Saturday, August 9, 2008

WW, and the fairest of them all myth!















We went to my cousin's job the other day to pick her up for lunch. My youngest brother 'Pedro' was with me. (Yes, he's the one who is half Spanish) Anyway, I noticed as my very handsome brother walked through the gate, all the female eyes seemed to turn toward him. This is common and neither one of us commented, but what was fascinating is that several ww left their respective desks and circled him like vultures. They kept preening back and forth almost like they were waiting for him to acknowledge their superior beauty (alleged to be superior anyway) My brother has a longtime gf and was not the least bit interested much to their amazement and instant animosity. One girl repeatedly threw her long blond hair in his face until he was livid with anger. He turned toward her and told her to cut it out or else! When the BM delivery driver came, I noticed the same behavior. The sidelong glances, the hair throwing the coquettish 'accidental ' touches etc. The driver looked almost embarrassed the antics were so blatant.Then they actually seemed to take offense that they were not getting the love and adulation of all the men around! My cousin shot me a knowing look, and whispered "TV has them all thinking they look like Brook Shields from back in the day" I nodded. I too, had noticed that ww seem to think they are the most beautiful, sexy, special women in the world. And I too blame television. TV has put them on this pedestal which one day is going to lead to a very hard drop for them. The truth of the matter is they ARE NOT MORE BEAUTIFUL, SPECIAL OR SEXY THAN ANY OTHER WOMEN! It reminds me of the fable 'the Emperor has no clothes' Where everybody is struggling to believe the Emperor is wearing clothes because they have been told only fools will see him with no clothes on. So while he walks around butt naked, everyone is pretending he's fully clothed. Until an astute little boy screams out that he's naked! LOL Becky is also being glamed up and paraded around like she's the golden princess when all along, and deep inside everyone knows she is no better than anyone else! I'm so sick of seeing ww flinging their hair in commercials. I'm so tired of seeing ww think we are supposed to be the cumbersome black slave hand to their Scarlett O Hera, and I am so tired of ww bragging about how much bm love them! My question is: Who gives a damn? I think it's completely obvious, that bm love anything NON-BLACK! That's no reflection on the desirability of ww. That's a blatant indicator of self hatred being made manifest. Besides if they want men who have shown that they have no regard for their children, and in fact abandon them in droves, are sexually indiscriminate, have lackluster goals/aspirations and the values of a primitive, mentally deficient sub-human, then have at it. They are certainly more than welcome to them. But the constant barage of lies surrounding Becky and her ilk tends to work one's nerves. And I just love the words beautiful blond have become synonymous. Especially when I see homely blonds every single day! Now take Paris Hilton for instance. I for one think she is a very pretty girl. Unfortunately I also think she has the morals of an alley cat. and I hold her in the same light I hold New York in. IOWs In the shadows. Well, I guess she's not as trashy as NY. She does not curse like a sailor and smoke like a chimney. But she's not too much higher in my eyes. Yet no matter what she does or what any Becky seems to do, it appears people constantly make excuses and defend their abysmal behavior. While simultaneously throwing non-ww under the bus! SMH......

79 Comments:

At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger LeNoir Tyrannical said...

Thats a funny story. Once I was in church, me my mom dad and bro. Some white girls come sit in the pew in front of us. As soon as the skinnier one see's my bro she gives him a quick look like "you want me". Then she just starts actin up! She is sitting directly in front of me who is sitting next to my bro. She starts flipping her hair this way and that. She even bends down right in front of us. SHE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A N ASS!!! I wanted to laugh out loud. I'm sure she heard me snicker. In front of our whole family in the middle of a sermon she does this mess. I have tried to help my brother (older) stay away from uhhh fooolish women and though he is attracted to skanks sometimes, even HE was offended how this chick was actin up in CHURCH!

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah, have you been reading the "White Women Suck!" blog recently or something?

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nevermind, looks like you're actually linking to it.

I agree with the message both you and the other blog are putting out though. I'm a white man, and for me blond is synonymous with cheap, more than anything else. Mileage may vary.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous sky said...

If that's the case sara it must mean that this bw/wm relationship is getting at them. It's eating them alive. Today i went to my local park and i mean bw/wm rel. were everywhere. i was like damn i didn't get a memo,lol. please! let becky fling her hair all she wants, cuz i have the @$$, lips, hips, skin that becky wants. All she got wrkin for her is that hair and i can easily get that hair at my local beauty supply store for $49.99 lol.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous sky said...

forgot to add, did anyone see the new commerical from circuit city showing a brief clip of Rihanna's new video "Disturbia". I couldn't help but think that this commerical couldn't allow this white guy to say that rihanna a black woman is hot, the white girl has to say it for him.

here's the commerical
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gU1jEQK4P1Y


I pretty much feel that becky is feelin threatend,even in a damn commerical.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Oh, sure. I read him. His blog is interesting but I've been meaning to do this post for awhile. It's not because of him. I don't think ww suck. I have a few in my family whom I love dearly. I just wish they weren't CONSTANTLY put on such a media pedistal....I just don't think they are better than anyone...

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger lola said...

Paris is just as trashy as NY, she may not curse "in public" but I'm sure she's just as bad in real life. After all she's been caught more than once saying N*gga, and the sad part is that rappers collaborated with her (fat joe, jadakiss) and are posing with her for pics (50 cent). Absolutely no dignity.

I don't find Paris beautiful at all. A white woman I find beautiful is Scarlett Johansson.

As far as beauty superiority, I'll copy and paste what I wrote at HP's blog :

Simply put : the media's goal is to shape our perception of reality. "Reality is" that WW are the most desirable women in the world in the minds of those who "believe the hype". Now, take a picture of Paris Hilton (one of the MOST exposed blonde girls ever), this chick is considered a SEX SYMBOL. Put her picture next to a pic of Ashwarya Rai or Garcelle Beauvais or Salma Hayek or Lucy Liu. You see what I mean? Blondes are just not superior in the looks department, AND truth is most of the "sexy blondes" they promote are FAKE from head to toe and they know it. Pamela Anderson anyone?

This reminds me of the indoctrination of BW. The BC is "our media machine" and they brainwash us into thinking that there is nothing more APPEALING and BETTER than a BM. And of course, many of us BW "believed the hype". But ANY de-indoctrinated BW (me for example) will tell you they just don't know WHAT they were thinking. Because I can garantee you that you just DON'T SEE the hype, once you see the light.


For BM I blame the BC and TV! The problem is WW and (let's be honest) more and more BM are believing their own HYPE (when you see things repeatedly, you're more likely to end up believing it), this is a human flaw guys, don't let that bother you it is totally amusing to observe absurd human behaviors. Like, some BM automatically think because you look in their direction you want them bad and stuff, some BM don't UNDERSTAND that I say "no" to them if I'm not interested. WTF? Some don't accept to see you flirt with a non-bm, how DARE YOU think he (the non-bm) can be more desirable than them?

I'm not at war with WW, because at the end of the day, this is a consequence of having been put on a pedestal just like BM have been. It is a human reaction to HYPE that is being reinforced because most ppl validate these lies, it doesn't excuse their behaviors though. In reality BM are not superior or "more masculine" than anyone, WW aren't superior or "more feminine" than anyone. They just have delusions of grandeur and their huge EGOS is starting to make them pretty ugly.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Phantom Mare said...

Sky leave the hair there(save some $$).... you got your own unique beauty that WM and others enjoy!! It is WW who don't have YOUR hair!!

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Selena said...

Anon:

I'm a white man, and for me blond is synonymous with cheap, more than anything else. Mileage may vary.

LOL

Lola:

In reality BM are not superior or "more masculine" than anyone, WW aren't superior or "more feminine" than anyone. They just have delusions of grandeur and their huge EGOS is starting to make them pretty ugly.

