Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Do you know how to reel a man in?

I'm sure you have all noticed that there are some women, who men will do anything for. You know the kind, men will laugh at their dumb jokes, follow them like puppies, spend obscene amounts of money to impress them or even leave wives and children for them. I will give you 2 salient examples: Cleopatra and Marilyn Monroe. These women knew exactly how to wrap men around their little fingers. Until he died Joe DiMaggio would not speak Marilyn's name because he loved her so much, that even her name was reverent to him. Author Miller (the writer) also fell so head over heels for her that he was unable to write a word for many, many years after her death- so bereaved was he! Cleopatra had herself snuggled in and delivered in a wrapped rug to Cesar and his court. She was an exiled queen, and had she been discovered by his guards, she would most certainly have faced death. Instead, when she rose from the covering and gave him her most coquettish smile, he was smitten and mesmerized, as was his court. Julius Cesar was a man who lived for warfare. He was so driven by the conquest of it, that nothing seemed able to keep him from war, which seemed to be his reason for being. Many, many women had tried to capture this great warrior. Women far more beautiful than Cleopatra, yet he had always grown tired of them, and returned to his first love, warfare. When Cleopatra came on the scene, He was so intrigued and hypnotised by her, that for the first time he allowed Rome to fall to ruins in his monstrous efforts to be with Cleopatra. So mesmerized was he, that he barely noticed his kingdom deteriorating before his eyes! After Cesar was murdered, Cleopatra did the same thing to Mark Anthony. He in fact left his brand new wife for her and completely forgot about his kingdom, and all spectre of his former life. Cleopatra had become his whole life.... People often think these women intrigued these men because they were beautiful, that could not be further from the truth. Cleopatra was actually purported to be quite plain in fact. Only men in love with her found her to be beautiful. Her real power lay in the fact that she knew how to seduce men into love with her. She was very much hated in Rome as she was a black Egyptian who easily seduced and captivated powerful white rulers. (which is why they hide her race on tv) These women had undeniable powers of attraction, there is no doubt about that. But what did they have that could turn men to mush and make them leave families and friends and even their most sacred obsessions? Well there are many things these women were doing but for comprehension sake, lets start with just one. I think we have all figured out by now that men are complicated creatures. For some strange reason, they never seem to want ANYTHING easy in their lives yet they seem more than willing to take the "easy" only to discard it later. They are truly a study of contradictions. They go to wars, and join police forces, climb mountains and put themselves in harms way in a thousand ways for the "thrill" or the complexity of the maneuver. Men love the complex. They quickly lose interest in the "easy" Neither Marilyn nor Cleopatra had "easy" ways about them they both had very complex personalities. Marilyn had the "little girl, seductress thing going on, and Cleopatra had a flip personality which was coquettish one moment and sullen, distant the next. Both played "roles" and both loved keep a man off balance. That being the key. We are not advocating for you to act like a nut or a fool. But you must change it up a little. never let him become complacent or bored. Let the different sides of you come out. Remain a challenge. Men are challenge seekers. There is a whole lot more to all of this but lets keep it simple and start with something quite basic.
Many of you have written to me asking for advice on love/meeting/marrying Mr Right. I will most certainly address these concerns. But first I would like to assess where most of you are right now with a short love quiz.
Read the following story (Bad Date ) and see if you can tell what the "problem" is with this date.
-answer coming soon.


BAD DATE.

