Some advice to the white men, regarding bw....
Gorgeous Model, Danielle
2. "You're beautiful for a black girl" Does this sound like a compliment to you? If you think she's beautiful, say so without the racist qualifiers.
3. Can I touch your hair? Def. wait until you are in a relationship before you attempt something like this. Some bw will be cool about this, and some will tell you off...
5. "I just love all those curves!" If you were a woman, how would you perceive this remark? It comes off sounding oversexed and disrespectful. Many women will walk away from you on this one. Now once you are in a LT relationship, it's perfectly ok to tell her how you love her body but never let it slip from your lips in the beginning...
7. Why don't black men take care of their kids?" You may think this is going to start the 'black men are bad discussion' but 95% of the time it will backfire on you. As bw, even when we know brothers are doing wrong, we will rush to defend them, should a wm say anything negative about them. I don't know why so don't ask me, but it seems to be a conditioned response. Keep all your negative beliefs and opinions regarding bp secret until you two are much closer and can talk about these things without destroying the relationship....
"yeah, I understand how you feel, my best friend is white" chances are, you would be too pissed to talk. You would probably be thinking/or say "what the hell does that have to do with me?"
Wealth and beauty ideas with next post... Thanks for tuning in....
10 Things you should never say to a black woman!
There is a site advising white men what not to say to black women and I think some of the advice is good, and some is a bit over top. Basically, I think there is no need to be nervous and shy around us bw. Just be yourself and feel her out. We really are all different. People seem to think we all think alike, but they could not be more wrong. Just like ww, some of us are more sexually adventurous, bolder, nicer or meaner louder or softer. We vary just like other women. Just as you would feel out any other woman, you will need to feel us out. But for the most part the following lines are usually worth forgetting, if you want to build a relationship with the AVERAGE black woman. Remember to forget stereotypes....Here are a few....
1. "All black people are great dancers." Not true, and very insulting
2. "You're beautiful for a black girl" Does this sound like a compliment to you? If you think she's beautiful, say so without the racist qualifiers.
3. Can I touch your hair? Def. wait until you are in a relationship before you attempt something like this. Some bw will be cool about this, and some will tell you off...
4. "I just love black women!" This may be an innocent remark on your part, and you may just mean that you are attracted to bw. Yet most times this will come out wrong and she will immediately think you just want to sleep with a black girl. She will go on the defensive and the date will go downhill from there....
5. "I just love all those curves!" If you were a woman, how would you perceive this remark? It comes off sounding oversexed and disrespectful. Many women will walk away from you on this one. Now once you are in a LT relationship, it's perfectly ok to tell her how you love her body but never let it slip from your lips in the beginning...
6. "I never date bw, but you're something special!" You're really asking to be cursed out on this one- nuff said.
7. Why don't black men take care of their kids?" You may think this is going to start the 'black men are bad discussion' but 95% of the time it will backfire on you. As bw, even when we know brothers are doing wrong, we will rush to defend them, should a wm say anything negative about them. I don't know why so don't ask me, but it seems to be a conditioned response. Keep all your negative beliefs and opinions regarding bp secret until you two are much closer and can talk about these things without destroying the relationship....
8. Never ask: "Ever had a white guy?" You can ask her if she WOULD go out with a wg, but never ask her if she has had one. She will regard this as prying into her sexual closet, and she will be livid! She may also think you are asking to gauge how long it will take until she gives in to you. Either way, she will not appreciate it and it will most likely be a deal breaker....
9. "My best friend is black" Earth to wm, WE DON'T GIVE A DAMN! As a AA, we hear this constantly, like that means anything to us, and I can assure you, it doesn't. I know plenty of white people and even have some in my family, but how would you as a wm feel if we as bp approached you with
"yeah, I understand how you feel, my best friend is white" chances are, you would be too pissed to talk. You would probably be thinking/or say "what the hell does that have to do with me?"
10. Never make sexual /racist assumptions....
You do not know her and she is not every other bw you know. It is imperative that you see her as an individual and not as part of a group with the same mindset. Let her show you who she is, and don't assume anything.....
Wealth and beauty ideas with next post... Thanks for tuning in....
posted by Taylor-Sara @ 6:21 PM
89 Comments
89 Comments:
"7. Why don't black men take care of their kids?" You may think this is going to start the 'black men are bad discussion' but 95% of the time it will backfire on you. As bw, even when we know brothers are doing wrong, we will rush to defend them, should a wm say anything negative about them. I don't know why so don't ask me, but it seems to be a conditioned response. Keep all your negative beliefs and opinions regarding bp secret until you two are much closer and can talk about these things without destroying the relationship...."
Also, for me at least, I wouldn't want a non-black man to think that I was with him simply because all BM are no good- this kind of statement conveys that kind of message. It would make me wonder if he thinks I'm with him because he's "superior" to BM. It would also make me wonder what he really thinks of BM and BP in general.
Hilarious! Especially #9. We don't give a damn! LOL.
1. "All black people are great dancers." Not true, and very insulting
...................
This one had me laughing..and I had to lay out my ex when he said this to me..while giving me an example of how BP danced..I corrected him..and moved on, because I KNEW the kind of man he was, and he deserved to be forgiven for that...
Here are a couple more things never to ask a BW.
11- "Do you know how to make fried chicken. I just love fried chicken and sprite"
12- Can you braid my hair? (women tend to ask this) My stock answer.."No, I don't know how"..lol..that KILLS them dead...I mean what are they going to say..call you a liar? I think not.