*Screaming*

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

I feel you Sarah on this post and Lola I agree Paris is not beautiful at all, she looks like a little bird, flat ass and absolutely no curves, but then again that's just me I don't find too many white women to be attractive, most of their features are not appealing to me; however I do have a friend who I think is very gorgeous, because she possess the features that of a black female and it's natural. she's the only white female I've ever liked alot and kept in touch with most ww can't hang with me, because unlike so many other types of women I don't feed them or try to keep up with them and I'm outspoken to where they usually feel threatened by that, their maybe more in the future but I don't sit around waiting on that either I love hanging with my sistas anyway and whatever wm I settle with if me and their family click so be it, if not so be it I'll stay classy. Those are the only type of ww I take notice to as nice looking the ones with full features. I wouldn't ever want an wash board ass and the other lack there of features they usually have. Sara is your brother with a black female? Good post as usual keep doing your thing girl!

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous Ilikevanilla said...

Speaking of Rihanna, She should have dated a white man; now that would have sent a huge signal to everyone. Also, Whitney should have, Beyonce, and Janet for crying out loud.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger pikacute said...

I like this post. I agree with Sara about New York and Paris , I put them in the same category. It's interesting how T.V shows mock Paris all the time, but have tons of specials about her and her scandalous life. If Paris' dad wasn't rich I don't think she would be popular. Not being rude just stating the facts. I can't really seem to find white women attractive in general, they just seem plain to me. I can't stand anybody who acts like they're all that and a bag of chips. There is nothing wrong being confident, I just can't stand people who think they're perfect. The funny thing is every since I was in school, I had white girls who acted "black" try to be friends with me, and got mad when I told them I didn't like them lol. I know some white people expect me to like them because they act "black". I don't like anybody who acts "black".

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Yes SVW. his gf is black. This causes problems sometimes because like I said he looks 100% spanish (just a shade darker than average) and has long 'spanish hair' as a result many bm will try to fight him over his gf, who they would probably not be looking at if she were alone!!!lol. I tell you their egos know no bounds....

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger pikacute said...

@ilikevanilla

I think if these black women dated outside their race it would be a big backlash. These are all sex symbols if they dated non black men their sales would decline and it wouldn't look good. Beyonce seems to be having a great and powerful relationship with Jay-z. I believe if Jay-Z married a non black women, there would be people having a fit that she wasn't black. Well... let me stop rambling

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

did you get a good look at that resculptured, silicon filled plastic blow up doll Ice Tea is calling a wife? OMG! Every part has been cut, shaped, rolled like dough and thrown back together. The result to me looks like a 'hot mess' She looks like a fake ass barbie that spent too many nights out at the local bar....lol

Sunday, August 10, 2008

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

Hiya All:

For me, and not just because I am one, I believe BW are some of the most stunning on the face of the earth. REALLY. I have known some women who made me speechless. The whole package just WORKS. I have also seen some ww and others(asian, hispanic, indian etc) who fall into the same category...just a weird PRETERNATURAL beauty ...Unfortunately, these women are usually in one of two categories.

1)Shunned by everyone- especially women and even men, because they are intimidated. As a result, the women become very insular, and are seen as haughty, when in fact, they may not be. They are just used to being rejected and sidelined as though they were a curious object. Few are confident enough to "hang" with the hot girl...and they don't trust her..which may be valid at times. (Well known case in point- Angelina Jolie)

2)Adored by everyone- to the point where they become really obnoxious. They are fed a constant diet of adoration, and have no concept of reality. This is the worst category, becuase the minute there is a glitch in their beauty- they DIE..almost literally. Many "models" fall into this category


PULLING THESE TWO CONCEPTS TOGETHER:

Few women or men fall into either one of these categories quite frankly. Which means the idea of this "fairest of them all" is a flawed concept...simply because there are so FEW who actually fit into these categories, and generally, they are not "known" people.

There are however, basically a lot of very PLAIN women who have been told (by media images that as long as they have blond hair and blue eyes..rofl-) they are beautiful, but they KNOW the truth when they look in the mirror, and then compare themselves to you. They really DO know the truth. Why do you think there are so many clones running around out there trying furiously to fit this image the media has created. They all look the same...and it is simply HIDEOUS. Frozen Botoxed shiny faces, bleached damaged looking blond hair, plump lips (where you can see the injection sites and the lines above their lips) Tanned skin, cheeks filled with who knows what...

Becky (and my apologies to all the ww who do not espouse this particular theme) IS CLEARLY AWARE of her deficiencies AND the media manipulation, and what she thinks it will get her if she conforms.

HOW to STOP the madness:(one way at least)

DON'T buy stuff that does not want YOU in the advertising...

It really is that simple.

Use your $$ power. Same goes to all other groups of women...

Bottom line is this:

Beauty IS in the EYE of the Beholder, but your $ are in your pocket and you decide how to spend them. A shift is happening right now. There will probably be two themes. Women looking like the ones in the side bar (and being "loved up and adored and paraded" by husbands like um, Ice T..ok then) OR normal, "gorgeous" (because they love themselves and treat themselves well) women who believe in individuality, and in being their personal best, and use themselves as a barometer...not an image in the media.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Oh delish, I have to agree with that. I def. think bw are the most beautiful women in the world but thats probably because I'm biased. I really love my sistas, and I want the very best for them. As for angelina what I cannot understand is that she is mixed and everyone pretends she's just an ordinary beautiful ww! Her father is white but her mom was indian and czec. I think the combo just clicked and she ended being a gorgeous (albeit non trustworthy) specimen. I remember when the rumors started that she was having an affair with brad and she denied all over the place that she would ever stab Jen in the back or 'mess' with a married man. Interesting how you can have several babies with a man you 'would never mess with'......

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

Yes Sara..WE ARE beautiful. I have a brain that has never accepted anything less, quite frankly. I don't need other eyes to tell me what I see in the mirror.

And Angelina..indeed she is a special case..definitely NOT the typical ww..and Braddy knows that. Her lips are what draws men (and clearly some women too..lol) in..the lips of any typical bw on the street..and while I do believe they are naturally fuller than is normal for Beckster, I also think she has had some enhacement to the upper lip, just by comparing older photos to her now. I use the word preternatural to describe her, because this is a word that tells you she is something different than what is the norm..something almost inexplicable in nature...but it does happen. SO the most beautiful and supposedly "all white" woman of the mmodern age is regarded as a great beauty because she has the FULL LIPS of a BW....ok then..I suspect if we check the gene pool of these women you WILL find some African blood..Have you seen Scarlett Johanssen's mother?..she is of Sephardic Jewish descent ..dark eyes, hair and coloring)..I bet there is an ancestor from the "Dark Continent" who gave her those full lips too...lol.

The genes don't lie..even when people do...and sometimes they just don't know the truth of their origins, and how the genes can be dormant, and then revive. I guarantee when these women were growing up they were called "n**** lips"...notice how that expression has now almost disappeared BECAUSE ww are rushing to acquire those "n**** lips" in ANY way they can...but if it is not in your genes..it will never look right on you..

BTW..I LOVE LOVE LOVE my very full lips. They are very KISSABLE..lol

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous ava said...

I was at a social work event not too long ago and this fiftyish blond woman was there. First of all, when I walked in, I looked really nice. I'm tall, slim but shapely and I am told that I have an aloof air. So this white woman starts to look at me and comes over and starts to ask me questions. Then this white guy comes over and starts talking to me and not paying her any attention. Now you could take one look at her now and tell that she was a knockout... back in the day cause she looks good now. She was a more upper class (not white trash) type of white woman. You could tell by the way that she was acting that she was frustrated. He did not even look at her.

White men and black women are finding their way to each other. I was at the beach the other day and I saw a few bf/wm couples. Two weeks ago my brother's ex wife married a white man. Yesterday, I found out a friend that I had not spoken to in months is engaged to a white guy. And another friend of mine is in a serious relationship with a white man. All of these women are good looking. Our reality is changing. I have never even heard black women even talk about dating white men in the past. It is like the gas shortage. You turn to other means. Only you realize that the other alternatives are better than you would have ever expected. These women are ALL happy and content.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Wow, Ava that's wonderful. I love to hear about bw excercizing their options and finding love....

