How do we help our sick little sistas?.....
for some reason these bw don't want to see other bw happy with their lives or their men...Guess the good stuff is only for them and not for the rest of us.....
I actually don't want to deal with this, but people are emailing me, and I feel I need to clear some things up....
I have received several emails regarding the twisted little minds that we IR bloggers seem to have to deal with from time to time. Not sure what the problem is with these people but it IS their problem. Some bloggers have written asking for advice on what to do about them. I say pray for them the same way you would for any sick, pathetic person. They obliviouly need help. I don't allow them to affect me too much, but I realize not everyone has that F*ck em ' attitude that I do. So If any of you would like to advise some of the bloggers having issues with these poor, sick women now is your chance.......In the meantime, I want to clear up some of the ambiguities concerning me.
I actually don't want to deal with this, but people are emailing me, and I feel I need to clear some things up....
I have received several emails regarding the twisted little minds that we IR bloggers seem to have to deal with from time to time. Not sure what the problem is with these people but it IS their problem. Some bloggers have written asking for advice on what to do about them. I say pray for them the same way you would for any sick, pathetic person. They obliviouly need help. I don't allow them to affect me too much, but I realize not everyone has that F*ck em ' attitude that I do. So If any of you would like to advise some of the bloggers having issues with these poor, sick women now is your chance.......In the meantime, I want to clear up some of the ambiguities concerning me.
These are some of the questions/comments people are emailing me with....
They are now saying you and Evia are the same person, are you?
That's ridiculous, I have never met Evia. I have alot of respect and admiration for her but I have not met her and I am definitely not her-that's funny though....
2. Why do you disapprove of the cursing?
only because I think for the most part, we can make our point without it, especially if we have a substantial vocabulary that we are willing to use. Yes I curse when I am angry but not as a regular part of everyday conversation. I am not asking anyone to change their ways, just respect my blog -that's all....I definitely curse on occasion.
3. Does this have something to do with religion? They are saying that you are an Evangelist. That you are trying to be goody-good and that's why you are objecting...
No, it has nothing to do with religion. I have NEVER been goody-good! Thats really funny! They are just small-minded empty-headed, misguided sistas with no lives. They live to start mess that is why I had to ask a few to exit my blog...
4. Why exactly did you kick that certain person off?
Rather than answer that. I prefer you to see for yourself. Google Evia's name and see the site that pops up. These small minded, evil manipulative lost souls have set up a site specifically to smear and slander anyone who does not share their views- I think their evilness speaks for itself.....
5. So, do you hate them?
Not at all, I think hate requires far too much energy and is a waste of time. I actually pity them. They are soooo misguided and lost. I mean when you are spending your precious time on this earth slandering someone else instead of trying to make a name for yourself, or do something meaningful with your life, to me that makes you a class A loser. And I always feel sorry for losers....(our sick little black sisters ) is how I refer to them....
6. Do the haters ever make you want to stop blogging, like Evia did.
I don't think she stopped because of them at all, I think she had other pursuits and needed to move on. I realize the greatest minds in this world are constantly criticized and ridiculed so actually it feeds my hungry ego. It makes me feel like a big fish instead of the little guppy I actually am. ha ha....
7. Who are some of the people in the blogspere you admire the most?
Well, different people for different reasons... for instance Evia started everything and I admire her vision. Halima I love and admire for kindness and spirit of benevolence. Nicole I love for her spunk. she reminds me of many people in my fam. Clarice has always been a friend through thick and thin, Pinky is so spicy and wise and it goes on and on... bottom line, I love and admire many people for many reasons and try to learn from everyone. I always believe everyone has something to teach. Sometimes though, the lesson is:
'don't become me or let me into your life, I have a pernicious disease called hate and it's contagious!'
like I said, 'our sick little black sistas'
8. What do you think can be done about the 'sick little black sistas' (slbs)?
Hey, the more they smear me the more they build my site, so I say nothing! Controversy sells and everybody knows it. I WANT everyone to know my name so all I can say to my critics is: THANKS!-keep doin wha cha do! I'm just joking, I actually do not know how to help these poor misguided souls, but if you sistas know how, I am all ears. These poor fools really deserve our sympathy and compassion....