Well I can certainly come up with more...but I am busy practising my dances, making fried chicken, braiding hair and drinking gallons of sugar encrusted high fructose containing soft drinks...
really.
delish, you are too funny girl....
Great post!!!
The "why BM don't take care of their kids" is so true, 1) my dad takes care of his family, and 2) most importantly that would imply that he generalizes and judges BP as a group therefore he MUST believe tons of stereotypes about BW.
3 other things I'm thinking of :
- "I like hiphop (or/and) rnb"...you have the right to like what u like, but many use that to "prove" how "DOWN" they are, which is wack cause not all BP like hiphop or rnb.
- "is that a weave or your hair?"...do you wanna get shot?! LMAO! Some women are cool with this though, but I think most would be turned off by this (see Kenya's reaction in Something New).
- "you're so articulate"...like it's something rare.
LOL at #7. The white dude I dated talked about bm ALL the time. It ultimately ended our relationship.
lola, How the heck did I miss those! Girl, you are so on the money with those 3!
And selena, I get exactly what you mean. He would have jumped to their defense had you said anything against ww. He had alot of nerve doing that to you....
sorry to barge in here with something that's a little bit off-topic, but...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=_1nzEFMjkI4
...for a reason i can't really explain, i'd like to hear the opinion of the various black ladies around here on this guy. do you think he's cool? weird? over the top? interesting? or do you just don't know what the heck to think of him?
no i'm not spamming. i'm just really curious to read your opinions on the guy (all the more because most here strike me as being pretty down-to-earth and honest women), and i took this opportunity to go ahead and just ask.
Sara good tips for white men.
@anonymous The man dances okay, he moves in time with the beat, probably if he shaved off his beard, he would look look fine, he is fit, nice bottom, he looks likes he eats raw to me. Not my type of man. Oh no! and if he was the last man on earth, I would cry!
i thoght it was really cool. the guy is a good dancer, loved the hand movements.
some of the people in the background made me laugh. made me wish i was there.
i'm i right to think its scandanavian?
Lola..you ARE brilliant...AND TS is right, how on earth could we miss that...lol
Here's another.
2,899) Don't call me "girlfriend" unless I AM your girlfriend, and please don't refer to my girlfriends as "sisters /sistahs"
I think we are GOING to have to cut this list off at number 3,000...Don't you think?.....it is a daunting number of things to memorize
Now there's a good title for someone's book chapter..
"3,000 things never to say to your wife if she is black, and you are not, unless you want to get hit upside the head"
.............
Off topic @ the video someone posted the link to..and the dancing german SCARY people...how can that main dancer guy have a six pack and shaky jello looking moobs (man boobs)...AND why did I think he was kind of compelling/sexyish.
What the heck is wrong with me?
Not to get off subject too much.
Today, I was speaking with one of my recently university graduated female bw co-workers about R. Kelly and she said something similiar to she was glad that R. Kelly got off- no pun intended. As she states, "The way some of these young girls dress can fool a man. They(girls) know what they are doing and they like it. After all a man will be a man. You know male testosterone. Those young girls with their hormones going wild. And, that is one of the main reasons why our grandparents married so young."
With this type of mind set my co-worker wants to have etiquette classes for the females. Actually, I do not have a problem with the classes. Yes, too many of our female students are dressing more for clubbing than for school.
My co-worker says that she talks with her daughter and you cannot save everyone. Yes, I realize we cannot save everyone. However, I 100% agree with those who say that the bc continuously give people like R. Kelly a free ticket to continue his abusive behavior.
When will the madness end.
PLEASE, STOP BLAMING FEMALES REGARDLESS OF THEIR RACE FOR EVERYTHING THAT GOES AWRY WITH MEN...somethings maybe but not every ducking thing.
(lol...Sara is ducking a bad word?)
A. F.
And selena, I get exactly what you mean. He would have jumped to their defense had you said anything against ww. He had alot of nerve doing that to you....
_________________________________
Sara it got so draining after a while. He would literally stare at bm whenever we were out and say things like what do (or why did I ever date) black women see in bm anyway? Then he would go down his list of negatives. However he thought my dad was the best thing since buttermilk lol.
A.F. No it's not bad. Thanks for telling us about your friend, and you are so right. What the hell is wrong with us when we blame LITTLE GIRLS for the egregious behavior of grown men!!! No 13 year old can convince a grown person she is grown even if she lies!! A grown behind man knows 13 from 18! What kind of message does it send when the molesters of black children get freed and celebrated? We have got to start to protect our children!!!
Although, I agree that the 10 statements named would irk me and make me reconsider such a guy, I don't think we should be advertsing what annoys us. These things are something you have to decide whether or not you want to confront in the moment. I admit, that in my thirties, I am dumbfounded by the comments I still get from wp in my same age group or older. It does make me feel like, I (we) have made no progress. I think the bigger lesson, is not to tell wm to not say these things to bw, b/c if they feel that way I want to know it, so I can either address it or walk away. I think it is more useful to tell bw that they do not have to be insulted by such comments, b/c it is more a reflection of that particular man, than of them or bp. I think telling bw an appropriate way to deal with such comments in a calm manner is more useful to everyone.
It also makes us seem unapproachable, when we put out a list of things not to say, imo.
