Thursday, April 24, 2008

Will the world be upset if we stop being " the angry black woman?" + Wealth ideas (scroll down)



2 husband wife IR couples enjoying life....




















Is it me or does it almost seems like people expect and want us to be the 'angry black woman'. Four instances brought me to this conclusion they are as follows:


I was in a restaurant the other day with a few friends. When a black woman at the table next to me, turned to inform the waitress that her burger was raw. She calmly showed the girl the raw meat, and motioned to hand her back the plate. The girl immediately started to back up (nearly causing the plate to fall) with a frightened look on her face. She began to look around for help while saying "Ma'am please calm down, don't get upset!" The woman looked totally bewildered because she knew she was not the least bit upset. The manager appeared from nowhere and calmly took the plate, giving the waitress a condescending look. Me and my friends looked at each other. "She never would have acted so stupid if the woman had been white" my ww friend Beth stated. I looked at her in surprise because I had been thinking the same thing, but figured they would not 'get it'. The waitress continued to
put on a scared and stupid act for the rest of the meal, but it was funny to see later on when the woman took 5.00 off of an 8.00 tip, how fast the she (the waitress) got angry and began to spout profanity!


2nd instance,
I was in a store the other day where a ww and bm couple were shopping. They had 2 precious children. My daughter who adores babies, begged me to ask the woman if she could see the baby. I went with her, and as we approached, I could see the ww tense up. I don't know what she thought we were going to do to her. We both look like very sweet people. I smiled at her and she instantly relaxed. My daughter asked if she could see the baby (who was covered with a blanket) the lady happily obliged. My daughter cooed and ahhhhhed over the baby much to the mother's delight, but I could sense the father getting irritated for some reason. Soon enough I took my little girl, and we walked away. I heard the father say, "she ain't foolin nobody- she know she mad as hell!" I heard the woman tell him that I had not seemed angry at all, which he promptly brushed off 'as an act'. Later on, I saw him deliberately kissing and hugging on his wife(?) whenever a sista was close by. I did not see one respond. They all looked right past and kept shopping. This seemed to irritate him even further. When the bw cashier smiled at the baby, he blew a fuse and stormed from the store for no reason! I honestly think he was angry because we were not angry! (lol)


3rd instance,
On a message board later that week, I watched as some sistas agreed with some ww, who were saying that Farrah Faucett looks horrible now. Immediately bm came out of the woodwork to attack, saying the bw were jealous of ww and that, that was the only reason we were saying such nasty things. They said we were angry and miserable and always jealous. Several women tried to make them understand that the remark was not made from malice but merely observation. but to no avail, they continued to rant about how we were jealous of ww and I got fed up with the bull and signed out. But the simple fact is that Farrah, who was once a very beautiful woman now, DOES look horrible. I have heard that she is ill, and on meds. May the lord keep her healthy, but regardless, it is obvious the looks that made her a fortune are gone. That's just life, but how come they said nothing to the ww, who were saying the same thing? Not a peep about them, but as soon as sistas co-signed, all hell broke loose!

Last instance,

A friend told me she was at the mall with her sister, husband and brother in law, when they spotted 3 black men (who were all with non-black women. The 3 men all turned to glare at her and her sister because their husbands were white. She said she and her sister (teaka ) both laughed and hugged up to their husbands more. The men stopped walking with their 'women' to make snide comments and one even gave them the finger. They was muttering about who did bw think they were-and how black women could not be trusted anymore! While they were doing the same thing! Deb (my friend) said the couples got angrier and angrier when they realized neither Debbie nor her sister cared. More and more, I see sista's who are happy and content with their lives. I see them going to school, having wonderful careers and happy families with non-black men. Yet the more content and calm black women appear, it seems to world wants to pull us back into the 'angry black woman ' box. I just get the feeling this is what they want, for us to be sad, miserable, alone and angry.... It's just my take on it, but what do you guys think?.......

Below: Some wealth ideas for the entrepeneurs.....


_______________________________________________________


1. Rental Wealth:

Here is a pretty easy business to start. I knew a guy in Texas who took a 5000.00 loan and bought 3 mobile homes. How did he buy 3 mobile homes with 5k you ask. He simply put down payments on them, and financed the rest. Mobile homes are actually much easier to buy than houses, and can look downright luxurious with a little work. When he was done cleaning, painting and sprucing up the homes, he ran a rent to own ad. People flooded in trying to own the mobile homes. (which is the next best thing to a house) He took payments which covered his monthly fees and gave him a positive cash flow of 200.00 per month per unit. With the money, he reinvested until he had 20 units and was set for years. He used to always brag about how he only went up to the 10th grade, yet he made more and had much more free time than 3/4s of the college grads he knew. If you are scared to buy and rent mobile homes try other items. Hot tubs, jacuzzi, and jet ski are 3 examples that make excellent rental profits. See you are limited only by your imagination and your willingness to work. Nothing comes from nothing. You must take action! Here is a simple ad to use to rent your equipment;
RENT A HOT TUB FOR YOUR NEXT PARTY!
FREE DELIV-CALL 215-000-0000

You will need a pick up or small trailer to move merchandise. and storage to store it. Start this biz with one tub and a few ads and watch the profits roll in...This business does require some work, as the tubs or (whatever you decide to rent) must be moved. But the profits are really good. just 2 hot tubs and a few ads can make you over 50.000.00 per year! Sounds like good 'hard work' ow, doesn't it.....

2. 1000.00 per day (copy the dealer)

Here is a business truly anyone can start, and make a fortune doing. How would you love to go to the bank on a daily basis and deposit money? This business can do that for you. I got this one from someone who showed me how he makes 750-1000.00 per day recruiting people. He starts with an ad in the paper. He solicits for good sales people who are not afraid to talk to people. Then he gives them inventory (balloons, candy, clothing,etc) and sends them to malls, amusements parks, tourist attractions, or even street corners. He pays them 10% of the profits. This usually adds up to at least 100.00 bucks per day for the person. Many people will work their butt off for 100.00 per day. This business is based on the power of duplication (like McDonald's) you put several people out there, and you take most of the profit and give them an amount that keeps them happy and working hard. In the meantime, you are getting rich without working at all (except for running to and from the bank.) You spend your time re-supplying your salespeople and going to the bank A salesperson ad in the paper will bring you many people looking for work, keep the best ones and get rid of the rest. What to sell depends on your location. See what sells well in your area. Some ideas are food at the park, balloons and flowers at concerts (where men are trying to impress their dates) One enterprising young man counted on his football team winning and made 2000 little team flags, pendants and buttons to celebrate it. He waited until the game was over (holding his breath) If 'his' team lost he was out all the money for the trinkets-nobody would buy for a losing team. In the last seconds, his team came through and he was mobbed by jubilant fans. He sold out in 2 hours and stuffed so much money into his pockets, walking was difficult! That was a gamble, but yours does not have to be. simply investigate what sells well in your area, recruit, take your cut and deposit! Always check references and hire only trustworthy people.....But this is a business that can truly make you 1000.00 per day with a little work.....PS. talking balloons sell especially well almost every place. Google them on the net.

