Saturday, August 2, 2008

The manipulation of BW, deliberate and deadly!





2 of the main lies: (a.) bm leave for ww because you are sexually repressed. (B.) Good bw do anything to get a bm and never consider a wm....

I was listening to a radio host the other day. He comes on the same station as Steve Harvey. (at a later time) He was insinuating that bw were losing bm because they were too sexually repressed. He went on to say that other women were far more sexually liberated than bw and that was why they were stealing bm. I could feel my blood starting to boil. Then I listened as bw called in and in almost pleading tones, practically promised to turn sexual cartwheels for bm! While many bm called in to second him on his analysis, and say that their women (non black) certainly were sexually liberated and therefore better than bw. They went on to say that yes, he was right, it is a bw's fault that she is alone. The host then had the nerve to say that bw were not swingers and implied in a very overt and disgusted tone, that this made her corny and old fashioned. He urged bw to be swingers implying that contributed to the reason they had lost the bm. Now I was so angry I had to stop for a cold soda and cool off. I could not believe for the life of me how a man who is supposed to be held as mentor and role model to millions of people could ever be so callous, cruel and socially irresponsible! First of all let me say that even if you are the most SEXUALLY LIBERATED WOMAN IN THE WORLD-HONEY NOW AIN'T THE TIME TO SWING!!!! Ladies, although I am old fashioned (and proud of it BTW) I am not casting aspersions upon anyone's life style. But now is NOT THE TIME!!! Many women are laying in hospital beds dying as we speak because they were trying to please a man!!! Don't do it!!! Don't let the BC and all the damaged cartoon characters in it convince you that you need to have sex with multiple people, engage in behaviors you find abhorrent, or sexually capitulate to men who's sexual histories you are unsure/unaware of! What this man is advocating is a sexual suicide mission!!! And I cannot believe his radio station would permit it! To advocate swinging in a day and age when people are walking STDs!!! That's beyond crazy-it should be criminal to condone and encourage it. And then aside from the inherent physical dangers of such actions, what about the internal damage to your psyche. As Steve Harvey always says:
"a man can wash his part off and go on about his way-But a woman, it's inside, once he's in her body -he's in her mind-and soon her heart"

This is so true. This is why women often fall in love with the wrong man-because she has slept with him. Then nature in it's quest for procreation will convince her that she is in love with him. All the while he was using her and is now planning his next conquest. Ladies, there is nothing to be gained by sleeping with men you are not deeply emotionally, invested in and committed to. Please don't let the manipulators fool you. Monkeys in trees should swing NEVER PEOPLE!!! Your body should never be treated like a smorgasbord for everyone to sample! This man is a LIAR!!! Yes, I said it. I'm not real good about holding my tongue. BM did not leave BW because they refused to to act like naked contortionists. They left because they wanted white women! It's really as simple as that. You can lie to yourself all you want. But that is the reason. and unless you can turn yourself into a ww, chances are they will never come back. My question is: Who gives a damn? most of them are not worth having anyway, so dry your tears and find a good man of any color who can give you the love, commitment and security that you deserve. Ladies, never ever make a fool of yourself for a man. He will use you, step back and laugh at your stupidity and then find someone with more self esteem.....It infuriates me that bw are the ONLY women encouraged to get themselves 'a piece of man' and then act like fools to keep him. No other women are ever encouraged to date losers, multiple baby making failures, school drop outs, and no ambition having, corner dwelling fools that no woman in her right mind would give the time of day to. Other women are encouraged to look for men that will UPLIFT them, and make life easier for them and their progeny. BW are encouraged to look for pieces of men and uplift the sorry ass man! And at the expense of her self esteem, morals and sometimes her very life! This is not only ridiculous, it's an exercise in futility. If a man has no ambition, no pride, no self respect (exp. swinging with anydamnbody) no focus and drive -you cannot give it to him! These are internal deficits that he must reconcile in his own life. You as a woman are not responsible for the actions of grown men! IOWs If a man wants to leave you HONEY -QUICK, HELP HIM PACK! Drop him off at the white girl's house! You do not need anyone who does not want you. That's stupid. That's putting yourself in a no win situation. Recently on a family trip I sat next to my male cousin's new white wife. We talked a few minutes and I casually asked her how she managed to 'get him' with all the competition for him (there were 3 black girls doing everything but standing on their head to try to be with him) She looked at me for a moment. I knew she was debating whether to tell me the truth or not. I nudged her and said " you can tell me girl, it's ok" She smiled, and then whispered conspiratorially. " I knew he wanted a white girl-those 3 were never in the running, they just didn't know it. In fact, he often bought me dinner with the money they gave him! " At this point she broke into high laughter. She never noticed I was not laughing, and that I walked away. But my point is as disgusting as it is to laugh about him using other women, (and taking money from other women!) she certainly set herself up in a winning hand. She knew her only competition was from other white girls, so she never even gave the three blk girls a thought. But what about the bg's why would they give money to a man? Why would they allow him to play 4 women at once? Why would they try to oust each other instead of dumping him? Because they've been taught in the BC- get a bm no matter what the cost. This is what I'm talking about. Any of those girls should have told my cousin off and dumped him but instead they fought over him. This is a no win situation. BM in this position are almost guaranteed to take advantage, and you're guaranteed to get hurt. My point is don't stand on your head for a man. Don't swing or engage in behaviors that can cost your life. Don't listen to fools on the radio telling you bm left because you did not do this or that. What the hell would you want a man who would think about swinging in this day and age for anyway? BM left because they did not want to stay period. So, I say help bm pack - happily drive him to the white girls house, and then pick up her brother on the way home!.....

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Wealth ideas for the Entrepreneurs....

Consult your way to 5000-10,000.00 per month!

If you have specialized knowledge of ANY kind, a great business to start is a consulting business. This is something that can be started from home on a part time basis and can grow as your knowledge and confidence in the business grows. Make sure to pick a subject you absolutely love and one that you will be very interested in continuing to study. One of the main reasons why many businesses fail is because people do not take their interest/passion into consideration. Many people are basically looking to get rich without realizing that it is 5x times harder to get rich in an area you dislike as one you like. Self analysis is extremely important. If you hate kids, for God's sake don't try to open a daycare! You will be a colossal failure. Not to mention the poor kids will suffer. If you have specialized knowledge of a particular thing (or are happy to gain said knowledge) then you can be a consultant. It simply means that you would get in touch with companies in your field, and let them know about your service. with (Ads, post cards, fliers, phone calls, or word of mouth)Keep in mind that WOM is much slower and this would be used as a sole means of advertising only, if you want to build very slowly. An easy way to do this biz is look in the paper for help wanted ads. You can contact these companies and make an appointment. See these people regarding problems they are having with various aspects of their business. Talk about how you can help them with new ideas, implemented strategies, or various other solutions. Talk about SOLUTIONS with them. Tell them what you can do for THEM! Price yourself at about double-triple what they would pay their employees and get to work. Some common business problems are:
  1. 1.Fiscal mismanagement
  2. 2.Employee theft
  3. Overage of overtime
  4. Need to downsize to survive
  5. Need to curtail expenses
  6. Need to meet Labor/Union stipulations
  7. Need to stay competitive
  8. Need to come up with fresh image/logo/sales letters etc....

I'm sure you get the idea. You can find a million problems in everyday businesses. And remember that (or buy on Ebay ) on this subject is called; How to succeed as an independent consultant by Herman Holtz Publisher John Wiley and Sons605 third Avenue New York NY 10158

Get Rich with old family recipes!