The night was dark and mysterious. Cynthia relaxed against the dark leather of the car seat and tried to get to know her blind date.
He had just pulled away from a mountain bluff and a sunset he had just had to see. He had stared at it as if mesmerized. Cynthia found herself equally mesmerized by him. He was a fine man! Dark hair sparkling gray eyes rugged features. " I could fall for you, so easily" she thought to herself. Paul turned to her. Every dark hair in place, clean cut, impeccable, his hand-made suit cut perfectly for his large body, he seemed almost too perfect, physically anyway. "you like the sunset?" he asked, suddenly. "oh, uh... sure-it's ok" Cynthia thought that was an odd question. " So what do you like about being a florist" he asked casually.
" oh well, I love how it makes people feel, you know they get so happy when they get flowers . They always smile sometimes they even cry and..." The look on his face caused her to trail off.
He was looking at her like she had lost it. " Interesting" was all he said. Cynthia felt like hitting him in the head. Why was it so hard to talk to him? She felt like she was pulling teeth! As they pulled up into the restaurant she tried to connect again.
"Why did you choose this restaurant? she asked, trying to lighten the tension between them. " He glanced down at her "look at it " he gestured at the beautiful French restaurant set atop a very expensive building and looking out on the water." a picture says a thousand words. It's simply breathtaking!" "oh... uh..yeah" was all Cynthia said. She actually would have preferred something more family oriented and less flashy, but she kept this information to herself.
As they entered, she noticed that everyone seemed to be catering to Paul. the maitre D almost knocked someone over to greet him and the wait staff and management alike seemed to act like fawning sycophants. she wondered what it must be like to live in that world where you had a lot of money and everyone was so smiling and fake. As they were seated she decided once again to try to engage him in conversation. She gestured to her new dress. "do you like it? it cost me a small fortune" she laughed. Paul glanced at her dress. it was a simple gray chiffon with the bodice cut lengthwise emphasizing her full bust and small waist, yet the color was a tad light for her skin tone. " the cut is very nice," he answered honestly "but the color is 2 shades too light, you're a winter and that was made for an autumn" Cynthia could feel her blood starting to boil! He was such a jerk! no wonder he was single -and she didn't care how fine or rich he was! Everything was going from bad to worse. She so regretted taking this blind date!
" you just don't mind being an asshole do you?" she finally snapped. He actually looked amused " was I an asshole-because I told you the truth!, tell me what else can't I be honest about" Cynthia exhaled hard. The waitress set the food down and backed away, even she could feel the tension. A moment later he gestured the girl back, " that looks way too red, I'm not a caveman" he snapped at her. But his eyes were locked on Cynthia's for the first time all night. "what's the problem here? " he finally asked, quietly. " Cynthia shook her head and shrugged helplessly. She felt like crying but she didn't know why. Plus, she was not about give this jerk the satisfaction of seeing it. His dark gray eyes seemed to study her for a moment, roaming over her dark skin, full lips and thick black hair. Then with unnerving boldness, he let them slide over gracefully over her body without leering, but with definite appreciation. She could tell he found her attractive, she had no idea why they were not connecting. It was the waitress who accidentally solved the mystery. Upon her return, she placed Paul's plate in front of him smiling, and obviously trying to earn a better tip. He barely noticed her but when he saw her bloody thumbprint in his plate, he erupted. "What the hell! do you think I can eat this damn food with your bloody thumbprint in my plate? " Now all I'm going to see is that nasty thumbprint-I don't think I can eat a damn thing!" The girl was all apologies, and on the brink of tears. She hurriedly took the plate away. Cynthia was starring at him, amazed, yet amused for the first time. She thought she had an inkling as to the problem. " what the hell are you laughing at? he raged, His voice began to rise "you think it's funny! She brings me a plate with a nasty ass thumbprint in it and you think-" Cynthia held up her hand, cutting him off. "I know, I know, the nasty ass thumbprint in your damn plate" Paul's face looked slightly red "no, you don't see where I'm coming from because it wasn't your plate!" That image almost made me sick..." His voice was rising once again. Everyone was starting to look their way. Cynthia knew she had to calm him down and fast. She rose half way up and pounded the table with her small fist. "you're right Paul," she said letting her voice grow louder by the second "it was gross and disgusting! My God a bloody thumbprint next to your food!" Now everyone was really turning their way. Paul stood and grabbed her arms pulling her back down "hey, hey, it's not that bad " he soothed. "it was an accident, that's all" his voice was back to normal and Cynthia let her voice come back down too. "Well just seeing it in that plate!" she said. "I mean looking at it-all bloody and-" Paul threw back his head and started to laugh. Cynthia stared at him a moment and then joined in. " you don't mind acting like a fool, do you " he asked. "no, I guess not, no more than you " she countered. He was quiet for a moment. "you know you really are beautiful in case I didn't tell you and you looked so sexy getting mad about my plate- that was too cute!" She smiled. A moment later a different waitress appeared with his meal and they had a great dinner. Paul was looking at her like he was seeing her for the first time. "I would love to see you again" he said quietly. I would love to see you too" Cynthia answered correctly.