I really think we need to practice a technique the japanese are well known for. It's called each one reach one and each one teach one. Basically, I believe alot of bw are still afraid of the fallout in the BC and we need to let other bw know that life is way too short not to excercize ALL of your options. Your life and that of your future children depend on you finding good quality mates who will love and honor you. And that you cannot afford to WASTE one minute on a damaged loser! You must spend your precious time with men of quality! I think if each of us goes out and teaches that to young women, We would see a huge increase in the number of bw happily dating/marrying out, which is def. in their best interest.....And you would also see thousands of new bw wearing smiles peace and contentment....

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger HBC said...

Sara,

Great post. One thing I know about blond hair is that it hides a whole world of hurt. Light hair is easier on the facial features than dark hair. If most of the white women who are blonde were to darken their hair it would be a horror show(especially for the older ones).

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger lola said...

@ Pikacute,

I think if these black women dated outside their race it would be a big backlash. These are all sex symbols if they dated non black men their sales would decline and it wouldn't look good.

No no no! Janet was married to Rene, now nobody knew they were "married" but people KNEW they were more than friends, we ALL knew. Rihanna said that white boys were hot in an interview she's still successful. Diana Ross dated and married white (Robert Ellis Silberstein) and she's a legend. Tina's man (Erwin Bach) is white and she's a legend. These sex-symbols dated white while in their prime and that didn't stop their careers. Please fear not! The thing is, people who would be more likely to boycott them would be BM and they're not the main buyers, even for an artist who relies on a black audience only, BW are the ones with the money. I wish Rihanna, Kelly Rowland and Ciara dated non-black men for real! Black girls would literally SEE they're just as desirable as any other woman.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous LJ said...

That's a really important point y'all. young black girls must see us happily involved/married to wm and others. They must see that there is life outside of bm, in order for them to see it's possible and plausible. When you are with your SO -let young bw see you. Smile and hug your boo. Let them see how much happier you are than bw who still try to cling to bm (who lie, cheat and do other dispicable things to them) It is so important that the youth see the light. If we want to save these young women, we must be an example of how to escape the chains of the BC. If you won't do it for women you don't know, do it for your own daughters, neices, cousins, family etc.....

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger energize said...

"Until an astute little boy screams out that he's naked!"

LOL!
--------
"notice how that expression has now almost disappeared BECAUSE ww are rushing to acquire those "n**** lips" -
delishmish

good point. And "n*** hips" and "n**** skin"
--------
I'm glad you used work as an example.
I have dealt with and seen this type of ego a lot at work. WW who don't even have to be qualified for their jobs get them. And most of them are blonde with burned skin. i.e. John Edwards' and his possible baby momma. And as soon as you show any signs of superior intellignce or don't tell every detail of your personal life Carrie (from the movie) comes out. Many bw I know are so frustrated on their jobs and mostly because of insecure, underqualified blonde Becky has been put in a management position. Why is it Becky can blow up the building and still won't get fired from a job? If anyone has any tips on how to deal with this please pass them on. I will do the same.

Thanks for letting me vent.

I really don't know any beautiful ww. They are all starting to look the same to me.

It's so refreshing to read blogs like this - bw supporting each other.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger pikacute said...

@lola
Well I stand corrected.Thank you for correcting me.

I know this off topic but I was reading an article on Sister2Sister magazine, I was reading the response section. There was one lady who wrote in saying that the reason why black women can't find good black men is because black women put others in main priority(sp?) then they put themselves. I was happy reading this post. Then I read another person's letter, saying that they have a love/hate relationship with black women because they treat white men different. The writer stated that black women will have sex with white men before they have sex with a black men. The writer also stated black women play too many games with black men. He said black women aren't being fair. What total BS... Sorry for being off topic.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous lynn said...

The writer also stated black women play too many games with black men. He said black women aren't being fair. What total BS... Sorry for being off topic.

______________________________

These are the rantings of a sorry, pathetic man. Notice how they b*tch about EVERYTHING!! Funny how a ww can do no wrong but if we go natural-we're nappy headed. If we hold down jobs and take care of children, we're acting like men.and emasculating them. If we get more education, we're trying to take what's theirs and make them look bad. If we struggle and ask them to pay for THEIR children, we're gold diggers etc. It goes on and on. Ladies face it. these jacked up men don't need to be stolen by ww. Y'all need to gift wrap their sorry asses and put them under the ww's tree! It's time we focused on us and how to get more bw down the isle with good and worthy men, and forget these tired trifling ones....

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

Coco looks scary to me. She looks so hard and unnatural. I thought the goal of plastic surgery was to look good in the end.

And I don't see how a husband could support his wife basically wh**ing herself out like that. I would think that a husband would be more protective of his wife.



This beauty things is interesting. I think I have been affected by it, but ironically in spite of some of my experiences - not as badly as others.


I think it was due to my dad treating me well prior to his passing. He always treated me as if I were the most special girl in the world.


It was only later that I became conscious of these things, but I have never felt that in general that WW were better or looked better than BW. All of the goddesses (women I aspired to be like when grew up) of my youth were BW that I knew in my community.


@energize

"And as soon as you show any signs of superior intelligence or don't tell every detail of your personal life Carrie (from the movie) comes out."



I have noticed this too. Even in social situations. I have WW associates and they love to play "teacher" even though we are not in school. God forbid I disclose that I travel or have learned something on my own.


Ditto on the digging for personal details.


Then there is this weird passive aggressiveness via snide comments.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is my favorite post to date by you ,with one disagreement, the blanket statment that bm like anything non black, since in America bm outdating rate is under ten percent in Brittan it is around 50 percent,This statement brought to mind a bm friend telling a wm aquiantance that bw don't find other races of males sexy are desireable ,we all concored with his statement ,now I know better .

White Beauty/Handsomeness standards affect us all because we as a people are all up in the media and their subliminal and overt messages of what is good looking and what is ugly .I remember watching "True Women " in 1997 with Angelina Jolie, one of her earliest films and not being impressed with her looks ,but finding Salli Richardson [bw] more attractive ,but after all the publicity ,media attention ,cover stories about her, I now think she is one of most beautiful women in the world with her big African lips .

We as a people have to be careful and not buy into the white hype of beauty some bm express it like OJ and Quincy Jones by only dating white women, bw express it by extensions and dying their hair blonde and putting in blue contact lenses and wearing lighter makeup or just bleaching themselves and destroying their natural beauty,my niece is 4 years old and chocolate colored and very stuck on herself but wishes she had straight hair like her cousin and was lighter ,her parents are non chalant about it and I think encourage it,to me it's depressing ...we'll like I said a great post take care Sarah ,really felt your heart with this one .....Bougie .....just returned home notice alot more bw/wm couples out ,bw of all phenotypes with wm

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

"bw express it by extensions and dying their hair blonde and putting in blue contact lenses and wearing lighter makeup or just bleaching themselves and destroying their natural beauty"


So untrue, once again I will say you will find most black women, who wear extensions/contacts are not trying to look like white women, they either like different hairstyles and want a different eye color. A friend of minds wears gray contacts and she is chocolate as well, that eye color looks so good on her, in one of my classes I met a Filipino girl with blue contacts she looked good with them also, is she inspiring to look white or just like the way it looks on herself? If I could deal with the eye contacts in my eye these days like when I was a teenager I would definitely get the gray/brown blenders contacts they look so pretty with dark skin. It seems the women everyone here has come across that are doing this to look white has made it bad for the rest of the 99% of black women that like the way these particular beauty enhancers look on them. I will continue to not buy this "I hate myself hypothesis, because I wear weave" I know to many that are not. I'm starting to think is this just a way to cut the competition. to me black omen are just very stylish and like variety when it comes to how we want to look. I think it's just as simple as that.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

Bougie..I believe you are a bm who enjoys commenting on this site..but if you may allow me to correct you just a bit..I dislike poor spelling..there is simply no excuse for it.