@anon with the link - That guy was scary, but ok looking. He seemed a bit too old to be hanging with the raver set, as well (why moobs would bounce in spite of six pack). He is not exactly my caliber of man, so I would definitely have to pass.
Another great post Sara!
Delish...I do kinda have a taste for fried chicken...Can you whip us up a batch (Ducks from the incoming whack!LOL)...Honestly, I hate seeing those type of questions...I was also recently asked about the hair braiding thing...Like ummmm "No"...
And I can't stand when women's clothing are blamed for SOMEONE ELSES deviant behavior...Yes, we have become too 'casual' in our dress to certain institutions (church, school, work, ect)...But that does NOT make any woman deserve to become a victim...
And YES...We do need a forum to instruct people how to dress for particular occasions...i.e.,
church=no jeans and flip flops
job interviews=no jeans and flip flops
weddings=no jeans and flip flops
To the anonymous who posted that youtube video, the guy is kind of fit, however, I hate techno 'cuz it's crap. a;though, if I see that man walking on the street, I am sooo turning the other way!
#7 is hilarious. I won't seek to black man bash but, if the man I'm with brings up something negative, something pervasive, I'm not going to deny it or shut him down because of it. I'm not a part of that "defend black men to the detriment of my dignity" mindset. I don't understand it, I've never understood it. As long as the white man isn't a bigot, he can say what he wants and so can I.
@A.F, I would agree with you that we need etiquette classes for the females and also males as well. We seem to be losing our way very fast, I myself have to talk to my daughter she is 20, she feels that because she is a little overweight, man won't find her attractive, I had to tell her a man is a man. R Kelly is a horrible man, but we in the black community don't protect our daughters, we leave them open. The worst offenders are the adults, the children learn from our behaviour.
I agree with all of the tips that were listed. I just wanted to say that reading your blogs makes me happy. I had to visit your site when I learned about the murder trial in Atlanta, Geogia where an East Indian man hired someone to kill his son's wife because she was Black.
@ the other anonymous poster asking if the above video is scandinavian.
as far as i know that video was recorded somewhere in northern germany. that's pretty much the same thing as northern europe, though the locals might object to that for historical reasons as well as a pride thing. you might notice that the guy in the video wears the symbol of a small hammer on his chest. that's mjolnir, the hammer of the ancient nordic god named Thor. young northern european men sometimes wear that symbol to show they personally identify more closely with the ancient roots of scandinavian culture, rather than with its western nature of today. since this guy is apparently one of those and also has a love for techo music, they started calling him "the techno viking" on youtube. i like to keep in touch with these kinds of things because i'm half scandinavian myself. you could say this video shows a glimpse of what northern men were like back when white people were still living in tribes. though back then they didn't have any techno music yet!
by the way, if you don't like techno there is a version of this video on michael jackson's beat it song. it's actually my favorite!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1dJwODowvVY
anyway, i'm going to stop hijacking the thread since this is all pretty off-topic. thanks for being so patient with me, sarah. and thanks to you ladies for all your comments too.
Felicity said... @A.F, I would agree with you that we need etiquette classes for the females and also males as well. We seem to be losing our way very fast, I myself have to talk to my daughter she is 20, she feels that because she is a little overweight, man won't find her attractive, I had to tell her a man is a man. R Kelly is a horrible man, but we in the black community don't protect our daughters, we leave them open. The worst offenders are the adults, the children learn from our behaviour."
The goal is to protect the children and society. It does not matter if the child and yes 13 is still a child no matter how "grown" they think they are was bucknaked! She was a minor at the time. Underage is underage. The responsibility falls on the adult no matter what that needs to be the message - stupid, hormone driven - irresponsible behavior is no reason to blame the victim. If a man is dumb enough to be "fooled" - it is all the more reason his happyself should be in jail, castrated or have his right to reproduce revoke. Clearly anyone that stupid is a danger to himself and others and needs to be protected against his own stupidity and put away to protect the children and society!
V/r
Clarice
Did someone just equate northern Germany to northern Europe? Um, wrong!
Felicity, I understand where your daughter is coming from...been there done that.
I would suggest that she love herself regardless of what the scale says. Believe in yourself. Most men like confident females.
Is she expanding her education and work experiences? Also, she can be bolder by going out to various art galleries, festivals, clubs that are located in the central business district- be pleasant and smile your fanny off at the business men. Who knows she might get her ideal job out of it.
Be unafraid.
a.f.
anonymous on Tues., June 17th I will be appearing here every night at 6:00 p.m. Thank you ladies and gentlement and goodnight.
a.f.
CW Darling..I'll whip you up a "batch" of my "famous" delicious fried chicken (along with a vial of kaopectate) anytime...except it's not that delicious..and I've made it exactly twice...lol... Bonus: SPRITE automatically included
anyhoo..I am tending to agree with Emerging Phoenix...I actually advocated a stealth technology (as it were) some months back..that is why I prefer a private message board..bottom line is this..we don't have to announce everything...we should just be livin'..I take people as I find them to be..sometimes that means correcting them...and sometimes not..only you can make that decision as to what is really offensive to you and what needs to never be said...imo, smart forward people of all races do not say stupid crap..so if you are around people who continually say things which are offensive...then you NEED to be around different people....
Sometimes I say everyone can be my friend and I am not lying..but it is a misstatement of sorts...all I mean is I do not restrict my friends to a certain racial group only...I am NEVER going to be friends with the dbr (whatever race), or people who say offensive crap..and a reasonable person KNOWS what NOT to say....and what to say.