Did you know that some of the most popular restaurants in your town are probably so popular because of one or two 'favorite dishes or deserts'! Well it's true. Many of the most popular places in any town usually are known for some specialty, which is quietly making the originator of the specialty rich! For instance. I know someone who makes fabulous fudge. She has been making it for years. Well one day a friend of hers convinced her to let her place some on the counter of her family restaurant. She wrapped it nicely and added labels and neatly placed it near the register. Well the result was instantaneous. People clamored for it and begged for more. Soon other restaurants were begging as well. This lady does not want to go nationwide (although she certainly could) she is a little old lady now making 20.000 per month by selling her fudge to restaurants (in other nearby towns) and making it exclusively for this particular restaurant. You can do this too. Some of the most popular dishes in family style restaurants come from ordinary people who have a great recipe. Careful as this is one that can go so big, you'll feel lost and scared. So get a good accountant and try to control the growth. My father, God rest his soul was a fantastic cook. Even better than my mother (and she's a very good cook) He had a pizza recipe that was out of this world! I have never tasted anything like it. And everyone always said the same thing. Whenever he had a pizza party, as he called them. People would beg, plead and pay anything to get in! Restaurants heard of him and offered him money, shares, anything to get that pizza. Unfortunately, daddy was not interested. I think I have told y'all before my father was extremely talented in many ways, yet totally unmotivated to do anything with that talent. He always promised to give us the recipe, but he never did. To this day, we have made thousands of pizza's trying to figure out how to make them taste like his-to no avail. My point is: It really does not do any good for God to bless you with a talent, you refuse to use. Daddy could have made millions in 25 different ways if he had, had a little motivation and desire to do so. But he did not and so he died taking all that wonderful talent with him.... So just know that I can give you all the business ideas in the world, but if you don't have motivation and desire to use them-they can never work....This is a business you can make millions in if you are willing to work hard. It can grow faster than you would believe. Simply take your special recipe and let restaurants try it. Let them see if it will sell. Take it to several and have a nice looking business card wrapped with each item. (with phone number incl. ) If your phone starts to ring off the hook-honey, you are on your way! Get a good accountant and try to control the growth so that you are not overwhelmed.....

1000.00 per week reupholstering furniture (part time!)

Did you know that you can make up to 1000.00 per week upholstering furniture? Well you can. And it does not require much time to learn the skill either. You can Google furniture reupholstering and get started learning for a very modest amount. With the economy in the shape it's in. Many people want to save as much money as they can. Many people would love to have their furniture 'redone' instead of paying for all new furniture. We recently got a new leather couch and love seat set and it was over 2000.00!! So you can see why many people would love to just redo the old. Now this will require someone who has a love of fabrics, style, colors, etc. IOWs someone who has decorating tendencies and loves to make old things new. People please, if this sounds like slave labor to you, then don't waste money buying a kit. You will not be successful in a business you hate. On the other hand, if this sounds great to you read on. The Modern upholstery Institute will practically walk you through how to get started. With tips, samples ads etc. You can work with homeowners, hotels, motels, offices etc. Businesses are great clients because they really do not want to waste money on new furniture that only customers will use and not family members. You can build this as large as you like and remember you can email me with questions at tlm_taylor1991@yahoo.com (this email is for business ideas only, and my readers only...PS, if you want a copy of all the wealth ideas: go to sidebar and follow link that says (Sara's wealth blog) All of the wealth ideas will be there.

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Beauty tips for the ladies...

Flaky skin: a great way to control flaky skin is to cut an apple in half and rub half over the face. This will texturize the skin and even the tone while eliminating the flakiness. Once you are finished, rinse. You can also add a little sugar to your palm dampen with water and rub gently over the face-then rinse.

Under eye puffiness:

Fill a clean satin eye pillow (you can easily make some) with buckwheat or lavender. Lie down and cover your eyes with them and take a 15-20 minute rest. When you awake, your eyes will be refreshed and smooth....If eyes are really bad (like from crying all night ) try frozen veggies to reduce the swelling ... And then get whatever making you cry like that out of your life....

Remember to change your make up every few months as the bacteria can build up and cause all kinds of problems. Never share make up, and always wash hands before and after applying it.

Steam stress and toxins away...

Steaming the skin not only is therapeutic, it's extremely health inducing. The reason is that you steam away the toxins that make you look old and tired. By 'sweating' the skin you revive it. A great weekly regimen is to: steam the skin over a bowl filled with very hot water and herbs (like chamomile, lavender or rose. Have a towel draped around your face to keep steam in and gently lower your face and let the pores breathe. (don't get too close, and don't spill the water!) When you are done give yourself a gentle mask and see how rested and lovely your skin looks.....

Thank y'all for tuning in-see you next post ...

79 Comments:

At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

You know what's funny though, if a bw is sexually liberated then she's a "hoe". There's ALWAYS something, I've heard both excuses. And if they consider "swinging" a quality and sign of sexual liberation (which I'm sure is a quality only when you're a non-bw), then HELL NO I'm NOT LIBERATED (at least not by their definition) and proud of it. Mind you, most WM seem to grow tired of these kinds of "liberated" WW. I believe I can be 100% sexually liberated, but with MY MAN only. I will NOT sacrifice my HEALTH for any man. I'm not losing sleep over any man who has the audacity to promote swinging on the radio. Their women can keep them, because that's the LAST thing a woman - especially a sista - needs.

This is why BW need to stop trying to "fix" themselves. YOU WILL NEVER DO ENOUGH, YOU WILL NEVER WIN. You were never supposed to be perfect to begin with. Who are THEY to demand perfection when most are not even trying? Stop calling radio stations to "discuss" how to "fix sh*t" with guys who are only clowning you. When people don't want you they find thousands of excuse even if they're contradictory!

Some of these women are considering polygamy, who's gonna bring in the money? How are they gonna take care of 20 kids when many can't take care of just ONE? What about AIDS? This is RIDAMNDICULOUS!! Where is your dignity? Open your eyes, use your LOGIC! I personally consider ALL MEN, I don't care about race or origin. Even if I have to move to New Zealand for love, I will. If I have to move to Spain or Japan, I'm GOING THERE!

Honestly, are these guys SuperMen? what is it that a BM can do that a non-BM CAN'T? Think about it. You've been PROGRAMMED homegirl, get some sense and WAKE UP!!

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Anonymous kelly said...

Wow Sara, that was an awesome post! you just get better and better. and I love the wealth and beauty ideas. Hope you start doing books soon....

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Anonymous Liz said...

Loved it. Great post! I know exactly who you are talking about too. Michael B. I have often thought the same thing myself. I wondered why they would allow him to tell bw to be freaks (as he likes to call them) with all the mess going around.(and bm passing most of it!) Then he has the nerve to act like bm will come home if bw simply thow all their morals, pride and self respect away. I say let the wg's keep them.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Anonymous lisa said...

I honestly cannot beleive how hard you work trying to help bw. You must spend several hours a day making this blog this good! So much great info and great post too! I'm in heaven. I feel like I'm really home. As far as MB I think he should be taken off the air.What he is doing is so socially horrendous that he should be held accountable. To try to coerce bw into swinging in this day and age should be a crime! I'm horrified at the stuff they let him get away with because he's popular. So now, i just turn the channel. Nothing else I can do... but it's horrible. And yes, I do hear bw calling in practically begging bm to give them a chance to get Aids!!! -just sad...

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger energize said...

Deep and disturbing post.

"I nudged her and said " you can tell me girl, it's ok"
------------------
lol, You know they can't wait to tell ALL their business. Oprah followed up on her wealth tip. Find ww who will tell all their business and you will become a gazillionaire.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Anonymous bethany said...