Please remember this for the future..

- BRITAIN- not Brittan

- Concurred- not concored

- Acquaintance- not whatever you wrote

-Desirable- not Desireable despite the slightly NON silent E when you say the word.

- Nonchalant is ONE word..and probably not the correct one to use in the way you applied it.

Part of what WE who exchange stories / information on this site seek, is to live life to the fullest (which includes finding and marrying a QUALITY mate), and meeting our God given potential. That includes (but is not limited to) using words properly, and taking pride in HOW we present ourselves to the world. A typo here and there is normal ( I certainly do it) but I truly dislike when I see blatant ignorance of language. America is losing brain cells steadily with this kind of ignorance. We can choose to NOT be a part of that.

There is no excuse for poor spelling. Especially not from one who clearly has access to the Internet.

REALLY.


Also..Can you explain what it means when you describe a 4 yo as being "stuck on herself." Why who else should she be "stuck on." She's four for goodness sakes. She ought to be completely self involved in the journey of discovery and learning she has embarked upon.

Obviously we don't move in the same circles, but I am glad you NOW realize that many BW find MEN attractive, not merely BM. Here, we take it a step further, by limiting that attraction to QUALITY men period.

You ought to track down that WM and tell him how WRONG you were.

I KNOW this was an annoying comment by the way. It is not meant for everyone.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

I would def. concur with SW's comment. I don't wear colored contacts because I love my lovely brown eyes. But I wear weave alot because I like the variety.
(and I have long hair BTW) I really don't think it's fair to classify women who wear colored lenses or weave as wanting to be white. I would venture to guess that for 99% that is not true. In most cases they simply feel more attractive in certain adornments.....

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger lola said...

I have questions :

When non-BW wear weaves, wigs, extentions NOBODY calls this self-hate, why is it self-hate for BW?

Why do people think straight hair equals to white people? What is the hair texture of Asians and Indians? Are they (following some people's logic that straight hair = white) trying to be white too?

Speaking of hair texture and hairstyle, why is it that when a non-black woman braids her hair or curls it, nobody tells her she hates her race and wants to be black so bad, but when a BW relaxes her hair she's trying to be white cause she hates herself?

Why don't people say that Kat Williams tries to be white with his relaxed hair? Why don't people accuse Al Sharpton and Bone Thugs and Harmony of being white wannabes with their relaxed hair? But everybody has something to say to BW relaxing their hair?

Am I the only one who sees double standards? non-BW can change the texture of their hair but BW can't? BM can relax their hair but BW can't?

Can we say HYPOCRITS?

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger Laisha said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Anonymous sky said...

i hate it when peps use that excuse about bw wearing weaves/contact lenses to look white. So if a ww does it is she doing it to look whiter? ww like paris and the one w/ ice-t wear weave like there's no tomorrow. even in those dye and shampoo commericals it's all weave. look at a normal ww's hair and then look at the back at the commericals. majority of them don't have shinny,full bouncy hair. most of them have thinning bleaky hair. their hair ain't all that speacial either. The only group of women i know who have it like that are indian women and asian.

@ lynn.."These are the rantings of a sorry, pathetic man. Notice how they b*tch about EVERYTHING!! Funny how a ww can do no wrong but if we go natural-we're nappy headed. If we hold down jobs and take care of children, we're acting like men.and emasculating them. "

we talked about this exact thing on the last post. these men are whinny b*tches/as katt williams calls them b*tch n*ggas.

 
At Sunday, August 10, 2008 , Blogger GoldenAh said...

Interesting topic. I work to avoid most of the media's white supremacy mindset. Hilter loved promoting blue eyed blonds too.

I don't watch TV. I don't own one. I don't purchase magazines that'll never put a bw on the cover. I don't watch some ww centric films. They usually aren't that good in the first place.

How I deal with impertinent, snide, nosy people: when they ask questions, answer with a question. If they persist tell them they aren't being polite or nice. Shocks some folks into silence.

Hunk: I enjoy looking at Michael Phelps, esp. with those low rider swimming trunks.

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the whole Michelle Obama hate and the Cindy mcCain issue prove this to be true. The fact is all we ever hear is Michelle obama is a "nasty evil chip on her shoulder ball busting bitch with an attitude". Yet do we or have we ever heard of all the nasty stuff Miss Cindy mcCain has done - like being a former crackhead, stealing McCain from his first wife, stealing millions from an organization she was apart of to buy her drugs? NO and we never will. Instead society would rather take this phenomenal (not perfect) Black woman Michelle obama, who came from humble beginning and worked her way through 2 ivy league schools and tear her down to nothing. Fox news referred to her as a "baby momma". Unbelivable. Yet we have yet to hear one negative thing about Cindy mcCain's past. not even an intelligent educated Black woman like Michelle can get any respect.

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Blogger Aphrodite said...

Lola I see lots of double standards as well.


This conversation is so funny because recently I saw an episode of Shear Genius and there was a challenge where the stylists had to be creative with color: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IJKr4rj7Bk&NR=1


Now when BW do this its called ghetto.



I did go platinum blonde once when I was a kid. My mom and I were having a spat about my hair and she forced me to a salon.

Long story short I lied and told them that she said it was ok to color my hair. Next thing I know I was under the dryer with bleach in it.


My mother gasped and literally collapsed in a chair when she walked back into the salon. If there wasn't a chair there to catch her she would have hit the floor.

I still laugh my a** off at that.

But the crazy thing was the way others reacted to me.


Everywhere I went there were stares. I got a lot of attention. I did get some compliments, but the thing that I wasn't prepared for were the BP who wanted to beat me down!


I had BP yelling out of cars cursing at me. BW threatening me in grocery stores. Elderly DBRBM (that my mom was dating at the time) giving me lectures about how I am not supposed to change the color of my hair until God changes it.


I was like dang all this over hair?


Well, my mother grew to like my hair color and then I cut it off and dyed it black.


But since I have had a recent hair disaster I am thinking of doing something drastic- maybe fire engine/cherry red, the bird of paradise, or who knows maybe ice platinum again?

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Anonymous clarice said...

A lie that makes people feel good if told often enough becomes the truth for those unable and/or unwilling to think for themselves and respect the right of others to do the same. Excellent post Sara!

@Sophisticatedblkwoman said... "bw express it by extensions and dying their hair blonde and putting in blue contact lenses and wearing lighter makeup or just bleaching themselves and destroying their natural beauty" So untrue, once again I will say you will find most black women, who wear extensions/contacts are not trying to look like white women, they either like different hairstyles and want a different eye color. A friend of minds wears gray contacts and she is chocolate as well, that eye color looks so good on her, in one of my classes I met a Filipino girl with blue contacts she looked good with them also, is she inspiring to look white or just like the way it looks on herself?

Spot on! It is so good to finally hear someone say it. Why is it that everyone presumes if a woman chooses to use color contacts or hair extensions, hair coloring or colored/texture wigs -it is an expression of self hate?! This is all about freedom to choose - how to look, act, dress, whom to date! Are there people who do it because they feel that it is required to "feel" better be accepted - yes - but there are also people who just like changing up their look. They like who they are and they are confident enough to change up and play around with self expression and do not want a permanent change they want to explore options. It is time for that tired nonesense of folks telling others what they can and can't do. It's that tired old refrain of not 'black' enough of not being "enough' because your hair isn't this way or you don't talk this way or whatever or live up to whatever arbitrary standard someone comes up with. These 'things' are like accessories - jewelry, clothes, shoes, accessories - subject to change and fun to play with! Some insecure, self serving, narrow-minded,entitled, need to get a life of their own people just resent that women of color are independent, free to choose, have options and have a mind of their own to be self determining and the change i.e. exercising freedom of choice flips the script on would be control freaks.

