes you, and calls you a chocolate fantasy, then you may only be his fantasy and not his reality. This is any man. Just because he is white dosn't make him a better catch.
--------
Like Sarah keeps saying ad nauseum, it's a totally different thing when you guys are in a COMMITTED relationship. Here's an example: you (general you) and your guy just got through having sex. As he's trying to catch his breath he says, while huffing and puffing, "My God! You're definitely my chocolate fantasy." And then he snuggles into you and showers you with kisses. Would you laugh or throw him out? I mean this is a guy who you're committed to. Marriage or long term relationship, whatever. I can think of a couple of worse derogatory terms that people call each other while having sex. The thing is though that while in bed, telling your guy you're his slut is a turn on for you (general you).
Look, this is what I think: Being in an interracial relationship is different than being in a same-race relationship, obviously, but what I mean is that when it comes to turn-ons, the difference in skin color can DEFINITELY be a turn on. I know it is to me. Ever read interracial erotica? Ever pay attention to how they describe the sex? Yeah.
Alta
I meant this guy who is from Canada. He is very respectful and considerate. It would appear that some or most Canadian men are not like the men in America. I concur lets move and Canada is so beautiful; but, it is very cold up there.
Ann F.
"And why are blondes still the prized catches?? Because you would NEVER hear them take offense to being called a "blonde bombshell" or a "blonde fantasy." That's why. We. Are. Just. Too. Damn. Uptight."
Ya know!!! That stuff is pathetic.
I can't tell you how many times I see bw refering to bm as chocolate, whether IRL or online. That black guy who was on Grey's Anatomy, I wish I had a dollar every time a sista called him McChocolate. You think he is complaining about being a chocolate fantasy? Lol!!
Look, I may not interested in a stranger who'd approach me with a Chocolate line, but if I am in a relationship with a man, hell yeah, he can call me his chocolate fantasy and he can compliment me on my body.
"Ladies you all are missing the point. The main idea is in the first paragraph, don't overlook the signs and accept denegration and disrespect because you think the white guy is the prize."
So the term Chocolate fantasy is denigration and disrespect.
Liking a woman's body type is denigration and disrespect.
Some of y'all are looking to marry monks. Keep looking. 70% and counting...
Mmmm, I am looking at Gerald Butler now. I'd looooooove to be his chocolate fantasy...
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Maybe we should create a robot man. Then that way, he would be just perfect. Just kiddin!!!
If you decide to be single, try not to be angry and single. I know this lady at work (black woman),that always talks about how she would rather be alone then put up with this and that. She goes on and on. Then she looks for people to agree and get's upset when they don't. She shows anger and agression and talks about happy couples that are making it work. She talks about black men all the time. I try to enjoy my time at work when I have to work next to her. She is always so miserable. She says they aren't worth a crap. She says she would never ever date a white man. She is always angry. I just wished that she would find peace with her decision and let go of all the anger. She has been off alot at work lately for different health issues. I hope she finds peace. I guess she probably had alot of bad experiences and just decided to give up on men.
I wanted to mention that the lady from my work is in and out of the hospital for stress related issues. I hope she gets better. I just try to be friendly with her. She does seem annoyed with me when my bf comes to visit me at work.
IF Gerald Butler approached me with a Chocolate Fantasy line, I would leave him in the wind like Naomi Campbell did. But if he approached me as a lady, oh it would be on:-). The discussion here was based on that white guy saying that Black women are defensive, and therefore hard to meet. The point was that if you approach a woman as a broad, a girl from around the way, a cheep tramp, a dame, or anything other than a lady then she is not going to want to know you. He calls it defensive, I call it rejection.
The kids today have been desensatized to bad manors. I was waiting for my chineese food and these kids came in talking loud. One of the boys said Bitch come here. And the girl came over there and they laughed. I was UTTERLY offended but nobody even flenched. A couple years ago I was in Atlanta at a lounge and the men there kind of pull on your clothes to get your attention when you walk by, and if you don't respond their approach is to kinda grab your arm a little. That is so insulting. I ended up getting gully with some guys because I don't appreciate being yanked without my consent. But there the women take it as being okay. They are flattered by it. To me, it's not acceptable. You will respect me or I won't know you.