Now you may find after you have been with someone for a while, the curiosity is overwhelming to them, and they may ask "previously forbidden" things...that is ok..(you can do the same too..it works both ways)..It's ok because you KNOW the person, and you know who they are beyond mere racial identity.
Here's another rule that should go for any man. A brotha did this to me and it turned me off something awful.
Don't tell a woman you like the way she licks her lips.lol Yeah he gave me that line. We only were talking for like 2 or 3mins.
@ j-master: nope! there have come to be differences over the ages, sure, but there's still so much in common in terms of history, language and culture even to this day. scandinavians are the descendants of the germanic people who settled all the way up north. germans (especially those in the northern parts of the country) are the descendants of the germanic people who remained on the mainland. it's a cousin thing, so to speak. for me, that's enough to say they're pretty much the same because i don't obsess over details. :)
Don't feed the ugly troll, fresh from his grandma's basement, where he's been running up the electric bill.
Mr Laurenton, I don't need to grovel over anyone and neither do my readers! I have NEVER groveled for a man and I NEVER would! Men have always chased ME. Any woman who chases a man is a fool, and usually a lonely fool. As for black men, although I have bm in my family I love very much, they are not my cup of tea, and I am not ashamed to say so. The days of bw being ashamed of being attracted to wm are over dearie, so do as so many brothas have told sistas in the past 'deal with it, and move on! I really don't care if you think I bash bm or not. I don't give a damn what you think. I don't know you from Adam, but I really have to wonder why you are on this blog? It's so olviously not meant for you! And as for wm using bw for sex, I have a question: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK SO MANY BROTHERS HAVE USED BW FOR!!!! Scared huh, lots of sista's starting to wake up from their long laborious slumber. I'm going to do everything in my power to get help bw have long, healthy happy lives with GOOD men regardless of their color. And if brothers can't measure up, then I guess they can always run back to the ww they've been lusting after all along, can't they. Why exactly are you here?
These are great tips for wm Sara, considering if they have limited experience with us. #1 is good I wish I could dance as good as I use to, I'm not so bad now though. #7 might be a turn off as well, but we can't blame any for thinking this. #6 it's time to go lol! Your right #5 says you just want to screw me(depending). #4 would be flattering for a second, but then I would think he wants to lay all of us. #3 your so right it just depends. Don't be like my ex; for example I like to wear extensions, but I have shoulder length and very thick hair naturally , when he saw my natural hair he was extremely amazed as if I was some type of unknown species, examining it and touching it and replied "I thought it would feel like a brillo pad, it's really soft". After that day he never wanted me to wear weave again lol! (Of course I declined I like my hair a certain way). Just because some of us have the thick afro type texture doesn't mean it is rough lol! #10 is so true see each one of us individually that should apply to anyone dating whoever, because it's easier to keep an open mind, of course some things remain the same with us sistas though.
Nice post Sara! :)
LOL@ Mr LAUREL-uhm-ton!
@Sophisticated
I see Mr L has found his way over here too...Do you believe he still writes long drawn-out sermons on my blog? Dunno why...He stays in "MODERATION HELL" LOL
1. "All black people are great dancers." Not true, and very insulting
My dancing ability is directly proportional to the amount of alcohol I consume. Since I don't really drink anymore, it's best that I opt out. ;)
2. "You're beautiful for a black girl"
Ugh
3. "Can I touch your hair?"
I'm no sensitive or anything but this is creepy
4. "I just love black women!"
Oh, the sign of a fledgling chocoholic.
5. "I just love all those curves!"
Unless you're in an... um... intimate situation in which such expressions might be welcome
6. "I never date bw, but you're something special!"
"I never date idiots and I won't make an exception for you"
7. "Why don't black men take care of their kids?"
SMH
8. Never ask: "Ever had a white guy?" ick
9. "My best friend is black"
"What's his name? I'll be sure to say hi to him at our next meeting."
10. Never make sexual /racist assumptions....
goes without saying...
Next up: Some advice to the BW regarding WM ???
P.S.: That picture with the couple kissing with the lady's hand on his head... lol. Seems like someone was peeking in on their private time.
This is off-topic, but I'm so happy to see Black women vibing in a positive way.
Sometimes it's difficult to let go and feel good in this f'ed up world.
Keep it going ladies. :)
Lol CW! You are funny :)
CW:
Moderation Hell LOL
Now I am certainly no prude..far from it..in fact I am a rather salty, irreverent kind of gal..but those 5 things have NEVER come into my mind when I am with someone .... never...seriously...Y U C K.
since i am a pretty easygoing white guy, i'll go ahead and actually answer those five questions for you! just for the fun of it. and yes, these answers are going to be 'serious'!
1. I heard white men can't do it in bed--can you?!!
sure can. :)
2. Is your penis longer than a black man's.
heheh. perhaps it's best to let the black ladies clear that infamous issue up themselves!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=OZcmBJ2O_Tk
(p.s. i know i'm going a little wild with youtube links. but at least i'm on topic with it this time!)
3. I heard white men eat a lot of pu--y! Do you?
yup, i've got no problem going downtown - as long as the streets are clean!
4. Sources tell me that white women suck a lot of d---. Are you expecting me to do that?
i don't really keep track of the sexlives of my "sisters", so to speak, because that's kinda gross. i guess this comes with the territory when you're so into irr like i am. but to answer the actual question - if you don't mind, i sure don't mind either!