V/r

Clarice

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Delishmish said...
Bougie..I believe you are a bm who enjoys commenting on this site..but if you may allow me to correct you just a bit..I dislike poor spelling..there is simply no excuse for it.

Sorry for the improper spelling I'm a bm and to lazy to spell check.... really



Am I the only one who sees double standards? non-BW can change the texture of their hair but BW can't? BM can relax their hair but BW can't?


Yes you can ,it's not a double standard ,most people like bw with straight hair ,it affirms their ideal that straight hair is the best hair, even people with kinky hair want straight hair

I have worked in establishments where white men and women have worn mohawks and had pink and blue colored hair but never were they told to change but bw who with natural hair were sent home & told to change their hair style . Everybody has a right to wear their hair the way they like ,but it always seems that bp have to adapt the white standard to be beautiful and whites who dread braid afro theirs out are just seen as unique, different, and not something that most wp would do .

Using the term stuck on herself was used in place of better term like narcissitic which I'm probably am not spelling right ,but she has high self estem everybody tells her how cute she is and she believes it, but as she has ventured out and seen how society treats biracial white girls she's now thinking differently about herself ,for instance she wants straight hair extensions and verbalizes she wishes she was lighter like her sister and I just feel her mom should help her feel better about her hair texture and chocolate complexion,also she loves white Barbie and Hannah Montana the media ideal.

My point is that the media control all our ideals of what is beautiful ,and it affects who we date marry, who we think is sexy or ugly, how we adorn ourselves, what we wear, etc ,their is a reason behind what we do, bm don't come out the womb thinking that ww are better and exclude bw from their romantic lives, little black girls don't throw black dolls across the store screaming "she's ugly I want the white one" like a little bg did at a store in chicago .Non white people have been told before Marliyn Monroe till now that these are the ideal features we should all try to attain to be beautiful and many of us have bought into it ,at the consquence of our own features and self esteem,let a bw actress singer be photographed with "nappy roots" Mediatakeout's indoctrinated readers will be online verbally whipping her into straightness .These indoctrinated views is the reason so many people have problems with bw/wm relationships since Becky is the ideal ,and he's dating Moesha, and also why wp ran to defend the Duke Lacrosse players when a black woman accuse them of rape ,the media broke all established rape/media rules so their wasn't a real courtroom trial only a media conviction of the stripper bw and don't forget Whoopi Goldberg 's career and personal life ,they had to cut the love scenes in Fatal Beauty because it upset people to much seeing her and Sam Elliot make love, and her affair with Ted Danson almost ruined his career. Paris Hilton and her extensions and blue contacts [she admitted to this] continue the tradition of subliminal white supremacy that affects all of us no matter if we admit to it or not and I for one have no problem with bw or bp in general being stuck on ourselves in a culture that don't value us we have to stand strong together or alone ....If I offend please forgive me not trying to start any *%#*....Bougie

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Blogger Delishmish said...

Mr Bougie said:

she has ventured out and seen how society treats biracial white girls she's now thinking differently about herself

..................

You are telling us that a four yo has communicated THIS INFORMATION to you?..Be careful of NOT projecting your own thoughts onto a child whose mind is so open and ready for information..

In my world, ALL children respond to LOVE, MORE LOVE, structure and loving family members being present. THIS is what a 4yo should be picking up at her age.

When I was little and my Aunt who (with her foreign husband) lived in a foreign land would come to visit, I would always hover around, hoping for bits of information, tales of this far off place...and she would clam up when I got near, if she was talking about "grown up affairs" because as she rightly said..."little sheep have big ears."

It was not necessary for me to hear about certain things at a certain age. It is called protection. If this child (your niece) feels some kind of pressure, then your family needs to be hyper aware of what you are exposing her to, and also what she may hear at home.

May I also ask, if I may be so bold, why is this a site that you come to? What do you get out of a site like this? I am just curious. Of course, anyone can go anywhere any time. It's called freedom, and it is why WE as BW can date and marry anyone we choose..so please do not interpret my question as trying to run you off. I don't care what YOU do essentially. I am just curious at times, but generally speaking I do not give 2 hoots about ANY man (whether BM or WM) I do not know, not beyond the normal, "we are all human beings" discussion.

You don't have to actually answer if you do not wish to.

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Blogger lola said...

@ Bougie,

Yes you can ,it's not a double standard ,most people like bw with straight hair ,it affirms their ideal that straight hair is the best hair, even people with kinky hair want straight hair

It's a double standard if people call BW white wannabes for relaxing their hair and not BM. It's a double standard when BW are called white wannabes for relaxing their hair but non-BW aren't called black wannabes for locking theirs. It's a double standard because people always feel the need to tell BW what they should or shouldn't do with their hair, when they don't say SHYT to others (excuse my french)! Yes indeed it's a DOUBLE STANDARD.


I have worked in establishments where white men and women have worn mohawks and had pink and blue colored hair but never were they told to change but bw who with natural hair were sent home & told to change their hair style .

This is your experience, and I don't doubt what you said, because it does happen. But I have NEVER had this problem. People either compliment me, look at my hair and don't say anything, or ask questions, but mostly compliment me...From my experience, most compliments about my hair come from non-blacks in general and BW.


Everybody has a right to wear their hair the way they like ,but it always seems that bp have to adapt the white standard to be beautiful and whites who dread braid afro theirs out are just seen as unique, different, and not something that most wp would do .

People love you when you love yourself. Regardless of the standards, if you're your own leader folks let you DO YOU and no matter what they say deep inside they respect you. STANDARDS didn't stop Lauryn Hill and her natural hair from becoming a worldwide superstar. STANDARDS didn't stop Whoopi Goldberg and her natural hair from being a respected actress and HOST of a very successful SHOW (judging from the ratings, her locs don't bug the audience). It didn't stop ME from finding a well-paid job. And just because a woman relaxes her hair doesn't mean she's been forced to do anything or is trying to be white. How many times do I have to say this?

That's the thing. Just because YOU define relaxed hair on a BW as "trying to be white" doesn't mean it's true because what is true is HOW SHE DEFINES IT!

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I also ask, if I may be so bold, why is this a site that you come to? What do you get out of a site like this? I am just curious

to encourage bw to date marry interracially and hear what bw think who do date interracially already know what most bw think of bm in general, very interesting site after the novelty wears off I may move on,but I feel this is a positive site for bw, have anonymously slip this site address on index cards to bw who have bitched about not finding good men I know a few have checked this site out .


You are telling us that a four yo has communicated THIS INFORMATION to you?..Be careful of NOT projecting your own thoughts onto a child whose mind is so open and ready for information..

In my world, ALL children respond to LOVE, MORE LOVE, structure and loving family members being present. THIS is what a 4yo should be picking up at her age.

You must not be around many kids, as cliche as it sounds kids say the darndest things for real and at her age she already knows that her look is not valued ,when we as a family were looking at my biracial nieces pictures she exclaimed loudly she wanted hair like hers .My nephew who's 7 already says he's going to marry Hannah Montana,I know he wont but probably will marry some other facsimile of her so this is sticking to the piont of Sara's posting of ww being sold as the ideal of beauty ,it starts early and we should talk about it ...Piont being ww have great pr....Bougie

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haven't brought into Paris being hot ,but she is does curses ,her favorite word is the n-word she's been caught using it on tape about 3 times and don't forget her sex tape even New York as sleazy as she can be haven't done that ...Bougie

 
At Monday, August 11, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

even New York as sleazy as she is haven't done that ...Bougie... sorry delishmish for the above typo

 
At Tuesday, August 12, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i've never experienced white woman putting on any superiority act with me -- they've either been pleasant or indifferent (indifferent is how i feel about them).

anyway, i do believe that black women straighten their hair because of pressure or self-hatred. and i think those women are more numerous than many would care to admit. my mom was natural for a short while. most of her compliments came from non-blacks. OTOH, the very sight of her hair had black women (and men) hurling insults at her. she said some women would give her nasty looks or laugh at her. if your own features cause such a negative reaction in you...........

i don't care how black women wear their hair, but i don't understand the denial about why so many feel like they have to straighten theirs. we say black men prefer nonblack beauty, but then wanna act like black women's hair choices aren't affected by that?