But anyway, I would love to get everyone's take on this ongoing problem, we IR bloggers have to deal with....Do you think we can help these poor lost sistas? or do you think the best course of action is to keep ignoring them?
posted by Taylor-Sara @ 10:47 AM
70 Comments
70 Comments:
Yes Sara...I am indeed sad to see some of the "pockets of fire" starting up again...Some people fail to realize that we are all in different stages of our journies...We do not progress, learn and heal at the same stages...I refuse to criticize someone who feels the need to vent on their blog...That is THEIR experience which they are entitled too....I'm sure we can all agree that BW cannot hold onto anger, hurt and despair forever...But i will be d@mned if i will shun them for those feelings...
I agree CW. the funny thing is, I never see anyone bothering them. It's always them coming to our sites taking what we say,(which has nothing to do with them) and trying to start mess....go figure. some people must really be unhappy...
Sara, I think you should just go private. they only read everything you, nicole, pinky, phamtom and others say and twist it! I could not do what yall do. I would have to tell these fools off! Girl you got grit....
For now, I'm going to say to keep on ignoring them because that's not giving them the attention that they crave but if there is some way to acutally open their eyes then go for it.
However, some are really stubborn and you and other bloggers--doing a great job by the way--don't need to pay any attention to them.
Sara like BBW was saying haters will hate that's what they do. This particular group of women cannot be helped! You're heart is in the right place but some sistas we must leave behind! They are dead weight and will pull us into the abyss of bitterness with them if we let them. Lets just keep our agenda and focus on these gorgeous white boys!
you're probably right anon. but it hurts my heart to think that some bw will waste this short time here on earth trying to do the rest of us in,instead of just enjoying their lives and living to the fullest. I see sistas with new leases on life smiling happily and the truth is I want that for US ALL! I want all sistas to have love, happiness and prosperity. I guess that's overly idealistic, but that really what I want for everyone not just the people I love...
Guys, this post will not be up for long, I really need to move on, but I needed to clear the air about a few things... And yes I will post more wealth tips in a day or 2...
you know I think you are right some people want for themselves but do not want it for you. I work with someone happily married to a white man who always tries to set me up with big loser bm you have ever seen! I told her I am interested in dating IR. and she had a fit! She told me there were too many sistas dating wm now, and that soon brothas would get angry! Like I give a damn! I told her to do like the wind - and blow!
I see why you guys where touchy about my comments. I had no ideal all of this was going on. Don't go private. Weather these people. You have to expect to draw this kind of scorn. Childbirth is painful. Put you boots on and soilder on. ( I can't think of any more analogies ) Even if it wasn't your intention you reach alot of people. While i don't agree with 100% with what you say this blog I find your words create a space to challenge what people think and creates a starting point for alot people (i would say the same about the ladies on the other end spectrum of the IR/Pro BW [africa wars ladies]. Keep bloggin' in public there are many more women to reach.
I hope you do NOT go private. Don't give them the satisfaction! Trolls hate to be ignored so it's best to do just that.
As for Evia, I wish she would come back - better than ever and just monitor the comments. All any blogger has to do is either require registration or simply delete (yes CENSOR) the offending/degrading comments. Not necessarily all who agree - just the abusive, harrassing comments.
I hope you get a chance to post the link I sent for the "Lakeview Terrace" movie with Kerry Washington. I think that film is going to open a lot of eyes.
kara, I'm so sorry. I lost the link in a swarm of emails if you repost it here. I will put it right up -thanks
This is a good post Sara, and rather unfortunate that it has to be said.
I see that some people are never going to agree with others, despite our commonality as bw. Since this is the case, then we should just stay in our respective areas of the playground and not bother each other. It is pointless to try to engage them or have dialogue with them.
That being said, I wish them well, but what they say has no impact on me, and I want to remind them, they ALWAYS have the option of not ever coming to sites where they are so outraged by the comments of the commenters.
sigh
it seems so simple doesn't it delish? but we always have them coming to our sites then being angry about something they read and trying to start something. Maybe I really should rethink this privacy blog thing. that's not the way I wanted to go, but I'm a little sick of this....
going private give them what they wanted.
I can certainly say, Evita and Sara are two separate individuals and one can tell by the way they write their blogs. Of course, the naysayers would be very happy if Sara went the way of Evita. And, cussing only cheapens a blog. Yes, we all can speak perfect english without all of the profanity.
Sara, do not waste too much of your precious energy on naysayers apparently the naysayers do not have anything worthwhile to do with themselves. Another good post.
Ann F.
