Friday, July 25, 2008

Part 2 of ' The Indoctrination'

Part 2 "The Indoctrination.... "

The gym room smelled like soap and hair spray as Cassandra made her way inside. Destiny and Conchita, two of her old friends from Westwood waited for her. She had been here almost three weeks and was finally starting to feel less like an outsider. Finding them had been great, and helped the transition alot. The two were a definite contrast. Conchita was Latino with a fiery temper and razor sharp wit. She was fairly tall with long dark hair and beautiful coal black eyes framed by lashes most would kill for. Destiny was black like Cassandra. She was also rather tall and attractive, but not nearly to the degree that Conchita was. She was brown skinned and had short curly hair. She was very studious, and focused, with a quiet docile nature. She dreamed of being a doctor and rarely was she without medical journals of one sort or another. Conchita was beckoning wildly as Cassandra came through the door. "girl, you gonna be late -hurry up!" "You mean We're gonna be late" Cassandra laughed, as she raced to her locker ripping off her clothes without preamble. No matter what, she always seemed to be late. Conchita too, seemed to have this problem. Destiny, on the other hand, was almost always on time for everything.

"we got held up in class, Somebody took the teacher's -"

"Never mind Cass, Destiny interrupted. "We've got to get out to the field before Mr Baker notices we're not there" Destiny hated making a bad impression on teachers - or anyone else for that matter. She waited impatiently for Cassandra to finish, then all three raced outside into the bright sunshine. Coach Baker turned and looked at them as they tried to blend into the girls on the field for the relay race. A look of surprise crossed his face to see Destiny late, but he was not at all surprised about the other two. Those two thought the sun rose and shone just for them! They were both spoiled rotten, yet highly coveted girls. Cassandra and Conchita, he watched them a moment, as they tried to pretend they had been there all along. Damn beautiful girls, he thought to himself. They always seemed to think they can get away with anything when they looked like those two. Destiny was cute too, but nowhere near their league. Although personally, he liked Destiny best. She was sweet, smart and driven by strong ambition. He almost laughed out loud at the small medical journal hanging from the pocket of her gym pants. Yeah, that girl definitely had ambition, even if she was a little short on social skills...

Across the field The track team had also watched the 3 girls emerge. Paul sucked in his breath at the sight of Cassandra. Damn she was fine! He was so deep in thought he never heard Derek and mike sneak up behind him, until Mike popped him in the back of his head. "which one of em' you droolin over boy? He laughed as Paul spun around and glared at him. "leave 'em alone Mike, can't you see he's love sick over that lovely senorita! Derek squinted, his white teeth glinting in his dark face. "you know you white boys love them senoritas!" Mike was carefully following Paul's gaze. He looked back at Paul with a knowing smile. " But that ain't all we like though is it Paul -We also like that fine chocolate!" -You asking her t' the dance? Paul smiled, but before he could nod, Derek instantly caught Mike's drift and jerked his head toward Cassandra. The smile ran from his face in an instant. "Don't even think about it!" he said in an agitated voice. Both Paul and Mike turned to stare at him like he'd lost his mind. Paul leaned toward him, like he hadn't heard him right. "wha'd you say man? " Derek turned to face him. I said don't even think about tryin t'get one of our women" Derek answered in a clipped voice. Paul's faced darkened. " don't you EVER try to tell me who I can be with" He stated coldly. " And she ain't your woman. I know y'all think you own every woman who shares your skin color, but she has a mind of her own, and if she says yes, I'm taking her to that dance-and I dare you to try and stop me!" Derek's eyes narrowed. "You do and there'll be trouble man. You white boys think every damn thing belongs to you, but black women belong to us! You kin get anybody, I suggest you go get yo ' self a white girl!"

"Maybe I don't want no white girl, ever think of that? Just like you didn't want a black one. And I suggest you stay outta my business!"

Nostrils flaring, both guys instinctively began to open and close their fists. glaring at each other like lions circling the pride. the tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife, and Mike tried to lesson it. He turned to Derek in confusion, his slightly blond brows furrowed in puzzlement. " But, Derek man, ain't your girl white?" "That ain't got nothin t' do with it!" Derek stormed. "He ain't got no business tryin 't' be with a black girl. I'm a man and-"

"And what? " Mike raged. He was getting angry now. This made no sense to him. "So you have the right to be with a white girl but she doesn't have the right to be with a white guy? -what kind of bullshit is that!" Derek shook his head, as he backed away from them. "Don't matter no way" He spat smugly at Paul. "She ain't gonna go nowhere wit you, we train our women in the community, and they know better than that"

Paul gave him a very cold smile. "We'll see about that man, we'll just see". He turned and strode to where Cassandra was practicing cheers with her friends, instead of doing the laps the coach had told her to do. Neither she, nor Conchita were very good at the cheers, but they looked so sexily cute, everyone's eyes were riveted to them anyway.

A slow seductive smile lit Cassie's pretty face when she saw 'blue eyes' approaching. He walked right up to her with everyone watching. "Cassandra, would you go to the spring dance with me?" Suddenly he realized he was holding his breath. What the hell had he been thinking asking her out in front of everyone? What if she said no? The seconds that passed felt like hours, but then sweet relief: Her whole face was smiling and welcoming. "Yes I will," she answered defiantly. flouncing her head to the side, and throwing her long hair out of her face. "And I also wanna know what took you so long to ask? I thought I was going to have to-" His heart skipping happily, he cut her off "don't worry about all that, I'm asking now ain't I? " He smiled down at her wanting to kiss her, but knowing this was not the time or place with so many people watching. But as he was telling her he would wait for her after school, she boldly grasped his gym shirt so that he had to lean down to her. The manly scent of his after shave was subtle and intoxicating. Reaching up, she pulled his face down to hers, and gave him the slow delicious kiss she had been waiting weeks for. Her hands ran wildly through his thick dark hair. Paul backed away, looking wildly around. His heart slammed against his chest, and he barely managed to stagger away, stumbling under the weight of his excitement. Mike was waiting for him at the locker door with the rest of the track team. They were laughing so hard, some of them were holding onto the door jam.

"Man, she put that thinga-ma-jig on you!" Mike laughed. "I thought we was gonna have to carry your ass off that field!" "Yeah, " another boy interjected. "If she kissed you any longer, they'd a had to get the cardiac paddles!" This caused the roused group of boys to laugh harder. Paul brushed roughly past them, with their laughter ringing in his ears. He was unable to keep the smile from his face, although he was red as an apple, and embarrassed as all hell. It didn't matter. Hell, nothing mattered. He had Cassandra, she was all he wanted, and he was taking her to the dance.....

At the dance, Destiny showed up at 8. o clock on the dot with her Latino boyfriend Hector in tow. Both Cassandra and and Conchita were late. But they arrived in a flurry of smiles and hand waving as if they were celebrities. Both Paul, and Conchita's date James shot each other a 'you know they love to show off look' before guiding them inside. They all danced the night away. Even Destiny came out of her serious shell and had a great time. The night was almost perfect until the girls went to the powder room later in the evening.