Why was that the correct answer?

Why were Cynthia and Paul missing a connection at first?

Why was the conversation so strained?

Why did Cynthia start to emulate him, when he overreacted about the thumbprint? -and why was that the correct thing to do?

Why did he suddenly start to see her and become attracted? Do you know why? -find out soon.....

23 Comments:

At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Anonymous Bets said...

I think they were not clicking because they had different values?
Am I right?

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Anonymous Renee said...

I don't know why but I've had dates like this, and I desparately want to know why they did not click thanks sara...

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Anonymous keke said...

It sounds to me like they were too different, and he felt like they had nothing in common. I'm dying to know though, when are you going to give the answers...

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Hi keke, I will give the answers in a day or two. This post will be up for a very short time. It's a post directed at some of the people who keep begging for love information....

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Blogger Selena said...

In the beginning she wasn't being herself. Clearly she was trying to please him. This was a man that was used to being with women like her all the time. It wasn't until the end of the date that she became herself which became exciting to him. For once he sat in front of a woman who wasn't afraid to make fun of him and herself and he liked it :-P to

Sexy story!

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger Phantom Mare said...

Hey Sara,

It seemed to me, that she was giving answers that she thought he wanted to hear. She seemed---predictable.

Thanks for the story! And yes you are right about Cleo *wink*. She was an African woman who men of great power chased towards. The History channel as well as others like to deny this--especially the white women historians/archeologists.

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

AM I really alone on this?..Am I really SOOOO different?..because I want to push this fool OVER the mountain cliff/ bluff..seriously..

I HAVE to say, I do not LIKE any man who would yell at a waitress/ waiter because his freaking food was not perfect. (Some people enjoy a rare cut of meat,and they are NOT cavemen) Don't you know you NEVER mess with people who serve you food..not unless there is an open kitchen, and you are standing watching everything ..seriously. I mean, I would be so gracious..a simple..DO you think you can cook it just a tad more?..and smile too..they will fix it no problem..and they won't add any "extra ingredients"..lol... I definitely won't be acting the fool for some man I just met.

I think this guy is a bully..and EVEN if the dress is the wrong color (point is he IS paying attention to her..I get that. He has taken her all in) It is still NOT for him to comment on the color being wrong for her..what is he..the COLOR POLICE. I would have said something about that suit of his...or my standard mature answer.."yeah, well, er, you SUCK."

Anyway, before I push him over the bluff, to be dashed upon the jagged rocks below...I'll have him sign everything over to me....

Sometimes the beginning stages are awkward..and men truly do think differently than women..they can be more direct...which I hate..Just shut up ...save that stuff for when you really know someone..I was recently out with a great guy, and I really hated it when he licked his fork..it was gross..but I didn't say anything...you cannot ALWAYS say everything on your mind.

I don't like a man with a foul temper..I am the one with the foul temper. I like a calm man.There can be only one Vixen, and I am it.

Generally, Harlequin romances start out like this date..and they ALWAYS end up together...it could happen..but if he were with me, he would have a couple of black eyes, broken ribs, a fat lip and be laying at the bottom of the mountain bluff, with a stiletto boot print on his butt..... despite being newly married 30 mins ago..and having just prepared a new will with one benefactor..Delishmish

Im just saying.


One more thing.
I would counter him word for word...I can hold my own. I can dig the fancy restaurant. I am comfortable moving in ALL circles. I am not an Applebees kind of gal...but he still needs his a-- kicked by a woman who can handle him.