Hi Sara, I think it's crazy that your cousin's girl thought it was ok for him to treat other women like that. What does that say about her? Can't ppl see that you cannot build your happiness on the pain of others. While he was taking money and feeding her, he was breaking the hearts of 3 other women by leading them on and lying.. Sucks that bm think they can treat us this way without repercussions forever. But I have news for them, as more and more bw wake up, the repercussions are going to get Severe! Anyway, thanks for all you do-Your blog is so good, I'm amazed. love the tips bless you....

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger Phantom Mare said...

They tell us that we are very high AIDS carriers.....but out of that same mouth say that we sexually inhibited.


Come on now, which is which.


In these next coming years keep your eyes on the rising STD's and AIDS/HIV occurences among WW. Laughing has a way of catching.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good post Evia, who taught you to write stories and do business ideas? And why did you need a second blog.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger kemicutie said...

Phantom mare said...

"They tell us that we are very high AIDS carriers.....but out of that same mouth say that we sexually inhibited.


Come on now, which is which.


In these next coming years keep your eyes on the rising STD's and AIDS/HIV occurences among WW. Laughing has a way of catching."

_______________________________

I was thinking the same thing!!! Watch, all the ww who are laughing at bw about bm flocking to them will be the same ones on Oprah crying about getting HIV and other STDs from black men and they will definitely be getting them soon.

Furthermore, anyone who tells any group of women to be "sexually liberated" aka a slut is irresponsible, stupid, and really doesn't care about women at all. Telling bw is even worse because most have already been indoctrinated to bend over backwards for bm, because some of them will do it and then where will they be? We don't have a 70% OOW birthrate because bw aren't trying to keep bm do we? This is ridiculous.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

whatever Anon, wish I could write as good as her, but thank you for the compliment....

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Anonymous stephanie said...

so, so sad. this type of "bm at all costs" "man-sharing is a fact of black life" attitude leads only to death, disease, and degradation. just look at these articles from the past week:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/07/29/black.aids.report/

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/story/2008/07/30/ST2008073000282.html

"The report cited numerous other similarities between the African and African American epidemics... Sexual networks in which people have many partners at the same time is characteristic of both. So are the assertions by many women that they are powerless to negotiate condom use or abstinence."

and no offense to any of you who are religious, but please don't give bm in "the church" a free pass on vetting. predators are everywhere:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/07/31/preacher.freezer/index.html

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/local/baltimore_city/bal-price0801,0,1246630.story

sacrificing your safety for the sake of being a "good, loyal bw" (ugh!) is a surefire way to end up in the ICU or morgue.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger Halima said...

sara, see how fools are hugging precious air space to broadcast foolishness, when people who have dearly needed comonsense message will beg for five minutes to communicate life saving messages to black folk.

no wonder black folks grew silly and sillier with each coming year. why wont they, when idiocy is held up as intelligence and the voice of reason and commonsense is consigned to the desert!

You and i know how 'life and death' it is at the point to get the word to bw. We do a great job online but there are so many still to reach. so many. BW are essentially being decived by 'fasle counsellors' that are in abundance. if we can only lift the dominance of these 'false counsellors', bw are not silly, they will begin to wise-up. right now its all they see; foolish counsel, and so they go astray!

I pray we get a bigger platform for the life saving message we have for bw!

IR Dating E-Book

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger pikacute said...

I would just like to say Taylor-Sara your blog rocks!!(Sorry going to be off topic for a sec) Your blog made me come out of my shell. As a young kid i was always ashamed of myself for liking asian guys, now reading your blogI really don't give a care of what people think now. That's why I decided to start my own blog? Can I ask a question? How do you get people to read and discuss on my blog? I'm really tech stupid so... Also there are alot of topics i want to have disscussions about and no one wants to talk :(
Ok sorry for being so off topic. I can't stand it when people make comments about black women being too liberated or not liberated enough. Like the first poster said too many excuses. If i date someone out of my race I don't need an excuse or berate the other sex in my race to prove that relationship.ugh... You know all of a sudden when I see black men with a non black women I wonder so why is he really with her. Is that a bad thought? Anyways... I could careless about what people do with there lifes as long they're not berating people, hurting people, or children. (I know there are some black women who do these things but...) You don't hear alot of black women who are with non black men berate black men or complain. I wonder why? Sorry for the long post.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Anonymous sky said...

phantom mare...

"In these next coming years keep your eyes on the rising STD's and AIDS/HIV occurences among WW. Laughing has a way of catching"

i believe we ALL can co-sign on this. i was going to say the exact same thing! these men are NOT men they are shovinist, sex addicts, preverts, porn addicts who aren't worth your time.


sara...

"So, I say help bm pack - happily drive him to the white girls house, and then pick up her brother on the way home!....."

i was about to say the same thing but you know what instead...they need to call tyrone to help them come get their sh*t, and no they can't use my phone,lol.

they are not a loss to me. i smile more when i c bw/wm couples. i saw a new one today at my church. And gurl i found a new love...move over orlando bloom im in love w/ ben barnes (star of chronicles or narnia:prince caspian), he plays the prince, and his english accent kills me *cloud 9*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlbGs-KFqTs&feature=related

sara im glad your looking out on these radio talk show host, for every time they say dumb sh*t like that, reconfirms why i should look else. i don't feel sorry they say it. im happy. Good bye bm, quit looking over your shoulder every time your w/ a ww, we don't care! the more ww you take the more wm availabe to us! *waves goodbye*

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Hi pika, it's perfectly ok, post as long as you like. As for your question, how to get ppl to talk. well.. try waiting until this post gets much longer, and then give your blog name, addess and tell the ppl a little about it. Besides that it's just a matter of time and hard work..It helps alot to keep current though, so ppl have something new to read... hope that helps good luck-S

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger Zabeth said...

Hey Ladies! Another great post Sara.

I probably am far from what some would consider "sexually liberated" too, LOL.

Anyway, the fact of the matter is that men DON'T marry whores! My apologies if that was a little too blunt or if my language was offensive. But if I've learned anything in dealing with men, it's that! No matter what they may say, no matter what your skin color is, and no matter how many women have been there before you- men do not respect and therefore do not choose as long term partners women who are promiscuous. They don't take them seriously. Karrine "Superhead" Steffans claims to have had hundreds of marriage proposals. Is she married yet?!?!?!? It may be a double standard but it's true.

We had a similar discussion on my blog here's what I said: "A lot of young people do shun more traditional values which I understand. I have found that men do look at me differently and they have respect for me that they don't necessarily have for other women. I get put into a completely different category- not to sound pretentious. The truth is if you make things too easy, men don't appreciate you. Do you appreciate the things you get for free? Pretty much every dating self help book will tell you that. But I'll admit that it does take time to learn that lesson."

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger KM said...

Sad thing about this post is that my brother thinks the same way Michael Baisden thinks. He first said he only dealt with white chicks because they didn't have a bunch of kids like BW (a lie), now, its because they are freaks.

Whatever. Like zabeth said, most men don't marry whores (except those rock stars/actors who marry porn stars). Men lie and say they want a girl who's "sexually liberated" but they don't really. They don't like the idea that the girl who can freak it like Jenna Jameson could have been had by the guy down the street, in the supermarket, even by his boys.

Ladies, lets these this immature boys alone and KIM! Don't demean yourself thinking this is how you can get a man. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, WM/AM/LM, just have to get out of the matrix first.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger HBC said...

Sara,

This is a great post. I was laughing out loud.


"Don't let the BC and all the damaged cartoon characters in it convince you that you need to have sex with multiple people"

"I say help bm pack - happily drive him to the white girls house, and then pick up her brother on the way home!....."

Just too funny.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger Selena said...

So, I say help bm pack - happily drive him to the white girls house, and then pick up her brother on the way home!.....

See Sara, I knew you were a real OG. That's what I'm talking about.