Another example, this guy told my friend that I was uptight. I was ignoring him because he bought mea drink and said he wouldn't mind finding out what was under my skirt. I walked away with the glass of wine. I think he thought he was being clever. That was not charming at all. It was a bit of "Romy-Rome"(the martin lawrence character). Just because he bought the drink dosn't mean I owe him the pleasure of my company. My friends said I was being to hard on him. Now she was trying to reason with me to make him feel comfortable, telling me to be nice. It's not my responsibility to train a grown man how to approach a woman respectfully. Oh I am suppose to be irritated so he can be happy. Oh no. Another night this other fool was calling her BB for Beonce' boodilicious. HE kept saying BB you are gorgeous let me buy your friends drinks. Again, I walked away, while she giggling at it. To me, that was not cute. She got his card and was he was an engineer acting like that. I just think in Atlanta men know they don't have to respect women. Their game was not acceptable to me. It dosn't matter what color, I have incountered similar situations in San Francisco and Oakland with white and asian men. In Miami with white and latino men. My issue is that I want to decide what I do. Don't lean all over me becuase you got me a drink, don't put your arm around me until I give you the greenlight, and don't talk to me in a way that is disrespectful, because I don't like it.
Granted, I am for casual relationships, and casual sex, but for me I am not into dirty talk and kinky stuff(s&m). I think because I am always running away from these fools, I haven't yet incountered a "kink monter" or an abusive dirty talker. Then I only do what I want to do. I wasn't raised to sit there and take it, or over look it. But I am flexible on other things, but respect and friendship is really key for me.
I said all that to say to each his own. Several of my friends who are religious let their men make all the rules for them. I wasn't raised that way.
This Anon said..."
Phantom Mare, Reading is fundamental but compehension will help you understand what Anon who defended the "defensive" was saying..lol..
That paragraph you sited explained the posts that essentially said BW are not defensive, because ones approach turned them off. I totally aggree. I am a liberated woman, and before I became an old lady, I too sewed my wild oats with some very handsom men. When my husband walked into to my life he shut it down.lol...
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Maybe perhaps It's because some Anons are the same person.
Kayn Achoti? Yom Tob!
:o))))))
Some of y'all are looking to marry monks. Keep looking. 70% and counting...
HEY! I agree. (Monks being the operative word)
I would think some sisters who portray themselves as smart would see this. Including some reallly smart Anons out there. But may they stay well.
:o)))
I am in the process of making a blog about this topic....give it some time..
eh eh eh eh eh . POWER of the KEYBOARD!
I've had BM refer to me as "chocolate." Were they denigrating me or is it more acceptable for them to do it?
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Okie dokie done with da post.
http://www.phantmmaresjumpfences.com
StarDusky--I would like to kindly suggest that you leave *my* Butler alone! lol.
I just don't understand why anyone would be offended if her boyfriend/husband calls her a chocolate fantasy.
I agree with everyone who says that it is offensive for a strange man to come up to you saying that you're a fantasy to him. But if you think about, usually before any of us starts dating someone, we would have a fantasy of what we'd want the person to look like. So in the case of non-black men who are interested in black women, for them, being with a black woman would have been a fantasy before having it realised. And if such a man decides, after dating for a while, that he's really into the black woman and he is sure she feels the same about him, by all means, let him call her his fantasy.
Personally, I don't think the woman should feel offended. In fact, that would let her know that he doesn't just see her as someone he can talk to; she's someone he wants to have an intimate relationship with.
When my husband and I were ready to 'take our relationship to the next level', he told me that he imagined being with me from the first time we met, and constantly thought about what it would be like to caress, in his words 'your chocolate skin all over'. That is just another way of saying that I was his fantasy. And if I said I didn't fantasy about him as well, I'd be lying. And, like a previous poster mentioned, the difference in our skin color is part of the whole erotic vibe we feel(I'm very dark, he's lacking a tan lol). And we are able to openly talk about each other's skin color.