5. Did your mother ever date a black man and if so did she ever go back to a white man?
as far as i know, she never did. would surprise me too, because she isn't exactly happy about my interest in ebony women, so i guess that would make her a pretty big hypocrite. but then again, my love for chocolate must be coming from somewhere!
Not for nothing, but I think we need to strike #4 "I just love black women!" One of our favorite white male celebs - Gerald Butler (who has not 1, not 2 pictures on this blog, but 4 - count 4) has said such and black women seemed to love him for it. In fact, I have seen his exact quote about bw on just about every bw IR blog and Gerald was always getting much love for having said it. So it sounds kinda hypocritical to have that as an item that offends us.
Also, I should add that Gerald is also guilty of item #3:"Can I touch your hair." During an interview with Access Hollywood when Gerry was promoting Nim's Island, he asked the interview the beautiful Taneka Ray, who sports a head of gorgeous natural hair, if he could touch her hair and he did. Actually, I think what he asked is if he could frizz (a scottish thing?) her hair. There is a video on youtube.com somewhere, where you actually see him asked and then put his hands in her hair, it was pretty cute if you ask me. When I find it I will post it, but I can't surf youtube at work so I will try later tonight.
Frankly, I don't think I would be offended by the hair, the i luv bw or I love your skin/curves comments all that much. The ever dated a wm thing wouldn't bother me because I would want to know if he has had any experiences dating IR. To me it is the manner, circumstances, attitude and vibe of the person who asks - not necessarily the question itself that is offensive. I have to say that this is usually why I tend to date non-American men of any race.
The beautiful for a bw thing, hell how many times have we heard a bm say a bw is beautiful for a dark skin girl?!? Yet bw continue to put bm first despite overwhelming and undisputed evidence that we come last for them.
Too many times bw infer too much into everything that comes out of a nonblack man's mouth. Sometimes it is not what he has said but what you just heard.
cw - I have to disagree about church. I've worn jeans and sandals. And I have seen many others.
Come as you are - yeah I take it literally ;-). Guess that is why I go to a predominantly white church on Saturdays - lol.
Sara your post and everyones replies had me cracking up here. Well, I have been asked if I can braid hair - wild look followed by a stern 'No!' (you're right usually women).
I have had a few people put their hand up as if they were going to touch my hair, and lean followed by a 'Are you crazy?!?!?' look usually stops the hand in mid-air.
#9 - I though the saying was 'Some of my best friends are black'. A little more vague in the numbers arena - to add to the in-credibility factor of that statement.
The all BW are good daners one KILLED me!
I forgot to say in my last comment:
First off THANK YOU for this blog! I thought I was the only black woman in the whole entire world who prefered WM ovevr BM. I mean it's nothing against BM but it's just a prefernce, and although I've tried to HELP it... I can't! And now I see there are other people like me it doesn't make me feel so abnormal.
Secondly, I've been following the production of Disney's latest animated feature "the Princess and the Frog". As you might know it's featuring the first Black Princess (cheer), but I'm also 90% certain that the relationship between her and the Prince will be an IR one! I think that's the best news out of the lot!
I CO-SIGN Taylor-Sara!!
May I add my two cents?
We overlook educated black men and blue collar brothers? Most of these guys don't give a sista the time of the day, they don't want us. We so didn't overlook y'all that most of us stayed single "saving our love for a black prince" even if the numbers just weren't there. And I bet you won't go to BM/Non-black Women IRR sites to say the same thing to BM.
You want the truth to be told, here it is : BM can use BW for sex too, BW can have nothing but a BW fetish too (aka see them as nothing but thighs and butts). And it's just as bad a non-black man doing it. The bottomline is a man, REGARDLESS OF HIS RACE, can either respect a woman, or objectify her.
CASE IN POINT, a BM has been exposed on the Tyra Banks show "BW vs BM Edition". I was like, damn! This BM with locs (who proved yet again that day that wearing locs doesn't mean you're "for the cause") is using sistas for sex. See for yourself : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaRxAk6VQ44
Who's bashing who? Who's using who for sex? Who's disrespecting who? The BW isn't destroying the BM. The BM is destroying himself by attempting to destroy the one who gave him birth.
The amount of BW I've heard sing Angie Stone's song "Brotha" like their lives depended on it, in hopes that a BM would hear us "the wallstreet brotha, blue collar brotha" etc, it became an anthem. But not anymore. Our new anthem is En Vogue's "Free Your Mind". Yeppp, it's a NEW DAY and eff whoever has problem with that!
Anon, I see your point about Gerard B. but lets face it. He CAN GET AWAY WITH SAYING ANYTHING! We won't let ordinary men say and do what Gerard can say and do, but I do get your point.....
Taylor-Sara said...
Mr Laurenton
Hi Sara ,nothing for me to comment on but the Mr.Laurenton post .This post is from Craigslist Rant and Raves section were people can spout off about anything they want ,it appears one of your readers cut and pasted it without clarfiyng it's context , but non the less your arguement was still good.
Mr Laurelton Queens said
Get some self respect and date a good black man.
While you overlook college educated black men and blue collar black men.
Most all the bw I know are seeking and not finding these great bm which is why I'm a supporter of these sites.
Taylor-Sara said I have NEVER groveled for a man and I NEVER would!