 
At Tuesday, August 12, 2008 , Blogger Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

"anyway, i do believe that black women straighten their hair because of pressure or self-hatred. and i think those women are more numerous than many would care to admit. my mom was natural for a short while. most of her compliments came from non-blacks. OTOH, the very sight of her hair had black women (and men) hurling insults at her. she said some women would give her nasty looks or laugh at her. if your own features cause such a negative reaction in you..........."


Anonymous your absolutely incorrect, what your stating is a reflection of how you and your mother feel, you two are experiencing self-hate. Don't pen that on the rest of us, by going against the rest of us who choose to be free in what we do are choose. We do not carry that guilty mindset any bw who do, should not wear extensions or other accessories. I still believe this nonsense protest is a way to cut the competition.


"i don't care how black women wear their hair, but i don't understand the denial about why so many feel like they have to straighten theirs. we say black men prefer nonblack beauty, but then wanna act like black women's hair choices aren't affected by that?"

If you don't care it wouldn't hurt you to see bw women wearing various hairstyles. It's funny how people claim black women who straighten their hair or wear extensions look like white women. Now come on really do you have eyes, look at the women on the side bar with extensions, look around you do we really resemble ww? Of course we don't, so again I tell you your hypothesis is an endeavor to cut the competition. If you have ever been around confident women check and see if they are all messed up over the way someone's hairstyle is, you won't see that. Ask your self if everyone walked around looking like me or wearing their hair the way I want them to, what would the world be? Hmmmmm....
You see how transparent that is - a way to cut the competition, some women are slick.

 
At Tuesday, August 12, 2008 , Blogger energize said...

Thanks Aphrodite and Goldenah for your responses to the work related issues.

 
At Tuesday, August 12, 2008 , Anonymous Dee said...

Is it not white men who have placed white women on such a pedestal?

 
At Tuesday, August 12, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that this is mostly a moot point. Research has indicated that black women are not affected much by white concepts of beauty. Black women generally have higher self-esteem than white women (and all other women) and a more positive body concept. This article explains it well:

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2294/is_2002_July/ai_94775614/pg_2?tag=artBody;col1

In a study of body image with Black women participants, Thomas (1989) found that the majority of participants were satisfied with their bodies overall; however, when asked to evaluate their body shape and size, over half the participants (60.4%) believed they were too fat. Higher self-esteem was associated with greater satisfaction with body image, and body weight and self-esteem were negatively correlated. In addition, the perceptions of significant others-especially close male friends--contributed to participants' self-evaluation. Although the effect sizes were not large, the finding suggests that Black women may not be responding to dominant White ideals of beauty in the same way as are White women. In other words, research based on White participants has indicated that White women's perceptions of themselves as "too fat" are strongly related to low body cognitions, whereas Thomas' research indicates that believing oneself to be "too fat" is not necessarily related to low body satisfaction for Black women.

European American adolescents' conceptions of beauty were much more rigid, fixed, and uniform than those of African Americans, who were much more flexible and fluid in their notions of beauty.

Parker et al. (1995) theorized African American women's distinct conceptions of beauty to be related to the community support and relationships to other women that seemed to be quite different than those of the European American participants. The families and communities of the African American participants supported their appearance and style, and also appreciated a fuller physique than did the European American participants' families and communities. The positive feedback that the African American participants received from their immediate family and community was theorized to have a positive influence on their self-esteem (Parker et al., 1995). The African American participants also reported having a stronger support group among their peers than the European American participants did. Although the European American adolescents reported dieting as a strategy to establish group affiliation with others, they also reported comparing themselves to other girls and consequently feeling negative about themselves a nd other girls. This act of comparing fostered a sense of competition among these participants. Conversely, the African American participants reported having very supportive relationships with others and their affiliations that were not based on comparison and competition.

Previous researchers have concluded that such findings indicate that African American women are "buffered" by what has been termed "Black Culture." It has been proposed that African American women have "protective factors that shield them from developing low self-esteem and body images" (Molloy & Herzberger, 1998, p.640).

 
At Tuesday, August 12, 2008 , Anonymous Mary said...

"anyway, i do believe that black women straighten their hair because of pressure or self-hatred. and i think those women are more numerous than many would care to admit. my mom was natural for a short while. most of her compliments came from non-blacks. OTOH, the very sight of her hair had black women (and men) hurling insults at her. she said some women would give her nasty looks or laugh at her. if your own features cause such a negative reaction in you...........

i don't care how black women wear their hair, but i don't understand the denial about why so many feel like they have to straighten theirs. we say black men prefer nonblack beauty, but then wanna act like black women's hair choices aren't affected by that?"

after i became natural, i too went crazy and started thinking other bw relaxed their hair because of self hatred. however, now, with my natural hair, i understand why some women opt for a relaxer, especially if you have tightly coiled hair like mine. Tightly coiled hair is simply hard to manage, especially when you have a busy schedule. i have been natural for over 6 years, but a majority of the time my hair has been in braids.

the thing about black hair is that it HAS to be done, something has to be done to it, you better not neglect it. black hair in africa is easy to manage because you have your anuts, sisters and cousins to help you anytime, for free also. women there hardly ever stress about hair. however, in america, time and money are a huge factor that many women have to consider, so no, i do not think bw perm their hair out of self hatred.

True, there are a ton of black folks out there that give you a hard time over your hair, some stare, some laugh, some look at you like you’ve lost your mind, but as a person, you can’t allow other people to control you, that’s really the whole point of this blog

 
At Wednesday, August 13, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

UNsophisticatedblkwoman,

you are a fool. what my mother experienced was REAL. some black women just hate blackness - period, end of the damn story.

i'm not sure why stating this simple observation always causes so much commotion. sheesh.

 
At Wednesday, August 13, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I think that this is mostly a moot point. Research has indicated that black women are not affected much by white concepts of beauty. Black women generally have higher self-esteem than white women (and all other women) and a more positive body concept. This article explains it well"

I'm curious as to what the results would have been if the Black women were asked about their skin tone, facial features and hair texture.

Dee, yes you are right. It is white men who have decided that 'their' women are the most beautiful. They are the advertisers, hold key positions in the fashion industry, publishers etc etc.

 
At Wednesday, August 13, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'm curious as to what the results would have been if the Black women were asked about their skin tone, facial features and hair texture."

That's a good question and it is difficult to find info on that specifically as it relates to black women comparing themselves to white women. In a general sense, this seems to be somewhat addressed in the following article. Here are excerpts with key parts in bold:

http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1865

The researchers found that even though only 5.6 percent of the characters on prime-time television are black women, those black women who were studied were mostly unscathed by watching numerous hours of television programs featuring thin, white women.

"Basically, black women just don't feel bad in the same way white women do by watching television," says L. Monique Ward, professor of psychology at University of Michigan and one of the four authors of the study, Who's That Girl: Television's Role In The Body Image Development Of Young White And Black Women.

On the other hand, white women were more likely to compare themselves to the women they saw on television and more likely to have more negative thoughts about their body.

But black women shrugged off the ideal of the thin, pretty white woman as "unattainable for themselves and as unimportant to others in the black community," according to the authors.

*snip*

The authors concluded that part of the reason black women felt better than whites, was that black actresses on popular television shows tend to have more realistic body types.

Mikki Taylor, beauty director at Essence magazine, isn't surprised by the study's findings. She believes that black women's identification with black characters on television--and rejection of the media images--confirms the wide range of ideals of beauty among black culture.