As soon as they stepped from the stalls and went to wash their hands, Cassandra could feel the tension building. It was very large bathroom with the sinks located in one large expansive area, and the stalls located in a second adjoining room. Several girls they knew from school, were nestled together talking in hushed tones, near the sinks. They looked pissed. Since most of them were AA, Cassandra knew exactly what they were pissed about. And she didn't give a damn. Giving them a 'go to hell look', she glanced at Conchita. Conchita's boyfriend and date James, was black, so some of the anger was definitely directed at her. Conchita had a warning look in her eyes. Her chin was set firm and her head was high and proud. She was looking in the mirror but her eyes were vigilant and on guard. Only Destiny seemed out of sorts and intimidated. She was fidgeting, and avoiding eye contact. One look at her and they knew they'd found their first victim.

"Couldn't find a black man to bring you? " Tenese the leader, baited Destiny. Destiny was trying to ignore her, but her hands were visibly shaking. Lisa Smith, Tenese's best friend, joined in. "Yeah, I saw plenty of brothers lookin at you, you ain't need no pappi, but at least you ain't bring no white boy! " She, and the other three girls looked pointedly at Cassandra. Everyone in the room knew she was the one they really wanted.

Clang! Conchita's wooden hairbrush hit the sink so hard, the porcelain chipped. She swung around before Cassandra had time to say a word. Her pretty Spanish face was blazing in anger. "You betas don't know who yu mess wit -We com wit who we wahna, and you bitchis mine you biznez or ellz you gonna get hert!" Conchita's accent always became overpowering when she was angry. All 4 girls took one look at her angry, pretty face and backed down.

"We was just sayin, you know. Conchita we ain't got no problem with you girl." Janice miller tried to soothe her. "yeah, girl, you know you we all like you." Tenese broke in. "But it's Cassandra, we was all just wonderin why she wit that white boy?"

"Because I like that white boy" Cassandra turned and looked Tenese in the eye. She wasn't nearly as fiery as Conchita, but she knew how to stand up for herself. And she knew how to hold her own. "I like him, I don't give a damn if y'all throw me out of the sisterhood of the traveling fools! I'm not gonna let anybody tell me who I can and cannot date-so get over it!" She turned, tossing her long hair and walked past them toward the door. Conchita uttered a few Spanish curses, and followed. Destiny watched their faces as she followed Conchita and Cassandra from the room. They were all looking at both Conchita and Cassandra with a naked expression that she had never seen when they looked at her. Sadly she realized, it was respect....

Hector was off getting drinks when they came back to the table. But both James and Paul looked a tad worried, especially seeing the four girls exit the powder room right behind them. "Everything ok? " Paul was looking at Cassandra trying to read her face. "Of course, everything's fine" She sat in the chair he pulled out for her, laughing as James lovingly kissed Conchita's hands. Everyone knew he was deeply in love with her, although he still seem to think he was hiding it. As Paul pushed Cassandra's chair in, he leaned down and whispered in her ear. "Cassie, would you be my girl? " Cassandra's face broke into a dazzling smile. "What the hell took you so long? I thought I was going to have to ask you! You know you-" He shook his head in exasperation. She was sassy as hell, and that was one of the things he loved most about her, but man, Could she run her mouth!

"Shut up- and just say yes" He commanded. "Yes" she answered softly..... And this time she remembered to wait for the kiss....

I think indoctrination is something that can be easily cured if we simply teach women to support women. Many times women/girls will run their ideas past their friends to get an idea of how said ideas will be taken. If their friends are supportive and encouraging they will often find the courage to step out of the box. However, if said friends are negative and dissuading, they will often be unwilling to buck the grain. I think it's imperative that women support other women in their endeavors. Especially as black women because we know no one else is likely to give us this support externally. Many women are raised in families where they are taught to stand by bm regardless of his action, regardless of his sexual proclivities, and regardless of his treatment of her. If she remains, and cannot find the strength to leave, she will surely perish. At the very least, she will be a walking shell of her former self. No one can maintain self respect for long while allowing themselves to be continually devalued and disrespected. This situation is at a crisis level. Evia has an excellent post on this at her blog right now, so I do not need to go into excessive detail, but I will sum it up like this: THE BC IS A SINKING SHIP! It is imperative that we save all the black women we can, because the ship is going down....Tell every BW you can, to judge men ONLY by their quality and not by their skin color. Tell her if she will not do it for herself, do it for her children now, and to come. Leave damaged men alone in all colors, and look for good men in ANY color......Black women must be deprogrammed so that they can live healthy, happy, prosperous lives. The indoctrination of young black females must be halted, and it must start with us. Support bw, young and old in their struggles to escape the box. Let them know they can count on you to talk to when they are ostracized, or belittled for looking out for their own best interests. Many young women would be here today had they had someone say "Girl, he's no good and you know it-get out before it's too late!" Unfortunately, she is likely to hear the opposite. "He has a job, he works every day-give that brother a chance" To her detriment. Young women must be taught to focus on a man's behavior not his color, in choosing a mate. They must be encouraged to look at the whole village instead of the 'hood' to find husband material. I think if they are given support, more will be able to find their way to freedom. Because make no mistake about it. Many sistas right now are living lives of virtual slaves, with no hope of escaping the plantation. They know 'catchers are out looking for them, and ready to inflict severe punishment on those who attempt to escape. So just like the slaves of old, many try to grin and bear it, dying by degrees every day. It's imperative that we show them the way, guide and support them in their quest for freedom. The future of millions of unborn babies will ride on the decisions these young women make.....

Wealth tips will be up on Sun. Thank y'all for tuning in....

82 Comments:

At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Anonymous lisa said...

wow! And here I thougth the first part was good! That was a great story sara, you should write books....

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Anonymous barb said...

Girl, you know you can write! Loved the story-it was definitely worth the wait. And it's all so true Young black girls have to be taught to look out for their own best interest. Keep doing what you do girl!

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love your blog girl, do you think it would be better to get our kids out of the bc from the start or is it too late once they have been indoctrinated?

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Anonymous kim said...

Sara that was an awesome story! and so true. That is exactly how my brother reacted when he found out I was dating a white guy (just like derek) even though ALL he dates are white girls! He called me a sell out and said I should know better, and that as a good black woman, I should be ashamed! Keep in mind, He has flaunted his white girls for years! I hate this double standard!!!

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Anonymous Felicia said...

Taylor-Sara,

You have a very positive and creative way with words.

You're VERY talented and it's wonderful how your readership is growing.

What's also clear is the love and dedication you have towards sistas and it's beautiful.

Keep up the good and needed work, and I'm LOVIN your stories!

They are SO true to life.

As we speak, more and more BW are breaking these chains around their minds and hearts.

Simply by being exposed to this common sense message of judging men by the content of their character and not the color of their skin.

The Internet is a WONDERFUL and powerful tool. It can be used for good or evil. It can heal or harm.

Lets all continue to use it for GOOD purposes and keep preaching this common sense message of judging men by their CHARACTER not their color.

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

To the ignorant ass Anon, who keeps writing trying to start mess on this blog, You know good and well that is not true, and I never said any such thing! You people are relentless with your lies. GET OFF MY BLOG AND DON'T EVER COME BACK! Go spread your lies elsewhere.....Trolls will NO longer be tolerated over here-period!

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Anonymous LJ said...

Sara, great story. great post. About the lying trolls that keep coming here. Perhaps you should privitize the blog. Just a thought. I know Evia was forced to go private after the trolls tried to take over on her blog....

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

LJ, thanks for the advice, but that won't work. I can't save more and more bw with a private blog. they MUST hear this message. And I am going to fight to make sure they do.... but thank you anyway.