So, as was stated repeatedly, we black women need to stop being so easily offended when non-black men make comments about us. Cause I'm sure many women would scoff if they started saying that they felt objectified by our calling them 'vanilla hotness' or any of the other descriptions I've read on the various inter-racial sites.
Vee
Question: There are currently a number of blogs that display pics of nice looking men.
Should all the sisters remove the statements associated with them?
GB for example has "White Chocolate!" under the black and white pic.
Then there are "2 hunks of vanilla perfection." Under it.
(Not coming at you Sara, just establishing a point....LOL)
But yet we can come here are scream at WM for enjoying a "different flavor."
I want to move to Europe....I am telling you mark my words I am moving to Europe. I have got to find me a nice Scottish or Irish guy to make an honest woman outta me,,,.lololol
Tori
STARDUSKY SAID: "Mmmm, I am looking at Gerald Butler now. I'd looooooove to be his chocolate fantasy..."
GURL GURL GURL....DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MY BABY GERARD! IF I EVA GET AHOLD OF THAT MAN!!!
LOL
OK ENUFF OF THAT...
TORRI
Hi Sara,
I work with a bunch of guys in a cellular store in Toronto and this really pretty black girl with cornrows has come in 2 days this week. Well, about 10 minutes ago, as soon as she left, this Asian guy I work with who was helping her immediately went, "She is fucking sexy" (sorry about the profanity, but that's what he said). The other two guys here today, another Asian guy and a white guy, were like, "Oh yeah!" And they started talking about how fine she is lol. And I'm sitting RIGHT HERE. You hear how guys talk when you work with all guys lol. Anyway, this girl just went to the Jay-Z concert last night where Mary J. Blige was opening, and when she was in here, the guy helping her was talking to her about the concert, talking about how sick it must've been... he's a pretty friendly guy with customers anyway, but he was CLEARLY flirting with her hahaha
Sisters rock! And men of all kinds want us!
P.S. She left in a mini-Cooper and when they saw it they were commenting on how sweet it is and how they wish she was driving them home, so it helps if you have a nice car lol
Ladies if you must curse to make your point, leave a couple of middle letters out (we'll still know) But lets keep the cursing down to a minimum -thank you
http://www.topix.com/forum/news/sex/T2LVQAVE28N3J303I
Here's the original thread. Do most of the women replying really seem "uptight"? Slews of black women are professing their intense attraction to WMs, and even giving him tips, advice, and encouragement! I don't understand what the big deal is... when a few black women respond negatively to the explicit nature in which a WM expresses attraction to women of their race, does that "ruin it for everyone", now, even when the majority response is positive?
"IF Gerald Butler approached me with a Chocolate Fantasy line, I would leave him in the wind like Naomi Campbell did".
I have to draw the line right there baby gurl, if Gerard approached me with that line, it would be like Misery all over again except without the breaking the legs thing, he would suddenly dissapear never to be heard from again and I would be one happy sista LOL.
I honestly don't see anything wrong with white men fantasizing about our overabundance. 9 times out of 10 if a white man approaches you it won't be in a disrepecful manner and if it is just put him in his place as you would do with any other man.
My boyfriend(whom I've been with for 8 years and yes he does want to marry me but I'm not the marrying kind) is always touching and telling me how much he loves my "asset". He loves me no doubt but some times I think he loves my "asset" more. LOL
Kelley
Taylor Sara said:
Actually if you do not appreciate being told that you are beautiful or have a lovely shape. Many women do!
~~~~
I agree!
I actually went on that site and (Thank God) many of the women responded positively.
Yay for BW!
~~~~
re: the fear of sexuality
somebody wrote so nicely on it, but I have to find that comment up there again. But I think that is also true!
Personally, I'm not the most sexually -woohoo!- type of girl. But my husband does say these things and I know -knew-- that it was indicative of his -i'm not sure the right word...lust? passion? strong desires? strong love? something like that.
But for a mousy girl like me, LOL, its somewhat overwhelming. I don't want to say too much, just I guess some guys have big, two meal a night appetite. gulp.
And I think women shouldn't be made to feel shrunk if they do have a "prudish" side to themselves. They just need to be told how to deal with it; how to balance things, etc.