3. Flyer Riches:

This business is fantastic! I'm almost tempted to keep it to myself, although it is by no means a no-work idea. You will definitely work, yet the money is fantastic! This is how it goes, You record a business name at the county courthouse (DBA) Something catchy like_________________{insert your town name} best flyer delivery service. You would then open a bank acct. for your business using the name. Place a newspaper ad like this; (Advertise door to door to for 1/4 the cost of postage! call _______________When people call tell them that your company will take their advertising door to door and guarantee no lost units for only 10. each -one little dime. When they ask how you can afford to do it at that price-let them know that you will do it in units of 3000-5000 =300.00 or 500.00 explain that you will be delivering it with other non-competing businesses and that all merchandise will be in door bags and taken straight to the customer's door. This is a price they cannot beat anywhere! The cost of a single postage stamp is over 40. !!! Once you set up this business and your customer has a chance to see how beneficial this service is to him, you will have more calls than you can handle! This is how you handle it. Pick up your customers flyers, ads, or circulars etc. and put all in a door hanger bag (google door hanger bags people, this ain't rocket science) You drive and get 2 dependable young people (have 2 stand byes, young people are not known for their dependability) anyway have the 2 young people get out at every street and deliver to both sides at once. You can even pay them to stuff the door bags or use your kids and make them earn the money they are always begging for. You should be able to go through up to 5000 bags in no more than 5 days. Send your client an invoice (any office store will have them, sometimes even the dollar store has them) pay your people decent because they will only be getting about 1 week of work or if you are really ambitious , go to the next ajoining area and repeat the process. You should be able to have 20 clients in 2-3 months, if you work at it. And that is really ALL YOU NEED! 20 clients will enable you to make 7000-10.000 per month! (depending on whether they are 3000-5000 unit clients) Once you have your client list, and your client realizes the value of your service, (and you have people fighting over your business) you can and should insist on only 5000 unit clients because it is pretty much the same amount of work and it is easier it is all the same in number. offer the 3000 unit -only as a starter unit. This business is being done in my area right now by some snot nosed kid who is making a fortune! and he does not do any deliveries himself -he only drives- You can do this too. The main ingredient in working for yourself is BELEIF. You must believe you can do it You must give yourself time for it to work! Anything that someone else is doing you can do as well! (If you are willing to put in the work) That is the saddest part about the job market. People start to see themselves as employees and then it is so damn hard to change that mindset. You must learn to see yourself as a wealth opportunist. Someone who takes advantage of the wealth opportunities that are all around us! Did you know that the average person has many million dollar, ideas every day! yet because he has been conditioned to just keep on working, most people will ignore these ideas and slave away until they are fired. Then they will experience extreme fear, and hurry and try to find another slave position. All the while, terrified of being fired again and wishing they had the guts to start something of their own. Folks, this is what conditioning doe's to you. That's why I cannot understand what the debate is when it comes to heredity -v- environment. There is no question that people are a product of their environment! You can take identical twins and raise them in separate homes, in which one has self-employed, confident, and successful and parents and the other has struggling , fearful, employee parents. You can literally watch how the employee child knows no other way except to "get a good job" when the job turns into a nightmare of low pay, downsizing, no time for family, or vacation, he will still fight himself over the need to "get another good job" No matter how much he hates it. No matter how much he wants to be free, he has been conditioned to seek security, and his conditioning is controlling him. The sad part is SECURITY IS AN OPTICAL ILLUSION -IT DOE'S NOT EXIST! His brother on the other hand will know "although there is no security, nobody needs it because the only thing you need is opportunity and there is no shortage of opportunity only a shortage of courage". And since his parents have instilled that courage in him> the world is his oyster! He will live far, far better than his brother in houses his brother dare not dream about (because they don't make them for employees but for EMPLOYERS AND ENTREPRENEURS ) He will most likely visit places his brother can only read about and send his kids to schools his brother's kids have never heard about. People it is truly a whole different world if you would only TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE!!! You only have to believe and then do it! (if thou canst only believe, all things are possible to him that believe ) -the bible
Thanks for tuning in guys and see you next post-you can email me for help or advice at
asktaylor1991@yahoo.com (my readers only)

Beauty tip:
Ladies if you have dark circles under your eyes or dry, uneven skin (dark and light areas) here is a simple solution. Buy a cheap stick of cocoa butter that you can get from the hair stores and dab a little on your face, in several areas. Put a few drops of water on your fingers and rub it in with the cocoa butter all over your face. Then blot. This will even the tone of your skin and give you a radiant glow. For even more beautiful skin, drink alot of water and take a daily vitamin, and a calcium pill. Meleleuka makes an excellent vitamin and calcium formula. You can actually see the incredible difference in about a week. My skin is so lovely from this routine, I skip the make up period and just wear chap stick. No, I am not bragging but you guys know we already have pretty skin, this routine just makes it really, really pretty. You'll see what I mean soon.... You can reach meleleuka at 1800-282-3000. Ask for a catalog.
Thanks for tuning in -see you next post....

80 Comments:

At Thursday, April 24, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara, I am shocked that you did not post anything on Wesley Snipes going to jail for tax evision- 3 years. Now, lets see how many of his "friends" will visit his ass in jail. Of course, he blames everyone except himself. By now we all should know to watch your own money and all of the financial paperwork.
Ann F.

 
At Thursday, April 24, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

And, the same thing that happened to Wesley can happened to others who think they are too good. I cannot wait to see who his visitors are. I have never heard him speak of his mother or any other family members. Ann F.

 
At Thursday, April 24, 2008 , Blogger Zabeth said...

The fact that the BM reacted that way, is so sad. It actually says more about them than it does us. It really speaks to their insecurities and it makes me question why their with the women that their with. They want you to be jealous, which is really shallow and pathetic.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Ether Blade said...

Those stories are crazy. I have seen black men with white women look to black women a negative response. That happened to me when I was like 14 or 15. I was in Barnes and Noble and this cute bm was looking at books near me. He was older and I was just looking. Anyway his ww girlfriend came out of nowhere and like grabbed onto him for dear life. I was like whoa I am 14 and he is like 21/22 calm down.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was smiling when i read your post. us black women are powerful beyond measure.i loved the 2nd and last instances you told, it clearly shows that most of these guys aren't dating non-black women for love, but for attention and shock value. they are no longer a shock value and i can't wait till this summer when i see more interracial relationships between black women and non-black men.

some months ago me and my mom went to the mall to do some shopping and we saw 2 bw/wm relationships there, what so cute about both of them is that clearly the women looked like your "ghetto" type (i know you ladies hate the term but that's the only word i can think of 1:16 in the morning) and the wm was you frat boy type and the looked happy. when me and my mom got home my mom was like "did you see those two couples? you would never think they would get together...bw are stepping there game up!"

i can't wait till this summer!

Ann C

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

wesley snipes is very antiblack female which is why I don't understand why my sister blew up at me for sayin it's good he's going to jail,I'm bm .It's like Oj all over again ,he despised bw and they love him ...crazy....A lot of bm have fragile egos ,so when a bw makes a scene over his no bw dating policy it feeds that retarded logic and has him thinking he's the greatest,[lover,man,person]all the women want him and he got going on..

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Ann, that's too funny about the frat boys with those women! thats really cute. And you know it prob. is shock value for them alot of the time, I could not beleive he stormed from the store and neither could his wife....Like someone was saying, alot of times they are doing it for spite, whitch is why bw/wm relationships last so much longer. 2nd only to wm/aw ......

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger LostGirl#1 said...

I think there are lots of folks invested in the "angry black woman" and when you don't play the role, they are at a loss.

I know there will be those who say that *some* BM in IRR don't engage in the behaviors you witnessed, but just let the comment section speak for itself...lol.