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sara, I think you're doing the right thing by moderating heavily and refusing to let the trolls through but NOT privatizing it. Keep up the good work!

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loved it! I can only wish that it wasn't as true to life as it is
Will this be coming out as a book anytime soon?

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Blogger Felicity said...

Good story, funny, I know another story similar to that. One of my friend's sister met and married a white man and her brother was furious, even though he was married to a white women and had two children. He was so angry, to complained to his other sisters and then he complained to his mother, she told him, instead telling his younger sister what to do, she is a grown woman, her husband is very nice and she would suggest he concentrate on his marriage and not his younger sister's marriage and a result. Her brother is still angry with his sisters and his mother. Although he speaks to his younger sister, and her husband, he is very polite, he is still not happy. The truth of the matter is that the BW must be the servant and the lowest of the low to the black community and if you are dark skinned. God help you. But God is good and a lot of ladies are seeing the light and the demons are restless.

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

exactly girl, I see this all the time. I don't get how bm can tell bw they can't marry out while they do it like it's going out of style. I would have to tell me brother where he could go....

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I liked your story. Hopefully, there is a teenage girl reading this so that her heart can be open to falling in love with someone that can make them happy, despite what color he is. I'm 30 years old and I am currently recovering from years of indoctrination. But, coming from a small community like mine, it is hard to escape indoctrination. It's like I'm the only one that feels that the black community should not put or keep black women in a box. It's hard having a vision of escaping that box, especially when you're the only one wanting to escape. I'm teetering on the rim of the box, trying to climb over in order to get out, but I feel that I will have no where to go. I need someone to pray that I can find a piece of mind when it comes to me finding someone and some place where I can be completely happy and free. Thanks.

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

to the sicko who keeps trying to post your filth here. -seek professional help. You truly need it. You're obsessed in case you can't tell what that psychotic feeling is running through your veins. I never said any such things to you. I have never said those things to anyone. You are truly in need of professional help... I hope you get it.- you sick coward!

 
At Saturday, July 26, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Anon, I think the best thing for you would probably be a change of area. Is there anyone you can go stay with for a while and get a fresh perspective on things. I know it can be extremely hard to escape our conditioning, Yet I also know with faith and work it can be done. I'm routing for you girl....

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

Awaiting chapter 3...lol..

My goodness..it is so hard keeping up with my three main blogs I visit..(Sara, Pinky and now that she is BACK baby, "our" Evia....lol..ok, Darrens's Evia.)...anyway, even my own blog ("the most exciting in the Universe") has been detrimentally affected because I am so so busy...getting up to "no good"...heheh...and enjoying the summer..and let me tell you Ladies..I have really stepped up the workouts, and I am amazed at the fast results...I am a sleek, taut toned panther, prowling the streets of Planet X...lol...(insert panther sound effect)

But I am certainly enjoying this story, Sara...it could be a whole series....aaahhh so many stories to tell..but apparently, none of them on CNN...lol

Alright..back to the project I am working on...these websites are like crack...I would imagine...(just a joke..I gotta explain everything man...lol)

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

Anon you are not alone.

I am just realizing all the ways that I have been indoctrinated and by the people who are closest to me.


I just realized that my mother who has expressed support for me if I decided to become involved in an IR also had some mammy-ish ways when it comes to my brother.

I also realized that there are quite a few men in my family who are DBR-BM and there are quite a few mammies.


I knew that some things were hurtful, but putting things into the context of how BW are conditioned/indoctrinated to act against their own self interest has explained a lot.


And basically I am coming to terms with the ways that all of this has impacted me, the way I see myself, and the way I view the world.



So you are not alone even if we are miles away from one another.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger starkitty50 said...

Love the story!!! Wonderful ending. I Wish that I could have been more like Cassandra when I was in HS, but I was too afraid of what other people thought of me.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger TC said...

Anon, please ask yourself, why are BW expected to stay put when everyone else is told to move on and up? Several HS classmates joined the NFL. Do you think any of them came back here? No! And I live in a nice area. If you have somewhere better to go, you are obligated to go there.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

Sara, your stories are awesome. The examples are very clearly explained and so realistic, this is what so many BW go through.

-----------

I think indoctrination is something that can be easily cured if we simply teach women to support women. Many times women/girls will run their ideas past their friends to get an idea of how said ideas will be taken. If their friends are supportive and encouraging they will often find the courage to step out of the box.

THIS IS THE KEY. Support, Support and Support!!! I've shared my friend's story on Evia's blog and how I gave her my support. The funny thing is, and I forgot to mention it on Evia's blog, I was still a little indoctrinated at the time, but when you allow yourself to use COMMON SENSE, the indoctrination loses its power. I knew her past relationships were horrible, so I saw no reason to tell her to "stay with a bro no matter what" when the man she was interested in could probably make her happy. I'll copy and paste what I wrote, in my next post.

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Love your blog girl, do you think it would be better to get our kids out of the bc from the start or is it too late once they have been indoctrinated?

It would be better to get our kids out of the BC. However, if you wanna help kids who have already been indoctrinated it's not too late. You can get them out the BC as fast as possible, and ask them QUESTIONS to know exactly what they think, or should I say TAUGHT to think. You'll undo what has been done depending on their answers (unsing convincing logical arguments). Communicate as often as possible with them. When they show interest in a non-black male celebrity, encourage it. Teach them to use common sense as well. Teach these young girls (if they're teens old enough to date)that what matters is that their boyfriends treat them right, regardless of race, and that they'll always have your support. The de-indoctrination starts when you teach them to use common sense and when they know they have someone's support!

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@Aphrodite,
I also realized that there are quite a few men in my family who are DBR-BM and there are quite a few mammies.

Girl, I've realized THE SAME THING. Most of them being my closest relatives. When you become de-indoctrinated, you see your family differently, you see things you never really "saw" before, it's almost scary.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

The following post is what I wrote on Evia's blog :
*****************************

Evia wrote :
I think that if a lot of AA women had just one or two other bw whose support they knew they could count on in making certain decisions where they put themselves 'first and foremost,' things would change drastically for many bw in this country.

My reply :
EXACTLY!!! I'm thinking of this friend who's in an IRR (let's call her Leila), when she told me and another friend (let's call her Janet) that she was "starting to look at that WM differently", Janet immediately told her "now you KNOW what I think of this kind of relationships", I interrupted Janet and told Leila "girl, do what you gotta do, life is TOO SHORT to let real love pass you by because of something as superficial as skin color". I gave her my support. I was there when she needed to talk about it, because I knew and she knew her family wouldn't like this.

Fortunately, she found support in a few female relatives as well. It's the females who supported her, most of the males didn't take it well. Her mother supports her too. Now mind you, it's the WM's family that asked to meet Leila because they wanted to know that mystery girl who had "transformed their son", and they already knew that she was black when they asked this. They could have been mad at their son (or to word it better, You'd THINK they'd be mad at their son, based on the stereotypes the BC feeds us with everyday) but instead they supported him too. And they LOVE Leila! And I learned through Leila's experience that all the steretotypes about BW in IRRs (only used for sex, never accepted by non-black family, etc) were absolutely FALSE. I learned a lot from her experience.