But see a woman like me wouldn't waste my gas..."You better call Tyrone-but you can't use my phone."

Btw I would still do a drive-by and pick up said brother lol.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Blogger Divalocity said...

You've got to be talking about that Michael Baisden because he is confused and immature as ever. He is constantly making comments about swinging, so that tells everyone what he is into. One minute he's attempting to be an inspiration to some and the next minute he changing into what he actually is, a confused little boy in a mans body. He's still trying to find his way as an activist, he is the original Doctor Jeckl and Mr. Hyde which makes him come off as to what he really is, a fake.

The numbers for us are steadily growing as more BW are not taking control of their own lives, because they feel that any man will do and are now becoming victims of the AIDS virus.

I have to agree with you when you said we are the only women told to settle for nothing and as I always say why should we? I refuse to even settle for less than the best life I can live and I pray that it is helping my daughters make wise and thoughtful decisions.

I feel that when BW begin to realize that they deserve a better life and they should no longer let their race be a determining factor in the treatment in which they will allow others to do unto them, only then will things change for those who constantly settle for losers.

 
At Saturday, August 02, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara this is so on target. This is another of the may myths that women are fed.Thank you for calling the BS for the BS it is! "Men" especially DBR men push responsibility in any situation for everything including any outcome that is not satisfactory or favorable to them off on the other person. If a woman is 'repressed' it is because her partner failed. Real men - quality men - know that a woman's responsiveness is directly reflective of how she feels and that if he makes her feel safe, protected, loved, cherished and appreciated. A real, quality man does everything he can to make his woman feel safe one because that is his job and two because he knows that when she feels safe, secure and appreciated she will relax and trust him. A real man honors that trust and knows that before anything intimate can happen between him and his woman she has to feel, safe and trust him and so he does everything he can to earn the respect that trust. This does not mean that it will always be hearts and flowers and perfect. It just means that when they fail to connect the man and the woman in a quality intimate relationship work through it together in without laying blame. Karrine "Superhead" Steffans - i.e. 'Superhead' turns herself into a one woman play toy for men and yet they use, abuse her and treat her like a pay toilet.
These dbr 'men' are not man enough to own up to the fact that they want what they want -so they make excuses. They are selfish, insecure and want to have what they want and have their cake and eat it to!No quality man would ever criticize a woman's intimate abilities. Check it out for yourself. Ignore this BS and keep stepping.
This is a link to a post written by a white male that breaks it down - http://deadcharming.wordpress.com/2008/06/05/secret-confessions-of-a-normal-guy/

Bottom line a "real quality man" serious about more than a physical thing knows in order for it to be good for the woman he has to be good. He knows that intimacy starts way before the clothes come off with him treating her with respect and making her feel comfortable and appreciated because he respects her and her needs. A real man knows if she feels good - he feels good. He sees this as his job to make her feel good and safe so she can freely express herself.A quality man wants his woman to be his one and only and will do what it takes to make her feel safe, respected and cherished. Relationships and especially intimacy are like dancing it takes two and each is only as good or bad as the partner.


V/r

Clarice

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Anonymous Clarice said...

Sara this is so on target. This is another of the may myths that women are fed.Thank you for calling the BS for the BS it is! "Men" especially DBR men push responsibility in any situation for everything including any outcome that is not satisfactory or favorable to them off on the other person. If a woman is 'repressed' it is because her partner failed. Real men - quality men - know that a woman's responsiveness is directly reflective of how she feels and that if he makes her feel safe, protected, loved, cherished and appreciated. A real, quality man does everything he can to make his woman feel safe one because that is his job and two because he knows that when she feels safe, secure and appreciated she will relax and trust him. A real man honors that trust and knows that before anything intimate can happen between him and his woman she has to feel, safe and trust him and so he does everything he can to earn the respect that trust. This does not mean that it will always be hearts and flowers and perfect. It just means that when they fail to connect the man and the woman in a quality intimate relationship work through it together in without laying blame. Karrine "Superhead" Steffans - i.e. 'Superhead' turns herself into a one woman play toy for men and yet they use, abuse her and treat her quite frankly like a pay toilet.
These dbr 'men' are not man enough to own up to the fact that they want what they want -so they make excuses. They are selfish, insecure and want to have what they want and have their cake and eat it to!No quality man would ever criticise a woman's intimate abilities. Check it out for yourself. Ignore this BS and keep stepping.
This is a link to a post written by a white male that breaks it down - http://deadcharming.wordpress.com/2008/06/05/secret-confessions-of-a-normal-guy/
Here is a WM point of view -

"Ladies, I realize this sounds painfully obvious, but just to be totally clear: if a guy EVER makes fun of your “skills,” run away. If he does this semi-publicly in front of either his or your friends, slap him and then run far away. If he does this openly in public (say a bar or sporting event) slap him, run away, and hire someone to have him whacked. Most guys I know (myself included) would do this for you free-of-charge just to try and redeem the rest of our gender.
Bedroom time isn’t a skills test. Normal guys don’t go into the bedroom with a grading sheet. Laughter is sexy, and if something funny happens during a sexual encounter, normal guys just hope they didn’t embarrass themselves too badly.
Now, I’m not saying every moment in bed is going to be straight out of a romance novel or have direct-from-porn production values…but this isn’t comparison time. Ever. This is non-negotiable. Any guy who uses the following phrases in or about the bedroom should be publicly executed after you drop him on his ass:

- “That’s not how [ex-lover's name] did [sex-act], I really miss that.”
- “Have you ever done this before?”
- “You need to watch more porn. It’s educational.”
- “Now, I’m not calling you a prude, but some guys would.”
- “You stopped going to the gym, didn’t you?”
- “If you loved me, you’d try it.”

(Obviously this list isn’t all-inclusive, and I will gladly take suggestions and add them to the list with credit).
No group of guys sits around making fun of the women they’ve been with. If guys get together, the guy who did that would be stared at and then shunned. If, somewhere in this universe, there IS a group of guys that do this (and some blog posts lead me to believe that there might be), please believe me when I say that they are minions of Satan. They ARE NOT HUMAN. They cast no reflection in a mirror, no matter how many times their vain little heartless-voids look. Please drive a wooden stake through them as your duty to humanity. No jury of your peers will convict you; we will, however, probably give you a medal.
Seriously though, do NOT tolerate this. Do NOT give it even one millisecond of thought. No woman is “bad at sex” even if she’s not gifted at stroking some particular infantile jackass’s…ego.
I realize that seems counter-intuitive. I’m sure everyone reading this can think of an example from their own past and say “ah ha! You don’t know what you’re talking about! I KNOW better!” But you’re missing my point. A sexual encounter can go badly, be unsatisfying or just not “work” for a lot of reasons; but NONE of them are due to a woman’s “skills” because it just doesn’t work that way. Period.
The primary reason a sexual encounter goes badly, based on my experience and the collective experiences of my friends (male and female), is miscommunication. Not skills, not stamina, not flexibility, not size/shape/color, just simple miscommunication."

You heard it from a man.Bottom line a "real quality man" serious about more than a physical thing knows in order for it to be good for the woman he has to be good. He knows that intimacy starts way before the clothes come off with him treating her with respect and making her feel comfortable and appreciated because he respects her and her needs. A real man knows if she feels good - he feels good. He sees this as his job to make her feel good and safe so she can freely express herself.A quality man wants his woman to be his one and only and will do what it takes to make her feel safe, respected and cherished. Relationships and especially intimacy are like dancing it takes two and each is only as good or bad as the partner.


V/r

Clarice

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

Divalocity- you are so right. Michael Baisden is an idiot. I used to listen to his show because I thought he would be good.