I see this quite often and it's really sad when a BM, who is a stranger to you, is about to break his neck looking for your reaction to his non-black partner and you have ZERO interest in the situation. SMH

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That isn't the least bit shocking to me. I encounter it more often then not. It is usually the black men that have the issues. The white women tend to not care. I encountered a rare incidence once. I work in a hospital and there was this white-fem, and black-mal couple. Well, they had just had a baby and the white lady was being so particular. she wanted everything to be just perfect. She seemed unhappy with the attempts her husband made to please her, as far as helping the baby. I was supportive of them two when it came to changing the babies diaper and stuff. I gave compliments of encouragement. Before it was time for them to leave the hospital, this black man, babies dad, squeezed my hand and said, Thank you for everything. He seemed like he needed to feel like he was worthy. His wife was so critical of him. Everything isn't always everything when black men are with white women. Why are they still so angry at times. If you are happy, you won't care about treating others nasty to spite them. I don't tend to see this when it is the other way around. blk-wm, and white-male. I just wanted to tell you of this rare situation where the black man wasn't nasty to me with his white wife. She, the wife seemed to be annoyed that he wasn't mean to be. I guess she couldn't handle us getting along.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope those men in jail don't remember wesley as playing a drag queen, in that one movie. Sad!

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to tell you about another experience. I went to the movies and when I was standing in line, I notice this white lady cut in front of everyone. She was yelling at the ticket lady about info on what the movies is about. The lady said I don't have specifics. Well the lady stormed off. She was white but acting ghetto. I went inside the movies to get a book that gives a general explanation of the movies playing. This black man walked up behind me. He was alone. He watched what I was doing and we started talking about where to get info on movies playing. I found the book and he started looking at it with me. Something told me he was the white ladies boyfriend. He was really cool and nice. He kept looking at this book with me. I finally said, there is another book over there. He acted like he needed direction. He tried to stay around me. He finally left and when I walked out of the movies I saw the white lady staring at me and waiting in their car. I just started to laugh. These black men claim, they don't want us, but they be checking for us. They say were this and that. We are too loud but they go and get a loud white woman? Trust me!

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are so right. The “act a fool” response has become synonymous to bf behavior that is it is expected in every situation.

I made an appt. with my plumber (wm) to come out and fix a leak for me. Well, he didn’t show up as expected. He called the next morning and wanted to come out as soon as possible. I could tell he was surprised at my calm response. He said, “I thought to myself, I bet this lady is going to be so mad at me and she is going yell at me”. I calmly said, I was sure you must have had a pretty hectic schedule or you would have came over as scheduled (wm don’t pass up a chance to make money). He charged me half the normal price and showed me how to fix the problem if it happens again.

The concern I have seen is when the bait is set for the younger bf by ww and bm. Since she has not had a chance to unlearn certain behaviors when antagonized, she will gravitate to the comfort of the emotional response.

I love the tips!

Also, Omega 3’s fish oil vitamins are very good for vital organs and skin. They will give you a natural glow from inside out.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent post Sara. Ann C you on target - this post made me smile as well and RNRS you are dead on. There are reminders of this every day. Part of the shock value is that women who are living their own truth give off a powerful vibe that can't be hidden or ignored. Even when we are just going about our lives folks pick up on it. People often believe the stereotypes and expect an angry response and it sends their reality check back for non-sufficient funds when they respond on auto pilot and get a pleasent, calm, measured response. It happens when folks are stuck on stupid and believe the hype. No one has time for all that drama. As for insecure DBRM who freak out about it the calm unconcerned about them attitude throws them into a tailspin because they are used to and or need the attention to feel valued. It's nice to know other folks sense of themselves is so shaky or shallow that they need validation from someone who does not know them from Adam. Never forget the power of living, loving, valuing and respecting your own truth worth and value - use your weapons wisely for your good not evil :)

v/r

Clarice

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Shurl said...

I've been with my husband 8 years and I've never had negative experiences with black men in public. One time, we were in New Orleans and an old black man told my husband to take good care of me because I'm "a queen." But other than that, not a peep.

Al Capone, vicious mobster and criminal, was finally arrested and jailed on tax evasion. Wesley Snipes is an IDIOT (or else someone was giving him some bad financial advice.)

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Wow Tif. your stories (both) were deep. Thanks for sharing, I almost feel sorry for that guy and you are right it does not make sense to go out and get a loud ww, when bm constantly complain that we are too loud! One of my ww aunts (I have 2) is loud, mean and cut your ass if you look at her wrong. I love her to death but she is not to be played with.(some of my bw aunts are like this too, I have to admit) Yet many times people are shocked when we go out with her and someone pisses her off, She will go off like a fire cracker-and be ready to beat anybody's behind!

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Adam said...

energize said...

"Also, Omega 3’s fish oil vitamins are very good for vital organs and skin. They will give you a natural glow from inside out."

Omega 3 is amazing stuff. I had a case of the blues for 3 to 4 months and I started taking fish and flax seed oil I have never felt better. They are also great if you work out because they decrease the recovery time and just make you feel great in general.

I have never experienced any grief from my BM friends when I have dated BW. If anything they seemed to be supportive of it. The only time I have experienced any attitudes is when I took my gf on vacation to my sister's in Tennessee and was called a n-word lover by a WM. Of course he didn't say it to my face, he said it to my mom, because he is a coward and I would have broke him in half like a twig.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger EmergingPhoenix said...

Great post Sara, and great wealth tips. I can definitely attest to having the same negative experiences, with either ww, bm, or both as a united front. The most recent was at Target, where a ww kept following me from aisle to aisle, with her very docile bm. He could tell, I was not interested in them, but her anger just rose the more I ignored them and kept shopping. She went as far as to run her cart into me. I just politely looked at her, accepted her apology, and kept shopping. She then turned around and began to yell at her boyfriend, for what, I am not sure. That isn't my best story though, but I will save that one for another time.

I have definitely heard bm yell out, "take care of that queen", or "you got yourself a fine one", but it is almost assuredly followed with, "come back home" or "that man cant please you like I can", either by the same man or another man with him. In my opinion that is still unwelcome harrassment.

As for Wesley...well, what can you say? Quite frankly, I dont care, and I am not sure why it is getting time on CNN of all places. Like Anna Nicole, if they show it one more time, I will have to take a break from CNN.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yet many times people are shocked when we go out with her and someone pisses her off, She will go off like a fire cracker-and be ready to beat anybody's behind!

Friday, April 25, 2008

___________________

Sounds familiar.

I have a WW cousin like that who is directly from *Germany.* She can get loud and sassy. The kind of thing that many people expect from BW.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beauty tip:

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Make a paste and apply like a mask to face and neck. Leave on for 10-15 min.

You can also mix it with St.Ives exfoliating cream for that extra boost, if you simply just want to wash the face thoroughly!

Amla is FULL of Vit C which helps with skin.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Felicity said...

Very interesting stories and thanks for the Wealth tips Sara.
Quite a few of these black men have issues, when they run off to be with their non-black women, many of them never thought in a hundred years that black women would attract and marry non-black men, they were hoping that whatever happens to their relationships with non-black women, black women would still be waiting for them. Problem now, people have moved on. So black men waking up to the idea that black women have options too, it is worrying sick

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger BeautifulBlkWoman said...

Wow... just wow.

I have had aq few instances of WW having major conniptions if I was too nice to their BM boyfriends, but I usually just try to laugh it off. I mean, if it bothers you that much that a sistah can still love a BM in spite of the fact that he's with you then I'm gonna need for you to fall back. Like I've said, I love those who show love and respect to me.

I'll never forget it. I was in Wally World (that's Walmart to you boogie kneegrows LOL), and I'm busy doing my shopping when I see a nice looking brothah kind of creeping closer to me. Now mind you, I'm shopping so now just ain't the time.

Anyway, he finally works up enough nerve to come speak to me about my hair (it was in 2STs) and compliment me on being napptural. I thanked him, said goodbye and was turning to leave when BAM! I damn near got plowed down by his WW GF, who starts trying to act a fool with me in the middle of the darned WalMart. Now those of you who read my blog know: I ain't that one, but that day I realized that she probably wanted me to act a fool with her so she could get me kicked out of the store. I just stood up, dusted my clothes off and said very calmly, "I realize everybody ain't able, and you're living proof of that and all, but the next time you hit me with that cart, be prepared to sh*t shoe for a week."