Give that "Boo" my number Sara..I'll handle him STAT

Delishmish
2738919-938773-987379719-1861565671-7168683

1 Planet X Road,
Planet X
World

yeah it' a long number..but I'll pick up if I see Paul...and btw way I hope it is not the same Paul in the stories..I am no cradle robber...at least not all up in the public eye..a tenderoni can be a delight though (licking lips and chortling...we all have a little Mary Kay Letorneau in us..lol)

I'm still saying.

DISCLAIMER:
These statements are pure speculation. I do not contemplate, nor have I ever contemplated, the realization of any plan such as or similar to the one described above.

You dig?

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

Ok, I am slow.


I do agree with Delish in that I am scared to complain about food or be around people who are loudly complaining about food. I disagree about us all having some MKL in us though.


I am scared they (wait staff/ servers) might put some Shugg Avery pee in my glass or something.



I'll say this I think Paul is visually oriented and is very particular and discriminating.


Cynthis seems more concentrated on feelings.


I think he saw her bc she mirrored him.


Just some random guesses.

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Anonymous Renee said...

I guess my question is why would a woman be so desperate for this man to like her? He was a jerk.

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

ladies, whether you found him likable or not is NOT the issue. Can we stay focused on the questions please. Many women who are trying to meet Mr Right need this info. Focusing on personal aminosity toward the primary male in the sample, is of no help to them....Lets just focus on the questions. Like I said, this post will be answered and moved on from in short order, so there is really no time to waste on the extraneous issues going on here...

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Anonymous Clarice said...

They were missing each other's cue's - clearly he is visual - most men are and she appears to be more feelings based and responding to what she was feeling from him.She relates to the world via feelings and feeling cues. She was trying initally to connect to him on a feelings level. The turn around happened when she responed to his reaction to the plate of food. She felt that seeing was the key to his emotions and feelings i.e. he reacted and responded emotionally most strongly to what he saw. His feelings were tied to what he saw. If he did not see it he did not react to it. He processed input visually and responded to what he saw and the feelings it triggered.

Her reaction or response was a visual cue which he could relate to and understand i.e. it was speaking his language. Only when she 'spoke his language' and mirrored his actions could he see how she felt - he felt understood because he could see her reaction. She felt understood because she could feel what he was feeling by his actions - granted they were a tad quirky but whatever. I suspect the key was each person putting what was being said in a language or terms the other can relate to - by speaking their language.

V/r

Clarice

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Thank you clarice! That's it exactly....

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

I'm trying to answer without reading everyone's posts...

Why was that the correct answer?
You HAVE to let a man know that you appreciate him and want to see him again. It's very important not to be shy about it if you're interested otherwise he could think you don't really like him.


Why were Cynthia and Paul missing a connection at first?
They both had prejudice about each other due to different social status. They felt a bit too different.

Why was the conversation so strained?
They didn't understand each other's "languages". He was like "WTF is she talking about?" when she explained why she loved being a florist, she didn't quite understand what he saw in the sunset.

Why did Cynthia start to emulate him, when he overreacted about the thumbprint? -and why was that the correct thing to do?
I think, and I hope the answer isn't ridiculous, that she wanted to show him how foolish his reaction was compared to a little thumbprint. So she immitated him so he could "look in the mirror" and see what was wrong with his behavior. And he realized it wasn't that serious. That's why he even told her she didn't mind "acting like a fool". It was a smart move, because she showed him what was wrong with him with intelligence.

Why did he suddenly start to see her and become attracted? Do you know why? -find out soon.....
He realized he had underestimated the "little non-rich florist". He saw a woman who had personality, character. I guess..........?

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger Zabeth said...

Here’s my guess, take on it.

From my observation, Paul is used having people do what he says and say things the wants to hear. The wait staff was falling all over him. Since it appears that he is a wealthy, high powered man his friends, colleagues, and staff probably fall all over him too and do whatever he says. The women he was with before were probably the same way too. Cynthia was finally the one, who responded and stood up to him; that piqued his interest and got his attention. She wasn't like that on the beginning of the date- she acted typically by trying to please him. He pushed her buttons to the point that she responded in an atypical way. She challenged him and didn't make herself look easy or predictable. That made her stand out and got him interested, IMO.

And Paul did come off as an a*^hole, but that's beside the point.