(okay, all who wish to attack me, please try to refrain yourselves. lol)
Sara, I understand what you are saying, but I just want to give my opinion, being a black woman with a "booty". I don't know if you would allow it.
"I am 34 now and love the way most black women are built.
Was this a sudden 'soon to be middle age' revelation? His priorities in a woman are interesting for his "mature" age.
"big booty, muscular thighs, and all that sexy stuff."
This may not bother me to a high extreme, but I'm still concerned that he assumes most black women should find this flattering and even obligating. Even Asian women are now starting to rebuke these fetishes from white men.
"Personally I have found black females to be the most racist though. "
I found this undertone to be the most offensive. He sounds like he has a superiority chip first and foremost. We have a right as women to not accept any such "compliment" from any man regardless of race.
"We are not all "slavemasters" wanting only sex. And alot of us know how to worship a woman's body!,"
This bothers me also, because he is in fact clearly about sex and superficiality. At least he should be honest and stop playing the dumbstruck game. Even so, I think a lot of the black females that responded to him were very affirming. Not all black women think alike, or should have to. We should also respect the black females that would find his comment offensive, it's their right to feel that way as women regardless of being black.
Thanks
Greetings! I like your blog! Although, I don't think this guy ever will: In 2008, I find guys like him, just unbelievable!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4_6xs33Pl0
You might have to copy/paste to see this.
Funfeisty...you are my kind of gal ROFLMAO
I understand how you feel about GB..I have a thing for Viggo M that way..if I ever "capture him"...I will spirit him away to a secret location, known by myself only. I however, will happily break and reset his legs, a thousand times ("Misery style, with a big plank of wood:) AND keep him chained to the bed...and he will be mine...all mine..lol (and I can keep him far way from Sara's paws)
Hey, maybe we can switch when we get bored..lol..I'm not immune to the infinite charms of Monsieur Butler...heheheh
Like I said I ca't let my husband viggo go anywhere- And now I have to hide my boyfriend Gerard too!
Tiff you know what they say:
Miseary looooovvvveeesss company!
Tori
TAYLOR-SARA SAID: Like I said I ca't let my husband viggo go anywhere- And now I have to hide my boyfriend Gerard too!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL @TAYLOR-SARA!
TORI
I'm off Viggo after his reaction to being falsely linked to Josie D'Arby.
"Personally I have found black females to be the most racist though."
This isn't offensive, it's just a statistically verifiable fact. They did a study of people's online dating habits, and black women proved to be the least open of all women to dating outside their race. This man's experience just reflected that.
"I'm off Viggo after his reaction to being falsely linked to Josie D'Arby."
What was his reaction?
Furthermore, from all accounts it seems like we are the most uptight too. You don't have to date the guy or even talk to him, but there's nothing wrong with being flattered by his compliment.
"Even Asian women are now starting to rebuke these fetishes from white men."
Many Asian women have been chafing under the one-size-fits-all "demure geisha" stereotype and the men who believe in it for a long time. Likewise, many white women (yes, even blondes) despise the idea of being seen as a "trophy", a prize to be won, or a pair of breasts to converse with by men of any race, same for Latin women and the "spicy yet refreshingly devout and subservient" thing. This idea that women from other groups wholeheartedly embrace being chased after by men who are primarily interested in a sexual fantasy about what they look like as opposed to the reality of who they are as people is false. Women should be able to set different standards for themselves. If you're okay with being a "chocolate fantasy", fine, but the next chick's decision that that's not for her shouldn't be slammed as prudery. Pressure for women to fit certain molds sexually goes both ways. Many black women who hand walking papers to WM who act this way do the same to BM, and have been doing so for a long time.
Janice what did he say about her? I think she is simply stunning!
Isn't she the one that gave Gerard Butler that gold band that he wears that looks like a wedding ring but not?
Just curious...
Tori
Oh SNAP..