Why was she looking at me like I was crazy because I never raised my voice and kept a smile on my face?
Best part? Her BF/husband started cursing her OUWT and helped me to dust my clothes off, all the while apologizing profusely. I just smiled and sashayed off, even though my hip was really hurting me.

Most of the time though I just don't care enough to get upset. You do you, 'cause I'm sure as h*ll about to do me!

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

BBW girl, she had NERVE! that's all I can say! She must of lost her mind! Some people would've had to be pulled off of her. (like my aunt for starters) She must be crazy to pull some stupid mess like that!

Phantom-where can we get these powders and is that the label name?

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I live in NYC and in the summer I love to sit in Bryant Park. One day after work, while I was enjoying my Starbucks mocha latte. A very attractive bm/ww couple walked by me and when they saw that I wasn't upset(even though I was sitting alone), they turned around, walk back and stood in front of me and start making out, when they saw that I wasn't going to respond in anger or at all. They became upset and stormed away saying, "that's why you're alone". I just laughed. F**king insecure idiots.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Sara the stories you noted are crazy, I'm not shocked either I've had unsual encounters too with black men and their other. One time when I was still with my child's father we were out shopping and a black male came up to me while I was standing waiting on my sons father to grab a last minute item and check out, the black male came up to me and said "ya'll need to stop that shit" with venom and walked off it happened so quick I could only smack my lips and look on in confusion lol.. This is not the only incident either anytime I'm out with a white male on a date or whatever and a black man see this they will either keep looking at me and give me an expression when I unintentionally meet their eyes, like what are you doing sista (face expression) and it gets worst when there is a group of them. I do agree with the ww/bm pairings getting upset when your not angry and smile at them, I've even had incidents to where if I have my bi-racial son with me I notice the ww/bm pairings are not to happy about it. I like the nb/bm couples that are genuinely in love it seems those ones will smile back(so rare though and I'm not just talking the ww/bm pairings either). More power to the ones that are truly happy though:)

Tiffany you are a trip with that Wesley snipes drag queen piece lol! I didn't know he was sentenced wow! I thought he was going to get off.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Sara I forgot to note I love your wealth tips and I hope you can keep posting more, one of them just may be in reach with my busy schedule. :)

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Oh and the beauty tips are good too, I do not have dark circles but after this school thing I might and I'll keep that Cocoa butter tip in mind. I feel you on the no make-up I've never worn any myself just lip gloss, however I tried to go get some put on and the lady would not touch my skin with the foundation she said my skin was so pretty she was afraid she would ruin it, I tried a couple more times at different department stores and they didn't want to do it either apparently they also felt I didn't need it. So, oh well I've never learned what shade would work so I go without.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Taylor-Sara said... BBW girl, she had NERVE! that's all I can say! She must of lost her mind! Some people would've had to be pulled off of her. (like my aunt for starters) She must be crazy to pull some stupid mess like that!

You are both so on! Target - it is going to be on - It's almost like some of the ww are afraid that the BM they are with will - change sides anytime they speak to or are nice to a BW. Sad to be so insecure. Some men probably play into that insecurity intentionally others may just be going about life and the woman's insecurity kicks in. Guys are gonna look and maybe even speak (just hello etc.) to a woman who gives off a positive vibe. Think about it - if you look at the media ww are walking tight rope. On one hand they have been put up on a pedestal, at the same time the pressure on their appearance - never mind how smart is to be thinner, smarter, younger is always on. If you look at advertisements - every magazine on the market tells women what is wrong with them and how to fix it.Their game is always in danger of slipping and as more men are increasingly and openly exploring the colors of the rainbow and finding the Madison Avenue ideal tired and too high maintenance. High maintenance as in hard to please and never satisfied. A BW at the top of her game - living her truth, with joy and respect for self and others is smokin'. Heck - as they say 'it don't crack so a sistah on a bad day - baseball cap, just a quick swipe of lipstick - focused on getting things done - has game, and that is enough to trigger another woman's insecurity.No wonder ww w/ bm are coming unhinged! The steady stream of women waiting for BM has is drying up fast and they are having to step up their game and compete and the BM are coming unglued and the women they are gravitating to are insecure. It is on - folks are going to really start losing their ever lovin' minds as the trend continues.

V/r


Clarice

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

clarice I could not agree more...
Anon. I can't beleive they decided to stop in front of you to put on a show! How stupid! Why would you need the attention of total strangers? and then to get mad when they don't give it to you.... sick.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clarice, I so agree with you.

Also, if the bw has a nice appearance such as clothes, hair, makeup, confidence and even that famed extra weight some people will still have a problem. Simply be the BEST person you can be and go on with your life.
Ann F.

 
At Friday, April 25, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

Hey all...first US..the Amla powders and oils can be found in your local Indian shops...they have lots of interesting products ..I especially love the advertising..one hair oil I bought said it was good for my hair, my brain, my skin and my "temperament"..SOLD...lol

As for these dbr's...well they are just ridiculous really. Once again, they are not a part of my life, so I don't care about them. We are free women. We can be with WHOMEVER we choose..and we must choose the best mate for ourselves. Needless to say that will not include the dbr. We have to stay as far away from them as possible. If you see them walking towards you, cross the street. If you are about to get into an elevator, and a dbr is inside..wait for the next one. I sometimes "look through" some people. It is not my duty to make eye contact with every human I meet. That does not mean I am not aware of them, I simply do not have the energy to engage whether negatively or positively with everyone I see. I will however, if I am able, nod subtly to US (smart beautiful BW making expanded Global choices)when I see us...just a little positive affirmation...that I will do.

Angry??
You betcha..sometimes I am..I've been angry since 2001...lol..just kidding. There is a positive way to use anger..and it need not be loud. Anger can be very invigorating and life changing.

Wealth Tips
Sara, Sara Sara...
you are AMAZING.
Thanks for even more tips. My little wheels are spinning, spinning in my head. My angry head that is.

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a young black female...19 to be exact and i met this really nice handsome young white guy and he likes me and i like him but since i moved to london from the whitest country in the world lol i'm afraid we will get stared at...i have never worried about this before but now that i'm here i have seen that most of the black guys here are kind of aggressive and pushy and i don't want them to comment on us if we walk hand in hand past them, i dont know if i can deal with that i would be so embarrassed....so my question is, how do you do it? sorry if this is a weird dumb questions but i just need some advice. i dont know if i can handle people staring at us etc

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have never worried about this before but now that i'm here i have seen that most of the black guys here are kind of aggressive and pushy and i don't want them to comment on us if we walk hand in hand past them



girl, don't you know that the black guys everywhere are like this?? just ignore them and keep living your life. if you can't handle people looking, you are NOT ready to date ir. learn to revel in the attention and be amused by the black guys who look at y'all.

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have some experiences. A while ago I was at a restaurant with my mom when 30 minutes in a ww and bm, with their two sons, sat at the table next to us. The ww kept looking at us, but her husband didn’t seem to pay us any mind. He was reading the menu as well as the sons, she just kept looking. So when we left I say her watching us as we left. I get outside and say to my mom “why was that lady staring at us” my mom said “because we’re a threat and she thinks we want her husband.”
Another time, I was at the mall and I was walking through Dillard’s headed upstairs. There were two couples ahead of me, bm and ww, and one of the bm looked back at me. I looked up because I was reading my receipt and I didn’t want to run into anything. So he stops right in front of me and grabs his gf and kisses her, I walked right pass them. I said in my head, “he must really think I care”.
Another, when my mother and I went to Ikea and there was a bm and ww together. The bm kept looking at my mom and me while his wm kept looking for whatever. Not once did she look at us. Every corner we turned he was looking. My mom said to me “what does he want, why is he looking at us? We don’t care.”
I have others, but I think I’ve talked too much already.