Chances are Leila would have never given it a try if she didn't know she had at least one woman who had her back no matter what! As Evia and Sara said, BW really need to support each other because we have nobody else. The first time I talked to my mom about dating out (and that's not that long ago considering that it's a taboo in the family), she told me "I don't care what race the man is, as long as he makes my daughter happy. And don't you ever reject love because of what others may say or think!". Now hearing mama say this had a serious impact on me.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Sara,

This is off-topic, but I think you should add Adam Rodriguez to the sidebar. His girlfriend is a Black woman.

Check out his fan-site justadam.net for further pics. I think you might need to get permission first if you want to use the pics.

Although, you could try a search for 'adam rodriguez ciarra pardo' and see what comes up.

All the best
Anon

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Thanks last Anon. I will look him up. Lola, so glad you supported your friend. And yes you are right, chances are she would not have found the strenghth to go for her own best interests without that support. That is why BW must support BW.There is a very powerful saying (each one teach one) it's simplistic on the surface but it's extremely powerful once it's put into practice. All we have to do is: (Each of us) reach back and pull another sister from the sinking ship and most of us will SURVIVE AND THRIVE!!!

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger nikki7 said...

Delishmish, I know what you mean about the crack! I am so addicted! LOL! Taylor-sara, thank you so much for what you are doing. I love the stories and the wealth-building. May the Lord bless you in all your endeavors!

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous sky said...

yes sara thank you so much for this blog. and don't worry about the trolls, don't even answer them, just hit the delete button.

i was wondering sara if you could do a blog one day about meeting men, how to flirt, how to start a conversation, where's the best place to meet them. i can't tell you how many times i'll be at a store and i notice a guy staring at me and i'll either pretend not to notice or get to shy to look back. im terrible at this and i feel like this is hindering me from meeting potential men, espeically complete strangers. and im conflicted w/ approaching men as well, it never has worked for and neither has waiting on them.

w/ the indoctrination ive been preaching to my friends to look else where for love.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Sky, since that's a very common request yes I will have to start doing that. I'll probably include a 'lesson' at the end of the post.
BTW everyone the wealth tips will be updated on the wealth blog from now on. They will still be updated every other post, and I will remind you at the end of a post when the wealth tips are updated. (with link) Sky look for those lessons coming up, and thanks for your commnents. I really appreciate it.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous sistrunkqueen said...

Hi Sara

I am the person who hosted the Atlanta mixer. I found out that their was one connection made. It was a first, we had 15 people to show up Friday evening. We talked and had dinner and drinks. I have been asked to plan another one , but I don't know right now. Maybe in the Fall.

You put up wealth tips and I was curious about it for myself and this interracial dating in Atlanta. Alot of the women wanted to know about places to go to meet white men. Some suggestions were given. I would rather create a how to pamphlet for black women who want to meet white/asian men. I would be able to talk to them about that because that is my current expereience. The pamphlet would aslo give info on how to set up a mixer and dating tips. I would of course charge a small fee for my pamphlet. When I finish this project could I advertise here. Thanks alot

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

OF Course you can advertise here. You can send your final ad to my email at: asktaylor1991@yahoo.com and I will be happy to put it up...

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous Clarice said...

Taylor-Sara said... exactly girl, I see this all the time. I don't get how bm can tell bw they can't marry out while they do it like it's going out of style. I would have to tell me brother where he could go...."

DBR people are narcissistic and totally completely self absorbed - it is all about them in their minds. They think and have been told the sun rises and sets on them and - this proves that it does not and they are not the center of any universe except their own

@Aphrodite said... Anon you are not alone. And basically I am coming to terms with the ways that all of this has impacted me, the way I see myself, and the way I view the world."

The most important thing in both cases is that you are alive and surviving - you have not given into the indoctrination - you know better and are doing better. It is not about where you start from - it is about the journey and where you are going and that you are doing what is in your best interest a little at a time, moment by moment, day by day.

@Anon - when you are on the edge of the box take a deep breathe and celebrate the fact that you have reached the top of the box - that is a victory - it took self reliance, persistence, confidence and intelligent choices - so you are well on your way.Use that energy to take that plunge into a new life. Life has a way of providing what you need when you take the first step. I am not sure where you are either in location or life situation - but the first step to empower yourself is to set aside the necessary resources to get out - a small savings account. Identify places where you can go - is it possible to just move to another area of the city i.e. a mixed race neighborhood or accept a job transfer to another area of the country?

Perhaps an internship in your field of expertise - there are some fellowships and internships that also provide a stipend to cover living expenses - check with your local universities or your HR departments education and tuition remission and benefits they may be able to provide information.

If there are hobbies or personal or professional interests that you have see if there are any community groups that participate in activities that you are interested in they may have referrals and resources to groups in other cities. This will broaden your circle of people and expand your resource base of information. Doing this until you can get to another location will provide support.



V/r

Clarice

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous Osk said...

It many highschools I have seen it taboo for black teen girls to have white male celebrity crushes. Yet many black teen males will have white female posters on their wall and thats ok??!!! I dont get why it can't work the same way for the black girls. Fortunately, I have a seen a change for the better!

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger Selena said...

Girl, I've realized THE SAME THING. Most of them being my closest relatives. When you become de-indoctrinated, you see your family differently, you see things you never really "saw" before, it's almost scary.

Yep its sort of like being brain-washed. Over the weekend I watched and episode of Cheaters. There was a lovely church going bw along with her aunt, who was also a church lady (holding her bible). To make a long story short the woman caught her live-in boyfriend with her cousin which was aunt's daughter.

All heck broke loose and the woman starts attacking both the cheater and her cousin. Do you know what this fool had his nerves to say? He had the audacity to say, "You're a church lady, you've got no business yelling and cursing me out, you're suppposed to be in church tonight." Then the cousin starts chiming in too lol. They were actually trying to condemn HER actions because she's a God fearing woman! The sad thing is, the lady seemed just like the type who gives EVREYONE in her family her all.

Speaking about indoctrination, has anyone caught any of the negative comments(from bw) about the black Italian Vogue issue?

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous Lisa Williams said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous Liz said...

Sara, please don't let these ignorant people get to you. They are just trying to divert your mission. You have got to keep your focus. We really need you! What they are trying to do is get you so upset you quit. Sara please don't quit. Then they will win. I can feel your frustration, but it's because you are doing such a good job, that they are attacking you. If no one was listening, they wouldn't care. What you might consider is only letting reg. users post comments. This will close off the comments of the Trolls, and releive you of alot of stress. Because you are getting really popular girl, and the more popular you get, the more jealous, angry trolls will come out....relax, we got your back....

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Anonymous debb said...

Hey Girl,
Listen, don't let them bother you. You know we go way back to 3rd grade so I KNOW you could always make up great stories in minutes. Remember how we would try to bribe you to tell a stories under the street lights? Those were the days. I've been following your blog, real proud of you. But it's not like you to let them get to you. You know you don't use that kind of language. What if Ms AK were to read that? She would be ashamed of you. Just delete the crazy girl's post (and yours too) and forget her. She's just some jealous fool. If anybody knows how good your imagination is, it's me you know that. Remember the valentino and nessa stories? OMG they were better than any romance novel I ever read! Remember the ones about Tamara and her Italian lover Giovani (Sp?) Girl! That was the stuff! But anyway, You know these people will try ANYTHING to knock you off the track -let it go. they're not worth it....love ya.