Janice, you are ruining my day here..lol...btw, we don't really know what he said about being linked with that chick, and from what I understand, they did have a fling (Josie D'Arby is a black English actress)...and I am pretty sure he does not talk about the woman he dates, and loves in the press...hence the reason you are not aware he is in fact my man, and waiting in our bedroom for me at the moment ..in fact, hold on a sec...Delish shouts at Viggo.."hold on Darling, I'll be there in a moment. I'm just making a comment on your EX- girlfriend Sara's blog"..lol
Also, Viggo's brother is married to a black woman and they have a daughter..this is the child he took with him to the Academy Awards...so I am pretty sure he is NOT the kind of dbr man who does not even wish to be linked with a black woman...you can't believe everything you read...and a lot of crap is written by ww, who have a really hard time believing (even when it is in front of them) that a guy like him does not want to be with them...but they KNOW the truth in their hearts, this is what makes them so insecure, resorting to all kinds of surgeries to plump up their lips, tan themselves and facelifts and the like..lol
Phone rings: Delish answers..
"hello, Gerard, hi sweetheart..I told you I was busy today...Oh, you had to change your number because of TAYLOR-SARA..Oh, I see. Alright, I'll call you tomorrow..No, of course I won't give her your NEW number. I love you too..bye.
Now back to Viggo..thats right. I have them BOTH.
*dramatic lemurs Gerard* Did you just call delishmish from the cell we just bought you? No? Okay baby. *kisses Gerry ('cause that's what I call him) on the nose* Now shoo... I need to post this comment.
Anyway, Gerard sends his love. He's a little busy playing with my "little n*g" daughter. He loves her to pieces.
Anyway, Viggo is the type of man who doesn't kiss and tell, hence the reason you all don't know that he's my jump off when Orlando is busy. Oh hold on a second...
*answers phone* Hello? Oh hey Orly darling. How are you? Dinner tonight in London? Well I don't know if I can get out this weekend. Gerard is here. I know! I miss you too darling, but next weekend is yours. I promise. Kisses!
Okay, now what was the topic again?
...hold on a sec...Delish shouts at Viggo.."hold on Darling, I'll be there in a moment. I'm just making a comment on your EX- girlfriend Sara's blog"..lol
LOL Girl STOP. You know me and V "murried". Quit playing Dee...
"Even Asian women are now starting to rebuke these fetishes from white men."
Many Asian women have been chafing under the one-size-fits-all "demure geisha" stereotype and the men who believe in it for a long time. Likewise, many white women (yes, even blondes) despise the idea of being seen as a "trophy", a prize to be won, or a pair of breasts to converse with by men of any race, same for Latin women and the "spicy yet refreshingly devout and subservient" thing. This idea that women from other groups wholeheartedly embrace being chased after by men who are primarily interested in a sexual fantasy about what they look like as opposed to the reality of who they are as people is false. Women should be able to set different standards for themselves. If you're okay with being a "chocolate fantasy", fine, but the next chick's decision that that's not for her shouldn't be slammed as prudery. Pressure for women to fit certain molds sexually goes both ways. Many black women who hand walking papers to WM who act this way do the same to BM, and have been doing so for a long time."
That sermon is mixing apples and oranges.
It's one thing to chafe at the idea of being considered submissive, but I have yet to hear Asian women complain because some white guy likes their ultra straight hair, small bodies and lack of butts.
And I'll believe white women are complaining about being seen as blonde trophies with big boobs when the sales of blond hair color and the number of breast augmentation surgeries will GO DOWN.
Don't believe the crap. Women of other races are MILKING their stereotypes.
Backstory, after the premiere of the last Ring movie a story was ciculated to the press that viggo had an all night "session" with Josie D'Arby and that they were dating. Viggo denied it an had the people handling the press for the movie to deny it. He went on to defame D'Arby in a video interview in chicago he said that the rumor had cause problems with his son and friends(when there were rumors that he was dating G. Pathrow he laughed at the rumors and even help to spread them she by the way was creeped out by him). Then pictures surfaced of D'Arby getting into a limo with a group of people including Viggo at the Ring premiere or afterparty. It could have been coincidence but i find it hard at the height of rings popularity that d listed celeb could just jump into the limo. Viggo's sister in law is south american and would hardly consider herself black. I will try to refind the video and pictures.
