Love Lessons ...Setting the tone...

It's your job to realize that you are a goddess and then make sure he knows it as well.....

This is just a quick lesson and will only be up for 2 days. But this is for all the women who write, asking me how to set standards in a relationship. This is an example with answer at the end....

April finished dressing and stopped to admire herself in the mirror. Her dark skin glowed and her smile was bright. The dress fit perfect! All that running in the park was paying off. she was thrilled with the way her weight loss was coming along. She smiled happily at herself and headed downstairs. Keith, her date was expected at any moment and she did not want her family to give him the 3rd degree. Her sister Megan, set down her coffee cup and surveyed April.

"Don't you look n-i-c-e," she drawled. April grinned. "So this the first date huh. April nodded. She had been looking forward to going out with Keith since the first time she saw him in that football uniform. She was so excited, she felt slightly woozy.
Well, you look beautiful sis." Megan headed toward her and gave her a quick hug, then grabbed her in a playful headlock. "But I swear if your skin gets any smoother, I'll choke you to death! April yelped and wiggled free. Megan loved to play. She never seemed to realize how strong she was. April turned back to the mirror to smooth her hair. She too, had to admire her skin. It was coffee brown and smooth as molasses. Her mom was always telling her to enjoy youth and beauty while it lasted, and she intended to take that advice. A moment later, her mother, Beth, poked her head around the kitchen corner.

"What time that boy comin April?" standing there, hands on her hips, eyebrows furrowed in worry, she looked like an old picture of Aunt Jamima from days gone by. April suppressed a laugh. Megan looked from their mother back to April and giggled. "He's a-comin at 7:30 momma " Megan answered. making fun of their mother's improper speech.

Beth tried to look stern, but gave up when she realized her girls were laughing harder and went back into the kitchen to finish dinner. At 7"45 April was a tad annoyed. At 8 she was angry and at 8:15 she was angry, insulted and embarrassed. She stormed back upstairs and removed the dress she had spent a week's salary on, and threw it angrily on the floor. Then she got on the phone to a friend and made other plans...

By 8:45 April and her friend Tameka were at the bowling alley laughing it up and having a good time trying to make a strike. She had just settled in her seat, when her cell began to beep.

"Hello," she pouted, watching her perfectly aimed ball head toward the gutter. "where yu at?- I'm at ya, house-an you ain't even here!" April rolled her eyes. Tameka instantly knew who it was.

"Jay you were late- so basically I made other plans" Jay's breath came out in a whoosh. "look, sorry bout that, but I got caught up-I mean you understand stuff happin right-I'll pick yu up an-"

"Ah no, you won't April's voice was sweet, yet firm. " we had a date, you were late-I understand that, but the lack of curtesy I don't-you should have called. Now I'm doing something else, maybe we can do the movie another day"

The click of the phone and a dial tone was her only answer. April's mouth dropped open in shock. He had hung up on her! A minute later she was telling Tameka what happened. Tameka squinted at her.

"Why didn't you tell him to come here?" she asked. she truly looked puzzled. "Because I already made other plans" April answered snappily.

"But that's stupid!" Tameka protested. " yu gotta give a brotha a chance!" "Tameka, April said patiently "he was late without bothering to call and then hung up on me, I have nothing more to say to him!"

Tameka let the discussion drop but April could see that she was giving her strange looks from the side of her eye. A little while later, her phone beeped again. It was Jay. He told April he was giving her another chance and that she could leave the bowling alley right now and meet him down Delaney street by the club. April knew the street was dark and dangerous, she also knew even if it were a good street, she would not be going. This time the click of the phone was his answer.

Was April right or wrong? and why?

Answer:

April was right to go off and leave. You should never allow a man who is late the luxury of having you wait on him especially in the initial stages of courting.

The fact is you are setting the precedent. It is vitally important that you set the tone from the onset. The fact is that Jay is not the type of man to make April happy regardless, because she is not the type of woman to put up with disrespect. And he is very disrespectful. Lets go over the ways:

1. he was late and did not call

2. he became angry because she would not acquiesce to his demands

3. he had the audacity to call back and expect her to walk down a dark, scary street to meet someone who had just hung up on her!

Ladies, always set the tone in the beginning of your relationship in order to avoid alot of problems along the way. Will there still be problems? Of course, honey this is life not a soap opera, but you can alleviate or exaggerate alot of the relationship problems in the long haul simply by how you act at the beginning. The truth is YOU are teaching him how much he can get away with and whether you are a dream girl or a doormat simply by what you say/or don't say and how you act/ or don't act.

This is called, setting a precedent. and it is extremely important. Why? Because this is what he will come to expect. If you start the relationship off taking crap, he will give you more and more of it. Always make it clear from the outset, you expect to be treated well. The men who are willing to step up to the plate will stick around and treat you like a jewel, the ones who have no intentions of being Honorable will fade away. Either way you are much better off. Ladies, you MUST have standards and requirements! No matter what anyone tells you. Women who get what they want always have standards and requirements. Real men are very used to rising to the occasion. They are used to performing at work, working hard for promotions, working hard when they hunt, fish, or play sports. They understand rising to the occasion quite well and very efficient at it. However, the woman who allows a man to just come and go as he pleases, and walk all over her will soon find herself relegated to the bed mate category while he searches for his choosy dream girl. Even nice men will take freebies while looking for someone with more class and standards. The way you act in the beginning WILL set the tone for the relationship and once it's set, it is extremely hard to change it. Never let him get away with anything in the beginning. Let him know: " This is what I want, and this is what I will not accept!" This should be done in a sweet and steadfast fashion. There is no need to be nasty or get angry. He should know by your very actions and the way you carry yourself, what you will and won't tolerate. If he's obtuse and does not have a clue. Give him one. If he suggests you skip the movie and go to a hotel instead (long before he has a right to hope for such a thing) Simply Tell him: " Oh I understand you don't want to see the movie, perhaps you should take me home and we'll see it so other time." Look him in the eye and smile sweetly. If he's a gentleman he will immediately become contrite and back off. If he's not, then you should immediately exit his car, as soon as it is safe to do so. The bottom line is that you MUST set the tone from the inception of a relationship and guide him to treating you like a queen...... or kick him to the curb if he refuses to toe the line.... Post in 2 days... thank y'all for tuning in....