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

I'm sorry y'all but there are too many trolls coming out of the woodwork, trying to stop this movement. I'm going to have to remove the Anon. feature. And everyone is going to have to sign in to post. I really did not want to do that but it seems as this blog becomes more popular (ie a greater target) I will have no choice. I apologize for the inconvenience this may cause you...

 
At Sunday, July 27, 2008 , Blogger Selena said...

Debb you're a true friend. Sara not too many folks have friends that go way back. Listen to her and your readers we got your back :-P

You know I fully understand what you're going thru after my weekend inbox full of dbr bm messages.

Luv Ya

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is the latina character so stereotypical? We must resist mainstream typecasting of ALL women of color-- that "firey latina" thing is sooo played.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger CW said...

Sara...I was on the edge of my seat...And unfortunately these trolls come with the territory...I think removing the 'anonymous' feature will much improve things, as taking the blog private would reduce the chances of more BW seeing it...

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

@ sara, thx! And I totally agree! :)

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

@ Selena,

Do you know what this fool had his nerves to say? He had the audacity to say, "You're a church lady, you've got no business yelling and cursing me out, you're suppposed to be in church tonight." Then the cousin starts chiming in too lol. They were actually trying to condemn HER actions because she's a God fearing woman! The sad thing is, the lady seemed just like the type who gives EVREYONE in her family her all.

It's really sad. This is a typical case of a mammy, I'm sure she's gonna take him back, ask herself what is wrong with HER, try to fix whatever she thinks is wrong with HER and sacrifice.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous Foxycleopatra said...

haven't read the nasty comments since u'v removed them but they don't sound like anything i'd want to hear.

pls sara, u r doing a great job. when any of these idiots lurk and post nonsense, just think of all the beautiful sistas who have come to ur blog and have seen the light.

look at it this way, for these worthless trolls to know about his blog, it means pple are talkin about it on other blogs and websites therefore, u are amking ur impact. the word is getting out there and those human shackles in the bc that want to hold bw down are beginning to shake.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Actually Anon. It was not based on a sterotype at all. I have a half spanish brother(whom I love dearly) and he has a very young aunt (on his father's side) who was the inspiration for that character. She is very sweet and articulate until she gets angry and she goes off just like that. It was not based on a sterotype, but on a real person. Even the name is almost like hers. I try not to make characters based on steretypes, but in her case, 'the fiery latino' theme applies....

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous Bets said...

Anonymous said...
Why is the latina character so stereotypical? We must resist mainstream typecasting of ALL women of color-- that "firey latina" thing is sooo played.
_________________________________
Some people always have something negative to say. But I find it strange Anon. that you had no problem with the latino character being beautiful! that's a stereotype too! And since it's her story, she can make the characters any way she wants...You don't have to read if you're offended.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

BTW ladies, I feel I owe you an explanation for the deleted entries. Some crazy fool (presumed female) wrote in cursing like a idiot. She claimed I had stolen the story from some IR movie. Can't remember the title (I was too angry) but she claimed the theme was exactly the same. She was calling me names, and I admit I stooped to her level and began to curse back at her. That is why both entries are deleted. As I told her, I have an excellent imagination, and make my characters up from 'air' or ppl I know. And my imag. is so good, I NEVER need to copy any plot. But if anyone knows of such an IR movie like this, I would actually love to see it. And speaking of IR movies, when is the movie with Samuel J. and kerry Washington coming out?

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm reading another board and one post is about BW and education.

Most BM instead of uplifting BW for achievement put her down saying that just because you have an education does'nt mean we will marry you. Your education does'nt mean anything you uppity woman. Hmm what would you choose an education or a no education and a damaged man? Hmm??

Other races see education as a way to improve the families lot in life. Instead of BM stepping up to the plate they want to bring BW down to their level.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Unfortunately Anon. They always will. Many of them will also tell bw (who are sexaully liberated) you're too slutty. you're a hoe etc. Then will turn around and tell very chaste bw, you're too inhibited! You're corny and don't enjoy sex. All the while praising the non black woman as being 'sexaully liberated and free and more of a woman! Ladies the truth is: there is no pleasing someone DOES NOT WANT YOU! You ladies will have to look outside the box to find a good man and it's really as simple as that. When someone does not love themselves -THEY CANNOT LOVE YOU! and bm do NOT LOVE THEMSELVES!!! Deep inside where it counts, they secretly think anything black is ugly and disgusting. This is why many bm shave their heads bald. It's too get away from the nappy, that reminds them of the black. Most of them are such lost souls... It's really sad.....

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Miss Issues said...

Thanks Sara for this blog.
Re: the white celebrity crushes. I openly encourage my 15yr old daughter to talk about her white celebrity crushes. I remember growing up while all my girlfriends love New Edition, I crushed on Wham and Duran Duran.
Black girls have to be taught and encourage to look at men of all races.
Right now me and my daughters love the reality show Jon and Kate plus eight. I now openly joke with my daughters my next husband is going to be like Jon, the biracial Irish and Korean husband. I absolutely love him.
Black men are the only race of men I know who put down educated women. It's absolutely crazy. It is ashame when a women who is a high school dropout is a considered a better mate than a college educated woman, because women with degrees are too uppity.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Miss Issues said...

anon, I think you're referring to the blackvoices blog on AOL. Sorry to say, but black folks on that blog have some serious self hate issues. The bm on that board will tear a black woman up for saying they will date a white men, even though they have a picture of Kim Kardashian or some other white girl on their sig.
Like Sara said, bm hate themselves because they are black.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Miss Pinky said...

"This is why many bm shave their heads bald. It's too get away from the nappy, that reminds them of the black."

_____________________________________

WOW

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous DiosaNegra1967 said...

*de-lurk*

another good post...and thanx for part deux of "the indoctrination"...i immediately recognized the behaviours of some of the characters...i heard the very same thing when i was a teen from my own fam....however, they realized that due to my interests that i was DESTINED (their words, not mine) to "date out"....because i wasn't interested in getting drunk, hanging around on the corner and having babies at 15!

WTF?! since when did this type of behaviour become normalized? but, i digress...

thanx, again...

*re-lurking*

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous Sky said...

"Sky, since that's a very common request yes I will have to start doing that. I'll probably include a 'lesson' at the end of the post."

thanks so much sara!



"Most BM instead of uplifting BW for achievement put her down saying that just because you have an education does'nt mean we will marry you. Your education does'nt mean anything you uppity woman. Hmm what would you choose an education or a no education and a damaged man? Hmm??

Other races see education as a way to improve the families lot in life. Instead of BM stepping up to the plate they want to bring BW down to their level."

how true this is. i feel like we could just complete each others' stories on this board. i can't tell you how i would go on a date w/ bm and tell them im in college and they give me a look like i just told them i have AIDS or they'll say "you know a lot of rich folks made it w/out having to go to college. most peps who graduated from college end up working for them". it's like they try to down play your education or tell you your wasting your money. that's why many of us can't give the "blue collar man" a try cuz he doesn't even try with us.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Miss Issues said...

Did anyone watch Black Men Revealed on TVOne last night. It just proved the point about how black men feel about other educated black people. These men were actually putting down the black man who was educated and authored books on black relationships. They had the mindset of a lot bm that street knowledge is more important than so-called book knowledge. One man who was admittedly a pimp tried the educated bm he was less of a man because he didn't have a lot of of relationships or a lot of women.
This is what we're dealing with bc.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous Clarice said...