Whatever, doesn't make a diff. to me. I think Viggo's ugly. I think too many times people ignore biology and just say whatever the media shoves down their throats is hot. This goes for guys and girls (after all, my bf doesn't get the big deal with Angelina Jolie. Yes, she's smart. But gorgeous? COME ON.) If a guy who looks like Viggo approached me on the streets, I don't think I could be more turned off.
Janice said:
"He [Viggo] went on to defame D'Arby in a video interview in chicago he said that the rumor had cause problems with his son and friends(when there were rumors that he was dating G. Pathrow he laughed at the rumors and even help to spread them she by the way was creeped out by him)."
Hmmm, that is very interesting. I sometimes wonder if some of the wm celebs we ogle are really into bw. It matters to me because I do not want anyone who snubs their nose at bw. Now hold on: Indeed some wm celebs and non-celebs ADORE bw. I am curious about Viggo though. And also G. Butler.
"Viggo's sister in law is south american and would hardly consider herself black."
This is worth noting. There are a lot of black or mixed women who do not appreciate being labeled with the bw card. Its time this one is thought out. These women want to be called anything BUT black. Blacks in the US (and the carib, etc.) are soooo mixed, but we still are called black.
Forgive me ladies...I do not get the whole "Viggo" thing. What's the big deal?
Ann F.
Janice,
Once again you seem intent on ruining not just my day, but Sara's day, Selena's day and beautifulblackwoman's day...lol...Oh, and I'm not gonna letcha..hahahh
OK, Viggo...I DO NOT believe for a second that he is this person you are portraying him to be..I won't get into the details of why I know that to be true because we are a bit off topic here..and it is for Sara to open new topics. We are just having a little fun..and who dosen't need to laugh..I know I love to laugh. ....His brothers wife may be South American, but that does not mean she is not black. The South Americans have a much more relaxed attitude (The Brazilians in particular)about race...they marry and date who they want to..much like most of the women in THIS forum. I already had this convo in another forum...and that child's mother is black...she is US (but I don't even know if she does in fact come from that continent)
Sometimes words are taken out of context, sometimes people are asked to deny things or say things that are not true for the benefit of making $$. This happens all the time..this creation of a false image. One of the most famous cases of this media manipulation was the poor Rock Hudson, who had to deny who he was, and may have died because of it. Viggo was not the first choice for LOTR ..another actor was already working for about 2 months, and he was fired and Viggo was brought in. Although he had worked steadily for years, he had never caught the big break...until then. As such, he may have been subject to the media manipulation, often contractually imposed by the studio. They had to keep this image of Aragon as a white Prince..lol. There were no black people in middle earth (damn..lol)so how could the Prince be desiring this chocolate brown english sister.? Now he is more established, and may not be so regulated by the studio..but once again, I tell you this. He is NOT the man you are portraying him to be. Believe Delish when she tells you this...and stop ruining our day..lol. If you like, I will let you borrow him tomorrow when I am with Gerard, who btw, (HINT- beautifulblack woman ..take note...hahahh) certainly does NOT like to be called Gerry...and the phone you bought for him..well he gave it to me....lol
Ok..enough..Thank you Sara for allowing me to speak to my delusional sisters..lol...btw, I'm sorry (well, not really) it did not work out with you and Viggo. He said you were nice and all, but that he did not know what true love and passion were until he met me...lol)
Phone rings: Delish answers..
Hello, oh hello Gerard Darling. What did you say? You love me more than you love beautifulblackwoman, well of course you do Darling. I'll see you in a minute. Thanks for the new phone. Don't be so insecure, of course.I love you. bye."
I get the point Taylor-Sera is making, but I have also considered that this guy is still generalizing and blame shifting. I mean, the only common denominator in the equation is him, yet it is Black women that must be racist for not giving him a chance.
That's pretty much where he completely lost me. That's a pretty ugly accusation to hurl at an entire group of women just because the ones he has approached have rebuffed him for reasons probably known only to each individual woman... lest any of them specifically told him they don't date White guys.