"There just isn't a black standard of beauty to live up to," she says. "We celebrate our uniqueness, whether it's different skin hues, or different hair. Unlike mainstream culture, there is no one standard that is going to make us feel inferior."

And when blacks watch television, "there's not a yearning on the part of the audience to look like any other culture," she adds.


*snip*

The study showed magazine advertisements to black college students at the University of Missouri. Like the participants in the Michigan study, black women dismissed images of attractive white women as unimportant. But when shown images of attractive black women--with both curvy and thin bodies--black women with low self-esteem were negatively affected.

"They weren't affected by pictures of a white Victoria Secret model for instance, but images of Tyra Banks made them feel bad," says Cynthia Frisby, assistant professor of journalism at the University of Missouri, who conducted the study. Tyra Banks is an African American supermodel.

*snip*

Indeed, the researchers at Michigan also found that the notions of beauty for black women were different from those of white women. The researchers reported that the black women in their study defined beauty based on traits such as style, movement and character, rather than weight and appearance.


-----------------------------------

So basically, I would conclude that black women tend to desire the common looks and features of your more mixed black women, yet don't have the same desire for the common look of white women. Even when black men rave about particular women, there is a strong tendency to rave over your more mixed looking women, yet rarely do they rave over white women. It even seems that they are more inclined to rave over darker skinned, more unmixed black women than they will pure white women. I have never heard a black man say anything positive about how Paris Hilton looks.

It is your Halle Berry and Tyra Banks types who hurt the self esteem of other black women. Paris Hilton is of little concern.

 
At Wednesday, August 13, 2008 , Anonymous shocol said...

sophisticatedblackwoman said...
anonymous said...
"anyway, i do believe that black women straighten their hair because of pressure or self-hatred. and i think those women are more numerous than many would care to admit. my mom was natural for a short while. most of her compliments came from non-blacks. OTOH, the very sight of her hair had black women (and men) hurling insults at her. she said some women would give her nasty looks or laugh at her. if your own features cause such a negative reaction in you..........."



Anonymous your absolutely incorrect, what your stating is a reflection of how you and your mother feel, you two are experiencing self-hate. Don't pen that on the rest of us, by going against the rest of us who choose to be free in what we do are choose. We do not carry that guilty mindset any bw who do, should not wear extensions or other accessories. I still believe this nonsense protest is a way to cut the competition.


"i don't care how black women wear their hair, but i don't understand the denial about why so many feel like they have to straighten theirs. we say black men prefer nonblack beauty, but then wanna act like black women's hair choices aren't affected by that?"

If you don't care it wouldn't hurt you to see bw women wearing various hairstyles. It's funny how people claim black women who straighten their hair or wear extensions look like white women. Now come on really do you have eyes, look at the women on the side bar with extensions, look around you do we really resemble ww? Of course we don't, so again I tell you your hypothesis is an endeavor to cut the competition. If you have ever been around confident women check and see if they are all messed up over the way someone's hairstyle is, you won't see that. Ask your self if everyone walked around looking like me or wearing their hair the way I want them to, what would the world be? Hmmmmm....
You see how transparent that is - a way to cut the competition, some women are slick.

-------------------------

@SBW
Relaxers started to be used by many black women during the late 60's thru 70's. Today roughly 75-80% of black American women relax their hair. So this is something we've been doing for near three decades. I think it's a mistake to dismiss the customs/practices of 75-80% of ANY population as just because, just a choice. You're ignoring the politics of hair among black American women.

@Anonymous
I understand about the reactions to natural hair. My own mother has had a negative reaction to my natural hair. Apparently she has forgotten that she used wear an afro during the 70's.

As for the relaxed hair/self-hate debate. Yes, I do believe that a lot of black women are uncomfortable with their natural hair. But I also think that mindset is changing, some are choosing to go natural while others state their preference for straight hair.

Personally, after experiencing my natural hair for over a year, having relaxed hair is a convenience to me. While I enjoyed my curls and will go back someday, once I was out of the TWA stage, natural hair was not convenient.

IMO, the majority of black women should learn to grow their hair long and healthy, relaxed or natural. Then labeling and judging us as Afrocentric or Eurocentric based on whether our hair is chemically processed will have no importance.

 
At Wednesday, August 13, 2008 , Anonymous Jess said...

Dee said...
"Is it not white men who have placed white women on such a pedestal?"
--Dee, BM place ww on a higher pedestal than wm or wW EVER HAVE. In a typical bm's mind a white slut=virgin MARY....she can do no wrong.

 
At Wednesday, August 13, 2008 , Blogger lola said...

Is it not white men who have placed white women on such a pedestal?

Yes Dee, and they're now regretting it just like BW put BM on a pedestal. That's why IR marriages between WM and non-WW keep growing faster and faster each year and they have the highest percentage of IR marriages. They marry WW less and less. You'd think WW or BM would have the highest percentage but nope!

 
At Wednesday, August 13, 2008 , Anonymous Dee said...

Yes Dee, and they're now regretting it just like BW put BM on a pedestal. That's why IR marriages between WM and non-WW keep growing faster and faster each year and they have the highest percentage of IR marriages. They marry WW less and less. You'd think WW or BM would have the highest percentage but nope!

97% of married white men are married to white women. Less than 1% marry black women. White men have the highest overall population percentage of IR because they are the largest population of men, but a lower percentage OF WHITE MEN marry out of their race than any other group of men (only 3 percent). For comparison, 15% of Asian men marry white women.

Aside from the "white women suck" blogger, you rarely every read or hear white men putting down white women specifically. What you are seeing nowadays are white men putting down WESTERN women. This would include your average African American woman. These men are promoting marriage to foreign women or women of foreign descent.

I think that it is a mistake to compliment white men for dating and marrying out because the majority of them are marrying Asian woman and doing so for similar reasons that black men give for marrying white women. It is the notion of those women being more docile and easier to deal with than the women of their own race. Such stereotyping of Western women, both black and white, should not be tolerated.

--Dee, BM place ww on a higher pedestal than wm or wW EVER HAVE. In a typical bm's mind a white slut=virgin MARY....she can do no wrong.

I don't think that this is at all true. White women currently and historically are placed on a pedestal by white men.

 
At Wednesday, August 13, 2008 , Blogger Sophisticatedblkwoman said...

To Anonymous that posted the research studies, I can agree with this lady's findings I've always found that to be true myself, especially when I'm with friends and we have girl talk about these type of issues. No bw I've met has ever wanted the washboard ass and really plain extremely small shapes or features. I noticed that most bw women like myself would take more attention to women that possess the full features and I did mention that in one of my comments. Now if they would just do a study to prove how dark skinned women are not so jealous of lighter skinned women and how it may actually be the other way around, like how I see so many of us getting accused to be on a lot of blogs; and yet everyone who isn't dark skinned have either wanted to be darker at some point or still do. That would be nice if someone can do a study on that I'm sure the findings would be what I've always suspected. Especially since most of my female friends along with myself are dark skinned and I know what we really think. I would love to see that debate squashed. Nice post missy.

 
At Thursday, August 14, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I think that it is a mistake to compliment white men for dating and marrying out because the majority of them are marrying Asian woman and doing so for similar reasons that black men give for marrying white women. It is the notion of those women being more docile and easier to deal with than the women of their own race. Such stereotyping of Western women, both black and white, should not be tolerated."

As a white man who is married to an Asian woman, I'll just say that you don't have the slightest clue what you are talking about, and leave it at that. I'm sure you'll disagree, but that will be your problem. Not mine.

 
At Thursday, August 14, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

" White men have the highest overall population percentage of IR because they are the largest population of men, but a lower percentage OF WHITE MEN marry out of their race than any other group of men (only 3 percent). For comparison, 15% of Asian men marry white women. "

This is blatant misinformation, by the way. According to the US Census Bureau's statistics for 2006, the percentage of white males marrying non-white females is rising faster than in any other group of males in the country. The difference in total number of white women and white men in America is statistically insignficant, which is to say that there are roughly equal amounts of white men and white women in America, yet white men are involved in both interracial cohabitation and interracial marriage at over double the rate white women are.