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

OT: Has anyone ever heard of this guy srgtwilliepete on youtube? Well here is one of his videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5q1Mlc8NsA

*Warning* He's a sad individual.

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Anon. the 2nd Anon gave you really good advice, The only thing I would add is to know that over time it will affect you less and less. You will get used to it, and it will then lose it's effectiveness on you. You are so young, and I know that staring people may seem a big deal when you are young, but you will get over it. and she is right the bm are like that all over the world...

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just this past friday me and my mom went shoppin at our mall. when we walked out the music store i noticed this couple bm/ww sitting together. now mind you the man was sitting on one end of the bench and the woman was sitting on the other end with her baby in a carriage, but i knew they were together. didn't think anything of it and kept talking w/ my mom but out of the corner of my eye i saw that soon as my mom and i were about to pass them, he suddenly just slide over to his gf and kissed her on the cheek. of course i just kept walking and talkin w/ my mom. unfortunetly i didn't see his reaction after we passed them but i guarentee that he just sat himself dwn and went back to lookin his miserable self.

another time i was shoe shopping by myself at the same mall(my mall has a lot of interracial couples in there). anyway... after i was done lookin at a pair of shoes i looked up and i saw a bm/ww couple suddenly the man slides over to his girl who was busy lookin @ shoes. i just smiled and kept shopping.

another one i was at an amusment park and i wanted to take a break from the rides, so me and my cousin sat down while the rest of the fam. went on another ride. i notice this couple bm/aw and i thought they were cute, the minute the guy saw me he quickly kissed his gurl. too bad he didn't realize i was 21 and he looked about 17.

okay last one but this one is about me. i was shoppin at the same mall and you know those mini carts they have and people stop you to sell something...well one of the guys stopped me. he was italian and he was trying to sell me something, like anyone i was like "nah no thank" and i tried to walk away but he got me. so there he was tryin to sell his product but some how it got personal. we started flirting and laughing and i noticed this bm not sitting to far from us just staring. of course i didn't care and kept talking w/ the guy. i also noticed ww were passing us and looking like "what could they be talkin about?".

sorry for the long post i just wanted to share my experience.

Ann C

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

no prob. Ann post as long as you like....

Its interesting these men that put on these shows, I mean is your relationship about you and her or just you trying to hurt BW. (and most of us no longer give a damn.)

I can tell y'all about 4 years ago I had a white aunt (yes, another one-used to have 3) named Diane. She was the sweetest person you will ever meet and we loved her dearly. Problem was my uncle would not marry her. they had been together over 15 years! all that time, she had been trying to get him down the Isle. In the spring 4 years back she was diagnosed with liver cancer and was told she was terminal. Well she asked him to marry her again because she wanted to die a married woman. Do yall know my damaged ass uncle (but I still love him-don't get me wrong) but his damaged ass waited until my poor aunt was a few weeks from death and there was no hope of recov. to marry her! She was so weak by that time, she could no longer write her name. She had to put an X for her signature and get married in the hospital! Thinking about it, and how wonderful she was makes me want to cry... Ladies whether you are black or white (I know some of you ww are listening) don't waste time on damaged men -life is just too short. If he is only with you to piss someone else off, how is that fair to you? Is that really the life you want for you and your children? My aunt Diane never had kids because he did not want them. so she was denied the right to be a wife and mother! These are the precious gifts that a damaged man will take from you.....think about it, you deserve to be more than a trophy, you deserve to be LOVED!!!!

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.bossip.com/16252/they-jacked-our-lingo/

check this out it's positve about a new site called the swirl society that's specialize in bw/wm dating. Please read the comments some of the bm are supportive [like me] a few are diguising themselves as wm and saying that they are just using bw for sex . Please check it out.

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

OT: Has anyone ever heard of this guy srgtwilliepete on youtube? Well here is one of his videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5q1Mlc8NsA

*Warning* He's a sad individual.

Hey Anon and everyone, sadly I went to this link and it was indeed so sad to listen to the ramblings of an obviously misinformed and ignorant brother. I only made it through about two mins before I cut it off. He has other clips about bw, I couldn't bring myself to click on them, Im sure sure they were more bitter rants about bw. I guess this fool is trying to save us from ourselves, lol. Anyway girls if you have the stomach for it check it out.

Dee

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

I would not suggest anyone going to look at this garbage! we need to focus on the positive and put the rest outside of our immediate concerns. Too many of us are already focused on the negative. Lets just keep our focus in the areas that will do us the most good...

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had a really odd experience at my church once. This didn't even involve an IR couple. There was a white couple (WW/WM) sitting in the chairs in front of me. (I go to a mixed church.) I wouldn't have even noticed them, except for the fact that this WW kept looking back at me. Initially, I figured that she was just taking a glance around the church out of curiosity. However, during several points in the service she would glance back at me. I never looked at her or acknowledged that she was looking at me. Then at one point, she actually put her arm around her husband and started rubbing his back and his shoulder. Mind you, her husband had not looked at me once during the service. However, I did steal a sideways glance at both of them after she had done that. He looked a bit uncomfortable with his wife's arm around him like that. It looked really odd like she was the husband and he was the wife. He squirmed a few times, and I went back to paying attention to the service. At the end of the service, everyone starts getting up to leave. I'm looking around for my stuff, and the wife wanders off somewhere to the side. As I look up, about to turn to leave, the husband and I make eye contact. I say hello, and he gets this huge grin on his face, "Hello!" This wasn't just a standard hello nice to see you in church. This was 'Hello, how did I miss you sitting back there? What's your name?' It was one of the oddest things. On the way home, I kept thinking to myself "His wife must have found some BW skin mags in his hiding place or something, and now she's wary of BW, because she knows that he's attracted to BW." I'm telling you, I had been providing this woman absolutely no reason for her to be worried about me. I hadn't even looked at them until she started acting weird. Has anyone else had a weird experience like that, not involving an IR couple? I'm not certain what in the world was going on there, but it was definitely odd.

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

emerging phoenix, please tell us the other story. Curious.

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

True, no one should bother with that link. I've seen some of his other videos, trust me, that creature is a waste of oxygen!

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a friend at work that is a nurse. She told me she dated one of her boyfriends for 9yrs and the current has known for a total of 13. I told her to consider her options. She is beautiful and has a great career. She said if she isn't married and has kids by 35 she won't do it. She is 30 now and no proposal. I told her to consider her options. I told her who I was dating and she asked me tons of questions. I hope she gets married and has kids like I know she wants to. I can see it in her eyes when she talks about it. I know a few more single black women nurses that are in the same predicament. It is sad. They are successful and level headed but still, no ring or babies. It doesn't look like it may even happen. I tell them to look at all their options constantly. They aren't getting any younger. Most live with their boyfriends and they haven't mentioned marriage and most have kids already, so they definitely are pressed. These women don't have kids of their own but are supporting their boyfriends kids. I am not saying that you shouldn't, but why not have it the other way.