Now I know he is a confused nutcase. You said it right - he tries to be inspirational and then turns around and adds to the problems he tries to solve. I just hate it when all these BW call in to his show and play into his antics.



Clarice- again you have so much thoughtful advice.


I won't say that I was promiscuous, but I will say that I had a natural curiosity about things that has been squelched by my experiences with BM.


"if a guy EVER makes fun of your “skills,” run away."


I have never had a guy make fun of my skills, but I have had men put me down - before, during, and after sex.



And it happened more than once. So I am kinda scarred a bit.


In reaction to this and a couple of other sexual issues - I became celibate and withdrew.



The funny thing is that all of my BM friends told me that I shouldn't be celibate.


And I am thinking "Like wow. Its so good that you are concerned about whose not getting a piece of me."


I will say that it has been a slow journey, but being celibate gave me more power and it gave a space to figure things out.


Good post and I am glad this is being discussed.

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Sara

it's funny you should mention about a radio show host saying these things ,since I just heard Luther Campbell of 2 live crew fame talk about bw being the best in bed because they were more athletic ,ww best at oral ,latino women leave marks and scratches ,asian women being dead as a doornob.,these comments were made on Thursday's Howard Stern Show.He's married to a bw ,I'm not a fan of his ,he's a classical buffon that makes bp look bad ,but he does like bw,this guy you were listening to just trying to hide the fact he likes ww,hope my little 1 cent don't upset to many ,take care ....Bougie

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Sara, great blog.
I especially love the wealth ideas. How can I print them? What do you mean by wealth blog? I'm confused....

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Anonymous Jess said...

Hi Sara,thanks for another great post. Iam terrified for young black women today because of bm like the radio show host you mentioned. I'm affraid young girls dont have enough experience to know that these dbr's are full of sh*t. I swear I'm going to start a black woman's version of NOW! Can we all get together for something like that? The future of BW depend on it. I just think of my little niece and..:(

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

I know jess I keep thinking the same thing. I have a young daughter as well as many neices myself. I feel like many of these young ladies are lambs being led to the slaughter when they set foot out into these blk neighborhoods. I'm extremely concerned, and I think it's a great idea to starta bw's NOW.

Bougie, I'm sure you mean well, but I really don't see Luke Campbell as an asset no matter what kind of woman he likes. You seem to think we should be grateful he married a bw, I would have preferred he took his damaged self to a non-black woman. What the hell do we need with another damaged man, and a silly, oversexed, shallow, superficial one such as he for? But you know whatever, just hope his wife is up to date on her shots and makes him wear a an extra condom.....

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG ,hope I didn't come off so naive to let you think that I feel that Luther Campbell is the ideal man for women of any race, in that same interview he mentioned about having 4 black women in bed at the same time, like it's something to be proud of .In my family's own personal lives, sisters and nieces, they all bm who who add nothing but babies and chaos to their lives that effect me personally [financially mostly] so I don't go for the idea that bw should go for who ever wants them ,the women of my family are attractive and get male attention across the rainbow of men ,they have fallen in the trap that so many bw do, and that is that bm are the ones no matter if they are employed or employable, could tell you some stories but would expose myself since I have told many about your site and they would recognize themselves and be very pissed with me putting their business around the world.

Again not saying bw should be grateful for attention from men like Luther Campbell just reporting what he said on a international broadcast on satellite radio Thursday .Campbell is a baby daddy not a father/husband which is what most kids and women need if we are to advance back to what we were in the 1950's to the mid 60's when men and women married and then had & raised children together. I detest men Luther like and the image they send forth to the world about bp

I believe the radio host is Baisden like so many mentioned before ,he's the one that had all those bp taking off work and going to Jena Louisiana for those badass boys ......bougie

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Blogger Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

Great post Sara as usual, I totally agree with mostly everyone on here especially Phantom Mare, Lola and Sky. The funny thing is when I dated bm many years ago I really wasn't sexually liberated with them, it was just something about the ones I dated could not bring it out of me and I also feared getting nasty with them, because I felt a lot of bm were dogs anyway. But, when I started dating wm I became sexually liberated, very willing to try new things and will continue to be like this while dating wm. I'm not with freaking anyone though if I don't know much of them and now days it's best to get tested together with that person you want to take it further with. When I find that special someone (preferably a wm) it will be critical that he is willing to get tested with me.

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Sorry Anon, forgot about you. Go to the sidebar and scroll a little. You will see Sara's wealth blog. ALL of the wealth ideas (so far) are there for anyone to simply print and get a copy of...

PS. when you are done use the link on the wealth blog that says "link back" to come back over....

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Anonymous paris said...

Sara,

As always, great post! You break it down and keeps it real, and for that a big thank you!

I have never really cared for MB. So hearing he said this just confirmed what I already figured out about him; he's ignorant.

As usual, BW are to blame. Because BM run off to WW, that's our fault. PULEEZE! What bothered me about it the most was the BW you said that were calling in pleading that they will do better. Like somebody commented on a previous post, BW need to wake the F*** up. Really. With so many good, intelligent, caring non-BM wanting to be with a BW, why would you still run behind a BM that doesn't want you or respect you?

Sidebar, there is a good interracial erotica novel called "Hard Like Candy" by Kimberly Terry (?).

Recommend it!

 
At Sunday, August 03, 2008 , Blogger GoldenAh said...

Unfortunately, M. Baisden has an audience of young and uniformed listeners who take him seriously. There's a demand for help in the "community", but bw (as usual) are ill served by people who offer advice that lacks any common sense and decency. Long term, the stuff he's offering up is a slow and miserable death of bw: HIV, deadly STDs, and unstable relationships with dangerous men.

I wish media personalities, like him, would not dole out any advice. He should always bring on a "real" therapist, and stop playing one.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Mary said...

. " I knew he wanted a white girl-those 3 were never in the running, they just didn't know it. In fact, he often bought me dinner with the money they gave him! "


good god! that's so sad and embarassing! and still bw cling on, give me an f-ing break, this is bordering on simply plain stupidity. and the fact that ww know this, and i'm sure are basking on this knowledge. i remember my obese plain ww friend told me that she's sure she can get a bm because they like big ww. this is how pathetic bm are

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Mary said...

"Hope you start doing books soon...."

i definitely second that, the saddest part about this whole thing is that the bw that really need this message will probably never come here or take sara's or evia's message seriously. its really tragic. no woman deserves to be used, dissed, disrespected, downgraded, ridiculed like this, least of all bw

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous Paris said...

The correct title of the BW/WM erotica novel I was talking about is "Just Like Candy" by Kimberly Kaye Terry.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

Actually GoldenAh, his target audience is those over 40. He calls people in their 30's young old heads. His music is 1970's mostly with some from the 60's and 80's thrown in.


Although he does pick up some younger peeps.


The thing is that he will have a "doctor" on the show supporting his crap. Like on the swinging show he had this 40 something PR "doc" who was validating all his BS.


So I guess you are right when you say his listeners are uninformed.


He has even had Iyanla Vanzant on his show.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger pikacute said...

All these comments about these black men saying these terrible things about black women make me question alot of things. I know there are many good black men and many bad black men. I live in area were there are inttercial couples and most poeple don't look (atleast I think so). I see a lot of overweight white women with black men, and I wonder is he with her because she's white or because of love? I think black women should know that the BC is going really out of control. It's like the BC appoclypse(sp) right now. I'm thinking about making a ne wblog showing black women some of the crazy things dbr men do and how to stay away. I'm tired of seeing teenage girls with old ass men. I'm tired of seeing black women with 5 kids in poverty. I'm tired of seeing black women act like mammies. I'm tired of black women selling their bodies. I'm tired of seeing black kids growing up without a dad. I'm tired of no good black teachers taking away so much money from the BC. I'm so tired of this craziness in the BC I'm going to make sure my niecies and nephews don't turn out like my generation. Sorry for rambling. Sometimes I feel like I wanna scream about this madness

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

It's ok girl. sometimes I want to scream too. That's why I do this blog.
I wish you very good luck on your blog, and if there is anything i can do-let me know....