*sigh*
Sara, I for one am not going to give these lost souls the pleasure by taking my blog private. You told me once that I had to get a thick skin to stay in this IR blogging game, well 'ello pot, my name is kettle! ;)
Anyway, I had no idea that people were reading my blog and taking issue with what was being written over there. My mindset has always been that if what I say pisses you off, then it must have been the truth, and we all know that truth hurts sometimes. Regardless, that's not going to stop me from telling it. It just means that you really need to take a good, long, hard look at the woman/man in the mirror and figure out what's wrong with you so you can fix it.
It's like someone on my blog said: they persecuted Jesus Christ for telling his truth. What makes you think you'll be any different?
As far as what you can do to help them, simple truth: nothing. You can't help people who want to remain wallowing in hatred for you. It's just not going to happen. Until they decide that they want to come out of Babylon so to speak, there's nothing that can be said or done except leave them the map t freedom (your blog) and wish them well. It's just not worth it to get yourself all upset about them, because then they win.
Oh and can I say that I am totally oblivious to all the controversy? I'm oblivious because I chose to be. If it doesn't directly concern me (even if it does concern my blog) I click on my handy, dandy nignore button, complete with purple spangles and beads.
Oh and congratulations on reaching your 2 haters before the summer! Now you got to get 4 more before the summer is over!
I love you SARA. DO NOT GIVE INTO THEM. The naysayers are pathetic people with NO TRUE HAPPINESS in their lives otherwise they wouldnt be wasting their precious time. I knew when the IR blogs started it would be a WAR. This is a new WAR for black women and we must SOLDIER on. Like we have done in the past.
Remember that there's a new generation of black women that NEED you. They see their elders lead and they will follow. You see too many sistas had no leaders and hence the 70 percent singleness rate. Enough is enough. We must not allow young black women to follow in our mistakes. Their minds are starting to change for the better.
Eventually the naysayers will have no choice but to accept this just as we have mistakenly accepted our positions as deserving less than. Now is the time to fight, keep fighting, know that you have soldiers behind you, MARCH ON.
You guys are right. I cannot go private. too many sistas would not hear the message and that defeats the purpose. and you are right nicole I really cannot help them, they must help themself and if they want to wallow in anger and bitterness-theres really nothing I can do about it. And yes anon, I see many bw opening their eyes, and reaching out for what they deserve for the first time, it's a truly beautiful thing!
Anon said:
This is a new WAR for black women and we must SOLDIER on. Like we have done in the past.
...............................
I have another take on this Anon..I don't like war. I don't believe in war. People die in war, and I am certainly not going to be a footsoldier for anyone's war. So I will not soldier on.
I actually DO UNDERSTAND the spirit of what you are saying (unlike those who would deliberately misunderstand or twist things)..but why should we as women go to the front lines of a battle we did not sign up for? I am not going to do it. They can wage war amongst each other..it's just a matter of time before they turn on each other anyway. People who enjoy war tend to do this.
WE are not in a war..they are. We are just trying to have a conversation with other like minded bw here. It may not be everyone's cup of tea..so what..Can we not be different? Can we not have thoughts that are different from what THEY BELIEVE?
WEll of course we can!
SO if anyone REALLY feels like they are caught up in a new war, may I suggest kindly that you desert the fields RIGHT NOW..if there are no soldiers, there is no one to do the fighting, because we never enlisted.
Remember....
A sister is "a gift from God"..................................................................................................
"A cruel punishing vengeful God"
lol..my sister gave me this card..it seemed so sweet on the outside, and then I turned the page and WHAM...
Anyway, they are still our sisters..the ones it's ok to see ONLY at Thanksgiving.
Sara, blogs like yours have helped me tremendously over the past year and a half. I was challenged by Halima's and Evia's blogs, and it gave me the courage to look past my comfort zone. I am so glad so many black women like yourself have created their own IR blogs.
I know at times the negativity is psychically draining. Please know that you are helping so many people, the naysayers' numbers are minuscule in comparison.
Too lazy to log in.
Much love.
Phoenix Sun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-W9RPV8eQQ&eurl=http://www.stereohyped.com/
WOW!
Sara don't shut your blog down because of uneducated, narrow minded, angry people who don't have a clue. If you do THEY WIN and everybody else who really enjoy and look forward to your incredible insight LOSE.
I've read your blog from the very beginning and always come here first. You have made me look at a lot of issues from a different perspective, i have learned a lot from you.
IF YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY THEN YOU HAVE HAD A GOOD DAY!!!!!
You know how i feel about BW, and i may meet a person some day who has read your blog and learned from you
and i know that i will be talking to a person who is intelligent, loving, caring, and a good person.