 
At Saturday, April 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ann C. thanks for the interesting snippets of daily life - It's easy for them to run long :) Those posts confirm that BM the world over a losing their ever lovin minds over what BW are doing or not doing when we go on w/out them

Anonymous said...Saturday, April 26, 2008 "I'm a young black female...19 to be exact and i met this really nice handsome young white guy and he likes me and i like him but since i moved to london from the whitest country in the world lol i'm afraid we will get stared at...i have never worried about this before but now that i'm here i have seen that most of the black guys here are kind of aggressive and pushy and i don't want them to comment on us if we walk hand in hand past them, i dont know if i can deal with that i would be so embarrassed....so my question is, how do you do it? sorry if this is a weird dumb questions but i just need some advice. i don't know if i can handle people staring at us etc"


Let me blunt. People are going to have opinions and stare no matter what you do. Maybe they are staring because the two of you together are happy and glowing and that makes people take notice. It may not be all bad. You sound like an intelligent thoughtful person with good personality i.e. you give off a positive vibe. That alone is going to attract attention- that is a fact - can't change that! How do you handle rude, dumb, insensitive comments and stares from folks - ignore them as best you can. The actions of others is not about you or the one you are in a relationship with - the actions and reactions of others is about them and where they are in their lives. Therefore it does not matter!

Focus on how you feel - what makes you happy - align your heart, head and actions. Be happy, be who you are, live, love respect and value your truth. Live your life do not let others or their opinions live your life. What it comes down to at the end of the day in those quiet moments in time,no matter what your standards are, is do you like, respect, value and love the person you are with and most importantly - do you like who you become when you are with them? Are you honoring, valuing, loving, respecting and living your truth even in the relationship with them?

If those answers are yes with the person you are with - cherish and protect that and do not let anyone destroy that. Never forget how it makes you feel - We may forget what happens or what was said and done but rarely do we forget what we feel. Have standards, maintain those standards - but retain your truth through it all!

All you can do is live your life - those folks that matter to you won't mind if you are happy and if your happiness does not matter to the folks you are with they do not matter!



V/r

Clarice

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara,

You can purchase the powders from

http://www.eastwestbazaar.com

also at http://www.amazon.com just type in amla/aritha powder.

I like to mix the amla with henna sometimes and apply to my hair.

These powders are part of the regular beauty regimin of East Indian ladies.

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey delishmish!

I know which herb you speak of....BRAHMI. Good stuff too. Helps keep hair dark along with amla.

Yes check your local Indian/Pakistan grocer in the beauty isle.

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cheddars yes... I had mentioned it on another posting sometime back.lol


I was at WalMart some years ago when it getting big to go there. I had gotten in line with my cart to check out. Well a White couple came and got in line behind me. I had on my beautiful scarf on my head that had those coins on the outer rim that jingled and my Egyptian musk oil perfume. I notice the WM was standing close behind me and I started hearing these inhaling sounds. The WW starting getting close close to him to distract him. She finally asked him to get in another line and he said "NO! I want to stay here," and I continued hearing these deep inhaling sounds basking in my warm wonderful scent! I mean he was obvious.

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Blogger EmergingPhoenix said...

@JaliliMaster: OK, I will oblige. The only reason this story sticks with me, is b/c of the shear lunacy of it all. I was a teenager working at the local mall cookie shop. It was the rush hour, and people were mobbing the counter trying to get a cookie. This particular day, I was angry with the store manager (for the first time), and was mumbling under my breath during the mob rush (to the effect of “what is his problem” or “I cant believe this”). Next thing I know, out of the mob of people, comes “what the f&ck is YOUR problem!!”, “Do you have a F%C#*NG problem with me and my woman”. I had to take a step back to protect myself, before I could look up and see who was talking, and WHO they were talking to. Turns out this bm (grown man), thought my mumbling had something to do with him and his date. Now I had to make a hurried attempt to look around and determine which woman in this mob was with him, and why did he think I had a problem with them. I noticed a bewildered ww standing off to the side staring at me. It began to make sense, and I just calmly explained that I was not ranting about them at all, and I hadn’t even noticed them until he began to yell at me. Mind you, I was a teenage girl, and this was a grown man possibly in his early thirties, who was a total prepster (not a thug), yet he felt it was appropriate to curse at me. Not to mention, the guy was biracial, and at first glance you might not even catch that he was half black.

My explanation didn’t satisfy him or calm him down. He continued to berate me and imply that I was lying, and that I had been cursing them under my breath. At this point, I became infuriated, b/c I couldn’t believe a grown man was talking to me like that. So, I began to yell back (and had everyone’s attention, as the mob had quieted down). And I told this guy that I was not referring to him, that my mumbling was in regards to a convo I had w/ my manager earlier, that I have no reason to be upset that he is with a ww, that I dont know him, that I am a TEENAGER, that I like to date white guys, and I would never have a problem with a bm with a ww, and FINALLY, that ‘if he was soo paranoid and concerned about what I thought, maybe he should evaluate his relationship, and the reasons he entered into it in the first place’, all in one angry breath. Everyone was stunned into silence, and just staring, including the bm. Once he regained his whereabouts, he began to continue to curse me, calling me a lying little b&t%h, and whatever else. My manager had to grab me and drag me back to the backroom, before I could react. They told the guy to leave the counter, and my manager, told me to stay in the back until he left. I was soo pissed, I couldn’t believe a grown man talked to me like that, and also accused me of having a prob with his IR relationship. Everyone else was stunned that it happened, and that I was angrily yelling, because I was usually happy, bubbly and giggling all the time.

I cant recall all of the crazy experiences I have had, but I never forgot that one, just because it was soo crazy, AND I felt really good that I was able to tell him about himself.

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Blogger Desiree Lovely said...

Cheddars and Phantom Mare...Can we say paranoid! Geez! Cheddars, I agree, she found some type of mag or maybe it was a website on his computer. Possibly when she was dating him he had dated women of color if she is that paranoid and "married" to the man. Who knows anymore!

I'm reading these stories and wonder what world are we still living in where your personal life is a strangers business. I mean, people are so ridiculous it's laughable. But this post and the others are so interesting when you think about it.

As much as many post about feeling they aren't "good" enough to attract a non-black man, these stories obviously say the opposite. You, as a BW, are extremely "good" enough, if not THE BEST choice to ANY man, black or white. The white women these men were with knew it, and so did the black men who got pissed that you were with someone besides a BM knew it.

As for the BM who are with WW, they are embarrassed..that is all it is. They are compensating. If you really loved the woman you are with, you wouldn't give a dang who passed by and saw you or who that other person was with.

People make me wonder sometimes...really! I just hope I do not deal with drama like this when I find someone of QUALITY to spend my time with. I just don't have time to let negativity into my personal space.

Keep doin' wutchu doin' ladies...

Dee

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

Emergingphoenix said:

I was a teenager working at the local mall cookie shop. It was the rush hour, and people were mobbing the counter trying to get a cookie.

...............................

First of all...what cookie shop was this?...I love cookies. I would definitely have been a part of the mob. I know WHEN they make the oatmeal choc. chip cookies in my local Whole Foods. I usually head up the mob. You know what I mean? If you don't want a mob, then don't make good cookies. I become a very angry woman when I can't "get at" the cookie.

I'm just sayin'

Now about that crazy fool you had to deal with....
sigh...

I wonder if they would change their behaviours if they knew just how disinterested in them we are. I am glad that some ww etc want them, because I certainly don't.

Does everyone like my AVI? That is how I look before I put on my "human costume."..lol

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Blogger EmergingPhoenix said...

@Sara – the woman looked like she had never seen this side of him, and like she wished she could just disappear right there.

@delishmish – I am not mad at you, our cookies were good, and I had to do my best not to wolf them down. Luckily, I had a teenager’s metabolism. this was a company that is no longer in business, but they started the whole “cookie cakes” for birthdays craze. They did have good cookies, but Mr’s Field’s out competed them.

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara, I am so glad you posted these. since moving here to Texas I get the same reactions.