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Miss Issues said...

I hate to burst Michael Baisden's bubble, but the best lover I had was a white dude. I haven't had a lot of lovers, but I only had one white guy and he was better did the handful of black dudes.
IMO, bm are too caught in sexual stereotypes and don't know how to please a woman. They are also very selfish in bed and don't know a damn thing about foreplay.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous ava said...

This is what non-black men dating/marrying black women have to look forward to

http://www.blackvoices.com/sexy-black-women-over-forty

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

@ Sara...another home run.

Your cousin is that the same favorite cousin you speak of often?
At the moment all I can say is Hmmm? Interesting and he is giving bw advice? Hmmmm? Interesting.
If this guy is taking money from these females then I consider him also damaged. Of course, you have said in previous blogs that you too have damaged male relatives... I also.

Just this past week I had returned to one of those ir sites and this wm military pilot from my home state after two years finally found his love. I sent him an email of congratulations and he was so excited and happy that he foundly found the "one" for him.

LOL...he advised me to not give up and you never know out of the blue someone will come into your life.

Ann F.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger energize said...

Pictures are worth a thousand words. The contrast of the top 2 photos on this post speaks volumes to me...strong visual.

"it's an exercise in futility." - Sarah

Men like MB are addicted to pornographic images. He is always talking about pole dancing and strippers. These types of men are impossible to please - caught up in fantasy. Today it's swinging, threesomes, bisexual affairs(DL), polygamy. Tomorrow it will be..?

Instead of being honest with themselves that they have a reprobate mind, they prefer to torture and belittle innocent women. The Center for Disease Control should be on top of foolish ratings whores like him.

I have warned younger women that the man they are with is not good enough for them and if they ask, why? I will give them examples of why I think so and let them take it from there. I have found that most will listen and are better for it. Fathers used to do that. But since most are not around the bf is on her own.

I get so tired of seeing young bf (with cute baby faces) coming to church dragging in a baby carrier with momma and grandma and no man to be found.

I'm behind on my reading, need to take my dating quiz.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Ann F. No, I'm not the one always talking about my fav. cousin. That's Evia. Her cousin is the one who gives advice to bw. I have mentioned my half spanish brother many times though....

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous Sarah (with an H) T. said...

Sara,

I knew exactly who you were talking about when this entry started! I see that other women have already named names so I won't repeat. As a matter of fact, I used to listen to his show on my way home from work everyday, but became disgusted. This man is ill informed and must have had some less than fortunate experiences in the past with black women. It definitely shows in the discussions he has on his show, and it's truly unfortunate. What is worse, they get him to speak for Black America on CNN. Yuck.
I love what you have to say, and will note that though there is some truth to some black women being sexually repressed, it has nothing to do with choices that we make, per se, but how we are raised. Many of our parents do not sit us down and have frank discussions about reproductive organ functions, sexuality, etc. When I was growing up, my mom used to always say, "Keep your legs closed!" And follow with an example of a cousin a few years older who had two, three, or more children out of wedlock. It's the parent's reponsibility to make sure that their daughters grow up to be responsible and confident with their bodies, as well as able to make the right decisions about who they will become intimate and in what way.
Furthermore, any black man who is willing to make the excuse of not wanting to be with a black woman because we are not sexually adventurous is making a sad excuse. Black men have been conditioned like other American men to appreciate a certain TYPE of sexuality and sexually deviant behavior that many black women are often not going to comply with. They know that some (not all) white women and others will. Besides, if any man is going to leave a woman because she is not sexually adventurous is not worth one's time in the first place. There are too many wonderful men in this world for us to waste our precious time on shallow fools.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

@ pikacute

"I see a lot of overweight white women with black men, and I wonder is he with her because she's white or because of love?"

It can be love for a few of them, but for most, I really don't think so.

You know what's ludicrous, you hear from most of those DBRs all the time that "they don't do BW" cause they are too fat and don't take care of themselves (I guess all the BW we see in those pics are fat like "Bruce Bruce"?), but then they have no problem dating a fat non-black woman.

We're not sexually liberated, but if we are (by their definition) we are nasty b*tches and h*es.

If we don't keep it natural, if we relax our hair, it supposedly makes us "fake" (but they drool over Kim K and Pamela Anderson who are plastic from head to toe, and they don't complain about it), yet when we do keep it natural they don't like our nappy hair.

One day we're "golddiggers" (last time I checked we were the most financially independent race of women but hey, everyone gotta find excuses) and the next day we're lovers of losers and thugs and jailbirds.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. You can't take DBRs seriously. All these women trying to be whatever those guys tell them to be will be confused because DBRs will tell them to be one thing and its opposite, DBRs are lost themselves and what they say reflects their confusion.

The only way we can win is by knowing and EMBRACING who we are, knowing what we want, and stop letting crazy people "define" us.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Reality checker, you better check your own reality. BW/WM marriages are the fastest growing IR marriages next to white men /Asian women. With an increase of 170%!! So you don't know what you are talking about as usual. Why are you even here? This is so obviously not a bm's forum. This is a bw's forum. And in fact, We never asked for your opinion did we? That's because we could care less about it. You won't be posting here. So save your precious time....

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

I give you the stats, and then I will having nothing further to do with you. If there is one thing I have learned, it is to not to argue with trolls.
They only hear what they want to hear anyway.

________________________________

In a recent Gallup/USA Today poll, 57 percent of teenagers said they'd dated someone from another race, up from 17 percent just 20 years ago. The number of interracial marriages has more than doubled in that same period, and while blacks are still less likely to marry outside their race than other minority groups, the number of black-white marriages has almost tripled. Maybe most remarkable, because Edwards is right that the trend has favored black men, the number of black women marrying white men has more than quadrupled, while the number of black men with white wives only doubled. In 1998, black-white couples in which the wife is black made up 37 percent of all black-white marriages nationwide, up from only 22 percent in 1980. It's not 50-50 parity yet, but at that rate of change, we'll get there soon. Race-mixing clearly in the future....

Interracial relationships are viewed as a positive step towards smoother race relations by some; as "sellout" behavior and a denial of racial heritage by others.
According to U.S. Census reports, interracial marriages more than doubled between 1980 and 1995. Black/White marriages increased an estimated 96% overall, with marriages between of Black women and White men increasing 171%. Blacks with other races increased a whopping 124% during the same period.
_________________________________
My question is once again why the hell are you here? Nothing we talk about is any of your business! Get off my blog and go back to the poor unfortunate woman who was naive enough to give you the time of day.....

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous lisa said...

SARA, I know it's frustrating but you cannot be drawn into the troll wars! They will just disrupt the flow of the conversation (which is their intent all along) and then they're happy. So by arguing or providing stats, the original convo is being diluted. He knows good and well many wm want us, that's why he's here disrupting what could be LIFE SAVING INFORMANTION to bring some garbage in. Just ignore and delete. He is not worth you getting angry or paying him any mind. He's already shown how damaged he is. Here you are trying to save lives and he's trying to convince sistas wm don't want them!!! WTF!! Typical damaged troll. The lives of BW mean nothing! All that matters is a sorry bm's pitiful ego..... just pathetic..

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous sky said...