THANK YOU FOR ALL THAT YOU DO!!!!!
ELGERDOBO
Thank you for the kind words Sara. I enjoy your blog and hope to continue to see it and Pinky's and others. As for the sick sistahs to those who are worrried about them - I say do nothing let them be the tool of their own self destruction. clearly if these women were happy with themselves and the relationships they have they would not have the time, energy or need to stir the pot in order to bring meaning to their lives and satisfaction to their disturbed souls. This constant negativity exhibited here is clearly part of their own small lives outside the blogosphere and if that is the case - acid corrodes the vessel. Personally I suspect they are not as happy as they think they should be and their relationships are not all they want them to be - again all signs of not being in harmony with their actions, words, deeds and emotions in sych and consistent.
They do not want anyone else to achieve happiness because then their happiness will no longer make them special - they need the external validation of through their interpretation and world view being envied to make them feel special. They think that others envy them or are jealous of what they have and are out to take it away. They are afraid it won't last and they will go back to being ordinary - again or still working from a position of lack. They stir up strife to 1) avoid dealing with their issues and reality 2) to try and stop others from being happy.
Truth be told they are perceived as just being women who have found a relationship - another day in the life. No one who is healthy really cares aside from say they found a relaionship they are healthy and happy and so am I in my life and it is all good - glad for them. This lack of attention to them - lack of "special status" the potential loss of perceived exclusivity scares these one trick ponies who failed to learn that what makes a woman special is who she is not what or who she has in her life.
Others of these folks are being egged on by DBR folks who also do not want to lose any more of the feeling special. Traditionally the saying goes "BW are raised BM are loved" i.e. they are special they get special treatment, they are treated exceptionally i.e. like the rules do not apply to them. BW who date based on their own needs, desires and standards i.e. date out flip the script and say "you are a man like any other man, same equipment regardless of color - i.e. sorry to be blunt but - it's all dick every man on the planet has one - different color same equipment - no news there - show me why you deserve a place in my life based on the same standard I hold everyone else to or move on". This scares the DBR and the non DBR alike because guess what now that the playing field has been leveled and women expect them to come correct or stand down they have to man up or get out! These folks do not want to compete too lazy, self indulged and more than a little afraid they can't so they stir up strife to continue to reap the benefits and keep women stuck on stupid instead of doing what is best for them.
So the lesson learned from this is:
1) Be happy and whole before you enter a relationship - no relationship no matter how good can heal a damaged soul. Taking a damage soul into a good relationship ultimately damages the relationship. If you are not whole before entering into a relationship - having a relationship will not make you whole.
2) Be clear about what you want - who you are and hold people accountable by not settling for less - be flexible but know what your non-negotiables are.
3)Be happy healthy and whole not only is it good for you it drives these women around the bend - just sit back and watch them self destruct at their own hands
V/r
Clarice
Thankyou, Sara for deciding to keeping your blog public. I enjoy reading your posts tremendously, ever since I found out about you earlier this year. I'm not privvy to all that's been happening with negative posters and all, but I will say this, we can disagree without being disagreable.
I've been hearing people quote Katt Williams a lot this week about hater's hating. They are going to hate because that is what they do and it's thier problem.
Keep on keeping on Sara!
SEE
thanks guys, and clarice another tremendous, thought provoking articulate response -loved it....
Sara,
I haven't responded in a while (although I have been reading your blogs). But I had to say something when I read that you wanted to go private (and did I read that you thought about not blogging at all???) Please don't. I agree with the others that said that you will truly be missed if you did so and for those of us who enjoy reading your topics and the comments, it would be sad for us not to have them. For example, the BW in her 40's who was in a IR with a WM in his 70's who treated her with dignity and respect. See, it is intelligent and thought-provoking IR blogs like yours that she can share that with other BW.
As I have said before, to hell with the haters. As long as you are a BW in this racist and sexist world, there will always be those that hate you, especially when they know that you are smart and intelligent, and not dumb and stupid like BW are suppose to be. And that hate not only comes from the "outside" world, but also from our own people. Everyone will not agree with, like, or are ready for what you have to say, especially regarding IR relationships. But for those of us who are ready for a change, as you have said, we must save ourselves and our children. And as the mother of a daughter, I couldn't agree more. Again, please don't stop the blog.
Sara, keep on keeping on and stand strong sista!
Peace and Blessings,
Ann C.
thanks Ann, and although I thought about going private, I never thought about stopping!! They'll have to kill me to shut me up....