I am single right now, and the bm/ww relationships I see they don't bother me and the d.a.ds (dumb.a.dudes) seem to get ticked that it DOESN'T bother me. I haven't heard any direct comments to me, but I see the body language and more.

I even get the stares from the SAME people when I stare at a white guy or smile at him a bit 'too long'.
Stupid Ign'ant People.

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Phantom Mare, that's a really funny story. Although, it was probably a little strange having some random guy standing behind you to sniff you. At least the woman he was with had an actual reason to want to move. You weren't doing anything, but he obviously was. The husband of the woman at my church hadn't even seen me until we all got up to leave. Whatever it was that she was paranoid about, it happened long before either of them had ever seen me.
__________________________________

Emerging, wow! Sometimes supposed "grown folks" aren't quite as grown as they would like to think. I have to agree with Desiree. If that guy had felt secure in himself and in his relationship, he wouldn't have given 2 seconds worth of thought regarding what it was that had you mumbling, let alone thought to start yelling at you. I'm impressed that you had the presence of mind at that age to be able to put him in his place like that. The only retort that he had was to swear at you some more. Idiot.
_________________________________

Delish said:

"I wonder if they would change their behaviours if they knew just how disinterested in them we are."

Hmmm...that will be interesting. I see a lot of denial in the near future. I still see a lot of anger being transferred onto BW. Only, they'll be saying different things. Instead of insisting that we have a problem, they and their partners will be getting angry that we're not noticing, much like the couple in one of the stories posted by an anonymous poster. The one where the couple tells her that that is the reason she's alone. As I stated above, I also see a lot of denial on the horizon, incredulity that we really have moved on. So, I don't expect that all of those weird outbursts about BW having a problem with IR will completely go away. Honestly, there still are enough BW out there who still do have a problem with it for them to be able to make their claim. It's just that slowly but surely things are changing to the point where BW who do have issues with it will be in the minority. That's when the crap is really going to hit the fan. We ain't seen nothing yet. All of that anger and insecurity that some of these BM and some of their WW partners are directing at us has to have somewhere to go. That's the point of directing it at us in the first place. It's like their release valve. Well, when that release valve is gone, or at least greatly diminished, they're going to have to find some other way of releasing all of that, because it's going to be there regardless of whether we are. It's like the couple at my church. That woman wasn't paranoid because of anything I did. These people aren't angry and insecure because of anything we did. They don't know any of us. So, that anger and insecurity isn't going to go away just because we're not paying attention. It will just find someplace else to go. I think that's when we're going to start seeing some of these IRR's that were started for the wrong reasons starting to self-destruct. There won't be an external outlet for their craziness to go, so they'll have no choice but to internalize it and/or turn it on one another. This ought to be really interesting.

 
At Sunday, April 27, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Desiree Lovely said:
"As much as many post about feeling they aren't "good" enough to attract a non-black man, these stories obviously say the opposite."

I strongly agree, Desiree. That's why it's so great and so very important to be able to read stories like these. It helps to provide ammunition for the times when others are trying to tell you that you're not desirable. Even the negative stories help to build up your armor against the craziness that's out there. When you've heard it from someone else first, it prevents you from having to try to figure out what's going on. You waste less time sitting around, scratching your head, trying to figure out what you did wrong and more time just laughing at other people's lunacy.

 
At Monday, April 28, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that people do not like to see a happy merry easygoing black woman .The first thing that comes to mind for them is that sheis pretensive , uppity , and that is followed by hate and utter dislike ...

 
At Monday, April 28, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Black men are always either staring blatantly at us or just otherwise trying to make me jealous when they see with me my boyfriend. Even if I'm with my man, and they have their white girlfriend with them, I can see them trying to make me jealous. It's not gonna work, I don't want you!

 
At Monday, April 28, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
I think that people do not like to see a happy merry easygoing black woman .The first thing that comes to mind for them is that sheis pretensive , uppity , and that is followed by hate and utter dislike ...


This is an important thing for us all to realize. To think of a bw as ghetto, loud, bad attitudes, lazy, unkempt, etc. suits the psyche of others. It makes them feel comfortable to know that there is a group (bw---or bp in general) who are "less than". Not up to par. It gives them a reason to avoid us or not include us in a particular social group or certain work environments.

This is why its so important that bw behave like ladies (this is key) and keep doing the d*mn thing in education, career and choosing quality men.

Cathy

 
At Monday, April 28, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also have an instance where such bulls**t happened.

About two weeks ago, I was returning to uni from London (where I live). I was waiting on a seat at the train station. I saw a bm/ww couple from afar. They weren't coming in my direction. All of a sudden, I saw them through the corner of my eye abruptly turn and start walking my way. I knew what they were doing and why they were doing it so I paid them no attention. I was studying so my head was facing down (into my book), so they thought that I didn't notice them when they passed. I could see that al they did was walk a few meters, look across onto the platform and start walking back. Now this was not a small distance, so I wondered how they could be THAT bothered to come all this way for no sensible reason. It was obvious that they were kind of annoyed that I din't notice them. Do you know that this couple actually started walking back directly in the path in front of me. By this time I thought that they had already left, only for me to look up and see them both walkin.....really.....slowly, to ensure that I saw them. When I raised my head up, I immediately saw the bm put his arm aroung the womans waist. This woman then smirked at me. They then walked away 'triumphantly', convinced that I was secretly boiling. I just shook my head in pity!

 
At Monday, April 28, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have another story that happened recently. My mother, myself and my god-parents went to see "Meet The Browns", and I noticed a BM/WW couple coming in. So when the movie is done, we go outisde and we're all sitting around laughing ang talking to each other about the movie. So, the couple comes out, mind you, this WW looked, and I hate to say it, whorish, so we're talking and laughing and I can see out of the corner of my eye the guy just looking at us, me in particular. I mean, he's walking with his girl and just staring like his girl isn't there. He's doing this all the way to his car. I just brush it off. He wanted someone to notice him and his girl. I swear if BM are that insecure that they have to get a non-bw to be noticed is really sad. I just have a feeling that this relationships will fail in the end because most of these BM know they aren't in it for the right reasons. I just hope these WW finally realize this and stop being so navie about things.

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was the anon that wrote about my experience in Bryant Park. I wanted to add that there is a bm/ww couple that loves to follow me around at the gym. The bm whenever he sees me he just can't stop staring at me,looking for a sign that I'm interested in him (of course I'm not, I don't go there) and if I'm upset because he is with a ww. They follow me from machine to machine desperately seeking a reaction from me but I give them nothing and it really pisses them off.

I think when they see an attractive bw that really gets to them and the ww feels insecure and wants the bw to feel the same way she does. The ww feels she has taken something precious from the bw... the bm(oh please, keep him).

Besides, the bm I see with ww are usually unattractive to me and so is the ww their with (accept for that time in the park it the first time I ever saw an attractive bm/ww couple).

I remember years ago when I first noticed bm/ww couples they always looked like people who no one from their own race would date, complete rejects. I also believe that is one of the reasons they gravitate to each other.

hbc

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Blogger bwdb said...

@Tiffany

This is one of the MAIN reasons myself and so many BW IR bloggers do what we do...There are such beautiful, capable, BW just 'dying on a vine' and it doesn't have to be that way...Another pressing reason is for the young Black girls growing up watching us....