Thank God you are not one of those types of women ,I remember being turned off watching all those talk shows in the 90's of bw crying over bm who loved ww I remember thinking to myself, have some self respect it also reminds of the movie "The Great White Hope" the scene of the bw character crying and throwing a fit over Jack Johnson played by James Earl Jones leaving her for a ww......Bougie
LOL, at the mystery guy who answered the five questions.
I have spoken with bm ages 55 and up and for some reason I am always surprised to find out that the majority of these men usually had at least one ww relationship. I supposed I was really thinking in term of segregation and how secretive the ww and the bm had to be.
Who would have imagined Babara Walters and the Senator. I really wished she would have been more opened about all of her relationships...WOW, what a list that would have been. BTW, I adore Barbara's modesty and composure.
a.f.
Hey on 6/18th maybe our mystery man is Gerald himself.
a.f.
Did anyone see Michelle Obama on the View and Whoopie expressing her feelings about Michelle being a great representative for darker bw?
a.f.
Frankly, I don't think I would be offended by the hair
I'm clearing that up. Your man can know and ask anything about your hair. I added that because asking that on a first date or at the very beginning of a relationship is quite risky. We're being so teased about our hair that most BW would be on the defensive. But not all. But I agree that the way you ask the questions, the vibe, the context etc determine if the question is really offensive or not.
Thank God you are not one of those types of women ,I remember being turned off watching all those talk shows in the 90's of bw crying over bm who loved ww I remember thinking to myself, have some self respect it also reminds of the movie "The Great White Hope" the scene of the bw character crying and throwing a fit over Jack Johnson played by James Earl Jones leaving her for a ww......Bougie
________________________________
I know how embarrassing. Those talk shows from the '90s - Ricki Lake, Jenny Jones, Richard Bey, etc., with bw wringing their hands, begging bm to "come home" and lamenting over the "lose to the community", were really the media images that set the whole - bw only date and want bm theory in stone and is coming back to bite bw in the ass who desire to date IRR in the USA today.
Even Oprah had a few of those shows before she decided to stress positivity and self-improvement/fulfillment.
Some people seek to excuse R. Kelly's behavior by claiming that he was fooled by this girl in thinking she was older than 13 years. Not the case! R. Kelley has a history of deliberately seeking out underage girls for sex - this is his MO. He knew this girl was underage and that was the main attraction for him. So claiming that young black girls are "fast" and trying to fool men into thinking they are older can't be an excuse for R. Kelley's behavior. And truth be told, it isn't an excuse for other men's predatory behavior either. You can tell a 13 year old from an 18 year old (if you can't tell just by looking, you'll certainly be able to tell the moment she opens her mouth), and if you can't tell how old she is, LEAVE HER ALONE! Otherwise, you voluntarily assume the risk.
"I have a question: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK SO MANY BROTHERS HAVE USED BW FOR!!!!"
Sex, use of her car, a place to lay up, food, sneaker money, a place to sell drugs, a couch to play nintendo, drug money, a temporary abode when his mother throws him out, a punching bag, a place to stay when he's on the lam from the law, or for when he gets out of prison, rent money, bail, bond, car note payments, her credit, someone to baby him when his mother isn't available, someone to protect him from the white man and from himself, etc.
i understand the list, but i have to say i have never dated outside my race to have anyone ask me that. however with the friends i hang out w/ we have an open dialog, but laugh about it as well. i remember two conversations w/ ww. one ww told me that she loved our hair because we can style our hair and leave it in weeks while they can only enjoy it for a day at the most. another ww told me that envy's the fact that we can have a big booty and a small waist and they would rather have that than have big breast(both ww are my friends). I think it has a lot to do with how long you've known the person and the right time to ask these questions or certain questions. Asking question is not a bad thing espeically talking about it.
I would rather someone ask me a question than to assume a whole group of people. of course i don't speak for all black people but i can at least give a better perspective than what the media puts out there.
here's another interracial music video from Amerie called "Take Control"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=rQB74XbyuRQ
Yes, I saw Michelle Obama on the view and Whoopie's comment. Michelle is very beautiful and I can't wait when she becomes the First Lady.
And, again all bm are not bad and all wm are not good.
I will not sign my name because I do not wish to be told off although I am a regular commenter.
"i remember two conversations w/ ww. one ww told me that she loved our hair because we can style our hair and leave it in weeks while they can only enjoy it for a day at the most."
I've heard ww questioning the hygiene habits of bw who leave in the same intricate hair style for weeks at a time.
Some of their 'compliments' are of the 'left-handed' type....
"Did anyone see Michelle Obama on the View and Whoopie expressing her feelings about Michelle being a great representative for darker bw?"
a.f.
___________________________________
Dang naw I didn't. I only saw snippets online. What was the overall response when she said it? Awkward silence, nervous giggles, applause in agreement?
I saw Michelle on the view and she was great, beautiful woman, I can't wait until November when Barack Obama gets elected as President!
And, again all bm are not bad and all wm are not good.
I will not sign my name because I do not wish to be told off although I am a regular commenter.
Friday, June 20, 2008
.........................
Scared huh?...
Well, it is faulty logic to make such a blanket statement ..and only a fool would utter such complete words (""All bm....etc") and then how do you explain Ted Bundy in that equation?
So I truly doubt anyone would jump all over you..some thngs can be unsaid and we know them to not be true(or true)..so everytime we "praise" someone, we don't have to immediately issue another statement about someone else.