I love these encouraging comments, they are so beautiful and wonderful to read. That being said, Clarice, you are wise and insightful, and I appreciate that, but your long-winded overly philosophical posts are getting a BIT MUCH. Do you think you could condense it to like 2 or three massive paragraphs?
I do not know about war? Yes, do stay on your toes.
"Oh and congratulations on reaching your 2 haters before the summer! Now you got to get 4 more before the summer is over!"
I personally think you have said it all and there is no further need to say more. Why continue to fan the fire. Let's get back on a more pleasant track...Your man Gerard. Smile.........
A. F.
Sara, I think you're blog is fantastic! I just wanted to let you know, I'm so glad you are not going private (yet) I left C1's blog because the tone of it became so nasty and I noticed he endorsed it! I could not beleive he could act as ignorant and mean spirited as his commentors. You really cannot help them, you must just stear clear. And you made an excellent decision kicking off the main sh*t starter....
Anon, thanks for your compliment but please don't disparage C1. I like him alot, and I think he's just been caught up into this. But I thank you for your compliment....
"... please don't disparage C1. I like him alot, and I think he's just been caught up into this."
_________________________________
Sara,
I like C1 too and I was very disappointed when I read his last comment on Siditty's blog. He said, most of the bw here who are seeking irr or only interested in wm as a form of revenge, to get back at bm. They have really gotten to him in a big way. Oh well.
That's interesting Anon. since in order to know that-he would have to be a mind reader, and I don't think he is......
I like C1 too and I was very disappointed when I read his last comment on Siditty's blog. He said, most of the bw here who are seeking irr or only interested in wm as a form of revenge, to get back at bm. They have really gotten to him in a big way. Oh well.
I never said HERE I just don't understand the folks who talk about black men all the time and how they need to get away from them. A white guy wants to know you like HIM and he's not going to want to hear about black guys.
sara, wanted to tell you that I love the tenor of your blog. it's so kind and caring as opposed to some of these backbiting, nasty, mean spirited ones I will not mention. I truly beleive you have bw's best interest at heart and that you truly care for your readers.... thats a wonderful thing -thanks
C1 we don't talk about bm all the time! we talk about whatever we need to get off our chests. That's the point of this blog as sara says it's about US not them -them includes everyone else!) We have this space so bw can console, comfort, guide, advise, and work toward our own betterment. This is not about wm, ww, bm or anybody else....
Taylor-Sara said... thanks guys, and clarice another tremendous, thought provoking articulate response -loved it....
Thank you for the postive response and the chance to speak. Somehow they look shorter preposting. Thank you even more so for not going private.
Anonymous said... I love these encouraging comments, they are so beautiful and wonderful to read. That being said, Clarice, you are wise and insightful, and I appreciate that, but your long-winded overly philosophical posts are getting a BIT MUCH. Do you think you could condense it to like 2 or three massive paragraphs?"
Anonymous Let me keep this short and to the point so as to not tax you too much - Admittedly some of my more recent posts have been longish - it was not my intent. I will leave snipping or shortening my posts to the discretion of the blog owner. Her house her call.
V/r
Clarice
Sara, I think that you should keep doing what you are doing and if it upsets people, then that is too bad. Don't change what you are talented at. You have created a place for black women like myself, to go to when you don't see many couples like yourself,(media wise). It doesn't matter what you do in this world, there will always be someone that is unhappy with it. That is something they need to come to terms with. At work, from time to time I am called a sell out. It doesn't bother me because I am a leader and independant thinkser. I don't follow and I don't allow others to decide my life, othewise I would be unhappy. keep posting the pics of black women and non-black men. It represents my life and I appreciate you for this blog, keep up the excellent work.
I hate how it is assumed that every bw that comes to this blog only want to date wm due to the fact that they hate bm, is getting really tired. The fact of the matter is and let's be real. Bm have the most baggage and short-comings of any other race of men. I believe it might be the way they have been socialized or it's just the lack of respect they possess for themselves in which has always made them unappealing for me as a mate. I have always preferred dating wm (the hottest men on the planet). I didn't really know the meaning of being treated like a lady until I dated wm. They appear to have been socialized(in fact men of every other race accept for bm for some reason unknown to me) to treat women with respect in which every man should do. It is as basic as being taught to wash your hands after you take a sh*t. I don't know why most bm(notice I didn't say all)just were not taught that. It's so basic.