I didn't see any evidence of vulgar, tacky or disrespectufl approaches in his writing, but then, I'm not his wing man and I don't know what his approach consists of.
True Story Time: Somewhat related, but not necessarily pertaining to the WM poster...
I had a profile on Match.Com and a White man emailed me. I was not physically attracted to this guy's pics in the least and in reading his profile (yup - I really do read them), I could se that we were not a match. I did not respond. I guess a week had passed when he sent another email asking what about him turned me off and if I wouldn't date him because he was White.
Now, I know all about the social propaganda that has kept BW/WM away from one another. And I'm completely for dating out as opposed to waiting for BM to decide that I'm worthy of their time. So under a different set of circumstances, I don't think I would have been bothered...
But I was. Here was this guy who in reading his profile (38, living with his parents, no college degree, out of shape, specifically stated a preference for ABB women in his profile) assuming that the reason I didn't respond to him was possibly because he was White. It never crossed his mind that an 27 year old, in shape, college grad living on her own just might be looking for similar traits in a relationship - regardless of color. He went on in his email about how local Black women didn't like to date white men (not true) because they kept rejecting him. This guy just didn't have a clue and was trying to lay the blame for his failures on Black women rather than some much self-reflection. Don't I get enough of that from dbr Black men? I can only hope that after his failures with his ABB preference, he didn't think he'd have better luck with Black women because they'll take whatever they can get. I can only hope.
I ended up responding to a White man who lived alone and has his MBA. We've been dating for 6 months.
Lessons for life:
1. Don't feel like you have to tolerate disrespect, but know that in potential romantic relationships, your unique physical attributes will eventually come up. It's only natural. Hopefully the more overtly sexual ones don't come up within 5 seconds of meeting. There is a difference between being called a Blonde Bombshell and a DSL Booty Queen (I'm fairly certain everyone here gets that, but there's no harm in saying it).
2. Don't even think about getting involved with someone who places 100% of the blame for his failures on you. Nevermind the "Sexual Chocolate" stuff. The former is so much worse and resentment/entitlement can be dangerous.
I met Viggo in person, and .... where is the "Attraction?" I guess, to each her/his own.... Now, Colin Ferrel, hotness, Matt Damon, hotness.... Robert DeNiro, going into "vintage-age" but still hotness....
I think it is cool that men of other races/ethnic groups find blk. women sexy, attractive, beautiful, but like others have said: "Don't love me for JUST MY BODY!"
I agree with you anony. about the Viggo guy...still do not get him? DeNiro is still the "man" and is not ashamed of his love for bw.
Ann F.
Here was this guy who in reading his profile (38, living with his parents, no college degree, out of shape, specifically stated a preference for ABB women in his profile) assuming that the reason I didn't respond to him was possibly because he was White. It never crossed his mind that an 27 year old, in shape, college grad living on her own just might be looking for similar traits in a relationship - regardless of color.
OMG, I have the same experience on Match. But you know what they say....ugly moves quick! I have had men who live at home and are unemployed trying to wink at me. And they have at least 10-12 years on me! I am 28 and I have a law degree and a masters degree. Why would they think I would be interested???
Good for you anony. with the law degree. There is no way I would work my butt off just to settle for a go no where man. The nerve of him: lives with mom/dad, no higher education, no decent trade, probably very few social friends, physically unkept yeah bring him on-NOT. What an insult.
Ann F.
Hi,
First I'd like to say you have a great blog. I've been taken a back with the community I have found in regards to BW/WM IR relationships. For so long I felt like I was the only white guy around who always dated and preferred black women. But thanks to the net I've found many more like me and that fills me with a great sense of pride.
Anyhow, back onto the topic. I do catch myself focusing a lot of the characteristics of a BW, but who can blame me they are so damn sexy! But beyond the beautiful body, the character of BW is even more intriguing. BW are strong, confident, independent individuals with a great sense of humor. They are very motherly; they won't hesitate to put a foot in your behind when you mess up, but also will be your biggest fans. Even though not portrayed in popular opinion, BW are very smart. More often they are viewed in the light as 'video girls' and not allowed to express their potential intellectually. I think most of all I admire the confidence of a BW.