@Sky said... Other races see education as a way to improve the families lot in life. Instead of BM stepping up to the plate they want to bring BW down to their level."

You are so right! Consider this - Education should include not just academics but also exposure to different cultures and experiences via music, books, museums, art exhibits, foods, social interactions and traditions. Knowledge is power and power begets more power, absolutely. Growing up my parents and family - Dad especially encouraged me to try new things and to learn not just from books but from people and about how to behave and adapt in all situations - manners etc. Yes there were a few "white girl" comments heard or made from time to time - but head strong as ever - they were ignored :) Till the high art of ignoring that which does not apply or work for me was refined - effectively seeing right past it. Being outside the circle became my accepted "norm". Selective Disengagement - soon the MO became - do what works for me - connect with those parts of family and community that were positive and self affirming - pay it forward and give a hand up as applicable and disavow that which does not work or causes harm. Empowerment via knowledge and exposure is the key to defining and refining your own "norm" based on what works for you and creating your own destiny!

V/r

Clarice

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

Sky said : how true this is. i feel like we could just complete each others' stories on this board. i can't tell you how i would go on a date w/ bm and tell them im in college and they give me a look like i just told them i have AIDS or they'll say "you know a lot of rich folks made it w/out having to go to college. most peps who graduated from college end up working for them". it's like they try to down play your education or tell you your wasting your money. that's why many of us can't give the "blue collar man" a try cuz he doesn't even try with us.

And that's why Tyler Perry's "Daddy's Little Girl" was funny to me. Gabby was that cold "witch" whose life changed once she gave a decent blue collar bro a chance, and the man had absolutely no problem with her being educated and rich and with the fact that he WORKED FOR HER!!!

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger PioneerValleyWoman said...

Comment:

how true this is. i feel like we could just complete each others' stories on this board. i can't tell you how i would go on a date w/ bm and tell them im in college and they give me a look like i just told them i have AIDS or they'll say "you know a lot of rich folks made it w/out having to go to college. most peps who graduated from college end up working for them". it's like they try to down play your education or tell you your wasting your money. that's why many of us can't give the "blue collar man" a try cuz he doesn't even try with us.

My reply:

Why on earth wouldn't a man want a well-educated wife to be the mother of his children?

Advocates fought for women's education for that very reason, and especially in the late 19th c. Women's colleges come from that very tradition, Spelman included--to educate black women to be leaders in their homes and in their community.

How easily some ignoramuses forget our history.

Granted, it is true that some blue collar workers (and others without college degrees) earn very good incomes, but that is not the case for women workers.

Blue collar trades offer high incomes in the traditional male-dominated trades. Women without college degrees earn less than women who have them.

An argument some make is that for a woman to reach economic parity with a man, she has to have a college degree, when the blue collar tradesman does not need one.

And yet there have been news reports about the falling average wage of blue collar (male) workers in the U.S. This means that a blue collar man 30-40 years ago could easily support a family and have his wife stay at home. That is not the case today.

Think of all the plant closings and what not. Think too of the housing industry suffering now and blue collar workers in the trades not doing well.

Granted, white collar jobs are going overseas too, but there is some evidence that a college degree can offer some benefits in terms of lifetime earnings.

http://www.ericdigests.org/2003-3/value.htm

Beyond that, the living wage calculator indicates just what the real deal is. Google the phrase. You can type in your community and get a sense of what the average cost of living is and the average hourly wage of people who are in various fields of work--who is earning more?

Educate those fools who would dare tell young black women not to go to college, because they are too uppity.

Insecure men are the only ones threatened by well-educated women.

Signed,

PVW

(college professor)

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous stephanie said...

sara, EFF the haters. We will ALWAYS read you, support you, and spread the word.

(And when your books come out we'll buy those as well!)

This is our space. Don't even give them the time it take you to write a response! Your friends, fans, and e-sisters want you fresh and happy for installments 3-100!!!
YOU ROCK!

steph

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous stephanie said...

what sky said got me thinking... We really can complete each other's stories b/c the same tired tricks have been used over and over ad nauseum. The good news for us, is the bc never switches up the playbook and sara's giving us the best defense possible. that's exactly why this blog is so important! I know there are young girls who can only find support in spaces like this and reading our real life stories I'm SURE is making them feel less alone.

I thank each and every one of you who has shared on this blog. It only makes sara's great stories even more poignant!

And I, too, have gotten the "what's wrong with you, mule?" attitide from bm for studying hard. A while back I told this guy I was in school for my master's and his response was a disgusted "why you need another degree? You know it ain't gon' be no brothers there anyway.". Whereas my wm friends and boyfriends have always bragged about me as well as my accomplishments.

I was "cassie" in a lot of ways! My prom date was a white guy, the dbrs and mammies threw a fit, and yet my date's 70+ year old grandfather was lovingly boasting to their relatives that I was "beautiful and brilliant" and "my grandson got to take her to the prom!". You are prized and appreciated ladies. Don't buy into the nonsense that no one can/will love you but a bm. Sadly, what many bm have to offer is far from what a self-respecting woman would call "love" but bw have been conditioned to fear white rejection so they settle thinking "at least he can take me home to his mom." Please! I still get calls, emails, and visits from old bfs' families. And let me tell you, it's infuriating and shameful, but I was more welcome in their families than they were in mine. The bc is far more intolerant, in my experience. Our predecessors fought for equal rights, yet DBRs can't wait to jump in your business and tell you you're not good enough for anything but them.

Laughable but dangerous.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Steph girl, you said it! The crazy thing is alot of be think they can only get love and acceptance from a bm and in this day and age that's who you are the LEAST likely to get it from! It's time to do like the women of the Titanic. Jump into the life boats and let the men fend for themselves! After all no man should need a WOMAN to save him....
The BC is completely jacked up With the women trying to do better and become more, and the men primping, pimping and trying to be 'taken care of' It's really all too sick and twisted to be part of....

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

Miss Pinky said:

This is why many bm shave their heads bald. It's too get away from the nappy, that reminds them of the black."

_________________________________

WOW
....................

I'm not sure if Pinky was the original person who made this statement..but I share her sentiment...WOW indeed..that is really pretty deep..and probably true.

Lola..YES @ the Tyler Perry analysis ...in that movie let us also not forget that he was ALSO a former PRISONER who was in jail for a sex crime..and yet the high flying lawyer Gabrielle character is supposed to take him on AND his three SASSY (ugh) young girl children AND his ex druggie wife....RIGHT!!!!

Can you see that movie being made with Reese Witherspoon???? um, NO...although they did try a modified version with that "sweet home alabama thing" They write this stuff with one thing in mind...$$$$$$$..The average Joe Schmo (or dbr) or even below average guy HAS to feel like he has a chance of getting the HOT GIRL when he goes to the movies with his date..yet we rarely see the opposite - a plain woman getting the hot, high flying guy..and if they do, they are a HOOKER (with a heart of gold, mais qui)..lol. I mean what the heck....a HOOKER????

Now about this whole story thing...Sara, there are a LOT of people out there who are simply BEREFT of any IDEAS whatsoever..and so if YOU write something, they are quick to try to tear it down..because they themselves are so bankrupt of any kind of innovation and ingenuity...and some of these are so called authors...the truth is this.. (imo) IF you are not willing to piss off some people in life...what is the point? Do stuff with the motivation that you are writing things you observe (and that are amusing/important to you) and let the chips fall where they may. Be willing to NOT please everyone. Some will like it, and some will not..but they will all read it..I can assure you. It is too easy to say every character is a stereotype, or is demeaning to whoever..fact is, a lot of people are exactly like what one may be describing and they themselves cannot see it.