"If we don't keep it natural, if we relax our hair, it supposedly makes us "fake" (but they drool over Kim K and Pamela Anderson who are plastic from head to toe, and they don't complain about it), yet when we do keep it natural they don't like our nappy hair."

exactly these same dbrbm were blaming the wm,the government, now they're blaming us. don't worry ww, your turn is next cuz these men blame anybody for their problems.i never knew a group of men could be such whinny b*tches.

also ladies don't think these bm/ww couples are having the time of their lives(some are). i had a friend that i worked w/ who loved bm. didn't matter to me, she like who she liked, her baby daddy is in jail, her ex who i begged her to stop seeing was emotionally and started to get physically abuse towards her, and not to mention cheating on her. can you believe the boys mother called her to take her son back??? wtf??? they get w/ these women so that they can feel good about themselves even at the cost of the woman's self esteem. He even talked sh*t about her infront of his friends and talked about how bad in bed she was w/ him infront of them.there were times she would walk into work looking distress or sometimes in tears becuz of this man. im glad she finally dumped him and moved on with her life.


*quick side note* i meet this really hot indian guy at the mall, we didnt exchange numbers or anything, he worked at those stands, so i asked him about the product he was selling just to get him talking(goodness he's hott) anyway i was hoping you ladies could give me some quick advice as to what to say to him, or finding out if he has a girlfriend, and to ask him out or just give him my number. i feel like a champ just talking w/ him, it actually took him 5 minutes to force myself into talking w/ him. please let a gurl know!

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous clarice said...

@Everyone

Sorry about the duplicate post the browser was quirky and submitted it 1.5 times

@Aphrodite

Thanks

@Sarah (with an H) T. said...I love what you have to say, and will note that though there is some truth to some black women being sexually repressed, it has nothing to do with choices that we make, per se, but how we are raised. Many of our parents do not sit us down and have frank discussions about reproductive organ functions, sexuality, etc. When I was growing up, my mom used to always say, "Keep your legs closed!" And follow with an example of a cousin a few years older who had two, three, or more children out of wedlock. It's the parent's responsibility to make sure that their daughters grow up to be responsible and confident with their bodies, as well as able to make the right decisions about who they will become intimate and in what way."

This may very well be true that up bringing impacts a woman's sexuality, however even if the parents do not instill confidence - it can be overcome. A gentle, caring partner that respects the woman he is with will work with her and do what he can to make her feel comfortable and make the intimate experience pleasent and positive. That kind of caring, respectful, gentle consideration will help the woman relax and once relaxed in the context of a caring situation even the most "repressed" women will relax. This is why it is so important to vet the men that before making a choice, and choose wisely and even when a man has met the initial vetting to take it slow and get to know the man. Talk and discuss intimate matters before getting undressed. If talking about intimate matters including the use of condoms, HIV testing, and any fears or concerns and expectations - does not feel right then it may require more time or another person. Bottom line if a woman does not feel safe enough to talk openly and freely with a man before moving behind closed doors - then the doors may need to remain open longer or she may need to choose another man. A healthy,positive, intimate relationship is built on open honest intimate conversation before the clothes come off.
Fact is as has been stated here men do not marry "tramps". No matter how modern a man may be marriage minded quality men still expect on some level their wives will be less experienced. Men still despite Sex in the City are a bit conservative and traditional behind closed doors. They want to take the lead, guide and direct - even if the woman is not completely inexperienced. Realistically today men understand that a quality woman,in all likely has a 'past' and some experience - but they want to lead the way i.e. teach, guide and reassure i.e. bring out the best in her by making her feel comfortable, respected and valued as time evolves and their relationship grows. 'Superhead' is for instant excitement a quick, expert fix of fast food. A quality man in all likelihood will see what some (DBR) call repressed as 'shy', discrete, discerning in other words a respectable, quality woman i.e. a 'lady'. A quality man wants a lady in the living room and a wild woman with him and only him in private. That is why real, quality men protect, provide for, and respect the women they love and do whatever it takes to make her happy.


V/r

Clarice

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

there are too many women/girls around me that enjoy things like gangbangs, ATM and goldenshowers(!! yes i've heard of such women) for me to believe this. oh and these females ARE called 'hoes.' i should add that these type of women are very, very "hood" (i don't want to spoil black women's reputation).

i am a virgin so i'm not sure what black men want sexually, but i do suspect that this is just another excuse.

i don't understand why black women continue to fall for them either. black men have had a light-skin preference for centuries -- they've ALWAYS wanted non-black women. why are we acting so surprised?

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

@ Clarice

"however even if the parents do not instill confidence - it can be overcome. A gentle, caring partner that respects the woman he is with will work with her and do what he can to make her feel comfortable and make the intimate experience pleasent and positive. That kind of caring, respectful, gentle consideration will help the woman relax and once relaxed in the context of a caring situation even the most "repressed" women will relax."




I am swoooning on that one. :)

Good stuff.



Anon, I think it goes back to BW believing in the fantasy of the BC. That of they cut out there will be no more BC- when in reality we all know that BW are the BC.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

I will say that I am sick. I was thinking today that I have had at least 4 opportunities in my life to potentially establish relationships with non black - actually mostly white men.


And I am kicking myself for not following through or seeing these things then.


The first was a Jewish guy in law school. I was a recent hs graduate and I always held him at arms length. Maybe the age difference was too big?


The second was a white guy who was the VP at a local company. I was kinda scared of him bc he had been married 3 times already.


The third was a dark well built broker from NY. I felt really intimidated by him and he had that very blunt NE thing going on.


The 4th was a recruiter for ABC/Disney. He came to my school last year and he was trying to flirt.



I see now that all of these guys were gainfully employed. Two were really handsome.


And I am just kicking myself - for not opening myself to any of this.

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous stephanie said...

hey, now you know, aprhodite! don't sweat the past. those guys were just primers, preparing you for the real deal. the world's not running out of men any time soon!!!

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Blogger Mary said...

"exactly these same dbrbm were blaming the wm,the government, now they're blaming us. don't worry ww, your turn is next cuz these men blame anybody for their problems.


sky, its already happening. from what i've heard, now asian girls are the ish because bw and ww have too much drama. this came out of a
bm's mouth.also, a lot of bm in these days are ashamed of the stereotype that they love fat obese ww. i completely agree with you when you say "i never knew a group of men could be such whinny b*tches."

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

The second was a white guy who was the VP at a local company. I was kinda scared of him bc he had been married 3 times already.
...................

aphrodite..

I think it's ok to leave this guy OFF the list...lol

Oh and by now he is probably up to 5 wives..with at least 2 missing (IOW buried in the woods near his house)..divorce is expensive you know.

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

@ Sky

also ladies don't think these bm/ww couples are having the time of their lives(some are). i had a friend that i worked w/ who loved bm. didn't matter to me, she like who she liked, her baby daddy is in jail, her ex who i begged her to stop seeing was emotionally and started to get physically abuse towards her, and not to mention cheating on her.

Sky, when I see how conceited some of these women are once they get a BM I just SMH and think to myself "you can keep him". But stories like these make me feel for them, being a woman myself. I know a case of a WW with a BM, they have a child, the man is so irresponsible and immature its not even funny! Hanging in clubs instead of taking care of his family, I won't give too many details cos I don't want ppl to find out who I am, but this is why I'm not losing sleep over these people.

@ Aphrodite,

You just didn't know at the time, it's the past and what matters is that you're aware of your past mistakes not to repeat them. I had opportunities I wasn't aware of, I now see them as "evidence that a BW can attract men of all races". Think of the millions of other good guys out there just as good as the guys you talked about. You have tons of opportunities.

The one who married 3 times was a no no though, like DELISH said.

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Anonymous Clarice said...