I will walk outside tomorrow and some bm I don't know will try to put me down because I didn't give him the attention he demanded. It can be so dehumanizing and this goes on just about everyday for me. It has been a real turn off for me with them.
Why don't the "you shouldn't bash bm and ww crew" go to some of those blogs where bw are being ripped apart by bm and ww. Let them try to tell them what to talk about on their blogs. But, we know that won't happen because other bw are a easier target for them or their feeling is that we shouldn't do it either. I don't know.
...I just don't understand the folks who talk about black men all the time and how they need to get away from them. A white guy wants to know you like HIM and he's not going to want to hear about black guys."
___________________________________
This argument is most tiresome. In my case, I didn't see how horrible bm really were until I started dating wm. I guess felt cheated because I felt I had been wasting alot of time with bm.
C1 has a point, but I want him to know I have always only dated WM. I love WM and am most attracted to them. They have so many wonderful qualities that we all love or else we wouldn't be here. That said, I have joined the BM bashing because, well, they suck and they deserve it.
Sara,
Do think black men were socialized differently from of men other races, in terms of how to treat women?
This could be worth exploring as a topic for your blog. What do you think?
C1, we are not all the same. If someone starts with bm bashing that u dont approve of simply filter it through your blog. I like you and would hate for you to get caught up in the mess. So keep doing what u do.
Anon, I def. think black men are socialized differently than most men. For one, I think most bm are taught that it is all about them. I can see the difference in my very family where the girls are taught to excel, and the males are taught they are too precious, cute, adorable to have to do much. I think this ridiculous programming is prevalent in the BC. Sussequently we have an internal divide where the females are quickly outpacing the males and then blamed for the male's shortfall.
Taylor-Sara said... "Anon, I def. think black men are socialized differently than most men. For one, I think most bm are taught that it is all about them. I can see the difference in my very family where the girls are taught to excel, and the males are taught they are too precious, cute, adorable to have to do much. I think this ridiculous programming is prevalent in the BC. Sussequently we have an internal divide where the females are quickly outpacing the males and then blamed for the male's shortfall."
Dead on target. There is tendency to over protect and shield BM -suspect it is done because of the believe that they will be treated unfairly and hated in the cold cruel world so the family/community should be their safe place to fall and know they are loved i.e. to build them up! While it may have been well intended and well meaning - it has been crippling and enabling to the point of being disabling.
WM are expected to man up make a name for themselves and be the protector and provider and compete to do as well or preferrable better than the past generation. They are pushed to achieve - told no one is going to give you anything you are going to have to get it on your own. It does not mean a thing if you do not do it on your own.
V/r
Clarice
Who is that couple sleeping in the picture?
A.F.
Sorry, A F. the person who sent it to me only said it was a married couple -no other info....
Anon said: "Why don't the "you shouldn't bash bm and ww crew" go to some of those blogs where bw are being ripped apart by bm and ww. Let them try to tell them what to talk about on their blogs. But, we know that won't happen because other bw are a easier target for them or their feeling is that we shouldn't do it either. I don't know."
This is too too true and quite interesting to boot. Why is it that bm (and ww) can bitch about bw ad naseum, ad infinitum all over the net all and over the world, yet nobody accuses them of dating out because of revenge. But let a bw complain about her very real and true circumstances surrounding her dating and marriage choices and options, including - bm shortage, bm harem mentality, the share-a-man phenomon, baby mama drama - and she is accused of dating out for revenge.
I think what we are seeing here (Classical One I'm looking at you)are just a bunch a women who are mad and angry that they have been drinking the Kool-Aid for so damn long. A lot of BW are just waking up from the Matrix. We have been asleep & dreaming so damn long that it is hard to come to grips with a very new and stunning reality. The world as we thought we knew it doesn't exist, so excuse us while we bitch - I think I am going to put that on a T-shirt.
I also think we are all in different stages. Some bw have always been attracted to wm and haven't been afraid to say or it pursue it. Some have always been attracted to them, but kept it to themselves for fear of upsetting the apple cart. Some bw never truly realized they had a choice. Some still don't think they do - hence all the haters.
Just keep on keeping on. Your work here does matter.
P.S. I don't wanna have to hurt nobody, but Gerry's mine (sharpens razor).
PRETTY ISLAND GAL
This is so unfortunate. It is no different than someone coming into your house and demanding you decorate it a certain way.
Your blog and others you mention are positive, informing and just plain eye-opening for many bw who choose the IR route. Many bw were never taught to seek a great man or a great life, just “find you a brother”.