I am tired of politically correct..where is it getting BW? What, you can't say the TRUTH.. WHY? Until the day most of us BW are absolutely where we should be.. (THE TOP) then we HAVE to keep saying things that MAY be hurtful..but could also cause change.

I can only imagine the field day some will have with my comments...lol

I don't care!.. I do what I want..and I say what I want, and I write what I want. No one controls Delish....but the one thing I do not do is to call people who blog in this arena "crazy" or "nutjobs."..

I'm just saying...and some people will clearly understand what I am saying..and some will not...that is ok too.

I believe I need an alcoholic beverage to assauge my inflamed temperaments....code for "where the colt 45 at." Oh, am I being politically incorrect again???

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

Lola it is not only scary, but it makes me angry.

I would think that the DBR-ness was out there some where and then I realized - it is around me, close to me. I grew up with it.


And it is to the point where I am analyzing conversations with BP all the time. Both male and female and I am filtering what I hear and it is not pretty many times.


I can have a casual conversation with someone and my internal dialog says:

ok, colorist comment
ok putting bm ahead of bw


and on and on


I am even seeing past behavior through a different light. I can see how some people turned out the way they did. How my family contributes to BM who aren't responsible and use women.


Sometimes I feel like screaming because I didn't see it before and now I see/hear it everywhere.




@Clarice
Thanks Clarice for your support and encouragement. :) You are really validating.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger starkitty50 said...

Dear Taylor-Sara:
I have been a fan of this blog for some time. I am an avid reader of C-1's blog and that's how I found yours. I really appreciate what you are doing and the things you talk about remind my of things in my own life. Once I let go of caring about what the BC thinks, I was able to follow my true desires. I used to feel like being attracted to and dating White men was something to hide, justify or apologize for, but as I've gotten older, I realize that I don't need to do that anymore. I think that your blog is helping so many other BW out there and I hope that you never get discouraged by the negativity out there.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

I don't see how any BW could fix her mouth to say something negative about the Black Vogue issue. That is awful. Like shooting yourself in the butt awful.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger energize said...

@ Miss Issues in regards to BlackMenRevealed - I watched it, again. That show gives me the same feeling when you see a car wreck and you just want to see what happened to those people?

It was awful. The self-professed pimp and comedian just would not stop hating on the educated black man and he (educated guy) was on point giving good advice every time. He was bullied to no end. He even looked disgusted at them.

Which reiterated your point about bm and their disdain for education. Ignorance is easy to control. One suggested to other men, "if you want your bills paid find an overweight woman with low self-esteem". He has 5 kids he will influence.

If a woman is feeling down, it skews her judgement, there is nothing wrong with taking a break from dating. There are men out there lurking taking these type of dbr men advice. If you are raising sons, when posible, be selective who you allow in their lives. Don't let just anyone mentor them just because they are a man.

I finally had enough and started watching my man Capt. Kirk.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous Pat said...

Hi Sara, love your blog! I don't think I've ever seen one quite like it. Anyway, I think that person was pissed because the images you invoked were too honest, and hit too close to home. IOWs the characters were too real. just like when delish did 'the mammy chonicles' the stories were great but so real that the real many people had a fit. They were not ready to face the truth. As for the liar saying that she saw this story in a movie plot, she is a liar! If any of us had heard of such a movie we would have let the others know so we could all rush out and see it. I would love to see this story as a movie, and I think most of us would. They'll try anything to stop this train but honey it's headed for the top! As for the Samuel Jackson/Kerry washington movie where he terrorizes an IR couple, I think it comes out in Sept. -keep up the good work, more and more of us are waking up....Soon bm can tell the mammies how fat,ugly and disgusting we are while we nestle in the arms of loving white husbands!

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Mary said...

"Most BM instead of uplifting BW for achievement put her down saying that just because you have an education does'nt mean we will marry you. Your education does'nt mean anything you uppity woman. Hmm what would you choose an education or a no education and a damaged man? Hmm??

Other races see education as a way to improve the families lot in life. Instead of BM stepping up to the plate they want to bring BW down to their level."

that's the problem, bm compare themselves with bw and that doesn't make any sense. in what other culture do men compete with their female counterparts. its not only unnatural it's also very pathetic. no other men, not even stupida$$ african men, do this.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Blogger Selena said...

that's the problem, bm compare themselves with bw and that doesn't make any sense. in what other culture do men compete with their female counterparts. its not only unnatural it's also very pathetic. no other men, not even stupida$$ african men, do this.

Actually dbr men of ALL races, women just ignore the signs. People just act out differently: divorces, cheating, belittling, abusing and very often men (some) purposely marry women in which they feel are lesser either in education or occupation. BM are more vocal than most. Hollywood is a quick example. How many have heard of the "Oscar Curse"? They're insecure men in all cultures.

 
At Monday, July 28, 2008 , Anonymous Clarice said...

Aphrodite said..@Clarice Thanks Clarice for your support and encouragement. :) You are really validating.


You are most welcome Aphrodite - we all need encouragement and support along the road - even when you've made the leap there are gonna be days when a lift is appreciated. It is like the prayer Barack Obama prayed (which should not have been printed - that is such a violation) asking to be protected from despair. I think that he will be doubly blessed despite this for inspiring others by his prayer - and blessed yet again by the blessings received by others who are inspired by his example and prayer. It just proves whatever the religious or spiritual tradition - it is about strength for the journey.

@Delishmish said...Be willing to NOT please everyone. Some will like it, and some will not..but they will all read it..I can assure you. It is too easy to say every character is a stereotype, or is demeaning to whoever..fact is, a lot of people are exactly like what one may be describing and they themselves cannot see it.

This is why it is so important to be willing to get outside the circle and selectively disengage from those we may love - but who do not have our best interest at heart and fight the indoctrination.

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Blogger Mary said...

"it's like they try to down play your education or tell you your wasting your money. that's why many of us can't give the "blue collar man" a try cuz he doesn't even try with us."

this is SO true. I had a friend in medical school whose longtime boyfriend kept on downplaying her achievements. he kept on saying that she was JUST booksmart, that she wasn't streetsmart. she eventually dropped him like the garbage he was!! yay!!!

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Anonymous DiosaNegra1967 said...

@ miss issues: "...street knowledge is more important than so-called book knowledge."

OMG! i heard that repeated like it was the 11th commandment throughout my childhood...

i overhead my grandfather say that i was "book smart", but not "street smart", and therefore, bound to be prey to BM who "used" BW who were "overweight and had low self-esteem"...

well, he (and other fam members) took my pre-teen philosophical and bookish nature as having low self-esteem...WRONG!

in fact, i remember hearing a "bet" being made between my mother and grandfather....he bet her $50, that i would get pregnant before i graduated high school! unbelieveable!

i didn't....and a few years back, i confronted him and asked for the $50...complete with interest!

i believe that he based his assumption on his OWN behaviour....as he "used" (i so hate this word) that type of BW (who were also, church-bound) for his own financial support.....

needless to say, i've lost a great deal of respect for him....

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Blogger CW said...