Anyway, when you say "told off" that indicates some across the pond talk...so I bet you are in England..lol..you cannot hide man,..most people reveal themselves one way or another..it's all good.
Michelle on The View, for those who missed it :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59twO1fJwtQ
She's awesome!!
hey Sara, I just found this link and I was wondering has anyone ever seen this or know the whole story?
http://naturallysophia.blogspot.com/2008/06/wtf-ex-hbcu-professor-had-his-sons.html
"I've heard ww questioning the hygiene habits of bw who leave in the same intricate hair style for weeks at a time. Some of their 'compliments' are of the 'left-handed' type"
--------------------------
was just about to say the same thing LOL!. I really dont get those black women who say our hair is sooo different from other races and use it as an excuse of not washing their hair every week. that is just GROSS (I dont 'personally' know anyone who does this, I've only encountered these people online though)....for those black women out there..all I can say is..ladies, you can have braids and still wash your hair EVERY WEEK, when shampooing and conditioning, just make sure you dont "fluff" it out too much, as it will make the braids come out quickly..but none the less, after washing/deep condition, blow drying and oiling your hair every week, it will just be good as new..only difference is it will smell great after!
This is why I personally think being natural is sooo much better, as I can wash and go anytime I see fit - even when I have braids (I do it 2/3 times a week), and guess what? I've been doing this since forever and my hair has never fallen out or lost any "glossyness" as 'some' black women claim, and it makes my hair GROW faster, as it gets rid of the excess oil build up that clog up the pores, hence allowing hair growth!
*if you wash your hair everyweek, then I wasnt addressing you...please dont bite my head off for saying this!
Sara look at this...smh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5EsAYUDxL1s
So many haters.
"I saw Michelle on the view and she was great, beautiful woman..."
ever so true, check this out.today me and a friend went to the mall and i wanted to look at the dress michelle obama wore on the view since she said she got it from the "Black & White Store". When i asked the sales lady about it she said ever since Michelle's appearance on the show the dresses were gone. so now they have to order more and other stores in the district were also sold out.
Michelle is now setting fashion trends. And i appreciated Whoopie's comment, what she said was ever so true. Every time i see Michelle i just smile.
Tyra Banks just won a day time Emmy award for her tv show.
Good for her.
side note: enough with the skin bleaching creams.
No one wants to be stereotyped based on their ethnic group. I'm guilty of that with my husband. I assumed that his family wouldn't be totally prejudiced against me. I expressed surprise to him when they were completely sweet and welcoming (we've been together 8 years and they completely embrace me and us.) He was very put off by my assumtions about his family and their attitudes on IR marriage/dating. Making assumtions about his family is a definately "don't."
PS: I went to a country music outdoor concert with him last night. There were more bw/wm couplings than I've ever seen. And my husband and I got more that a few "hellos" as we walked around. Yet again, I made the assumption that I'd be the only black person there and that we'd get the stink eye from all the country music fans. I seriously need to work on all my assumtions.
Ava, I agree. It's as tacky to ask him about penis size as it is for him to ask you what size bra you wear. Totally inappropriate....
This comment has been removed by the author.
delishmish, I say "told off" and I live in San Francisco.
"As for black men, although I have bm in my family I love very much, they are not my cup of tea, and I am not ashamed to say so."
Sara,
Thank you for having the courage to say what you said. I have read or heard where many BW will say that they want or are interested in IR, but then in the next breath say, "but that don't mean I have anything against BM...I'll go with Will Smith, Denzel, Tyrone, etc.
in a minute!"
If you are a grown woman, you really do not have to explain your motives or actions to anyone, except if you see someone walking across a body of water with two fish and five loaves of bread in their hands. That's the only time. Otherwise, if you do not want to be with a BM, that is your right. You don't "owe" people an explanation.
I couldn't have agreed with you more. Personally, I am not interested in being/relating/ whatever with a BM. And since I am a very grown woman with very grown children, I am not going to waste my time explaining why to anyone. I said it, I mean it, the end, case closed, thank you for stopping by.
BTW, to the guy who answered the questions, I see why you are able to relate to BW. The answer about "going downtown if the streets are cleaned" had me laughing so hard I thought my heart was going to stop. You have a nice sense of humor (although you said you were answering seriously). Keep it; this is one sista that appreciated it.
@ the techno viking video...
i think the guy is hot. i love to see men dance.
there are many versions of this clip. some are quite funny.
@ Shirley,
DAMN!!! The country music part is surprising. I guess I'm gonna have to work on my assumptions too. That must have been an amazing experience, good for you! :)
As the writer of the five questions, it stands to reason that those questions are just as dumb as the one of the writer of the ten things not to say to a black woman.
Food for thought.
Anonymous said...
delishmish, I say "told off" and I live in San Francisco.
......................
Well durnit..this may be the number one reason the "Delishmish Detective Agency" has not YET taken off..still though..that is an inherently British statement, but I will concede that it does "get said" in America..from time to time...
and you could be British..and not know it..maybe you were adopted????
I'm not giving up man...lol
A couple of ladies at work had viewed the BET awards show. And, from what they were saying in reference to the show it would appear BET has sunken to a new low-if there is such a thing.
One lady said, "Some of the preformers' clothing was so unappropriate even for an entertainment show."
I went online to see for myself. There was a guy named T-pain, IMO Mr. T-pain should be hidden from public view...what an embrassment this guy was to himself and his family.