I know you all are dealing with some wicked spirits out there who do not want to see bw fulfilled and happy no matter what. If this was “hate a bw blog”, all would be quiet in blog heaven for you all.
I discovered these IR blogs because I asked myself the question, why am I so loyal to dating bm and he is not loyal to dating bw? And got hooked. I think many bw are starting to ask the same question. I said it in a relationship seminar at a black church in front of several young bw, you need to look for a good man, not a bm. BM left you a long time ago. You could hear the crickets.
Most of what I read here and your other links are “pink elephant” topics that mainstream media will not dare touch.
Even when slaves were legally freed, some black people volunteered to stay right where they were and then criticized the others for leaving.
My new motto:
"Never allow someone to be your Priority while allowing yourself to be their Option."
FYI: Ms USA '08 is beautiful black woman.
Keep doing you Sara!!
Keep putting those winers on blast by publicizing their foolish comments!!!
taylor-sara
Keep doing you! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR BLOG...and I admire what you have to say!...let the haters hate...THAT'S WHAT THEY DO!!!..
TORI
cami said... "....She told me there were too many sistas dating wm now, and that soon brothas would get angry! Like I give a damn! I told her to do like the wind - and blow!"
RIGHT ON CAMI! If the "brothas" or so called "BC" get mad so what - big deal! They are angry now and you see what happens nothing they are being self indulgent, self serving and self destructive and overall wallowing collectively in self poor little me pity - witness the actions or in-action of 'leaders' like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson et al. with Dunbar Village. If recent history is an indicator of future events - success or the lack of they will simply get mad and continue to self destruct our goal as thinking, intelligent healthy women is to avoid the spatter - leave the folks aboard ship to their own choices - encourage where possible women who are swiming for the life boats! Refuse to be drawn into a "war" as you continue on your journey to happiness and self fullfillment - that ship has sailed.
Love, value and respect yourself enough to speak, live and honor your truth and the "war" is over before it begins.
V/r
Clarice
Sara,
You are doing a GREAT job, as well as other bloggers.
I don't see this blog as a BM bashing blog but as it was stated before me. BW have very real issues to deal with and when she realizes it, she has the right to express herself as angry because she has come to the knowledge of truth that she was not privy to see before. Sort of like finding out your spouse cheated on you, when everyone else knew it before you. Yes you are going to be truly disappointed and want to really express it!
I think we on some level need to lighten up on these BW.
Now once she expresses it and gets it out of her system, she may enter another stage of figuring things out and therefore exit the stage of what may appear to be BM bashing revenge.
So we must atleast try to understand or have clarification on what BW are going through.
Stay Blessed!
thank y'all energize, tori, selena, and clarice.. and energize I love your motto! I appreciate the support alot. Sometimes this is a really thankless job but y'all make it worth it.....
I think it's best to ignore them.
I made the mistake of posting on one of them blogs one day, and the ensuing convo and the trolls it fed was the best action and the most attention her blog had ever received until then. She should have thanked me. LOL!!!!!!
IGNORE THEM!!
Thanks Stardusky, and I think you are right. But I just hate that they can come here and read everything we say, then run back to a 'private' setting and lie about us all day....
Hey Stardusky,
I made the same mistake..I actually thought I could engage them in civil (maybe even humorous) dialogue. I was wrong about that. I too think it is best to completely ignore them.
wow...I'm a rather late comer to these blogs. I've lurked on lots of them but really refrain from commenting on them. This is not to disparage Evia's blog. I enjoyed her blog. It was well formated, easy to ready and contained lots of information for black women in IR's. Evia's blog became uncomfortable for me after more than a few posts about DBRs and mammies. It was kind of like reading the new Alex Cross novel (I love James Patterson) on a chalkboard while someone was running their nails down it. As an outsider, I noted a small circle of like-minded bloggers and I was hearing the same screeching of nails. Black women can be their own worse enemies sometimes and that's sad.
Let's face it, sisters. People are going to hate. If you are bucking a trend, haters find you an easier target. Putting catchy little labels on them makes me grimace. I think almost every black woman has a female family member who does not approve of them dating out. Even in the IR community, there's some snobs. Not all BW have the body of Flo-Jo and long hair to boot.
I wholeheartedly encourage BW to be strong, not only in body but in mind and spirit. A relationship is not going to solve all your woes. BW have endured alot in this country and still we rise and thrive. But this struggle has not come without it's scars some of which are not healed.