@Mary & Group... this is SO true. I had a friend in medical school whose longtime boyfriend kept on downplaying her achievements. he kept on saying that she was JUST booksmart, that she wasn't streetsmart. she eventually dropped him like the garbage he was!! yay!!!

Or it can be in the variation of...

"You may be booksmart, but have no common sense"

"Getting a degreee AIN'T gonna make us want you" (Ummm ...yeah we know this will not spark an intial attraction...
But as a previous poster stated, It is something that definitely adds to a families earning power)

I've also heard these:

"You have a degree in arts not science, so don't go making a big deal out of it"

"You may have a degree but you're still (insert stereotypical garbage/jargon here)"

I say this to demonstrate that there is no sense in even carrying on a conversation with these factions...It is not as if they wish to learn...All their comments/interference is designed to do is try to wear the BW down and cast doubt....

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Blogger CW said...

@DiosaNegra1967 & Group

"...OMG! i heard that repeated like it was the 11th commandment throughout my childhood...

...in fact, i remember hearing a "bet" being made between my mother and grandfather....he bet her $50, that i would get pregnant before i graduated high school! unbelieveable!..."




I will bet that same $50.00 that most BW reading these boards have heard the same types of statements...And it's not that we don't or can't love these relatives, but it's necessary to identify them as being a damaged POV...

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Anonymous lola said...

Delishmish said :
Lola..YES @ the Tyler Perry analysis ...in that movie let us also not forget that he was ALSO a former PRISONER who was in jail for a sex crime..and yet the high flying lawyer Gabrielle character is supposed to take him on AND his three SASSY (ugh) young girl children AND his ex druggie wife....RIGHT!!!!


AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! And let's not forget that all the women were witches. Gabby was the "uppity witch", her friends were the "bringing-a-brother-down witches" who dared tell Gabby not to stay with an ex-prisoner father of 3, and Tasha Smith's character was the "hood witch" awful ex-girlfriend or ex-wife, drug addict and abusive mom. And who was the victim, trying to do the right thing? The "po BM".

Aphrodite said:
Lola it is not only scary, but it makes me angry.


Girl, I feel your whole post and I'm experiencing the same things, including the inner conversations. I still can't believe I'm surrounded with so much DBRness and Mammyism.

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Anonymous Clarice said...

Miss Issues said... anon, I think you're referring to the blackvoices blog on AOL. Sorry to say, but black folks on that blog have some serious self hate issues.


Here here to that....Before Pinky could post her update on the spectacular splash hit the Italian Vogue Magazine is! (Pinky it is blowing up! I just saw it this morning on your site) Last night I popped over there to see if they had the story and not a word has been mentioned - talk about self hate - SMH

@Mary said... bm compare themselves with bw and that doesn't make any sense. in what other culture do men compete with their female counterparts.

True that! Men compete with other men - when and if men compete with women for example in the work place it is totally different from the way in which they compete with against men. Even then the men still remember that the woman is a woman and treat her as such - these folks are just twisted. Real men complement women - note complement - not compete with, not complete - but complement. While real men do compliment women - as in speak sincere words of respect, praise and recogntion - but most importantly they complement as in recognize, accept and appreciate the woman's very real and different skills, knowledge and ability as compatible to their own skills, knowledge and ability.

Thanks Pinky and Sara for keeping the good news going!@

V/r

Clarice

 
At Tuesday, July 29, 2008 , Blogger HBC said...

I was recently on vacation in South Beach, Miami. While I was in my hotel room, I turned the radio and the song "No pain, no gain" was playing(It was a pretty popular r&b song from the late 80's I believe. I forgot the name of the artist who sang it)I haven't heard the song in years and it was a favorite of mine too.

As I listened to the lyrics, the message in the song became very disturbing to me because I realized it was telling bw to hang in there with your man(bm) no matter how he treated you or what he did to hurt you. So, when the song came to an end, the dj(bm) chimed in and said,"to all you young girls out there, hang if you can hang"... "the indoctrination" through music.

I now absolutely hate this song and it's message. I have now deemed it "the indoctrination song". I stopped listening to hip hop and r&b years ago because I became disgusted with the negative messages aimed at bw. I have found refuge in rock music, that is all I listen to now.

They have been using every avenue available to subtly indoctrinate young black women. I can't believe I haven't pick up on it before in that song. I have this whole new sense of awareness that I didn't have before thanks to your blog Sara and others like it.

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger cool_splash1 said...

Sorry Off Topic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNg0ReHeTiM&NR=1

I can't believe I found this song. I didn't know it was Robin Thicke I just remember a guy riding a bike in the street and he could sang and he was hot!!!

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger starkitty50 said...

Robin Thicke had that stringy-haired hippy/bike messenger look going on for a while. His hair hid that beautiful face of his-- That was my problem with the look. "Cherry Blue Skies" was a good album, but "Evolution" is the best!!!

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Anonymous Pat said...

Great blog Sara, love the stories!
Are you going to bring back the wealth and beauty tips? Really miss them....

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Anonymous Nana said...

Sara, I've seen this very behavior in family members where it's ok for the men to date out but not the women. They could not get away with it though if most bw did not allow it. If you cand date out-so can I. It really is that simple....
Love the way the examples were so true to life. I felt like I was there....

 
At Wednesday, July 30, 2008 , Blogger S.S. said...

Loved the story Sara. Keep up the good work!!!

 
At Thursday, July 31, 2008 , Blogger ironbutterfly said...

I am so glad that I found your blog. I had almost given up and then I remembered C-1 mentioning your blog and decided to look it up. I love your blog and you are very talented.

Sara,

This thing about self-hate has been mentioned and indoctrination with regard to the BC and BM, well what about BW? I ask because how do you know if your attraction to WM is "real", "healthy" or just some residuals of self-hate. I have overcome much of that self-hatred (more than I ever thought possible) and have had an attraction to WM since I was a girl but I am afraid. What if it is not real (for me I am asking)? How do you know? Sometimes I have just told myself to forget about them and move on or that maybe it is not real (especially since I get no play from them) but somehow it keeps coming back up for me. Has anyone ever experieneced this? Sometimes this is very confusing and I don't want to fall all over WM to have them notice me. Sorry for the Dear Abby.

PS regardless, I am all about supporting BW. I am behind that 100%. Any support I can offer is yours

 
At Friday, August 01, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Hi Ironbutterfly. It's perfectly understandable to have fears, but we cannot let fear control our life. Remember that he who avoids the rain also misses the sunshine. The only way to know if your intentions are clear is to sit and really ask yourself how you feel about these issues. Do you hate being black? Do you distrust bm? do you only want a wm because he is not black? Really be honest with yourself. I think the reason wm are 'giving you no play' as you put it. Is because you are sending mixed messages. The reason you are doing that is because you are conflicted. Find a good bm and watch him from afar. Do you feel revulsion for him even though he's a good guy? If you do then the work you need to do right now is on YOU! You are going to have to separate the man from his behavior. No one should be dismissed because of their color. then find a wm character on tv who is very unlikable and focus on dismissing him in your mind. What I am trying to get you to do, is focus on the quality of the man and not his color. Then really really everyday. I want you to wrap yourself in a cacoon of love and really say good things to yourself (for one month) really fall in love with yourself and watch how easy it becomes to attract love..... hope this helps you can always email me for more private conversations....

 

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