I doubt very much is the former owner of BET- Mr. Johnson gives a "care" that BET has been turned into some type of "trash" channel.
In the beginning BET was a channel of pride...not anymore.
A.F.
Why does the fact that you leave a hairstyle in for a time automatically mean that you don't wash your hair weekly? If you have braids, what prevents you from washing your hair weekly? If you don't, I presume you wouldn't wash your hair weekly whatever hairstyle you wear. Also, if your hair is very dry and/or subject to lots of breakage, some stylists advise that you wash your hair every 10 days rather than once a week. And if you work out regularly, you probably need to wash at least twice a week rather than just once.
Delishmish....what's up with you and the British?
Sam
Well Helllllloooooo Sam..
Are you British per chance?..
I am not fixated on the British per se..but I do love a man with an "accent" (exception: A HEAVY southern "accent"..sorry..a light drawl is ok, I suppose..a la that old crazy Matthew McConaghey)
and although I have singled out the southern "accent"..I am truly not a fan of regional American "accents"...I am speaking of "accents" from inhabitants in the world beyond the North American shores...
You dig Sam...
So are you British? I must know...lol
Thought you were too old to travel. Here is a nice site to visit.
www.granniesonsafari.com
Ann F.
http://sports.aol.com/hottest-sports-couples
Just another reason why sisters had better start dating out. Only one black athelete with a black woman and she is damn near white!
Hey Sara, have you seen the discussions now going on over at WAOD and BWV? About personal self defense?
I work at a HBC in the south.
And, it is still frowl upon to date interracially espcially white and especially if you are a bw. And, there are still alot of wht. and blk. ppl. who share this same believe.
I have brought up the idea of dating interracially at work and you would think that I had committed some type of crime. One of our bw staff members who is
50ish just married this weekend and everyone is making such a big deal of it...her husband is a bm. The staff member who coordinated the event (also 50ish) had said, "Well I guess there is still hope for me." WHAT?
So, a bw has to wait until she is in their 50s to get a bm to settled down...again. Getting a bm just isn't that important to me...I could be wrong.
A close bw friend introduced me to her bm friend he took me out to dinners, gave my battery a boost(he was a great help), and also gave me some pc assistance.
However, he is not ready to marry anyone. So, why waste my time? And, yes he would like to have sex with me and with no commitments.
But, his brother is married to a hispanic female and she already had2 teenagers. They bought a house and all that goes along with being married. And, what would I get from the single brother who supposely prefer bw to other race females? Free pc help and downloaded software? My friend who introduced us her husband is a bm so I cannot expect her to understand.
I agree that the bc continually have ready made excuses for bm.
It can be a very lonely situation when people start to realize that you really do not wish to be with a bm. As a bw you may have to wear the label of "self-hating". Most men could careless about the labels and I think that is because behind most bm closed doors some bm are giving each other the "high five" for dating other race females. Today, after everyone spoke about the grand bw/bm marriage. I really began to feel that I am suffocating because I cannot be honest about my dating opinions. There simply isn't enough middle class or above bm to go round.
And, I do not share men- intentionally that is...hey, sometimes you are the last to know.
But, it is Ok for bm to marry whoever they chose...THIS IS SO UNFAIR...Yes, I do realize life is not fair. Ok, my rantings over.
Ladies have a pleasant day!
a.f.
...my car's battery a boost.
a.f.
a.F.
I know how you feel but maybe a change of environment would do you good. You can not allow others to dictate your life and that is exactly what they are trying to do! Do not allow that 'good black man' (that term makes me sick!) to use you. YOu deserve the best, and honey he aint it! Just work it into the conversation that you choose to date based on character and NOT on race! If they are shocked and horrified, so what. You can beleive there will be women there sitting silently thinking "if she can do it...maybe I...." you will be inspiring them without even knowing it. I think it is soooo important for bw to declare that they are NOT going to be fools anymore! For God's sake ladies if he is saying NO BW! why the hell are you saying ONLY BM! I don't love anyone who makes it clear he does not love me! Forget what his words say, and watch his actions. They will tell you all you need to know. But back to you girl, you did the right thing. Your body is precious not a box of candy to be passed from one using brother to another. So proud of you for not falling for that garbage!
Thanks Sara. I am seeking other employment and I will finish my degree.
Now, that I am paying more attention to what you and Evita are posting my eyes are definitely opening up to the hypocrisy within the bc.
Just last night I was speaking with a bw friend of mines and I was telling her how attractive Serena and Venus are and my friend said, they have nice figures; but, they are not attractive in the face. I disagree. She said those pictures where they look pretty are just airbrushed. I simply do not agree and that we females need to stick together.
a.f.
I just viewed the sports couples' pictures. I suppose some of my co-workers would probably say well they are entertainers...in other words those couples do not count.
I too want to scream bw WAKE UP and stop allowing another bp pass simply because he or she is blk.
a.f.
Loved the post I know it's a couple of years old now but I only found your blog today
As a British WM who has dated BW almost exclusively I have, throughout my youth, said a lot of the stuff above as well as 'I'm surprised you can't sing like Whitney' I know I know but I was young.
Anyway, the point is that it doesn't matter what you say it's how you deliver it. My BW(s) loved teaching me, exposed my conditioning, gave me a different perspective, helped me grow. You can say what you want if you are on the level
cheers,
P
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