These are the facts. This is the reality of the situation. Whether you like it or not.

 
At Thursday, August 14, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

Who is the Anon. that posted the ridiculous info that WM are the least IR married? That is a blatant untruth and I beleive they know it! WM are the most IR married of all men. There are over a million WM married to Asian women alone! And the number of WM marrying BW has increased over 170%! I have not been paying attention to the comments here since I was trying to finish this little story everyone is emailing me about. But I think someone is on here in troll form trying to start something. Whoever said that Wm are marrying Asian women for those ridiculous reasons, you have no basis for that comment. And obviously you don't know what you are talking about. That remark was way out of line, and designed for divisiveness. And Anon. whoever you are who called Sophistocated a fool, don't come here and call my bloggers names. Why the hell should you care how another woman wears her hair! And how does wearing one's hair natural or other amount to self hatred? I think you introduced that remark just to start some mess! straightening and weaving have nothing to do with self hatred. How dare you try and make women feel guilty for how they do THEIR HAIR! I have long hair about 2 inches past the shoulders now and I still wear weave. It's comvenient and fast with my busy schedule. And most of all I can yank it, pull it or mistreat it in many ways, then discard it. Something I can never do with my own hair. But that is my business. Who is someone else to tell me how I should wear my hair? Or accuse me of having self hatred for not going natural? It's because of weave that I have long hair! It's saved me from constantly having to pull, tug, and do a thousand things to my own hair, and enabled it to rest and grow. On occasion when I have actually worn my own hair to my cousin's shop (in the BC) some of those women actually got angry; saying "why do you wear weave when you have long hair?" I simply answered "because I want to" Like theres a law that says you have to have short hair to wear weave. Anyway I'm going to disable the Anon. feature. It seems many of these Anons don't mean us any good....

 
At Thursday, August 14, 2008 , Blogger CW said...

My hair is natural...Has been for years...Still would NEVER put down any woman for relaxing...The only thing I would say is find a flattering style... Do what is convenient/economical to your lifestyle...The right people (friends/family/members of the opposite sex) will not care how a BW wears their hair...Men who are overly concerned about permed, natural, are suspect...

 
At Thursday, August 14, 2008 , Blogger Nyander said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At Thursday, August 14, 2008 , Anonymous Mary said...

White men have the highest overall population percentage of IR because they are the largest population of men, but a lower percentage OF WHITE MEN marry out of their race than any other group of men (only 3 percent).


i just wanted to point out that population size has absolutely noting to do with percentages. absolutely nothing. 5 is 20% of 20, just like 20 is 20% of 100, just like 40 is 20% of 200, do you get my point Dee, percentages say absolutely nothing about the population size. i mean, seriously. a percentage is just that, a percentage. geez!!

btw, not that i care about wm and their marriage trends, but years ago when i read something about IR marriage trends, and I mean YEARS ago, it said that 20% of white men were in IR relationships and this was years ago, so now its much higher.

 
At Thursday, August 14, 2008 , Anonymous Dee said...

i just wanted to point out that population size has absolutely noting to do with percentages. absolutely nothing. 5 is 20% of 20, just like 20 is 20% of 100, just like 40 is 20% of 200, do you get my point Dee, percentages say absolutely nothing about the population size. i mean, seriously. a percentage is just that, a percentage. geez!!

Did you even have a point with this?

A lower percentage of white men date out than other groups of men. When this point is stated, someone cried that there are more white men in IR than anyone. The point is that in raw numbers this is true, but those raw numbers of white men in IR are greater due to the white men having at least 6 times the population of men of any other group. But the rate of white men marrying IR is lower than any other group. Three percent of white men marry out. A larger percentage of other men marry out.

So white men do still place white women on a pedestal.

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

" So white men do still place white women on a pedestal. "

Things change.

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Blogger Taylor-Sara said...

ladies, beware of lying trolls slipping in, in sheep's clothing.....

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Anonymous kimmy said...

Its an established fact that wm date and marry out more than every other race of men. What fool said differently?
Sara you really have to exercize your comment moderation a little better. A lot of trolls are slipping in....

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Anonymous Lena said...

It does not matter anyway. Like sara said, nothing can stop this train.... This movement is growing everyday, as more and more wm realize we are into them, things are going to explode! Fasten your seat belts ladies, it's going to get ugly, but remember nobody 'owns' you. And you have a right to health, wealth, and happiness just like any other woman. I've never been happier since I got myself a fine ass white boy....

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way, I'm an African American woman who is married to a White American man whom I love with all my heart.

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Blogger HBC said...

I consider myself to be a very emotionally secure bw. I take good care myself; I workout 3 days a week at the gym, I eat right. I have no problem complimenting other women, I love uplifting others(who deserve it), I would never get involved with a dbr man of any race and I haven't. I am comfortable enough in my own skin to travel across the country and overseas alone or go anywhere alone. I carry myself with class and dignity at all times. I just purchased my first home and on my own. I won't allow anyone to put me down or make me feel less than because I know who I am and I am always happy for the success of others(even when I don't know them personally).

But, because I RELAX my hair I am suffering from self-hatred. Please.

Sara who takes the time out of her busy schedule to uplift and fight for the betterment of black women and is doing so with much dedication but because she wears a weave she is self-hating. Come on.

Women who suffer from self-hatred, don't care about uplifting or supporting anyone not even themselves. But, they have no problem putting down other women down in an pathetic attempt to uplift themselves.

This argument has always been ridiculous to me,but I am sure that their are bw who straighten their hair and wear hair extensions that do it out of some form of self-hatred but that is not true of all of us.

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Rolling eyes* Must this always be about white men?! How about Asian, Latino, and Arab men? Yes, it's great that some white men love us, but please how about focusing some of the attention to other men too? And maybe some black men that ARE NOT DBR!

--A sista who's sick of hearing only about white men!

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Anonymous kay said...

Last Anon, then get off our blog!! What the hell are you here for? That's what the whole blog is based on. Did you not see the picture at the top? And it has been said 1000x that not all bm are damaged. This is obviously not the blog for you, why don't you run along....

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anon, what a stupid comment! You're tired of hearing about white men on an interracial blog! ROFLMAO! Here's a thought....
THEN LEAVE!!!

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Blogger lola said...

Umm 1st, WM represent the vast majority of non-BM in america, seeing them more than other minorities is logical. 2nd, the pics are pretty clear that this is about every race, there are hispanic, arab and asian men with BW too. 3rd, Sara already said when she talks about DBRs she doesn't mean ALL BM, why is Barack even on her site if she's so anti-ALL BM?

If it makes you sick, just leave!

------

Its an established fact that wm date and marry out more than every other race of men. What fool said differently?

A typical WW/BM protectionist aka troll. They ain't really slick.

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Anonymous Jess said...

Anonymous said...
*Rolling eyes* Must this always be about white men?! How about Asian, Latino, and Arab men? Yes, it's great that some white men love us, but please how about focusing some of the attention to other men too? And maybe some black men that ARE NOT DBR!

--A sista who's sick of hearing only about white men!

*raises eyebrows*I say there are already blogs for black on black
"loooooove". lol! And I like focusing on WM!; )

 
At Friday, August 15, 2008 , Anonymous Jess said...

Anonymous(troll)said...
" So white men do still place white women on a pedestal. "

***Here's the truth: WM marry IR much more than WW do,even though there are more ww than wm. So I guess ww are putting wm on a bigger pedestal than wm are putting ww on!lol***

 
At Monday, August 18, 2008 , Anonymous Anonymous said...

So I guess ww are putting wm on a bigger pedestal than wm are putting ww on!lol***

Pretty much. Same way that black women put black men on a bigger pedestal than bm are putting bw on.

 

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