As for Cleopatra, she was Egyptian so she had to be of African decent LOL! It’s interesting how Hollywood tries to make her into Elizabeth Taylor.

P.S.
Sara this post is a great reminder for me. Thanks!

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Anonymous sky said...

@clairce...

i would have never guessed that answer. i personally don't know how i would have reacted. I probably would have kept quiet till he dropped me off at home and never spoke with him again. i see what your saying but i don't think i would have gone down to that logic.

to sara i know the answer is already answered but i just wanna give my answer and you can clear me up on where im going wrong...

why was that the correct answer?
-to be honest i don't know cause i wouldn't want to see him again. i felt as though his behavior was flip-flopping you don't know how he's going to react next.

why were cynthia and paul missing a connection at first?
-i felt as though having them have a date at sunset was a bit much if this is their first time going out. I always think of places where other people will be there so that your not struggling to have a conversation. say a bowling alley. you have fun and get to be yourself. those sunset dates should be left for later.

why was the conversation so strianed?
-to much pressure, and figuring out who's taking the lead and wanting to know the other person. i also felt as though he didn't have interest in having a conversation. he was only interesting in getting "some". just out to impress her so he could get his present. he didn't seem to care for her questions.

why did cynthis emulate him and why was it correct?
-maybe that was her way calming things down. i would have never thought to do that.

why did he suddenly start to see her and become attracted?
-he saw the real her and not the pretend her.i remember watching something on tv, a woman said that on first dates the real you stays at home and the fake you goes out that night.im guessing that what it was.

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Wow! had to delete 5 screaming trolls! I wonder what in the world they could see in this little innocent post? Oh yeah, they probably don't want y'all to have this infor-scared you'll use it to go snag white men (tee hee!).....

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

Sara,

Exactly! Everytime a troll shows up, it's a victory. Cause that means you're doing something right! That means that the truth HURTS them! Them trolls KNOW the huge influence and following that you have, they know your voice is being heard! That's why they're trying to intimidate you. LOL!!! Keep up the good work!

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger Selena said...

"From my observation, Paul is used having people do what he says and say things the wants to hear. The wait staff was falling all over him. Since it appears that he is a wealthy, high powered man his friends, colleagues, and staff probably fall all over him too and do whatever he says. The women he was with before were probably the same way too. Cynthia was finally the one, who responded and stood up to him; that piqued his interest and got his attention. She wasn't like that on the beginning of the date- she acted typically by trying to please him. He pushed her buttons to the point that she responded in an atypical way. She challenged him and didn't make herself look easy or predictable. That made her stand out and got him interested, IMO."


ITA Z. That's my take on it as well.

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger Selena said...

Sara,

Exactly! Everytime a troll shows up, it's a victory. Cause that means you're doing something right! That means that the truth HURTS them! Them trolls KNOW the huge influence and following that you have, they know your voice is being heard! That's why they're trying to intimidate you. LOL!!! Keep up the good work!


It never ceases to amaze me why those who don't want us always seem to hang around trying to see who wants US LOL

 
At Thursday, July 31, 2008 , Blogger starkitty50 said...

Clearly, the guy in the story is a perfectionist who is used to having his way, but when she points out the absurdity of his reactions, he can see that she will stand up to him, but with humor. He finds that appealing, even though deep down he knows that he's a handful--she knows it too,but there is definite attraction on both ends. Excellent story!!!

 
At Thursday, July 31, 2008 , Blogger Sandz said...

I am clueless, I feel dumb.
I would have been so embarrassed, I probably would have asked for us to go.

What am I missing?

 
At Monday, August 04, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the info.

 
At Thursday, August 07, 2008 , Blogger Erica said...

Great post! I love your stories and had missed them for awhile. It's good that you are addressing the age old mystery of what men are really attracted to in women. One thing though, I will be the voice of dissent re Cleopatra. Her origins were Hellenic--she was of Greek origin. Alexander the Great had ushered in an era of Macedonian rule about 300 years before the rule of Cleopatra. She was the last Hellenic ruler of Egypt.

 

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