I would really like to read more about what white men think. I enjoy that you put snippets of letters from white men. I think a time ago, you posted a few self-improvement subjects. I did enjoy those. They distinguished your blog. Thanks you for the blog effort and good luck.
"But I just hate that they can come here and read everything we say, then run back to a 'private' setting and lie about us all day...."
Hi Sara,
In all fairness, I think a lot of that goes on in other such 'private' blogs as well. Yes it is hurtful when people can go back in their 'private' setting to lie, falsify documents, and try to spite others for simply disagreeing on something. I would think everyone has the same betterment objectives, we don't need to pin sides, make fun or hurt other black women to do so. It’s a shame there is so much malice. I’m not saying you do these things, but everyone has to step back and take a look at things from all perspectives.
Thanks,
Don't feed the troll dressed in sheep's clothing.
stardusky, I'm way ahead of you girl. I know exactly who you're talking about, and I could not agree more....
Well to piggyback on what some of you all said about black womens reluctance to date interracially. They are scared or just praying for a good BM. I am planning an interracial mixer this fall in Atlanta and I am trying to reach black Christian single women and HBCU alumni to get the word out. I am also planning a seminar on interracial dating for BW. It has been achallege but I have 25 contacts so far. If you know of any contacts who would like to attend this party. Then let me know. sistrunkqueen@yahoo.com
Sistrunkqueen: I don't live in Atlanta, but I do have a couple of friends there. I just emailed them to tell them about the mixer you're organizing, and I gave them your email address. Hopefully, they'll give you a holler to get more info. Neither of them has dated IR before (as far as I know), but I know one for sure is open to it. We'll see. Good luck with your mixer and seminar - it's hard work organizing these types of events, but it's a labor of love, I'm sure!
Sara, I think you're blog is fantastic! I just wanted to let you know, I'm so glad you are not going private (yet) I left C1's blog because the tone of it became so nasty and I noticed he endorsed it! I could not beleive he could act as ignorant and mean spirited as his commentors. You really cannot help them, you must just stear clear. And you made an excellent decision kicking off the main sh*t starter....
Been there and done that and wrote and talked about it. I don't think he's had the kind of traffic (nor the quality) that he used to and I don't think he really cares.
__________________________________
Sometimes going private really doesn't matter because some of people that paid their money to join Evia's private blog took our private discussions and went over to the "other side" and not only discussed what was being said, but twisted our words to their own benefit!
Aww Stardusky I hope you were talking about me but no matter- think what you want. I think I will go back to just reading the blog than commenting on posts that make me think. Have a nice day.
malynyne, I can tell with 100% accuracy, she was NOT referring to you....
To the person who had the IR mixer idea, send me an email and I will see what I can do to get the word out about your mixer
asktaylor1991@yahoo.com
im a black guy don't hurt me. lol!
bw/wm in the media: some fat white guy wrote that the media is trying to hide bw/wm couples please. bw/wm are always in the media. on soap oprea's, primtime tv, and in the movies. now for real couples. the only time they show bm/ww couple's only if there famous espically sport's star's. if famous white male sport's married bw. the midea would show u to. and far as some big explosion of wm/bw and other none-wm. far from the truth here in the states. when wm go outside the race they marry asian women for the most part. wm/bw couple's aren't anything new. danielbarnes_76@yahoo.com
Hi Sara, long time girlie. You are doing a great job! I would love to see more on the Blasian love connection.
Just wanted to send you an excerpt I found on Huffington Post about Obama's campaign strategy in the general election. It appears that the Right-wing nut jobs want to paint Michelle into a corner with a broad paintbrush designed to brand her as the "Angry Black woman" Check this out it's from this article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/08/us/politics/08obama.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss&adxnnlx=1212944928-EqqTVJkztRUGhuvbwY1W1Q
"...Recognizing the extent to which Republicans view Michelle Obama’s strong views and personality as a potential liability for her husband, Mr. Obama’s aides said they were preparing to bring aboard senior operatives from previous Democratic presidential campaigns to work with her, a clear departure from the typical way the spouse of a candidate is staffed. Mrs. Obama’s operation would include senior aides devoted to responding to attacks and challenges to her, particularly if she continues to campaign as much as she has so far..."
If you're not a stepford wife like Laura Bush or Cindy McCain then you're going to get "labeled" and most likely in a not so flattering light.
Keep doing what you're doing--let that Inner Light shine into the darkness and illuminate the cause for black women: Love well deserved, better quality of life, and family connection regardless of the color scheme it is made up of.
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