@Aphrodite said... I am swoooning on that one. :)

:) you are too cute! Comments like that may inspire me to dust off my writer's cap even sooner - Thanks

@Aphrodite said... I will say that I am sick. I was thinking today that I have had at least 4 opportunities in my life to potentially establish relationships with non black - actually mostly white men.

Do not sweat it - what's done is done - just know that the interest in you from non-dbrm is there and remember that anytime the negativity has you tweaking. Consider this maybe at those points in time you were not ready to take that step - Sounds to me like now you know more and are at a different place in your life (more confident, self assured, playful) and are ready to make the move - go have fun!

Married 3 times and counting - Delish is right - he does not count - 3 times screams red flag - commitment and or relationship issues

It just occurred to me last night while talking to a buddy about this - quality men do not talk with their buddies about the women they are 'intimate' with and they certainly do not put them on blast on the radio. A guy may talk to a trusted female friend or sister or a close male friend if he has concerns or questions about a woman he is serious about. However, that is done only in the strictest of confidence and if it's really a delicate question the guy is going to seek out a trusted female for advice. Guys trash talk - it's just a guy thing but if it is a quality woman he is serious about his friends know none of the details. One because guys believe gentlemen do not disrespect a woman they respect like that. Quality guys want to be seen and see themselves as men who live up to a higher standard. Two they keep their business quiet so their rivals (and guys are competitive especially about women) do not attempt to steal a good thing.


V/r


Clarice

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Blogger Phantom Mare said...

Clarice said:
Fact is as has been stated here men do not marry "tramps".

__________

The key operative word here is *MEN*. Whores may marry tramps, but not REAL MEN.

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Blogger Phantom Mare said...

"i never knew a group of men could be such whinny b*tches."
__________________


You know something, I have never thought to put it that way but I have been along the same thought process. Yeah, they are QUITE whinny but then complain that we cry too much.

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey Taylor-Sara,

love ur blog, keep doing what u are doing can u post a picture of celebrity Fefe dobson and boyfriend Michael Seater! they are young love and look sooo cute together!

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

If anyone has a picture of these two young love birds, send it to me at: asktaylor1991@yahoo.com
and I will be happy to post it....

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Anonymous stephanie said...

found this link: http://www.michaelseater.vivid-envy.net/gallery/index.php?cat=58

it's michael seater's online photo gallery featuring a bunch of cute ones with him and fefe.

(never heard of either of them until i read anon's post. so adorable!)

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

Fefe is a canadian rock artist, she's the girl Rihanna's hairstylist took the haircut from.

 
At Tuesday, August 05, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

Thank you Stephanie, Delish, Lola, and Clarice.


I just have these revelations at times and get caught up in the emotion of it all.


I will take the lesson from it and be better prepared next time.

 
At Wednesday, August 06, 2008 , Anonymous sky said...

"If a woman is 'repressed' it is because her partner failed. Real men - quality men - know that a woman's responsiveness is directly reflective of how she feels and that if he makes her feel safe, protected, loved, cherished and appreciated."

katt williams calls these men "b*tch n*ggas"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtvmlnG5qlk


these men also remind of the character that hated orlando bloom because he was with his sister(black). the brother would rather she be a whore than be with him. that's alot how these dbrbm feel about us moving on w/ wm/non-bm.here's the clip

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWCYW7J18I8

 
At Wednesday, August 06, 2008 , Anonymous Eathan said...

Just found your site. I like the topic and the content. I'll be reading more.

 
At Wednesday, August 06, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara,
Please, excuse me and you are right again.

Ann F.

 
At Thursday, August 07, 2008 , Anonymous Clarice said...

@Mary said... "i never knew a group of men could be such whinny b*tches."

Here here! SMH DBR's and 'men' of that ilk have become the women no self respecting woman wanted to be!

V/r

Clarice

 
At Thursday, August 07, 2008 , Blogger Nikki_Cola said...

This Michael Baisden character needs to be put on notice. I used to listen to him, but the one episode that turned me off was when he told kids that they needed to move out of their parents' house when they got a certain age, because if he could do it, they could do it. Now I understand this logic, but he fails to understand that when he was growing up, it didn't cost $4 a gallon for cheap gas and decent jobs were aplenty. He's a total clown and should be put on notice. He does nothing for black women, nor the black twenty-something trying to navigate the 21st Century.

 
At Thursday, August 07, 2008 , Anonymous kim said...

You are so right nikki, and every thing is all about men with him. He will take child sup. for instance and instead of talking about the millions of kids not recieving even half the money owed by sorry ass daddies, he will start talking about the one in 1000 man who is paying for kids that do not belong to him!And he has done this type of show more than once. Take spousal abuse for instance, instead of talking about the thousands of bw who suffer and die at the hands of dbrbm every year. He will (and has) talk about the very women who fought back and the man was seriously injured. Then he will say how she should go to jail.! I remember he did a show on domestic violence and had all these bm call in claiming to be victms (yeah right) then the only bw he let through claimed she was beaten by her wm baby daddy! WTH! With all the ass kickings bm are out there doing and the only bw woman you let on is beaten by a wm!!! Everything he does is staged to make these sorry bm (most)look good...smh

 
At Thursday, August 07, 2008 , Anonymous kim said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At Thursday, August 07, 2008 , Blogger Selena said...

Co-sign on Michael Baisden-especially that boot-leg TV show of his. If a have to read or see another show about swingers I'm gonna scream!

 
At Thursday, August 07, 2008 , Blogger Mary said...

"every thing is all about men with him"

with dbr men, its ALL about men with them, 27/7! no wonder there is a down low nonsense going on

 
At Thursday, August 07, 2008 , Blogger Phantom Mare said...

Kim said:Everything he does is staged to make these sorry bm (most)look good...smh
------------

Kim I think you are on to something. I do also think there are times when "actors" do call in.

 
At Thursday, August 07, 2008 , Blogger gassama said...

i hate to change subjects, but does anyone watch big brother. why is america so concerned with libra's personal life. today was the second time they have involved themselves in her business. first, someone asked her why is she in big brother when she has a five month old. then today, they asked her why she took a hawaiian trip instead of a letter from home

wtf, are you kidding me, like she said, her kids are in good hands. for F's sake, leave her alone america!!

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Blogger cool_splash1 said...

Don't think this dbm though he would get owned

http://www.nriworld.in/news/689-Bride-beats-groom-badly-after-he-refuses-to-marry-her-with--strange--reason

I wonder if brothas got this treatment would they treat us like crap.lol Hopefully the dudes family gave him some new schooling.

 
At Monday, August 18, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

@gassama...did you see the last two "Big Brothers". I saw the last program; but, missed the previous program...I did see the recap when Ollie (bm) and one of the ww players were challenging Libra about something she had said.
IMO, Ollie could have allowed the two females to discuss their differences; but, he had to point out that Liberia lied about something and then he called her a scally-way and a hoe on national television.

For the most part Ollie was below radar. But, his hate for Libera was over the top. Libera was not the only person playing the game and there were others who were just as underhanded; but, Ollie never "flipped out" at them the way he did with Libera. Libera is a mother and wife (wm husband and two beautiful children).

Ollie has favor for ww and I am ok with his preference.

Big Brother showed Libera's family while they viewed some of the program and one could tell her husband was not happy by the comments made by Michelle towards Libera. Libera had the opportunity to acquire an Hawaiian trip- the only problem was she had to take the trip away from Michelle. Libera took the Hawaiian trip and husband agreed that she should have taken the trip.
Michelle was livid and that help seal Libera's fate. Libera was voted out. Libera was a good player; however, we need to monitor our emotions better. Because some people will use our own emotions against us.

LOL...I am just a little addicted to Big Brother.

Ann F.

 
At Sunday, March 06, 2011 , Anonymous sexe interracial said...

very good article

 

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