Tiffany said...
I have a friend at work that is a nurse. She told me she dated one of her boyfriends for 9yrs and the current has known for a total of 13. I told her to consider her options. She is beautiful and has a great career. She said if she isn't married and has kids by 35 she won't do it. She is 30 now and no proposal. I told her to consider her options. I told her who I was dating and she asked me tons of questions. I hope she gets married and has kids like I know she wants to. I can see it in her eyes when she talks about it. I know a few more single black women nurses that are in the same predicament. It is sad. They are successful and level headed but still, no ring or babies. It doesn't look like it may even happen. I tell them to look at all their options constantly. They aren't getting any younger. Most live with their boyfriends and they haven't mentioned marriage and most have kids already, so they definitely are pressed. These women don't have kids of their own but are supporting their boyfriends kids. I am not saying that you shouldn't, but why not have it the other way.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

I agree you guys. I totally remember my beautiful white aunt leaving this earth. and telling me how she wished she had found someone who really loved HER and not her color! I would never be with a man to piss ww off and I think it's a pretty stupid reason to be with anyone.....In the end, these women are only hurting themselves. I guess that's why bm/ww relationships on the average, often don't last even when they do marry...

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara, I agree with your Aunt's statement. Also, I believe that the average bw who is with a non-bm is with that man because she likes him and she is not simply looking at his complexion.
Based on certain factors, IMO it is more difficult for a bw to begin dating a non-bm; however, it is not impossible.
Since the summer is almost here. Non-bm now is the time get your summer time plans together as far as getting your own brown honey-honey brown that is me.

Ann F.

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been lurking here for a few weeks. Now, I want to add my story about the reaction of BM towards WM/BW IR. My husband separated from me about a year ago. I was devastated, but I started to focus on myself physically and spiritually. Next, I began looking into my options as a black woman in regards to relationships. This included an interest in finally dating WM, something I would had never considered before visiting some of the IR blogs including this one. The moment my B/husband realized that I wasn't walloping around crying over him and was actively looking over the racial fence for husband #2, he started wooing me again like there was no tomorrow. I almost didn't know the man. We are now reconciled, but girlfriends if ever the same thing happens again, my dating options will include WM, no matter who doesn't like it. I make no apologies about it. It is about time we step up front, rather than allowing others to push us to the back.

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

anonymous whose husband left her only to woo her back to keep her from The White Man: Why are you still with this man? Don't you see how fleeting and easily manipulated his "affections" are? Eventually, he will forget that you can get white men and become cold to you again.

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Blogger bwdb said...

anonymous ref ol girl's husband:

It'll work out one way or another...That man knows he's on a short leash & most importantly SHE KNOWS her options!

 
At Tuesday, April 29, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi All,

Just wanted to share: I was recently on a great third date with a WM that I am starting to really like. We we holding hands and being romantic at this cool jazz bar when a group of BM walked in and sat near us. I instantly became a bit tense bc I hear of the harrassment and horror BW in this situation have suffered. When my date excused himself to visit the restroom, I grew more tense. But my discomfort was unwarranted. They paid us no attention- much to my relief. I'm thinking maybe I'm guilty of the silly behavior some BM display with their non-blk companions. I guess I expected them to be "Angry Black Men." What do you think?

Anyway, I had a great time and won't let the appearance of others affect my date or mood in the future...

 
At Wednesday, April 30, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Options whether it be your education, employment, or dating/marriage.

Keep your options open.

Ann F.

 
At Wednesday, April 30, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had to read this blog a few times because of the amount of information in it. I must admit I read these blogs more than I do mainstream magazines. Those “how to keep a bm happy” articles have become very annoying.

Your take on job security is so on target especially, the conditioning which happens at home and schools.

Now that bw are refocusing their attention, I am starting to hear about more seeking higher education or starting their own business on the side. We should not have to be downsized or fired to realize our true potential.

Most of the people I’m around, all they do is look forward to retiring from work they don’t like and then turn around and go back to work because they couldn’t afford to retire in the first place. Many look haggard and depressed. And if you share any optimism, they will try to take you down to their pit with them.

There is nothing more attractive (and sometimes threatening) than a confident, secure woman who knows who she is and where she is going. Some just get there faster than others.

 
At Wednesday, April 30, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

A few years ago I went out with a white guy in NYC. It was a beautiful summer night and as we were driving back from dinner, this black guy yells out "you can do better than that sis". My friend acted like he did not hear what the guy said but I was upset for the rest of the night.

 
At Wednesday, April 30, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, I'm sorry that happened but we must remember BM do not want us to escape! even when they do not want us, they STILL do not want WM to have us! so they will often be rude, mean and ignorant. You cannot let it ruin your evening. Try making a joke of it by saying something to your date like, "looks like your gorgeous blue eyes pissed someone off!" or something to that effect. Turn it into a private joke between the two of you and it can become a relationship strenghtener instead of more stress that will tear you apart. -good luck, we're all rooting for you.

Energize you are so right-glad you can see it -thanks

 
At Wednesday, April 30, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
anonymous whose husband left her only to woo her back to keep her from The White Man: Why are you still with this man? Don't you see how fleeting and easily manipulated his "affections" are? Eventually, he will forget that you can get white men and become cold to you again.

-------------------------

My thoughts exactly. Honey, please make sure that he's with you because he really loves and not because he didn't want you to be with anyone else, especially a wm (as I suspect). If not, he will do it again, but will wait till a time when he thinks you are past it. This would ensure that you would have a much lower chance of getting a viable and decent life partner.

You and your hubby should attend marriage counselling stat, 'cuz I suspect that this man (your husbands) intentions with you are not truly genuine. Better to be safe than sorry!

 
At Wednesday, April 30, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

After reading about the beauty tips for the Alma powder and oil a google search provided a helpful link. A trip to the local Indian grocery store found the Alma oil and the Alma powder which can also be used with henna for glorious hair. It also improves the nails. Apparently the alma oil and powders are high in vitamin C. Really great stuff. Thanks for the great tips. One other product that might be of use that is available in the Indian grocery store the clerk told me about it and it is wonderful - soothes rashes and blemishes. Vicco Turmeric Skin/Sun cream. Turmeric is a really wonderful herb and works well on eczema and psoriasis.


V/r

Clarice

 
At Thursday, May 01, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops forgot the link -

www.ehow.com/how_2125438_use-amla-powder-look-younger.html

Clarice

 
At Saturday, July 05, 2008 , Blogger Andrew said...

Dear Sara and the rest of her sellout ilk.

I read all your comments. It ranged from I am a troll to I am bitter. To I date white women. It is simply amazing that if you have a difference of opinion people lash out at you. The sellout black women that "know" something about me. Know I have been talking about this topic for years. Call me controversial but everything I talk about is touched upon your blogs indirectly so if that is a troll that is a joke. I read an interesting article called

"Why are black women left out of the interracial dating game too? "

The simple fact is I never hear the complaints when "non black men" give reasons for not dating you. From weight to attitude to you bashing black men because of your bitterness. See it does not bother me if you run every stereotype in the book about black men. Some are true, for a certain segment of black men. But there is certain segment of college educated black men like myself that think your an idiot for burning your bridges totally.

The fact remains "non black men" rather choose to date white, asian and latin women FIRST. I never see the outrage in this on your so called blogs. Inherently that what angers me the fact you got no backbone or heart to talk back to non black men who 'openly" say we will not date you.

I do not give advice to sellout black women on how to date. That would not benefit me and my constituency. But all of that negativity and all of these praising of the pasty men just setups you up to be a victim.

Some of you were victims of white men using you and making some excuse to dump you. I know it's hard to admit because you do not want people to say " I told you so".

One young lady on her blog said her "ex white husband", some story about how black men gave her a "hard time". I thought the more interesting story was why you divorced your white man you pathetic women with no backbone.

I will say this, the debates on here have been interesting "unlike" CW"S book and Evia's long winded blogs.

Good day to you all and Sara

Sincerely

Mr Laurelton Queens

 

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