Great forum. I just discovered it yesterday. Superficially speaking, I have never found Viggo to be all that attractive. he was just aight in LOTR.
Gerard is pretty handsome and I am diggin' him right now, but I must say that he doesn't appear to be aging too well. But he is still pretty hot. I often wonder if he received a talking to from his agent/handlers after the whole "I love black women" speech because many a Gerard Butler board populated by many ww had a fit when that tidbit of information came out. Their true colors came to the surface then and it wasn't pretty. AT. ALL.
ANON SAID QUOTE: Gerard is pretty handsome and I am diggin' him right now, but I must say that he doesn't appear to be aging too well. But he is still pretty hot. I often wonder if he received a talking to from his agent/handlers after the whole "I love black women" speech because many a Gerard Butler board populated by many ww had a fit when that tidbit of information came out. Their true colors came to the surface then and it wasn't pretty. AT. ALL.]
ALL THE WW GET MAD WHEN THEY HEAR THAT BUT ITS TRUE! HE LOVE WOMEN OF COLOR...HELL LOOK AT US CAN YOU BLAME THE MAN!!!
TORI
Hi Adam,
Welcome btw..yes there are many of us out here..you might be suprised..lol
Just have to say one or two things though..UNTIL I have my child, I am not and will not be "motherly" with anyone..... especially a man (even after..my man is my man, NOT my child)...nor am I in the habit of putting my foot up anyone's a-- (as you say) hmmmm.
Don't mistake warm and kind for motherly...that is the kind of emotion you shoud seek from your own mother or older female relatives, not a woman you are dating.
May I also suggest you take women on an individual basis. Some are smart, some not so much, Some are beautiful, some not so much. Some things (like beauty) are clearly subjective, but I am curious why you say bw are portrayed as not being smart...hmmm. I think we have been portrayed in many ways, but dumb is never one I have seen be attached necessarily to bw..anywhoo..just take bw on an individual basis.
We really are all different.
And by the way...I'm BRILLIANT, and I don't mind saying it.
That's all
Delishmish,
I agree now that I should have probably put warm and kind instead of motherly as it is a very subjective term.
It has just been my interpretation that media hasn't always portrayed BW as leaders. I didn't say they portrayed them as dumb. But you don't see any BW presidents in the movies. There have been a handful of BM and WW presidents, but never any BW presidents. You see them more portrayed based on their beauty more so than based on intellect.
Thanks Adam,
May I bring your attention to Portia Simpson, ex prime minister of Jamaica, and the president of Liberia is a woman (just can't think of her name off the top of my head) Two different nations, both with a strong and unique history. I would rather see a real life bw president than a reel life bw president..but that is just me.
Anyway, once again..welcome. I hope you'll enjoy some of the convos her..and tell all your (cute)lol friends..WE ARE MORE than interested... if you act right that is..just be normal, and decent and kind and loving..and that is just to start..
But no pressure..lol
Hi Adam, personally I would perfer that a guy think of me in terms of dating/marriage material rather than "mom" material.
Aside, from being treated well my special someone. I do not have a problem with my special someone thinking of me as not only intelligent; but, also the woman who can fulfill his dreams and desires.
Ann F.
Hi Sara, I bumped into your blog from another one, which I can't seem to remember now. Anyway, I haven't read through all the comments here but I will add my two cents.
I think a lot of white men want to date women who happen to be black, and some only want to date black women. I say, as long as the guy is good to you and makes you feel good-who cares what else anyone has to say? You are responsible for your own happiness in this lifetime, and if you wanna be happy-I say go for it.
I've dated men from all over the world and currently live in Norway (because I followed a Norwegian man here). Just imagine, I would have missed out on all of our good times had I not been willing to take a chance on him. Although things are rocky now-I do still love him and he I. You have to go for happiness, how ever you find it.
Vakker Kvinne are you and your significant other married? I do not think I would have followed unless we were married...now you say things are rocky? So, what happens if he decides to put you out of the house? Do you have anyone over their you can lend on for support just in case something does not go your way? Can you easily find your passport and some money just in case? Please do not get caught off guard.
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